The Wolf
by Silverneko9lives0
Summary: Good and evil are like two wolves inside a man. Who you are solely depends on which wolf you choose to feed. Marauders' era Snupin. Warnings: rated M for future chapters. Some OOC and definitely AU in its own way…Complete
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

#Severus#

I locked myself in the cubical and knelt over the round basin, retching whatever I had eaten that morning. I coughed before being attacked by another bout of bile.

The smell raped my nostrils.

I flushed what was once toast and pumpkin juice and wiped my mouth, spitting what remained out.

Leaving the stall and leaning against the sink, I rinsed out my mouth, trying to clean it. I look in the mirror.

My vision is blurry and I'm paler than usual. Almost bluish. My arms and legs can barely hold me up. And I'm burning up.

With shaking fingers, I reach into my bag and pull out a small kit and bottle. I look around, making sure I'm really the only one in the toilet. I sit on the floor and take out what I need.

I light the candle and set up what else I need: the needle, the drugs safely kept in a little plastic bag. With shaking hands, I prepare the drug before filling the needle with it. There's one last thing I have to do—tying the tourniquet.

I raise my sleeve high up onto my arm and tie the rubber band around my arm before lifting the needle and breaking my skin.

I remove the needle and let it roll on the floor. I close my eyes, finally relaxed.

#Remus#

The bathroom door is locked, so I wave my wand and it swings open. I enter and stop, seeing a bag of white powder, a used needle lying on the floor, a metal spoon, and a candle with black smoke rising from it.

Severus Snape is slumped against the wall. A band tied around his arm. My bag drops to the ground and I run to his side, feeling for a pulse. Finding one, I remove the tourniquet.

"Snape? Snape!" I tried slapping him. I tried waking him with water. "Snape! C'mon, wake up!" I looked at the things on the floor. They had to be why he was comatose. I blow out the candle and toss everything in the garbage, hating them.

I take our bags, slinging them over my shoulders before lifting Snape off the floor. He's heavier than I thought he was, but I can manage. I feel somewhat ridiculous, but I can worry about that later.

"Someone! Help! Get the nurse!" I shout.

"Remus?"

"Is that—"

"Don't talk! Don't argue!" I shout at James and Sirius. They don't move. Useless idiots! I stride past them. Professor McGonagall turns the corner.

"Lupin, what—"

"I found him in the bathroom, just lying on the ground."

She takes her wand and waves it. Severus is lifted onto a stretcher and I follow them to the hospital wing.

"Stay here, Lupin," she ordered.

I wanted to protest. I wanted to go inside too. But I obey. Leaning against the wall. The door opens and McGonagall exits with the nurse.

"Lupin," McGonagall addressed. "Do you know how Snape could have passed out?"

"I think so," I say, "When I got there, there were these things on the floor. A small bag full of white powder, a candle and spoon, and a needle. He had a band around his arm. I threw them out. Should I not have?"

"Go get them."

I run back to the bathroom and grab the bag and the needle and the spoon, but I can't get to the candle or the band. I return to the hospital wing and show them to the teachers.

The nurse pales.

"What is this stuff?"

"Madam?" Professor McGonagall added.

"Can Professor Slughorn make a detox potion with this?"

"You think he poisoned himself."

The nurse took the things from me, mindful of the powder and pulled me into the wing.

"Mr. Lupin, go take a shower and change into a gown." She handed me a gown.

"What is that stuff?"

"Muggle drugs," was all she said as though addressing McGonagall and not me. "How they got past security is beyond me." I head to the shower in the hospital wing obediently.

Why was Snape taking drugs?

#

I'm led to a bed and told to stay in there. I don't know why, but the nurse looked so severe I dared not ask her any more questions about the drug that Snape was taking, though my curiosity gnawed at me.

The door opened and I saw Professor Slughorn enter. "Ariel," he said, "How is he?"

"As well as can be expected," she said. "He hasn't woken up yet."

"Couldn't you wake him with a spell—"

"I don't know what could happen if I do. It could wake him, but it might send him into a deeper sleep. Thank you, Horace."

"Of course, Madam." He left. The nurse approached me.

"Do I have to?"'

"Yes, Lupin, you have to. You were exposed. If it didn't get into your system, nothing will happen, but if it did, you'll need to get it out and it will be painful. Though not so painful for you as it will be for Snape."

She thrust the goblet in my face and I took it, drinking it as quickly as I could. I gave it back to her, coughing. "How will I know it worked?"

"You'll know only if you were exposed. I want you to stay overnight."

"Yes, Ma'am."

She approached Snape and blocked his view, but she took the other goblet in her hand. I suppose she was force feeding it to him.

When she moves away, Snape had begun to twitch and move, whimpering.

On the one hand, I was relieved that the potion was working. On the other, my chest ached for him. Somehow, I just knew that whatever it was Snape was taking, my friends and I were part of what drove him to it.

I tried to block out his cries and the image of him trying to get comfortable again, so I closed my eyes and covered my ears. But the image of him in pain was burned in my retinas and my hands weren't much protection.

The nurse left to join what I guess was a teachers' conference. Of course they'd have one now that they know drugs are getting into the school.

I threw the covers off me and approached Snape. I didn't know what to do, but I knew something had to be done.

With the covers keeping us apart, I lied next to him and embraced him, pressing my forehead to his back. My arms kept his hands pressed chest. His whimpering and thrashing somewhat lessened, but not his crying. His chest heaved and I could hear his breath moving in and out of his mouth.

I don't know how long I stayed next to him. I fell asleep eventually, I know that. And sometime during that time, the detox potion finished its work.

Snape is calm, sleeping peacefully when I wake.

"Lupin? Lupin!"

I jump off the bed and leave the curtains.

"I'm right here," I inform the nurse.

"What were you doing?"

"Er…" how do I explain it? I don't know how to even form it into words. Let alone actually know what I did.

"Well, you can go to breakfast," she said, "as soon as you dress."

"What about Snape?"

"He may be released later today."

I go to dress, but I don't feel right leaving him here. I dress slowly, debating whether I should do as I'm told or stay. The obedient student in me says go, but the wolf demanded I stay and keep an eye on him.

So it all depends on who's stronger—Remus Lupin or Moony.

I leave the hospital wing, but my gut told me it was the wrong thing to do. I sat through breakfast, barely eating anything. My friends tried to ask me what was going on, but I didn't hear them.

I barely heard the lectures that morning.

Lunch came around and I just couldn't take it anymore. I rush to the hospital wing, telling my friends I'd meet them later.

I open the door and almost run into Snape. He glared at me and walked past me.

I closed the door and ran after him.

"Snape! Snape, wait!" I grab his arm, stopping him. "You're okay now, right?"

"Okay?" he spat. "Okay! How can I be okay?"

"I know about the drugs."

"So I figured," he ripped his arm out of my grasp. "I didn't ask you to do anything. I didn't need your help."

"You were comatose on the floor! What was I supposed to do?"

"Leave me alone."

"I thought you were dying! And it's a good thing I found you. You could have died."

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME!" He shouted.

"No, I shouldn't have," I shot back. "We—my friends and I—we were always just messing around. We were unconscionable about what we did and how it may have affected you. I didn't think you'd actually turn to drugs, Severus. I'm sorry. I'm really, truly sorry."

"Really? An apology? Way too little, too late."

I nod my head. "It is too little. I know that. I want to make it up to you, Severus."

"Just leave me alone."

He walked away. I let him. I didn't know what else to do. But I didn't want to. I kept thinking how much pain he went through last night while the potion tried to get the drugs out of his system. It's not good for him to be left alone.

What if he tried to kill himself again?

But he wants to be left alone. Okay. Then I'll make sure he's left alone.

* * *

This story is rated M for later chapters-just to be safe. I'd appreciate feedback if any is available since this is my first M rated story (I'm pretty sure it is, but I'll let the readers decide that when the story comes to a close). But reviewing (and flaming) is optional.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Peter, James, and Sirius stared at me as though I had just grown a second head.

"But what are we supposed to do, then?" Sirius asked.

"There's other things to do," I say, "you just don't want to do them. You saw what I saw yesterday. All I'm asking is that you guys start using your head and leave the guy alone."

Lily, who had been ignoring us for the most part, turned and looked at me. She was within earshot, so she must have been eavesdropping without meaning to.

"Leave Snape alone? C'mon, Remus. You don't mean that," James said. "The guy's a git. He gets what's coming to him."

"Is that what you really think, or are you just jealous of his relationship with Lily?" I ask, crossing my arms. "He could have died last night, James. What would have happened if I didn't find him when I did? You weren't at the hospital wing last night. I don't know why I didn't think it before, but James, we're not cool. What we do isn't cool anymore. It's not fun anymore."

Lily is smiling at me from across the room. I lean forward and look directly at James. "And if you think about it, it might help you score with Lily."

James looks over his shoulder at Lily, who averts her gaze back to her homework. He looks at me.

"You think so?"

Leave it to James to think about himself and what he wants. He's such a child.

Sirius is staring at me. Perhaps angry with me for even suggesting we leave Severus alone.

He probably won't listen to me. But I will not back down from this. After what I saw, I feel like I've had my eyes opened.

Sirius is too preconditioned to holding grudges against the people he doesn't like. Sure, there are people who deserve his hate, but Severus isn't one of them. Not from where I stand.

I don't even know why we went after Severus in the first place, now that I think about it.

I glance at Peter. As far as I know, his reasons for being cruel to Severus are as bad as mine. He only does so because James and Sirius do.

I stand.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asks.

"Library," I say. "I need some time alone."

This satisfies them and they switch topics to quidditch. It will keep Sirius busy at least.

I walk down each aisle, just roaming, glancing from book to book, not really caring. My shoulder, where I was bitten, aches again. I rub it, trying to dull the pain a little. I arrive at a cluster of tables hidden away. Severus is sitting at one table, books open and parchment in front of him. I approach the table.

"Hi, Severus."

Severus looks up at me, glaring. He sighs and returns to his essay. "Go away, Lupin."

I know I should l respect that, but I sit down instead, across from him. "Is that the charms assignment?" He ignores me. Okay. I set my bag onto the table and take out my own text books and parchment. I do have my own homework to do, after all. If he won't talk to me, I might as well make the time productive.

I can feel his eyes on me, burning my skin with their anger.

I look up from time to time and he looks at his assignment again, knowing he's been caught.

"What are you doing, Lupin?"

"Homework," I say.

"I can see that." Severus sets his quill down. "There are other tables. What are you and your friends planning?"

"We're not planning anything. Scout's honor," I hold up three fingers. I saw Lily do this once.

Severus stifles a laugh. "The three finger salute is for girl scouts, Lupin."

I lower my hand, blushing. "Oh."

"Maybe you are a little girl, maybe you're telling the truth that you're not planning to humiliate me again, either way I don't trust you."

"Fair enough," I say. We return to our respective assignments. This time, I'm the one who's stealing glances. It's not something I normally do. If anything, it's not something I'd ever mean to do.

He looks up at me and I avert my gaze, blushing again.

Severus stands and begins to pack his things. I look up.

"You're done?"

"For now," he said. I stood and also packed my things. "What are you—Lupin, are you stalking me?"

"No! Of course not. I'm done too."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Why? Why would you think I was stalking you?"

"Oh I don't know. The last awkward half an hour had a bit to do with that. And that you found me when I was—"

"Trying to kill yourself?"

"What? No, I was just high."

"You were barely breathing."

"So I overdosed a little bit," Severus said, shrugging. "Withdrawal does that to you."

I clench my fists. "You have more of that stuff, don't you?"

"What does it matter?"

"It matters," I shout. Severus slapped his hands over my mouth

"Are you crazy!" He hissed. "We're in the library." He released my face and grabbed me by the collar, pulling me out before the librarian found us.

Once out of the library, he released me. "I'm not addicted," he said. "It's not as bad as the teachers are making it out to be. I just have to be more careful."

"That stuff is going to destroy you. It almost did last night."

"Like I said, I'll be more careful. For instance, I won't be getting a fix in the bathroom again."

I grab his shoulder and pin him against the wall. "Severus, if you do have more of that white powder, whatever it is, I have to inform Slughorn." To make a point, I tap my prefect badge. "I have to. It's for your own good."

Severus narrowed his eyes at me. "You won't. You're weak, Lupin. You can't even keep your friends on a leash. What makes you think you can control me?"

He pushed me aside and walked away. I sighed and turned the other way, heading to the dungeons.

#Severus#

McNair sifted through my things. The others in the room watched, curious and surprised.

He found my stash. Extra candles, a spare spoon, a full two bags of heroin, and several hypodermic needles. I closed my eyes, trying to school my rage. I didn't think Lupin would dare. I shouldn't have underestimated him.

Damn Gryffindors.

McNair handed these things to Professor Slughorn.

"Snape, come with me," he said, carrying the bag in his beefy hand.

I walk behind him out of the dorm and up the steps to the Headmaster's office.

"Sir, is it really necessary to get Professor Dumbledore involved?"

He doesn't answer me. "Chocolate Frogs," he said. The gargoyle stepped aside and we ascended the steps to the office.

Professor Slughorn knocked on the door.

"Come in," Dumbledore's deep voice answered. We entered the room.

The room is filled with glass trinkets. A phoenix rests with his head hidden behind his wing. Professor Dumbledore is looking through his mail. He looks up and the obscene twinkle in his eye vanishes.

So he knows about what I do in my spare time.

"Horace, what seems to be the problem?"

"More of that drug Ariel detoxified Mr. Snape of was found in his dorm room. Albus, I've never had such a problem before. I don't even know where to begin."

"That's all right, Horace. I'll speak with Mr. Snape privately. Please set the drugs over there."

Slughorn leaves. I cross my arms defiantly.

"Please, sit down, Severus." I obey, but I don't uncross my arms.

"Would you like to tell me why you've smuggled heroin into the school, Severus?" I don't answer.

"You're not dealing to other students, are you?" I shake my head.

"Is everything all right at home?" I avert my gaze, refusing to look at Professor Dumbledore. "Here at school?" I refuse to answer, clenching my jaw tight.

_Just yell at me already_, I think. _Give me detention, take points away. Don't treat me like someone who needs pity._

"Severus, your teachers can't help you unless you talk to us. I can't help if you don't talk to me. We're here to help you if you need it."

"You don't care," I snap, breaking my vow of silence. He leans back in his seat. "You don't know what it's like at home. Let alone what it's like here."

"Do you not like it here?"

"I hate it there, I hate it here."

"Why? Most students like coming to school."

I avert my gaze again and try to hold back the tears, staring at the heroin. God, I need a fix. But, of course, the detox wouldn't have left any traces of dependency. I don't feel like having a fix, but I know it could help.

"You wouldn't understand."

"You could help me understand."

"Really?" I scoff sarcastically. "Did your dad drink? Did he hit your mom and you? Because mine does! Then I have to come here! At first, I was glad. I thought would be escaping my dad. But each day is agony! Absolute agony! You know the Marauders?"

"Yes, I do."

"I'm the butt of their jokes! Might as well call me their bitch!" I shout.

I don't know why I'm crying. I don't know why I'm yelling. I don't know why I'm standing.

But I feel better.

"Then last year, I lost my only friend because of them! I didn't know what else to do! I didn't know where to go! I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something to make living bearable."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a coward. I'm weak."

I fall back into the chair, hiding my face from him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

#Remus#

I kept my eye out for Severus, but either he already was there or he never came to breakfast.

He didn't come to lunch.

Nor dinner.

Nor classes.

The next day passed the same way, until dinner.

Severus stepped into the Great Hall and sat at the Slytherin table. Most of his house mates kept their distance from him. He ate alone.

"Moony? Moony." Sirius nudged me. I look at him. "Something up?"

"Er, no," I say. "I'm just distracted."

"You're shoulder?"

"Yeah, it's been bothering me again, but it's not too bad."

"Okay. You gonna finish that?" Sirius pointed at my plate. I hand it to him, returning my gaze onto Severus.

He had left. Was I really staring into space that long?

"I'll see you guys later," I say, grabbing my bag and leaving the Great Hall. I'm grabbed by the scruff of my neck and pinned against the wall.

"What are you playing at, Lupin?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Staring at me, watching me," Severus shouted, turning me around so we could face each other. "Haven't you gotten in my way enough? Or are you planning on meddling in my life more than you already have."

"I _saved_ you life. I only meddled because I was concerned."

"Why?"

"I don't know why. I just was."

"I don't need or want your pity," Severus hissed.

We're inches away from each other, it's hard to breathe or think. I kiss him, latching onto his robes, inhaling his scent.

I don't know what possessed me to kiss him. I just do.

Severus pushed me against the wall, backing away, horrified and disgusted.

"Severus—"

"Stay away from me, Lupin." Severus demanded, striding away. His cloak billowed behind him as he disappeared down the stairs to the Slytherin common room.

I'm frozen, staring where he had been standing. Somewhat wishing he'd come back.

"Lupin?" I look at Lily. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine."

Lily removed something from her bag and opened it. "You sure?"

"Yes."

She held out a compact mirror for me to look in. I was crying. I quickly wiped my tears away.

"How long have you been in love with Severus?"

"I'm not in love with him."

"That kiss seemed rather passionate," Lily pointed out. "There's nothing wrong with being in love, Remus."

"I'm _not _in love with him. It was a bad judgment call."

I walk away from her.

Lily's wrong. I'm not in love with Severus. So I kissed him. It was an accident. It doesn't mean I might be in love with him. And even if it did, Severus clearly doesn't feel the same.

#

Potions class is today. I don't want to go. (I never want to go, but I have a better reason to stay in bed today than my usual one.)

"Remus," James said, shaking my shoulder. "Get up, we got classes."

I pull the covers further over my head.

"Must be because potions is today," Sirius suggests.

"Hm, poor Moony," James said. He doesn't sound sympathetic. I feel him grab the other end of my covers and I tighten my hold on them.

James yanks with all his strength. The sheets are ripped from my grip, but I'm not giving up yet. I hide my head under my pillow, groaning.

Sirius places a tickling charm on me. I want to laugh, scream, and thrash about. I resist all urges. I'm rigid. My jaw is so tight, it hurts. My nails are digging into my palms and my knuckle are bone white.

"He's extra resilient today," James mumbles. The charm lifts and I relax.

"What now?"

"Peter, it's your turn."

"Got it."

"Okay!" I shout, jumping off my bed. "Okay, I'm up! Just don't sic Peter on me—ouch!"

James and Sirius burst into laughter.

I look at my toe where Peter had just bitten me, he's combing his face, trying to look cute. I pick him up. Peter protests wildly, twisting around and squeaking.

"I will eat you next full moon, Pete," I threaten. Peter stops thrashing and gives me a beady eyed stare. All laughter died.

"Okay, you're mad he bit you. But I told him to," James said. He lied down dramatically on my bed. "So eat me! I'm a deer. One rat won't fill your big wolf belly!" I put Peter down and stared at James, who was grinning maniacally. Peter took the time to turn back into a human and gets his bag.

The others are all ready to go.

"You're a child, James."

"I love you too, mother," James said, raising his arms up toward the ceiling.

"I'm going to go take a shower," I sigh. It's just too much to ask of James, growing up. I pity his future children. He'll drive them up the wall.

I shower quickly and dress. I still don't want to go to Potions.

I join the gang downstairs in the common room.

"Jeez, Moony, you're a woman! What took you so long?" Sirius teased.

I point my wand at a pillow and project it at him. It hits him right in the head.

"Ow!" he shouts. It doesn't really hurt. Sirius is just a wimp.

Okay, he's not, but acts like one often.

"Do we have time for breakfast?" I ask. I need to try to eat, though I'm anything but hungry.

I follow the gang out of the common room and each step felt heavy. My mind continuously drifts to kissing Severus—and his reaction to it…and seeing him in class this morning.

I stop walking and brace myself against the wall. I feel sick from nerves and violently dizzy. Merlin! I don't want to see him. Not after last night's fiasco. Not after that _stupid_ mistake! I wouldn't be feeling like this if I had just not kissed him!

And Lily's idea that I might be in love with Severus is not helping this situation—at all!

"Remus?" Peter asked, looking over his shoulder. James and Sirius look at me too. "Are you feeling okay?"

I shake my head.

_I'm not gay for Snape_, I think, repeating it in my head as a mantra.

"Maybe you're just hungry. You didn't eat much last night," Sirius suggested.

"Maybe," I say. I hope that's all this really is: hunger.

I straighten and follow them to the Great Hall. As we arrive, Severus is just leaving. He glares at us once. Sirius smirks, but James grabs his shoulder, squeezing it—forcing Sirius to back down.

For a moment, my gaze meets Severus'. My friends don't notice me averting my gaze from his. Severus walks away quickly.

"You're seriously going to leave him alone?" Sirius snaps at James.

"What is your problem with him anyway?" James retorts.

"You used to never care."

"I had legitimate reason, but mine doesn't work anymore. What's yours, Sirius? Just leave the guy alone." Sirius strides angrily into the hall. James winks at me.

At least he's making an effort to grow up a little bit. Even if just to get Lily.

After breakfast, we head to class. We take our seats, but I halt in the doorway. The only one available is next to Severus.

James is sitting next to Lily, who already looks annoyed. Peter and Sirius have a table to themselves. And no one is going to switch with me.

You see, Potions is usually the class where James and Sirius love making Severus' work explode in his face, so no one wants to be his partner because they know James and Sirius will mess with their work.

No one wants to partner with me because I'm bad at brewing.

I resign myself to my fate and sit next to him.

"For the record, I'm not sitting here because I'm trying to creep you out," I say to him. "There's no other seat available."

"Whatever, just don't blow up or melt my cauldron again, Lupin."

The last time I had been partnered with Severus, I had caused an explosion that lead to his cauldron in pieces and covering the room in a helium like gas. Everyone was talking like cartoon chipmunks (according to the Muggle-borns).

The time before that, I accidently stirred the wrong way and the potion ended up being so acidic it melted his cauldron and half our table and his chair. It was horrifying during class. But after, James and Sirius were congratulating me for causing Severus so much trouble—even though accidently.

"I'll try," I mumble.

"How are you doing this morning?" Professor Slughorn said, entering the room, smiling. "Good? Good! Today, we'll be brewing Amortentia."

Crap. I glance at Severus out of the corner of my eye. His eye is twitching. He's not liking this idea any more than I do.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

I'm glad to say that this time I managed to get through class risk free. So this is how class could be like if we didn't cause any trouble. Our potion is finished and its varying scent is wafting the room. I don't know about anyone else, but I smell apples, caramel, and mint.

"Bottle your potions," Professor Slughorn said, "and bring them to me."

Severus does so and walks to the front. "What do you smell?" Severus asked when he returned.

"Why?"

"Just curious."

I tell him. "What about you?"

He narrowed his eyes at me; then shrugged, deciding since he asked first it'd at least be courteous to answer also. "Chocolate, steak, and wet dog." He shook his head, wrinkling his nose. "At least I think it is wet dog." He slings his bag over his shoulder. "Of all things. Chocolate I get. Steak, okay. But dog? Who smells like dog?" I hear him whisper to himself, as he leaves the room.

I bite my lip. I can't help wondering if I smelled anything that I did today last night when I kissed Severus. Or maybe the potion didn't work that way but gave you the scents that most reminded you of the person you love.

Or think you love—

_I'm not gay!_ I shout at myself as I fix my bag onto my shoulder.

I leave the room and stop. Dear god. What if _I _smell like dog? I do like chocolate and red meat. Not together, of course.

"Remus, you okay?" Sirius asked.

"Um, yes."

"Then get your ass out of the doorway!" Sirius said, shoving me.

"He's just upset he couldn't mess with your potion," Peter assures me.

#

"It was amazing," James kept repeating, a goofy smile on his face. I've been his friend long enough to know what his expression is just from his voice. "I don't know why I didn't act like an adult before now. It worked! I got a date with Lily Evans."

At least one of us is euphoric about his love life. I'm still trying to figure out what my sexual preference is after years of assuming I preferred women.

He sat up, "I just asked her out again. I told her I knew she'd say no, but—"

"James," Sirius groaned. "For the love of Merlin, go to sleep. Or go sing in the rain. I don't care. Let me sleep."

"But she said yes! I've got a date with Lily—"

"JAMES!" Peter, Sirius and I shouted. "GO TO FUCKING SLEEP!"

"Damn it James it's three in the morning!" Peter piped.

"But—"

Sirius bolted up in bed. "Yes. We get it. Lily Evans is going on a date with you. Pigs are flying. Hell's finally frozen over—it's the bloody apocalypse! Let us sleep!"

"Too late," I said, getting out of bed.

"Nice going, James. Remus is going downstairs."

I close the door behind me and descend the stairs. Once downstairs, I light the fireplace with a wave of my wand and sit on the couch, staring at the flames. My mind is a blank slate. I'm too tired to think.

Eventually images flow in and out of my mind. Normal images for me—the moon, the forest, the shack. And also images that normally flow in and out of my mind but not ones I worry about: food, making head boy, my family and friends.

But I'm jolted awake by one image I've never seen before. It's Severus. Nothing more. He's just standing there.

I gasp and sit up. My arm is numb and I fall of the couch instead. My arm tingles painfully as blood returns to it.

"Morning, Lupin."

I look at Lily.

"What time is it?"

"About six. Are they being rowdy again?"

I grin. "You shouldn't have accepted James' invitation to go to the Broomsticks. He's been driving us crazy all night."

Lily bits her lip, trying not to laugh. "Sorry. I should have realized that if he's not going to be a pain in my ass, he'd be a pain in yours. So you escaped down here?"

"Yeah," I said, standing. "I'm going back upstairs." I stop and turn around. "Why aren't you wearing your uniform?"

"It's Saturday, Remus."

"Oh." I walk to the stairs and stop again. "Then why are you up at six in the morning?"

"I'm an early bird," she says with a shrug. "If you like, you can join me for breakfast. Severus will probably be there."

The dream I had about Severus returned to my mind. "Thanks but no thanks."

Lily tilted her head to the side. "Are you trying to avoid Severus?"

I fake a laugh. "Of course not. No. That's ridiculous."

"He could be at breakfast later," she said. "I mean, he sometimes sleeps in on weekends. Most of his time, he's at the library, studying. Or outside if the day's nice enough."

"You're up to something," I accuse.

Lily crosses her arms. "I don't know what you're talking about. See you around, Lupin." Lily might as well be strutting out the door. She is up to something. I know it.

I go upstairs and see that the gang had finally gotten James to shut up long enough to go to sleep. Lucky them. I quietly grab my things and go to take a shower. I'll probably get something from the kitchens instead of the hall.

I'm not avoiding Severus. It's insulting Lily would even think that. I just don't want to run into him because it's been awkward lately. How is that avoiding someone?

I leave the room and head to the door, exiting through the portrait hole and walking toward the kitchens.

Just as I get there, I stop. Severus is there. We stare at each other.

"Lupin."

"Snape."

"So I'm back to being Snape?"

"Yes."

"Good."

Damn it, I'm hungry. Why couldn't he have just gone to the Great Hall and eaten there? But I refuse to back down—and so does he. We stare at each other trying to will the other away, but it was just a large glaring contest going nowhere.

He sighs and approaches the pear, tickling it. We're admitted into the kitchen and take our orders. The house elves pile food into our arms happily and we eat, refusing to face each other as we do. The elves don't care, they run around asking if we'd like seconds and then thirds.

We end up leaving at the same time with boxed scones and coffee in paper cups.

"I reserve the right to blame you," Severus said, turning to walk away.

"What?" I say, turning toward him. "What did I do? Other than kiss you."

"Stalk me? Invade my life? I could probably go on."

"I never stalked you. And you were an addict. Someone had to get involved."

"I was—" I glare at him. "Yes, maybe I was an addict. _Maybe_. Perks of being a wizard: you can get clean super fast, it seems."

"Why were you taking drugs in the first place? Yeah, my friends and I were jerks, but we really didn't think were that bad."

"Not that bad?" he shouted at me, "You and your so called friends made my life a living hell for the last six years!"

"And for that, I'm sorry. We're kids. We do stupid stuff. Say stupid things. We weren't even thinking about what we were doing most of the time."

"That's not a very good excuse."

"No, it's not. But it's the only one we have. James was jealous of your relationship with Lily. Sirius, for some reason, doesn't like you. Peter and I just tagged along. I don't have anything against you personally. That was all James. But that still doesn't help me understand why you'd try to damage yourself with shit like whatever it was you were taking."

"It's called heroin," he snapped. "And you're badly misguided if you think my turning to drugs was all on you. You really have that much pride in yourself?"

"Why would I be proud of that? I'm horrified that I was even a part of all that happened over the last few years. Most of it was just James. I get it, you're mad. I want to make up for all the shit we pulled and I'm trying my hardest. James, thankfully, understands and pulled away. If he's doing so, so will the rest of us eventually. I know that being a student is hard. I don't have it any easier than you do?"

"Oh? Really? You have an abusive dad?"

His sarcastic smirk vanishes, realizing what he had just said. I feel numb.

"Oh my God, Severus, I didn't know—"

"You say one word—"

"I won't!" I say. "I swear I won't."

"You better not!"

"I promise I won't. No one will know." Severus is breathing heavily, glaring at me. "I am a Gryffindor. We're trustworthy even if we can be dicks."

I want to kiss him again, but I resist the urge to. But damn, I want to kiss him and make his pain go away.

"I'll kill you if you don't," he hissed, turning on his heel and leaving.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Oh? Really? You have an abusive dad?_

I can't, for the love of me, concentrate on anything but those words. He tried to sound sarcastic, but the heart wrenching pain in his voice tore at me. I was naïve, I know that now.

And that makes this feeling just stronger and more painful. I can't imagine having lived his life. An asshole in his life at home and four assholes here at school all causing him misery—no wonder he turned to drugs.

I hastily wipe away my tears—what? I'm an emotional guy. It comes with the lunar cycle (that and...other things). I stare at the faded scars on my arms, reminded that Severus isn't the only one who's had a hard life.

"You're not thinking about doing it again, are you?" James asked, sitting across from me at the window. He looks so stern when he's serious.

"No," I assure him, fixing my sleeves to cover the light, thin scars.

"Good," James said. He looked around for Sirius. "You want to talk about it?"

"No. There's nothing to talk about."

James isn't convinced.

"Really, Prongs, I'm fine. I'm just not having that great a day. I feel like shit. Everyone's got days like that once in a while. Why should I be exempt from the shit?"

"I've never seen you have a shitty where you're staring at your scars. C'mon, Remus, it's been five years since you last dared to even think about. Don't fall off the bandwagon now."

"I wasn't thinking about it! My mind was completely elsewhere. Is this chick fic moment done yet? Or are we gonna hug and cry like a couple of girls?" I stand and head up the stairs.

"You _are_ a little effeminate," he calls at me. I flip him off. "Sorry dude, I don't swing that way."

"Ass."

"Bitch. You still want us to come tonight?"

"Wouldn't be the same without you guys."

#

_I lie on the couch, curled up, my muzzle resting on my legs. _

_Padfoot is tackling Prongs, who shakes his head at him, head bowed and ready to ram him if Padfoot persisted. I'd play with Padfoot, but I'm not in the mood. _

_Wormtail is in the corner, having found some cheese and is nibbling on it._

_Why my human self is so picky about mating is beyond me. Mating is base instinct—apart from eating. My leg itches so I attack it, scratching with my teeth. _

_I stand and rub my paw against my itching muzzle. I sneeze and get off the couch, shaking. Padfoot looks at me and his ears perk up._

"_Wanna play, Moony?" he asks, barking. He bows low, his rump in the air and tail wagging like crazy._

"_No," I say. _

"_Okay," he says, whimpering. Dogs. They're so needy._

_Perhaps I'll get lucky and that other male my human self likes could be like me. I walk up the stairs and stare out the window looking at the moon. My paws rest on the window sill and I howl. When I stop, I wait. Waiting to hear if there are others like me who are willing to answer._

_There is no answer. I see someone down below looking around. No, two people from the smell. I scratch at the window._

_Prongs runs into the room and starts trying to butt me with his head. I back away from the window._

"_You know the rules, Moony," Prongs snaps. "Downstairs. Now."_

"_But—"_

_Prongs rears up onto his hind legs trying to kick me with his front ones. I back away, growling. _

"_Fine." I turn around and descend the stairs. Prongs follows._

"_Do you want to play now?" Padfoot asked when I returned. "Prongs won't play with me."_

"_No," I repeat, returning to my place on the couch._

"_But you always play with me when Prongs doesn't and I can't play with Wormtail without risking hurting him!" Padfoot whines. _

"_I'm not in the mood tonight, Padfoot. Maybe next month."_

_Wormtail climbs onto my back and my head, his nose twitching and tickling me. "Don't werewolves have a loss of energy when their human self is stressed? You feel everything Remus feels, right, Moony?"_

"_Why are you more perceptive as a rat than you are as a human?" I growl._

"_As a human, I keep my mouth shut. I have a better chance of escaping you three in this form if you don't like what I say."_

"_What's wrong, Moony?"_

_Though my human self won't remember what happens tonight, the others will. My human self doesn't want them to know, so I won't tell them. _

"_Nothing is wrong," I say, shoving Wormtail off my muzzle. He falls with a squeak, but lands safely on all fours. "Remus has been a little stressed lately. That's all. He hasn't been sleeping well." To make a point, I look directly at Prongs. Who averts his gaze away, sharpening his antlers against the wall. _

_He stops and turns back to me. "Why have you been looking at your old scars?"_

_Wormtail and Padfoot look at me. _

"_Like I said, he's been stressed. He needs a little time to unwind."_

"_Playing unwinds him, usually," Padfoot said, jumping on top me, trying to bite my neck. I snarl and try to bite him, back, barking. _

_Padfoot yelps and jumps down, his tail between his legs and looking at me sadly. I don't feel remorse._

"_Moony, he was just trying to help," Prongs says. _

"_Yeah, there wasn't any need for that," Wormtail added. _

"_I said I didn't want to play," I snarl. "So leave me alone."_

"_Okay, fine," Padfoot said. With his head bowed and tail between his legs, he walked up the steps. _

"_I'll go with him," Wormtail said, chasing after Padfoot. "Pad, wait!" _

_Prongs prodded me sharply with his antlers. "That was cruel, Moony."_

"_Save the lecture and go with them!" I growl, trying to get his throat. Prongs raises up and his hooves slams them into my chest. I yelp losing my footing. _

_Prongs escapes after them. I try to follow, but I'm locked inside. I scratch at the door, whimpering. Why can't I go outside with them? _

_It's not fair!_

#

I wake up the next morning on the top of the steps. It is early morning. I try the door. It's locked. "Guys?" I knock on it. "Guys! You there? Let me out!"

I stop pounding and the door opens.

"James! Thank God! Why'd you lock me in?"

"You went more nuts than usual," he said. "We had to get the hell out of dodge before you tried to rip us apart."

"Really?"

"Well, no. You were being a child."

"I'm a wolf, what do you expect?" I climb out of the trunk. "Where's Sirius and Peter?"

"Still at the castle. You hurt Sirius' feelings. He's not happy with you right now."

I wince. "Do I want to know what I did?"

"He was trying to cheer you up because for some reason you were in a mood and you tried to rip his throat out for it."

Oh shit. "I'll go talk to him."

James and I travel under the invisibility cloak back to the common room. Sirius is reading on the couch—actually reading! I look at James, who gives a look that clearly tells me to suck it up.

I come out from under the cloak. "Sirius?"

"Hey?"

"I know it probably doesn't mean much since I don't remember what I did, but I'm sorry. James said you were just trying to help. Apparently I'm a dick when I'm a wolf."

"Yes, you are."

"I'm sorry!"

Sirius snickered, setting the book down. "For what? Don't know what you're talking about, mate."

I sigh, relieved to have been forgiven. I head up to the dormitory.

"Where are you going?" James asked.

"Bed. I'm sleepy."

#Severus#

Lupin isn't in the Great Hall that morning, so I enter and put my things on the floor next to me before selecting something to eat.

I hate to say it, but though the bullying has stopped, walking the halls is still hard to do. I expect them to just run up and dump syrup on my head at any moment just for kicks. But I don't see them. There's a chance I might see them as I leave.

I stop eating when my mind flashes back to Lupin kissing me. I should be feeling sick from that, right? I've had some rather sickeningly traumatic events in my life. That kiss, though, takes cake. It should, anyway.

I push my plate away, losing my apetite.

I decide it'd be necessary to get a little payback.

The door opens and the Marauders file in, laughing with each other. Lupin's smile vanishes when he sees me. None of his friends notice. I narrow my eyes at him. He blushes and looks away.

The boy's honestly insufferable. First he stalks me, now he's trying to avoid me?

I stand and leave the Great Hall. Maybe I _shouldn't_ plan on getting payback. It'd be sinking to their level. Lupin might not notice it yet, but I'm not blind.

The stupid Gryffindor's in love with me.

Meaning payback is out of the question.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I drum my fingers against the table, skimming the text I was supposed to be reading for Binns. If ever there was a more boring teacher…

I hear rustling and look up. It's Lupin, holding his knee and swearing under his breath. I shake my head and return to my book, trying to ignore Lupin.

His swearing and rustling diminishes.

"Severus."

"So I'm 'Severus' again?" I mutter. Lupin takes a seat across from me. "You're a rather confused bloke, aren't you?"

"What do you mean confused?"

I look up at him. "You're actually asking?"

"If you call me a stalker again, I will punch you in the nose."

I narrow my eyes. "Take your best shot, Stalker."

Lupin raises his fist; I raise the text book and move to the right. He punches the volume out of my hand and it flies to the floor.

"Ha," I say, smirking. "You're too slow, Lupin."

Lupin seizes my jacket and pulls me closer to him. I wrap my arm around his neck and slam him into the table.

"Ow!"

"You weren't going to kiss me again, were you?"

"No."

"But you were thinking it?"

"No!"

I release him. He straightens glaring at me. His nose is bright red. "Then why are you here?"

"I have homework too. It so happens, I needed a book in this section of the library. I wasn't looking for you," he says, fixing his collar.

I don't really believe him, but I'll buy it. I stand and pick up my book.

"Severus, may I ask you a question?"

"Sure," I say while returning to my seat.

Lupin averts his eyes, staring at the table, tapping his fingers against the wood.

"You're question, Lupin?"

"Right, um…McGonagall's lecture last week, I missed half of it. My mind was elsewhere. I heard you take good notes, do you mind if I borrow yours? I'd ask my friends, but…"

"You love McGonagall's classes. You're practically her scribe. You were not spacing off in that class. Binns' class, on the other hand," I tap the book in front of me. "That would be a much more believable lie."

"All right, fine," Remus said. "I wanted to ask if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me."

I stare at him. "Lupin, just say it."

"Say what?"

"It's obvious you have a crush on me."

"I don't!"

"Yes, you do. My God, you're too obvious. What makes it worse is that it's a pity crush. You only think you like me because you actually feel sorry for me."

"I don't!"

"Let me see…you find me comatose in the men's room with heroin and stuff on the floor and you rush me to get detoxed. You find out I have more heroin and alert my head of house. Then you start following me around to the library, in class, to the _kitchens_."

"I swear I was not stalking you!"

"Which is beside the point," I snap. "You even kissed me."

"Will you get over the damn kiss already!"

"No, I still have emotional scars from having my lips raped."

Lupin averted his gaze, blushing madly.

"I feel sorry for you."

"Yeah. Pity."

"No, I feel sorry for you because no one was there to save you till now."

I narrow my eyes.

"I did have someone who used to save me. Remember Lily? She was my best friend until last year. It was my fault. I know that. I won't blame you and your freinds, even if you're part of why we fell out. I shouldn't have said what I said. But I lost her that day. We were friends for ten years. She was my savior. You and your friends took her from me."

He's staring at me. "At least you had someone back then."

"C'mon Lupin, it's not like we have the same childhood," I said, rolling my eyes. Lupin unbuttoned a shirt sleeve and rolled it up, laying his forearm on the table.

I stared at the scars, my mouth parted. Thin, white lines all over them. Some scars were thicker than others, proving that they'd been cut over.

"I'm guessing you turned to drugs because you wanted to numb your pain?"

I look up at Lupin again.

"My problem was not feeling too much, but too little. Something happened to me when I was kid. When I was about four or five, I was stargazing outside my house. My parents were inside, making dinner."

He blinked, trying to hold back tears.

"I was attacked outside my own house. And I was torn apart. I was able to escape, but it was too late, the damage done to me was done. I told my parents what had happened. They did everything they could to help me, but they never looked at me the same way again.

"As I got older, as I learned what had actually happened to me was not some nightmare, I started needing to feel something. Anything. I know my parents loved me, but I couldn't feel it.

"So since I couldn't feel love or even hate from anyone around me, I decided I'd make myself feel. I started cutting myself. I felt relaxed and all the stress just poured out. I felt better when I did this. It became a daily occurrence. Then, James, Peter, and Sirius caught me cutting myself."

"And it just stopped?" I asked, though I had no intention of asking anything.

"No. Not right away. They begged me to stop and begged me to talk to a teacher about what had happened to me. I ended up confiding in Professor Dumbledore. No one else but them knows about these scars."

I stare at the scars again. Hesitantly, I touch them. He doesn't shrink back or pull away. His skin is warm beneath the welts his knife left.

Now I understand—at least a little bit why Lupin felt he needed to get involved. The damage Lupin went through…that kind of anger and hate just doesn't go away. I know it doesn't.

"I can't go to Hogsmeade. My Dad refuses to sign the permission slip," I tell him, removing my hand from his arm. "But you're welcome to join me here if you like."

#Remus#

Can't go to Hogsmeade because his douchebag dad won't sign a damn form? Screw that! "You sure?" I ask, a plan hatching in my mind.

Severus nods. "I'm pretty sure."

"I know how to get you there. That is, if you don't mind breaking about twenty school rules. Maybe more."

Severus smirks. "Rules are meant to get broken."

"Good," I say. "Meet me at the statue of the one eyed witch with the big hump next Saturday." That said, I stand and prepare to leave. "Uh, sorry about raping your lips, it was a very bad judgment call."

Severus laughs. Not that diabolical, Slytherin laugh he hides behind, but a real laugh with a real smile. I'm tempted to stay, see if I can get him to open up a little more.

But I have to meet the others, otherwise they'd come looking for me.

I'm not quite ready to let them know I've been with Severus.

#

I'm trying not to stare out the window. But I can't tear myself away from looking outside anyway.

Severus is outside, under a tree, reviewing his notes or reading a book. I'm not sure which, but it has something to do with a book. I know that much.

Thank Merlin it's not an important class (as if History of Magic could ever be considered an important class). Binns doesn't notice that I'm not paying attention. Half the class is asleep anyway, if not everyone else but me.

The ghost just drones and on, refusing to look up from his notes.

I want to be outside with him rather than trapped in here.

The feather tip of my quill is in my mouth as I watch him, immobile save for the occasional turning of a page. I look at the page in front of me. It's been doodled on, but nothing worth mentioning. I return my gaze to the window.

The bell rings and everyone wakes up, yawning. I stand and look out the window. Severus is also packing, perhaps preparing to go to a class of his own.

"How are you doing?" Lily asked, yawning. "Sorry—heat plus Binns, not a good combination."

"I'm fine." I sling my bag over my shoulder.

Lily walks to the window and peers outside. "You weren't staring at Severus, were you?" I give her a look and she returns it with a smile. "There's nothing wrong with being in love with another guy, Lupin."

"I'm not in love," I hiss, pulling her away from the window. She glares at me. I release her. "We're just friends. That's it."

"Asking someone to go to Hogsmeade in secret is not exactly—"

"How the hell did you find out about that?"

"Oh," Lily said, "The Hogwarts Marauders are not the only keepers of secrets. Never underestimate girls who need to sit on the sidelines and be fan-girls."

What the hell is she talking about?

I walk away. Lily has always in one way or another been a frightening person to me. Now I know why I felt afraid of her. She was a lunatic on par only with James.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I escaped my friends, telling them I forgot something in Binns' classroom. Once I had rounded the corner, I raced to meet with Severus, almost knocking down a few first years as I did. Severus was walking down the hall alone.

"Severus!"

He stopped and turned around. "Lupin."

"Going to your next class?" He nodded. "Perhaps I could go with you."

"You don't have arithmancy, Lupin."

"No, but…" Did I do something wrong?

Severus sighs. "It'd be odd if we were seen together. Your friends aren't going to be very forgiving if they find out you've been spending your spare time with me. I'll meet you at the library after my last class. The usual place at four."

"Sure," I answered. I wanted to be with him now, but knowing we'd meet later…well, I can wait.

#Severus#

I watched him go. Once Lupin was out of sight I walked to my class. He wasn't so bad once you got to know him. I had expected Lupin to be more like Black or Potter. But he was easy to talk to and more than once I've opened up to him.

Which scared me.

The last time I was this open with someone was when I was with Lily, but she couldn't understand me. All she could do was pity me. I didn't even know how horrible it was being pitied by your best friend until Lupin started weeding his way into my life.

I don't know what exactly it is I'm afraid of. Opening up, I suppose. Probably because it's Lupin and Lupin could turn on me at any moment.

I wanted to pull away, but at the same time I knew I needed him as much as he probably needed me.

The only thing that makes this feeling of wanting to push him away and wanting to be with him all the worse is how violently he makes my heart pound.

Just thinking of seeing him later today makes me quake. I'm not ready to say I'm in love with him. I know I am, but I'm not ready to actually _admit _it.

Heck, I don't know if Lupin is willing to say it yet.

I enter the classroom and sit in the back of the room, being my usual self—hidden and unseen like I prefer.

I wish the class would just hurry up and end.

#Remus#

I got to the spot in the defense section before Severus did. It felt odd being here first. I piled the table with books, doing my homework for History.

Severus slid into the seat across from me a couple minutes later. "History?"

"Just because the class is awful doesn't mean we shouldn't apply ourselves in it," I answer. I look up. He's taking out his own homework. "What about your classes?"

"What about my classes?"

"Arithmancy? That's a tough class, I hear. What career are you aiming for?"

Severus looked up. "I'm torn between a career in the Auror's office or Department of Mysteries."

"Whoa," I say, impressed. "I'd like to teach, if anything."

Severus arched an eyebrow. "Teach? You?"

"What? Why? Wouldn't I be good at it?"

"Yeah, I can see you teaching. You're good with the first years and I know you tutor once in a while. I'm just a little surprised you'd actually want to stay in school. Which subject?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts, preferably. But I wouldn't mind teaching Charms or Transfiguration if McGonagall or Flitwick decide to retire."

"You'd teach here?"

"I already know the layout of the school, so why not? I could teach elsewhere if I wanted to, but I don't know if I'd be able to get hired anywhere else."

"Why?"

I stare at my arms.

"I don't think they'd judge you for something that happened so long ago, Lupin," he said. "You'd make a good teacher and that's what matters."

I wish I could tell him he was right, but he just doesn't know how wrong he is. If anyone finds out I'm a werewolf, I'll never be able to get a job.

But I know Dumbledore would hire me despite my condition. He already let me come to school and taken the precautions needed so I could come here comfortably.

"Perhaps," I say, refusing to look up at him.

Several minutes pass in an awkward silence. We busy ourselves with our homework.

Occasionally, I'd look up at Severus. His hair often fell in his eyes and he'd push it back running his fingers through it. It was often the topic of the harassment we put him through. His Roman features also, mostly his nose.

But now I see the prominence of his cheekbones. I like the shape his eyes which were somewhat slanted and almost hidden by thick eyebrows.

But in retrospect, he was actually kind of handsome once you looked past the Slytherin façade and smirk.

I avert my gaze, realizing I've been staring a little too long at his mouth. I do have work to do! Papers to write, exams to study for—there's too much to do so close to the end of the school year!

But not once had Severus looked up at me. I kind of feel a little put out that he didn't. But looking at him again, I notice a small smile on his face. Perhaps he knew anyway.

#

Time was irrelevant in the library. Even after we had finished our homework, we looked for reasons to stay in there.

We talked about teachers, mocked my friends and some others (That Lockhart guy was one of them more than once. He was easy to make fun of), and debated different topics. We had to be careful not to get caught. You don't know how hard it is to keep your laughter at library level.

But when the lights started to dim, we knew it was time to leave. I didn't want to leave yet.

If it was up to me, I think we'd have just stayed here all night and talked, goofed around if we could get away with it.

"See you tomorrow, Lupin."

"Tomorrow, then," I say. We part outside the library, heading to our respective houses.

On entering the common room, I'm intercepted by Lily, who's smirking.

"It's way past your bedtime, young man," she lectured mockingly.

"Last I checked, you're not my mother, Evans," I say, crossing my arms.

"Fine, take my fun. You were with Severus, weren't you?"

"Why is it so important to you if Severus and I are in love? Why do you care?"

"No particular reason. Severus needs someone to rely on."

I set my bag down and sit in the recliner. "Wasn't that you for a while?"

"It was."

"Then why won't you forgive him for things he's done in the past?"

"He doesn't act himself when he's around others. Especially when other Slytherins are around. He has to work really hard to make them respect him and mocking Muggle-borns like me is how he does it. I told him to stop and to think, but he refused to listen. I'm not going to support it, and last year, he targeted me."

"Not on purpose."

"That doesn't matter. He was my best friend, but I wasn't going to approve of what he does."

"No one's perfect, Lily."

"I know, but that doesn't make it any less wrong. You seem to have an effect on Severus that I never did. He's changing. He's starting to act like the guy I hoped he'd become. But I'm obviously not the one who can make him change. You've done more for Severus in a couple weeks that I have tried to do for years."

"I'm not saying that the things he's done in his past were right. I would never say that. But maybe he's changing in your eyes because I'm _not_ trying to make him change."

I stand and walk up the stairs, leaving Lily in stupor. If Severus is changing, it's more on his own than that he's being influenced by me.

"Lupin." I turn around to look at Lily. She's beaming. "You have the Lily stamp of approval."

"You're insane."

"I know. I just have better control over it than your friends."

I shake my head and ascend the stairs. All I want to do is go to bed.

My friends bombard me with questions about where I've been, but I ignore them. I just want to sleep, so I place a silencing charm around my bed and fall asleep.

#

"She said that?" Severus asked, trying not to laugh. "Yeah, I'd expect that from her. Lily's quite eccentric." He looked at the parchment. "But that's a new one: Lily's stamp of approval. I like it. She should keep it."

"You're used to her more than I am. She used to hate my guts."

"That was when you were bullying her best friend."

"Admittably, I was a part of it, but I wasn't actually doing any bullying, which is actually worse. I feel like a douche now."

"You always were a douche," he said, flipping through the pages of his defense book.

"Thanks," I mutter sarcastically.

"You're very welcome."

"You're a jerk."

"So I've heard." I avert my gaze. Severus snickers. "What? I can't mess with you?" he asked. I look at him again. "I figured you were used to being teased."

"By James and Sirius, yes. But this is different."

"How?"

_Because I love you_. What the hell was that? Why would I think that?

I'm trying not to blush, but it's almost like a reflex I can't control. Severus leans over across the table and kisses me.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I kind of know now what it was like for him when I kissed him. It was frightening. Eye opening. Almost world crashing.

The moment I found out I was in love with someone of the same sex—that defiance of what I believed to be the natural order—everything I knew changed.

What's true changed.

What's acceptable changed.

Even how I perceived my world changed drastically to the point where I'm relearning everything.

And in just one small moment, it all came crashing down. But I don't care.

I return the kiss.

It ended far too soon for my liking, but the kiss did end.

Severus and I stare at each other, wondering what to do now.

Returning our attention to our homework seemed so…anticlimactic. It'd be as though we would deny we ever kissed though history now deemed it had happened.

Homework, studying…what useless pastimes. There had to be better ways to spend our time together.

But that's exactly what we did.

We're well behaved students, after all.

#

"At the library again?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah," I answer, putting my things down.

"What's in the library that would make you forget your job as a marauder?"

"Nothing, really," I say. I can't tell them yet. _Especially _not Sirius. He wouldn't understand. He wouldn't even try to understand. As far as he'd see it, I'd been fraternizing with the enemy. More than that—snogging the enemy is worse than fraternizing.

"Is it a girl?" he asked, smirking at me.

_Heheh. Nope_. I roll my eyes at him and throw a pillow at him. He uses it to prop up his feet.

"Get your smelly feet off my pillow!" I shout, pulling it from under his feet. Sirius snickers.

"Ready for Hogsmeade? Peter and I were thinking of stalking James and Evans. You know, mess up their date."

"I've got plans," I say.

"A date with the lovely lady from the library?"

"Shut up."

"Is it Madam Pince?"

I make a face.

"It is her, isn't it?"

"No. If anyone of us goes for old librarians, it's you Sirius."

Sirius pretends to gag, sticking his finger in his mouth.

I desperately wanted to see Severus. Not being with him—that he's not a Gryffindor or that I'm not a Slytherin—is kind of like fate's cruel joke.

I get ready for bed and climb into the covers.

"Who is she?" Sirius says.

"None of your business."

Sirius waves his wand and a group of lights swirl and buzz around my head. I lie on my stomach.

"I want a name."

"You're not getting one," I snap, though my voice is muffled.

"I won't laugh."

"No."

"Is it Evans? James'll kill you."

"Hell no!"

"Bones?"

"No!"

"Is it a girl?"

"No—shit!" I sit up, pointing my wand at a very shocked Sirius. "_Obliviate_!" I say. He becomes dazed. I put my wand away. "Sirius? You okay?"

"What were we talking about?"

"Nothing, just, uh, muggle chocolate brands."

"We were."

"Yes. You like Nestle."

"I do?"

"Yes. We were arguing which was better: Nestle or Hershey's." He stares at me. "Hershey's was winning."

"Ah screw you, it's a crappy thing to talk about anyway." Sirius turned over away from me.

I waved my wand and the lights vanished so I could sleep.

But I didn't sleep. I tried to, but I couldn't.

It's silly, I know, but I missed Severus, and he was only on the other side of the castle.

#

Defense Against the Dark Arts was about to begin. We were being paired up. I prayed I'd be paired with Severus, but as luck would have it, he was paired with Sirius.

Who, on hearing he was partnered with Severus, smiled nastily. I was paired with James.

I kept staring at Sirius and Severus, who might as well have been having an actual duel rather than a practice session in class.

"Moony, what are you doing?" James asked the sixth time I failed to block his attack. "You're killing me, mate. Why are you so distracted?"

"It's nothing," I say. The curse is lifted off me. "I didn't get enough sleep." Which is true enough. The door is blasted off its hinges by one of Sirius' spells.

"Black! You're not supposed to be trying to kill Snape! Control yourself!" the professor shouted.

Severus had to dodge the spell by jumping to the side. I shook, enraged. _Damn it, Sirius_.

"Moons," James said, "over here. _Expeliarmus!_" I blocked the spell which turned around and slammed into James, forcing his wand out of his hand. "That's better," he said, nodding his head.

"_Furnunculus_." James gasps and jumps out of the way. The spell hits Peter, who is immediately covered in boils. I wince. James is laughing. "Sorry, Peter."

"Pettigrew, hospital wing!" the professor shouted.

"Really sorry, Peter!" I shout.

James is laughing so hard he had to prop himself on a table just to stay stable.

The bell rang and we put our wands away. I exchange a glance with Severus. He gives me a short nod of his head to assure me he was okay.

But I refuse to let Sirius off the hook.

"Did you have to be that rough?" I ask him as we leave the classroom. "It's just a class."

"And it's just Snape," Sirius said, shrugging.

"I asked you to leave him alone."

"He's fine. He's been through worse."

"That's no excuse."

"Again, it's Snape the greasy git! Why are you even sticking up for him?"

I stop and grab his arm. "You're still going after him, aren't you?"

"What's it matter?"

"It matters," I growl.

"Moony, you're eyes."

I look at James. "What about them?"

"They're changing color. I think you're going alpha."

I release Sirius and walk away. Going alpha? I've never gone alpha before. I run into the bathroom and lock the door before I look in the mirror.

My eyes are bright yellow. I bare my teeth. My canines are sharper than usual. My fingernails are sharpening into claws.

I need to calm down.

"Moony? Moony! Open the door!" James shouted.

"C'mon, Moony!" Sirius adds. "Don't be a girl."

"Stay out!" I yell. Moony wants out now. But why now? Why chose now to go alpha? What is different about now than all the other times I've been angry?

A stall opens and I run to an empty one, locking the door.

"Lupin?"

I close my eyes. _No. Nononononononono_.

"Lupin, are you here?"

"Severus?"

"Who else? Lupin? What's going on?"

_Nononononono_…

"Nothing," I say. "I'm just really tired. I barely slept." _I don't want you to know the truth. You're not ready for the truth yet._

I stare at my fingers. The claws haven't changed back. I press my forehead against the stall door, hyperventilating.

"Lupin?" Severus bangs on the stall door. "Remus, open the door."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"No, it's fine. I'll be fine." I say quickly.

The stall bangs open. I fall back into the seat, screaming and trying to cover my face.

"Don't look at me!"

"What are you talking about? What you get hit with a bad spell after class?" I peer out between my fingers.

"I don't see any whacky deformity. You're fine. What was all that about?"

I look at my nails—my normal, human fingernails.

I bite my thumb lightly, feeling for sharp canines. Just regular incisors. I guess my eyes are okay too. What calmed Moony down?

"I didn't get much sleep," I said. "I guess I was, uh, hallucinating."

"Yeah, that can happen if you don't get enough sleep," Severus said, holding his hand out to me. I take his hand and he leads me out of the stall as though I'm a scared child. I'm still shaking.

That was too close. Way too close.

"You sure you're okay?"

I nod my head. Severus kissed my forehead, embracing me. I'm still feeling panicky, so I lean into his chest, trying to relax.

"Moony?" James called. "Hey, I'm coming in." There's no time to break away. James stares at us, mouth open. The door slams shut. "What the hell?"

"James," I say, releasing Severus. "I can explain…" No I can't. I expect Sirius to enter at any moment.

"Yeah, I hope so, Remus. You're in a lot of trouble," James says with a nervous smile. "How long…"

"Not long at all. Since last Saturday at latest. Not actually official until yesterday."

"Uh-huh," James clicks his tongue.

"Unrequited for a little longer," I add.

"On who's part? Who was in love with whom first?"

"He was," Severus mumbles. At least all three of understand the dire awkwardness of the situation.

"James, this whole thing Severus and I have is very, very new."

"I was wondering, actually, since you asked us to leave Severus alone."

"That was before anything…"

"Doesn't seem like you did," Severus asked, crossing his arms.

I look at him. "Whatever Sirius has done in the last two weeks, he did it on his own. I had nothing to do with it."

"Neither did I," James said. "I finally got Evans to go out with me. I'm not going to jeopardize it. I've waited too long to risk that."

"She actually said yes to going on a date with _you_?" Severus scoffs. "Good luck, _compadre_, you're gonna need it. She'll rip you to shreds."

"I can and will take it."

"Lily was my girlfriend for a short while. My best friend for much longer. She's tough to earn forgiveness from and she's hard as nails. If you think you can handle her, go ahead. And I will tip my hat to you if you succeed."

Well, this is as civil as I can expect them to get.

"James, where's Sirius?" I ask. I don't want this to get out any further than it has. Why didn't I just obliviate James the moment he started asking questions.

"He went to get a teacher to try to get you out of here. You know, open the bathroom to the public again." James kept glaring at Severus, who also glared at him.

James looked at me. "So all those hours at the library, you were actually meeting Snape?"

"It wasn't a lie, I was at the library. _We _were at the library. James, please—"

"Don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone. Especially not Sirius or Peter. Neither of them are ready for this level of, uh, shock."

"You're taking it rather well, though," I point out.

"I can't move. It's a miracle I'm even able to talk. I don't even know why I'm smiling."

"Maybe you should, you know, help him out. I have to get to my next class."

"Okay."

Severus strokes my cheek before leaving. I don't know if he was actually displaying his affection for me or if he was trying to make James more uncomfortable (which he managed with alarming success). He passed by James, who had closed his eyes and was cringing.

"You okay."

"Did he have to do that in front of me?"

"Like it'd be different if it was a girl."

"Aren't you disturbed even a little that you're the girl in your newfound relationship?"

I furrow my brow. I haven't actually thought about it. And in a way, it's a litle insulting. I shake my head. "Well if you want to label it that way…"

James doesn't move.

"You okay?"

"Still trying to move. Yeah, not working. The rest of my body is in complete shock. I mean, you're gay! You're one of my best friends and you're gay!"

"I just recently found out myself. You probably wouldn't care if you were a woman."

"No, I probably wouldn't."

I approach James and shove him. He stumbles. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

I leave the bathroom. I close my eyes, trying to tell myself it could be worse. It could've been Sirius.

#Severus#

I sit on the couch in the common room, reading a book on curses.

My housemates are still avoiding me. Well, I can't blame them. Even if I tell them I've been clean since I've been caught, they won't believe me.

"Snape, move your feet," Malfoy ordered.

I refused to obey the pompous ass, sliding further down to take over the couch entirely, the book hovering over my face.

Malfoy tried to push me off the couch. I point my wand at him, thinking the spell. With a scream, Malfoy hovers upside down, cussing at me. I pretend not to hear him.

I want to go to the library. But I doubt Remus will be there today. Not after getting caught by Potter. He'll be busy trying to explain to him our relationship.

Not that I understand it entirely myself.

All I know is that I'm happy with Remus. I can forget what my life really is like when I'm with him. I don't feel like a waste of space, or invisible, or the hapless victim of mass bullying. I feel normal and accepted for who I am when I'm with him. I can be myself.

"Snape! Put me down!" I release Malfoy and he falls to the ground, banging his head against the stone floor.

He limps away, glaring at me and muttering pointless threats. Malfoy's too much of a pansy. He won't follow through on them. I turn the page.

I stare at the words, but I don't register them.

I sigh and sit up, closing the book. I check the time and leave the common room. There's time before curfew.

I walk up to the Gryffindor common room. I've been here before.

"I haven't seen you in a while," the Fat Lady said, crossing her arms.

"Well, I'm back."

"Shall I get Lily for you?"

"No. Is Remus there?"

"Remus Lupin?"

"Don't ask, please," I say to her. The Fat Lady leaves her portrait. I lean against the wall, waiting for her to return. The door opened and Remus exited.

"I didn't know you know how to get here," he said.

I arch my eyebrow. "I do. I have for a long time. Lily and I used to talk out here. It's not as though she could get away with going to Slytherin."

"I'm amazed you got away coming to Gryffindor."

"I'm careful enough. Most Gryffindors are either far from here or inside at this time. How's Potter?"

"As well as can be expected. He won't tell anyone. He's a git, but he's an honest and loyal git." Remus leaned against the wall next to me. "Are you okay with him knowing?"

I shrug. "I'll live. You?"

Remus nods his head. "I trust him. And Lily, I suppose."

I furrow my brow and look at him. Is he jealous of Lily? Perhaps I should be a little more careful when mentioning her.

"A lot of people are going to be at Hogsmeade," I point out. "Does that bother you?"

"Does it bother you?" Remus asks, looking up at me.

"No," I say, "Not many of them are going to see me, anyway. Or care even if they do. I'm more concerned about you. One of your best friends found out and almost had a heart attack."

"Touching my cheek didn't exactly help," Remus points out.

"Well tough," I say, smirking. I stroke his cheek with my finger. "He's gonna have to get used to it."

"Now you're just messing with me."

"I don't see the problem with that," I say, smirking wider. I tilt his chin up so to catch his lips. Remus turns away. I pull back. "Remus?"

"Why are you playing around?"

I'm taken aback. I didn't think I was. "I'm not," I assure him. "Why would you think I was?"

Remus looked at me. "I'm not sure, it's just—we've been enemies for so long. My friends and I hurt you so many times in the past. How do I know you're not trying to get pay back for all those times?"

I'm tempted to crack a joke, but I decide that it would be unwise. "I'm not. Remus, I'm not. I know I have every right to, but I'd never do that to you. I promise. I'm just starting to really know you and I like you. A lot. If either of us is going to be insecure about this relationship, it should be me."

Remus looks up at me. "You don't have to be."

"Neither do you. I may be a Slytherin, but I'm loyal."

"That's actually a Gryffindor trait."

I shrug. "That's who I am. I've always been loyal to the people I care about." Is it still too soon to say I love him? "I'm sorry if you thought I was teasing you too much." I straighten. "I'll see you tomorrow at Herbology."

"Do you have to go?"

"Curfew's gonna start any moment. You probably have rounds coming up."

"I'm not in uniform, Severus. I don't have rounds."

"Still got curfew. And I'd like to see Slytherin win the house cup for once."

Remus smiles. "Not in this generation it won't."

"We'll see about that, Lupin. I'll see you tomorrow."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

#Remus#

I waited by the humpbacked witch. I barely looked at my watch when Severus shows. He looks at his watch.

"You weren't waiting that long."

"No. I wanted to get here before you, just in case. _Dissidium,_" I tap the witch with my wand. It jumps aside and Severus climbs in. I follow after him.

"Really? Secret passageways?"

"Is that so strange? This is an old castle. They probably needed a lot of ways to get the students out in case of attack."

"But you know about them?"

"My friends and I know several," I say grinning. "This one takes us inside Honeydukes."

Severus doesn't say anything. I'm salivating, thinking about all the chocolate I'm going to get in there. We sneak into the store and blend in with the students. I immediately head to get some chocolate. Selecting the right brand is a very important decision.

Severus watches, arms crossed as I try to make a decision. "What are you waiting for?"

"This is a very delicate procedure," I inform him. "You don't walk into Honeydukes lightly." He snickers. "What? I love my chocolate."

"It's just a sweet, Lupin."

"No. Chocolate is a very important food group that is badly neglected by people all over the world."

"What if they have a chocolate allergy?"

"Then I pity them," I grab a bar. "This'll do." I look at him, he's looking around, somewhat bored. "You want something? I'll buy."

He looked ready to decline, but then something caught his eye. He picked up a box of sugar quills. I grinned and yanked it out of his hands.

"Excellent selection," I say, grinning.

"Remus, you don't have to buy it for me. I haven't decided—"

"Too late." I set the bar and box of quills on the counter and fished out payment. We leave the shop and head into the street.

"Want to go to Zonko's?"

"Not really," Severus said. I glance in the window. Sirius is inside with Peter, messing with some of the things inside.

"Good idea, actually." I drag Severus to the bookshop instead. None of my friends come in here, so it's safe. Not that it'd matter if James came in with Lily.

Severus is looking through books on magical beasts. He sits down and starts to read. I peer over his shoulder. He's skimming a chapter on werewolves. My paranoia instantly begins to brew.

"What's with the sudden fascination with werewolves?" I ask, trying to keep my voice even.

"Just curiosity," he said. He looks up at me, smirking. "Why? You got a wolf phobia?"

I shake my head. "No."

I push aside my doubts and read over his shoulder. I spot a mark on his neck and push his hair away. It's a bruise of some sort. "Severus, how did you get this?"

Severus rubs the back of his neck. "It's nothing, Remes. I slipped the other day."

"People don't fall on the back of their necks and you're not a klutz." I head to the front of the recliner. "Severus, are my friends still bothering you?"

"No."

"Then who?"

"It's nothing I can't handle."

I lean in, supporting myself on the arm rests. Severus sets the book down in his lap and looks at me sternly. "I have it under control, Remus. I know how to defend myself. Some ass attacked me from behind. He's in the hospital wing right now. Contrary to belief, I'm not a weakling. I _know_ how to fight."

"I never said you were."

"You implied more than once that I'm unable to protect myself."

"No I haven't. You have a tendency to be ganged up on." I straighten and cross my arms. "So you'll have to forgive me if I sound worried when I find out you're still being harassed. What if you rebound and—"

"And what if you?"

"I haven't touched a knife for any reason other than to cut my food in five years. You recently got sober. If either of us is going to rebound, it's more likely to be you, Severus."

He set the book down and stood, placing his hands on my shoulders. "The detox potions are very effective and being with you, thinking of you…Remus, I haven't even thought about getting a fix since you kissed me outside the Great Hall."

I look into his eyes.

"You don't have to worry about me."

"Tough. I'm going to worry about you. I care about you, Severus. You might as well get used to it."

I take his hand off my shoulder and kiss it.

I'm able to protect him. I know I am. My condition enables me to be able to protect him. I should tell him I'm a werewolf. He almost found me going alpha once.

It might happen again. What will I do then if he doesn't know?

I should tell him.

But then what if he's scared of me? What if he doesn't want to see me after that?

_Severus, when I told you about my cuts, I didn't tell you that I was bitten by a werewolf. _

It's just a sentence. I can say it. I should say it. But my mouth won't form the words and my voice is caught in my throat.

Maybe if it was shorter: _Severus, I'm a werewolf._

Four little words my voice refuses to say.

My tears fall onto his hand. Why can't I just tell him the truth? I want to tell him the truth. He's been so honest with me so I should be just as honest with him.

"Why are you crying?" Severus asked, wiping my tears away.

_I'm a werewolf._

I still can't say it. I close my eyes and Severus pulls me close to him, embracing me.

#

"What's that?" Severus asked, pointing at the little house barred off by a fence.

"The Shrieking Shack," I inform him, leaning against the fence. "It's supposed to be haunted by malevolent spirits. As opposed to the school, which is haunted by…relatively benevolent spirits."

"Relatively benevolent?"

"Peeves isn't that bad," I say, indicating the Shack. "That place is…almost demonically haunted." _By me and my friends_.

"Hm."

Severus climbed under the fence.

"What are you doing?"

"You're not scared of a few ghosts are you?" he asked, grinning.

"No one's dared," I say.

"You're a marauder and you've never tried to go inside?"

"Well I wouldn't say that." _I have been inside. I'm the one haunting it_.

"Then what are you scared of?"

"Nothing."

"Right, I'll go take a look around."

"Severus!" He ignores me. I look around. Well, I suppose I don't have a choice. I follow him.

He kicks down the floor boards in front of the door and tries the handle, which is jammed.

I've never been in the shack this way and continue to look around nervously.

"_Alohomora_," he said, pointing his wand at the door. It swung open on creaking hinges. Severus enters. I follow, closing the door behind us.

"Hello?" Severus shouts. "Ghosts and ghouls if you're here, let us know. Couple of idiotic mortals passing through." He's banging on the walls.

I've never seen him like this. He's usually so sober and calm. He's grinning maniacally, kicking doors and overthrowing the furniture. It's like he's been replaced with some wild creature.

I lean in the doorway. "Satisfied? Maybe it's only haunted at a certain time. It's usually quite calm."

"Right, because spirits are habitual. Do the school ghosts seem habitual? No, they don't."

"But not all ghost are the same. Like I said, the ones here are malevolent. And it only tends to be haunted once a month."

"Like on the full moon or the thirteenth of the month?"

"Yeah."

"I'm more _The Hills Have Eyes_ kind of guy anyway when it comes to horror. If the ghosts here are as malevolent as you say they are, we'll be attacked at any moment. Otherwise this place is a hoax."

"What?"

"Muggle culture thing. It's a slasher flick," he said waving his hand at me.

"Well, whatever _The Hills Have Eyes_ is, you're not going to find it here."

Of course he wouldn't. My friends and I don't leave any traces.

"What's this?" Severus asked, kneeling down and picking up a tuft of grey fur. "Feel it," he said, handing it to me. "It's fur."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_I know. It's probably my fur. _I take it, pretending to examine it.

"What do you think? Canis Lupus or Canis Hominis?"

"You think this could be from a werewolf?" I ask.

"Haunted once a month at the full moon coincides with it."

"You think there's a werewolf in town and they use the shack to keep themselves locked in so keep people safe?"

"Werewolves are just as logical as we are. I wouldn't be surprised if one was smart enough to buy a rundown place like this and use it once a month to keep it from going crazy and running around town trying to chomp heads off."

I set the fur down. "What would you do if you knew a werewolf?"

"And I knew he or she was a wolf?"

"Yeah."

Severus shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it depends. Why?"

_Now_! I tell myself. _Tell him now_! "Because—"

"Hello?" Sirius shouted. "Anyone here?"

I grab my bag and open it, pulling out James' invisibility cloak. I throw it over Severus and myself. Sirius entered the room.

"Sirius, there's no one in here."

"The door's been opened, Pete. Someone is in here."

"Maybe it was last night," Peter suggested. "Whatever reason there is for the door to have been opened, there's no one here now." I grab Severus' wrist and we try to tiptoe pas Sirius. I stop when a floorboard creaks under my weight.

"What was that?" Sirius looked around in our direction, trying to see if he could see us. He stepped toward us, hand outstretched. If he finds the cloak…

Severus pulls me close to him and we back away against the wall. Sirius waved his hand over where we stood moments ago.

"Hm. I'm going upstairs."

"I'll check the basement," Peter said. They left the room. Severus and I make good our escape, trying to be as quiet as we could possibly be. We waited for Peter to disappear into the basement before leaving the shack.

Severus and I walked as fast as we could under the cloak back to the fence. I stepped out from under it. Severus took it off and returned it to me and I stuffed it back in my bag.

"Could've told me about the cloak earlier," he said, climbing back over the fence. I follow. "It clarifies a lot."

"It's not mine. It's James'. He lent it to me just in case we got in a spot of trouble."

"To think I'd ever be in debt to Potter at some point in my life." Severus stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, well. Would have been worse if you didn't think to back up."

"Good thing I did then. Should we go eat? I've wanted to go to the Three Broomsticks forever."

"Sure. I could eat."

#

I climb out of the passage after Severus.

The witch returned to her rightful place over the passage.

Students would be returning any moment for dinner. But until then, there was a little time to kill.

"What were you going to say back at the Shack?" he asks.

"Huh?"

"About werewolves. How I'd react to knowing one. You were about to tell me something."

"Oh." I lean against the wall. "I was going to say I—" My voice catches in my throat. "I…" Severus arches an eyebrow. "It has to do with my scars. I—"

"You don't have to tell me about what happened that night, Remus, if it's too painful to remember."

"It's not that. I was b—"

I close my eyes and grab my throat. Why can't I say it?

Severus pried my hand away from my throat. "It doesn't matter."

_Oh, it matters_.

"What are you two doing?"

We look at the sadistic smile curled on Filch's face.

"Nothing, Mr. Filch," Severus said, crossing his arms. "We ran into each other, nothing more." He strode past Filch and I followed. The Gryffindor dormitory is in the same direction, so there was no reason for him to be suspicious.

Once Filch was out of earshot, Severus took my hand in his. "Should we go to dinner or the kitchens?"

I grin. "Kitchens. Definitely the kitchens."

#

I refuse to go to sleep. I've been trying to put to words how I should tell Severus that I'm a werewolf. But nothing comes to mind. Instead, I'm staring at the fire again.

"Moony?"

I look behind me at James.

"Can't sleep either?"

"No."

"Mind if I join you?"

I shrug. James sits at the recliner. "How was your date with Lily?"

James looks at me briefly. "Um…I'm pretty sure I've just made her hate me all over again."

"Why? How?"

James stared at the fireplace. "I cracked a stupid joke. She didn't find it that amusing."

I furrow my brow. "One joke?"

"Yeah."

"Then she just didn't find it funny. But the rest of the time was fine?"

"The rest of the time was amazing," James said, grinning goofily.

"Yeah, she just didn't think you were funny. We do have an immature sense of humor."

"I suppose. What about you? Did you need to use the cloak?"

"To hide from Sirius and Peter once."

"Smart. Sirius would be okay with your newfound sexual preference, but…"

"Severus."

"Yeah. Was everything okay with yours?"

"I think Severus has a fascination with werewolves."

"Well that's a plus," James joked, smirking.

"You want to tell him I'm a werewolf for me?"

James' smile vanished. "You want to tell him."

"Yes. I tried to three times today and I just…it…the words just refused to come out. I could physically, literally not say 'I'm a werewolf.' He should know about me, but I just can't say it."

"I would think so," James said. "I love Lily. I always have. I adore her. But putting myself out and telling her how much I love her scares me to death. I want to say it so desperately, but I'm scared of what she'd say or do if I told her. I'm scared she'll laugh. I'm scared she'll call me a freak. I love her, but she's stomped on me time and time again and this time, I'm really putting myself out there. I don't know what I'll do if she rejects me this time if I tell her how much I love her."

James looks right at me. "It's kind of the same thing for you, isn't it? You want to tell Snape about your condition. Hell, you need to. But maybe you're thinking…what if he doesn't believe you? What if he thinks you're just scared of your new relationship and you're lying to get out of it? And if he does believe you, how would that change how your relationship is perceived by both of you?"

I stare at James in awe. "James, I tell you to do this sort of thing professionally. Why do you refuse to?"

"Because I'm not a shrink," James snapped.

"And yet you're a very good shrink."

"Shut up, Bitch."

"Ass. And Sirius is the bitch."

James laughed. "No, you're way bitchier than Sirius."

"Grow up."

"You grow up."

I get onto the floor and hold my arm out, challenging James. What? The moment was starting to flow like something out of Witch Weekly. Something had to be done to make us men again.

James grasps my outstretched hand and we start applying pressure against the other.

"I will beat you today."

"You've never beaten me," I snap. It's true. When it comes to the four of us, I am the arm wrestling king! "What makes you think you'll take my crown now, Bambi?"

"Bambi?"

"Ask your girlfriend," I say, slamming James' hand into the carpet. He tried not to scream in pain. But his face still twisted in agony. "When will you learn not to accept an arm wrestling challenge from me?"

"When you stop throwing them out," James hissed. "God! I think you broke my hand."

"You're such a baby."

"Moony, that legitimately hurt!"

"That was nothing!"

"I hate your lycanthrope strength."

"Ah, you're just jealous."

"No I'm not."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

#Severus#

My bag split open and my books and school supplies fell out. I try to gather everything before the broken ink bottle would ruin them.

I'm flung against the wall.

"_Obscuro_," Black's voice echoes. I can't see. I'm released and fall to the ground. I grope around for my wand. Once my fingers find it, it's whipped out of my hands. I try to stand again. "_Incarcerous._"

I fall back to the ground, tightly bound. The more I struggle against the bonds, the tighter they become.

"Black? Black, let me go."

I'm pulled up. "What do you have on Remus?"

What is he talking about?

"You've got something on him, otherwise you wouldn't have told him to make us leave you alone."

"There's nothing."

"I know you're hiding something, Snape—"

I'm released. The binds loosen and I regain my sight.

"Potter?"

"You okay?"

"Black—where—"

"Don't worry about that," Potter says. "I'll help you get this stuff back together." He looks panicky. His eyes shift from side to side and he's shaking.

"Potter, what's going on?"

"The less you know right now, the better."

"Bull crap!"

"Bull crap's all I can give you right now. Just trust me on this. You don't want to know." He waved his wand and my things returned to their state before I was attacked. He stumbles to his feet and runs down the hall.

#Remus#

I'm doing all I can to keep calm, but it's hard when you're in this kind of rage. This agonizing fury consumes all my reason.

"Moony!" James shouts. "Moony! Moony, come here!"

But James didn't try to hurt Severus. Sirius backs further into the hole he's hiding in when I try to swipe at him. I try climbing in again, snapping my jaws.

"Moony! Heel!" James tries, seizing me around my neck and pulling me away. "Moony. He's okay. Snape's okay. Sirius didn't hurt him."

"He tried to."

"I know," James said. "But he didn't get the chance. Remus, think about what you're doing? You're going alpha."

I don't care.

I grab James and fling him off my back. James slams against the wall and slides to the ground in so much pain, he can't scream.

I fall to all fours, snarling at Sirius, who took the chance to turn into Padfoot.

He places himself in between me and James. I don't care about James.

I tackle Sirius, who whimpers loudly as my teeth sink into his neck.

"Potter!" Severus' voice echoes down the hall. I hear his feet pounding against the stone floor. I release Sirius. "Potter!"

I climb onto the ledge and jump down, scaling the high wall down to the courtyard. I have to hide. I have to get to the Shack.

#Severus#

Potter is slumped against the wall, taking deep breaths. Black is lying on the ground, a horrible bite on the back of his neck gushing blood.

"What happened?"

"You don't want to know," Potter repeated, unable to keep his face stoic. It's not only twisted in pain, but stained with tears. "Trust me, you don't want to know."

I've never seen either of them like this. Either way, I have to get them to the hospital wing. "Potter, can you stand?"

Potter nods and uses the wall to help himself up. I don't want to help Black, but I can't let him bleed to death, even if he is an ass.

Reluctantly, I help Black up and we walk to the hospital wing.

"I thought Remus was with you," I say to James.

"Uh, yeah, he went to get help."

"What was that? What happened?" Potter doesn't answer. "Right, its better I don't know."

Which is crap all around.

Something attacked Black before he could beat the shit out of me. He's got so many scratches on him and the bite, where it's located on his neck…something wanted him dead.

But why? I know he's a git, but this kind of attack is absolutely brutal.

I drop them off at the hospital wing. The nurse insists I stay as well, just in case. Potter is okay, but is told to expect a sore back for a couple days. Black would have to remain a little longer due to the extent of his own wounds.

Potter and I leave the room.

"You know what just happened."

"Just drop it," Potter hissed. "You'll understand soon enough. It was a miracle you came when you did. Just be content knowing that whatever happened just now, you have some sort of control over it. That's all you need to know."

Potter passed me and walked away.

I'm still confused. How can I have control over something I don't know about?

#Remus#

I hide in the corner, hiding my face. I'm shaking with shame. How could I do that to Sirius? What if I turned him?

Oh God—what if I turned him?!

"Remus?" James walks into the room. "Hey, Moony. You back to normal?"

"Mostly, I think." I dare to look at James. "Am I?"

"Yes," he said. "Sirius is fine. So is Snape, who's a bit freaked out. But otherwise, okay. He didn't see you wolf out."

"Did I turn Sirius?"

James shook his head. "He was Padfoot when you bit him. He'll be fine."

"And you're sure Severus didn't see me?"

"Positive. Otherwise he would have been screaming werewolf."

"And you? You're not hurt?"

"Yes I am. But I'll live. I might not be able to get out of bed without feeling like an old man for a while though. You want to tell me what happened? You just bolted. Almost entirely alpha'd."

"I heard Sirius. I could smell him and Severus. I heard a few spells be cast and I guess I lost control."

"You guess?" James repeats, scoffing. "You _did_ lose control. No guessing about it. You fully intended to kill Sirius. Somehow, Snape brings out the best and the worst in you. I know I can be pretty bad when things concern Lily, but I've never seen you like this until you went gay for Snape."

I swallow. "You didn't tell him anything, did you?"

"I may have hinted that what happened to Sirius is tied to him in some way." He grins nervously. "I tried not to. He doesn't know you're a werewolf. I swear."

"He's not going to give up until he knows the truth which is only going to make Sirius more hostile toward him."

I take a deep breath. This isn't good. This isn't good at all.

"I can keep an eye on Sirius through exams," James promises. "But I think after that, you need to tell Sirius. He might leave Snape alone if you do."

I shake my head. "He won't. Sirius won't leave Severus alone just because he's my partner. They hate each other way too much."

"But you don't know how Sirius will react to you being Snape's partner." James tries not to wince. "God, I'm trying, mate, but that just sounds weird."

"I think I can trust Peter."

"I don't know. Peter could let it slip. I love the guy. He's fun, but a bit…spacy at times. He could accidently tell Sirius. And then Sirius will be pissed at us for not hearing it from you."

"You're not even supposed to know," I snap.

"At times I wish I didn't, but you're still my friend, Moony. That's never going to change. Plus it helps talking to you, no matter how girly it seems."

"So long as we don't hug and cry, I think we'll be fine," I mutter. I force a smile, but I feel anything but okay.

There's nothing okay with what happened today.

#Severus#

I peer over the books, ignoring the signal that the library is closing soon. I review my notes on lycanthropy. Nothing's changed since. No new developments for years.

I turn to my notes on the alphas. Alphas always start out as betas—lycanthropes who only turn at the full moon. Going alpha, or becoming an alpha, tends to involve intense emotional upheaval, usually displayed by red hot rage.

They turn whenever they experience this rage. Usually, they're unable to keep their anger in check and completely transform, intent on killing any who get in their way.

But none of what I've found indicates that I might be linked to an alpha. In fact, there's nothing about werewolves being emotionally attached to a human so strongly that they become alpha when a human is in danger.

I close the books and organize my notes, my brow furrowed.

Not for the first time, I'm wondering if I'm hitting a dead end with my research on creating a cure for lycanthropy.

But either way, even if there is a dead end, I'm more determined than ever to find a way around it. I wasn't sure before.

But now I'm completely convinced that there is a werewolf at Hogwarts.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

#Remus#

Sirius and I haven't talked since I attacked him three weeks ago. He was in the hospital wing for a week and sour after he was released. And though he's feeling better, he's still a little wounded and won't even acknowledge me.

I don't blame him. I did attack him for reasons he doesn't understand and probably never will. James isn't justifying my actions to him either. Which is good. I don't want him to. There is no good reason for me to have attacked Sirius even if I was defending Severus.

I stare blankly at the book in front me. I should be writing the last essay of the year before the teachers start dropping review information on our heads for the upcoming exams.

Severus is busy writing, his quill scratching the parchment in quick fluid motions. When he pauses, he takes a break to think and suck on the sugar quill before coming up with a new sentence or paragraph.

I don't want to do homework. However, Severus is quite adamant that we're falling behind a little on our classes and need to stop slacking off.

(Which is true. My grades have started sliding a little. McGonagall was concerned and called us both into her office and asked us what was so distracting. We couldn't exactly come out and say we were distracting each other, but it was enough to plant a seed of fear in Severus and I. When two of the best students start falling, the teachers will panic. God forbid they panic. Apparently Severus is more concerned about his grades than I am.)

I look back at my book and drum my fingers against the table.

Severus sets the quill down and starts measuring the parchment. "Do you think I'll be penalized for having it be a couple inches too long?"

"Probably not," I say.

Severus glances up at me. "You haven't turned the page in fifteen minutes. What's wrong?"

"I hate potions."

"What else is new?"

"I don't even know where to begin on these poisons and how to reverse them."

Severus finished packing and walked around the table, sitting next to me, reviewing the assigned poisons I've been given.

"Okay, well first off," he said, "Any and every poison known to man and wizard can be stopped with a bazoar being stuffed down the victim's throat. But when you don't have access to one, these particular poisons each have its own antidote…"

I'm somewhat surprised at how good a teacher Severus actually is.

In just a short hour, I understood more about the subject than I ever did in Slughorn's classes in the last few years. My essay was almost done in the second hour of receiving help from Severus. Another few minutes later, Severus is reviewing what I've written and measures my essay.

"Okay, you're done. You should be able to get a decent grade with this—at least more decent than you usually get in potions. Was that really so bad?"

I shrug. "You're certain you don't want to be a teacher? You're pretty good at it."

"Thanks, but no. I can't stand kids. They make too many mistakes and I don't have that kind of patience."

"You could teach a lecture rather than a lab."

"That would mean I'd be teaching Muggle Studies or History. Both of which are boring."

"Muggle Studies is actually more interesting than you think. History is boring only because Binns teaches it. He never makes the class interesting."

Severus shrugs. "I just don't see myself teaching."

"But you're really good at it."

"That doesn't mean it should be what I do. I'm not passionate about teaching. This is the first time I've ever tutored anyone. And though it was you, it was still absolutely terrifying."

"Never tutored? Not even Lily?"

"No. Lily never needed tutoring. She's on par with the two of us."

"I've tutored my friends plenty of times."

"Yes, well I'm not surprised," Severus said as I packed away my books. "You want to be a teacher, Remes."

Remes?

I grin.

"What?"

"Since when am I Remes?"

Severus furrows his brow. "I haven't called you 'Remes' before?" I shake my head. "I thought I have." His cheeks have a slight tinge to them. I kiss his cheek and sling my bag over my shoulder.

"I'll see you at class tomorrow, Sev."

Severus pulls me back for a real kiss.

"See you tomorrow."

#

I sign the letter and read it over once before deciding it was good enough to send home. I seal it and stand.

The door opens and Sirius enters the room. We look at each other once. Sirius walks around me. I leave the common room and head to the Owlery.

There, I find a decent bird and tie the letter around his leg. "To my parents in Southampton," I give it a few more details before the bird flies away. I watch it shrink the further it goes.

I turn to leave. Sirius is standing there.

"Moony, what is going on between you and Snape?"

I arch my eyebrows. "That's it? You don't talk to me for a month and the first thing you say is a demand to know what I'm hiding?"

"He's got something on you. I'm just trying to help. Does he know about your furry little problem?"

"He has nothing on me," I snap. "He's not threatening me nor is he blackmailing me. No. He doesn't know about my furry little problem."

I pass Sirius, who walks beside me.

"I asked you six weeks ago to leave him alone because I found him in the bathroom comatose from taking muggle drugs. And the first thing I thought of when I realized he was addicted to drugs was that it was our fault. He's clean now, but I don't want to find him like that again—it scared me to death. If he died, that would have been on us, Sirius."

"No, it wouldn't have," Sirius retorted. "He made the choice to dope himself all on his own without any prompting from us. Just like how these," Sirius grabbed my wrist and pushed my sleeve up to reveal my scars. "Were of no one else's doing but yours. No one made you decide to mutilate yourself, Moony. You made the choice all on your own."

I pull my hand out of his grasp and pull my sleeve back over my arm.

"And no one made Snivellus go after drugs. That was his choice. And I get it. I really do. My life has never been a walk through easy street. Life sucks. Shit happens. But that's just life. And I hate people who let life's shit drag them down. You and James asked what my reason was for hating him and always tormenting him, well that's it. He just pisses me off."

"He wouldn't piss you off if you got to know him."

"Like how you're getting to know him? Sneaking off into the library for so called study groups?"

I stop, staring at Sirius, who crosses his arms.

"Yeah, I know. Peter and I both know. We know that James knows. And we know you and James decided to keep it secret from us. We're you're friends to,Moony."

"So when you—"

"The last time I jumped him I didn't know. It wasn't until a couple days ago that Peter and I got curious. You went alpha twice. Both times you were pissed at me about Snape. We followed you to the library and found you snogging him."

"You had no right—"

"Were you even thinking of letting us know?"

"I would have. Eventually."

"And what is your definition of eventually? Were you going to tell us you're dating the enemy after exams? After school got out? Over the summer? _Next school year? WHEN WE GRADUATE?!_"

I lean against the wall.

"You don't know if you were even going to."

"I didn't even intend for James to know. He just stumbled in on us. I asked him to keep it secret."

"Peter and I have more than proven we're trustworthy. We know how to keep secrets and we know how to help deal with them!"

I can't look at him. He feels betrayed. I would too if the situation was reversed. So I have nothing more to say on the matter.

"Do you actually love the git?"

"I alpha'd twice on you and you have to ask if I love him? Yes. I love him."

Sirius sighed. "Then I guess I just have to suck it up."

"I don't expect you to like it."

"Good. I don't. And don't expect me understand either. It's Snape. But you have to tell him about your 'badly behaved rabbit.' Otherwise, I will."

Sirius walked away in long and angry strides, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

I wait until I can't hear him before I begin walking back to the common room. But I don't walk there. Rather, I find myself in the castle's basement

Severus exits through a hidden wall. He stops when he sees me.

"Remus?"

"All my friends know," I say before I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth. "Sirius and Peter know."

Severus arches an eyebrow. "How'd they take it?"

"I don't know about Peter yet. Sirius is pissed."

Severus leads me out away from the Slytherin dormitory. "On the bright side," he says, "We don't have to hide anymore."

_That's not entirely true_, I think. _I still don't know how to tell you I'm a werewolf_.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The owl flew into the hall on the morning of the first day of exams and landed on my shoulder, holding his leg out.

I opened the letter, a wide grin spreading on my face.

"What's got you so happy?" Sirius asked, peering over my shoulder to read my mail. I shove him and put the letter away, giving the owl a bit of bacon before he leaves. "Oh, I get it. I'm not allowed to read your mail."

"You're not allowed to read anyone's mail, Sirius."

"But—"

I stand and leave the hall, staying outside until Severus exited.

"Sev," I say. He approaches me. "I know you don't want to go home, so I was wondering if you'd like to spend the summer at my place instead." I held out the letter. "My parents are okay with it. It's up to you."

I can see on his face that he desperately wants to say yes.

"I wouldn't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't be," I assure him. "My parents already said it was okay for you to stay the summer. I want to spend the summer with you, Severus. Not to mention, three months is a pretty long time to go without seeing each other."

"Well," he said, "since your parents _did _say it was okay…I've no reason to decline." The bell began to ring. His shoulders slumped.

"We should get to Binns' classroom." I fix my bag on my shoulder.

"Yeah," Severus sighs.

#Severus#

There was one more full moon before the school year ended. So there would be one more transformation before summer vacation started. This would be my last chance before the next school year to find the werewolf.

I'd have to tread carefully. Otherwise I might end up being dog chow. But once I know his (or her) identity, I could ask if he (or she) would be willing to help me perfect the cure (I can't exactly test it on someone who's not suffering the conditions it's supposed to work on).

That full moon is tonight.

Meaning this is my only chance to catch the wolf before I go to Remus'.

I finish the test and approach Binns' desk, setting it down before leaving. I glance at Remus, who's still working. I decide to wait for him outside in the hallway, optimizing my time by studying for the exam I have in the afternoon (Arithmancy).

I feel lips on my cheek several minutes later.

"Studying?"

"Shouldn't you be doing the same?" I ask, closing the book. "You have an exam this afternoon too."

"I'm pretty confident in Muggle Studies."

"You're half blood. Do you even need to take Muggle Studies?"

"I wanted an easy O."

"No such thing."

"I didn't know that in third year." Remus said, attempting to distract me further by kissing my neck. "There's plenty of time to study before our afternoon tests."

"I know. That's why I'm using them to study. You can be horny after exams, Remes."

Remus straightens, pouting at me and giving me the biggest puppy dog eyes I've seen. I look away. I can't let it work. But it's so damn effective…_No! Must study!_ I hold the book in front of my face in an attempt to ignore him.

Remus takes the book out of my hand. "Please," he pleads.

"Give me my book."

"No."

"Remus, give me the book."

"No." I tried to swipe it back from him but he held it out of reach, smirking devilishly.

Conventional means aren't going to work today, it seems. I grab his robes and pull him into a kiss before taking the book back from him.

I smirk. "Thanks." I return to studying.

"You're not allowed to manipulate Moony, Snape," Potter says, passing by with Lily giggling beside him. "Consider that your PDA warning. Next time, I'm getting a teacher."

Remus glares at him, then at me.

"I said I wanted to study, so I'm going to study."

"Fine," Remus sighed. "James ruined the mood anyway."

"It'll come back," I assure him, "Just not until we're done with exams."

"But that's too long!" Remus complained.

"Think of it as a reward for later," I say, smirking wider. Students were starting to file in and out of the classrooms around us. I stood, so did Remus. "Hey. I love you," I tell him, stroking his cheek. He looked like he needed a little assurance.

I finally told him and I feel like nothing can stop me. Remes is blushing again. That's more like him.

I kiss him once more before heading to my arithmancy exam.

#Remus#

I meet the gang in the Great Hall. The afternoon felt like such a blur to me. I wish it wasn't the full moon.

James is avoiding my gaze. I would explain that it's a little hard to control how much of Moony tends to come out, but he wouldn't understand.

"Are we heading down early?"

"No," Sirius said. "James and Lily have a study date. Not that you'd know what that is anymore." He grins knowingly.

At least he's not giving me grief any more, though I can tell he still doesn't like it. I glare at James who shakes his head and nudges his head toward Lily, who's talking to a few of her girl friends.

"You try balancing being a werewolf and a love life and tell me how wild you feel," I snap at Sirius.

"Just don't wolf out too much when you're with Snape—"

"Padfoot, if you say anything, I will not stop him from tearing your throat out," James said. "I'm trying to eat."

"Ditto," Peter said, throwing a caramel corn at Sirius' head.

It misses him. Sirius opens his mouth.

Peter ignores him, concentrating on his own food. I grab Sirius' plate and smear his food on his face.

James and Peter laugh and I take a seat. Sirius grabs my head and dips it in the mashed potatoes. James and Peter are laughing harder. The rest of the hall is silent.

"You had to do it, didn't you?"

"I didn't issue the challenge. I just answered it."

"Children, please continue eating your dinner—" Professor Dumbledore tried to say.

"FOOD FIGHT!" the four of us shouted.

The whole school went into an uproar. Food flew everywhere.

"_Locomotor Pie_," I said, pointing my wand at some butter cream pie, aiming it at James, who rebuffed with chocolate pudding. I ducked and it hit Peter instead. Or perhaps that was someone else's bowl of pudding.

Either way, Peter was hit with pudding and a first year was splattered with pie. James was hit with apple cobbler from behind by Lily.

"Evans, run!" Sirius shouted, when James went after her.

I was bombarded by a bowl of vegetables.

Spinning around, I looked for my assailant, who was already being drenched in pumpkin juice by Severus, who had one of the evilest grins I'd ever seen spread on his face.

I threw a platter of turkey breasts at Malfoy, who had spelled a plate of bread rolls to chase Peter.

Sirius' brother was trying to escape the Hall, but Sirius caught him and was dousing Regulus in gravy.

"_**IMOBULUS!**_**" **

The whole school froze and food floated in the air. Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall approached me and Sirius (we weren't next to each other, but were close enough).

McGonagall is obviously furious, but I don't think I've ever seen Dumbledore this angry. He's not smiling. His eyes are not twinkling and if you thought Professor McGonagall's lips could go pretty thin, you've never seen Dumbledore mad.

It's actually terrifying.

"I expect the two of you in Mr. Filch's office tomorrow night for your detention, Misters Black and Lupin," he whispered to us, only loud enough so the two of us could hear him.

On the one, I'm a little upset. On the other, we finally pushed Dumbledore to the limit.

"It is rare," he began, loud enough for the school to hear, "that I had ever had to take away points from students since becoming Headmaster." He returned to the teacher's table. "Ten points will be taken from every participating student in tonight's embarrassing display of maturity. Fifty additional points will be taken from Gryffindor. You may thank Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin for that."

_Oh c'mon! It's exams. Everyone's wound up_.

Dumbledore waved his wand and we were released of the spell. Several students were now glaring at me and Sirius. Others were congratulating us, as though we had become instant heroes.

"Everyone return your dormitories."

"SLYTHERIN'S IN LEAD!" Regulus shouted. The Slytherins shouted.

Until we heard that.

"Another ten points from Slytherin," McGonagall shrieked. "Have a little decorum, Black!"

As we filed out of the hall, the students who didn't think the punishment fair weeping and glaring at Sirius and me, Sirius and I fist bumped.

"That was good."

"It should happen again."

"Not unless you want Gryffindor in the negatives," Lily said, trying to get as much macaroni salad out of her hair.

James was trying to clean his glasses of cream and walk at the same time. "Moony got detention," he sang.

"Shut up, Prongs."

* * *

**Author's Note**: I think we all agree that werewolves tend to be a bit horny, right? :)


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

#Severus#

I snuck out of the dorm and headed to the grounds near the forest. If the werewolf was going to be anywhere, he or she would want to be near it.

I kept my wand in my hand, just in case I needed it. I see a figure appear near a tree. I keep hidden, but try to approach. It was just minutes to the full moon. Another figure appeared, as though out of thin air. A third and fourth also.

One of them seemed to shrink to nothing. I tried to get closer, my curiosity getting the better of me. The tree—the whomping willow—stopped moving, frozen as though struck by the immobulus charm. The other three approached the tree and vanished.

I tried to get closer, but by the time I was close enough, the tree was moving again. I jumped back before it could flatten me.

What just happened? Where did they go? They couldn't have gotten close to the tree! And people don't just disappear. You can't apparate on grounds—but maybe you could portkey. No, the school has defenses to alert the teachers if students leave the school undetected and go further than Hogsmeade.

Maybe they had gone to Hogsmeade.

I stayed a while longer, but I had yet to see any signs of a werewolf.

But I'm _certain_ there's a werewolf at Hogwarts. Something bit Black. Something attacked him.

Maybe Black is the werewolf…no, but something bit him.

I turn around and sprint back to the school. If Black was just bit, then there's another werewolf who might not have realized he was bitten that badly.

I kick myself for not realizing it sooner.

#Remus#

Sirius and I enter Filch's office. Severus is sitting at one of the desks. I sit between him and Sirius.

"What got you in detention?" Sirius asked.

"Wandering the halls at night," Severus answered. "I was stupid enough to get caught. How was your night, Black?"

Sirius furrowed his brow, confused. He gathered a sense of understanding and glared at me.

_You haven't told him yet?_ He must desperately want to say.

I avoid Sirius' gaze. No. I haven't told him yet. It's not like there was much opportunity to with exams coming.

Filch barged into the room, carrying Mrs. Norris in his hands. He was grinning nastily. He set the cat down and picked up a few buckets, passing them around. "Well, lads," he began. "Come along."

We stand and follow him. We stopped in front of the trophy room. "Black, you're scrubbing the place till I can see my reflection in the glass. No magic. Get in there. And give me your wand."

Sirius strode past him and turned around, bowing lavishly at us before forfeiting his wand. I give him a polite golf clap and try to keep stoic. Filch and Severus ignored him, not understanding the joke.

"The two of you have a two-man job ahead of you. You'll be scrubbing the hospital wing top to bottom. No magic allowed. Wands." He held his hands out and we handed him our wands.

He abandons us and we get to work.

"So, why were you out at night?"

"It's a stupid reason."'

"More stupid than starting a food fight in the Great Hall?" I ask, smiling.

"Yeah…"

"I'm all ears."

"Well, you know how I often seem to have a bunch of information on werewolves?"

My heart begins to race. My smile is gone. Does he know?

"I was, and still am, trying to help someone come up with a potion formula that might cure or relieve the symptoms of lycanthropy."

He's what? I look at him. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Okay but that doesn't explain why you were out after curfew."

"Yesterday was the full moon. I'm…ninety percent positive that there's a werewolf in the school. And when Black was attacked last month…"

"You thought that he might be a second werewolf?"

"Yes. I ran to the nearest teacher and woke them up for the sole purpose of getting the Gryffindors safe. Professor McGonagall thought I was trying to pull a prank and I landed in detention with another fifty points on my head."

I try not to laugh with relief. "Who do you think the werewolf is?"

"Well apparently not Black. I'm starting to wonder if he really was attacked by a werewolf."

_Oh, he was._

"Well, maybe it was just a wild animal," I say.

"Perhaps."

"How's the cure coming along anyway?"

"It's just a theory right now. I can't tell for sure unless I brew it and test it. Which means I'll have to stock up on bezoars..."

"Yes you will."

"Either way, unless I find a willing test subject and get the ingredients, I'm not going to be able to do anything with the theory."

"So you're looking for a werewolf to see if he'd help you out."

"Yeah."

"That's rather dangerous, Sev." It is. I don't like that he's even attempting to put himself in danger, even if what he's trying to do might help me and others like me.

"Nothing worth trying comes with little risk," he says. "It's something I'd like to try. Not many people have actually been able to pioneer new discoveries for a while."

Well, he does have a habit for experimenting and making new spells. Some of the spells we use have been spells he created.

But still. This is something much more dangerous than I would expect him to achieve. It's brave, but I'd prefer him a coward rather than risking his life to discover a cure for lycanthropy.

Many of the spells he created are enough to earn him some sort of recognition as a prodigy!

"If I asked you not to, would you listen?"

I looked at Severus, and he at me.

"I'd take what you say into consideration, but I'm not stupidly reckless, Remes," he said. "If there's even a chance it could work—and there is—I would like to try. I promise I'll be careful. Besides, the likelihood of finding a werewolf right now is pretty slim. I might not be able to actually do anything to further my theory into practice until graduation."

"But you'd still take the risk."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Don't you ever feel the need to prove yourself?"

"Yes, but you've proven your worth time and time again. Sev, you're brilliant. You've created so many new spells since coming to school that—"

"That child's play?"

"Those spells you've created are _not _child's play! They never have been. I doubt they ever will be." Severus shrugged. "Don't be so humble." I set my rag down and approach him, wrapping him into my arms. "You're brilliant, Sev. I love you."

It's freeing, saying those words.

"I love you, too, Remes." Severus kissed me. "As much as I hate to say it, we should get back to work before Filch decides we need another detention because we're slacking off. I want to spend time with you, but not under that git's scrutiny."

I honestly couldn't agree more.

#

"I told you to tell him," Sirius snapped at me after we returned to the common room.

"I will."

"Two months, Remus. Just saying."

"_I will tell him_," I say through grit teeth. Once I figure out how. "He suspects, I think, but he isn't entirely sure."

Sirius glared at me. "What do you mean he 'suspects'?"

"He knows a werewolf is in the school. He just thought it might be you."

"But I was a dog when you bit me. I'm safe."

"You _are_ safe. If you were turned, you would have changed last night with me. He doesn't know you're animagus and he hasn't come to the conclusion that I'm the werewolf."

"All the more reason for you to tell him so he doesn't go looking for trouble again."

"I know. He's staying at my place this summer, so—"

"Whoa, wait," Severus held his hand out. "You _invited _him over your place?"

"Yes."

"How are your parents taking that idea? They aren't keen on you having friends over because of your condition."

"They lock me up in a barn near our house once a month. Unless I tell him the truth, they've agreed to feed some story about how I have a condition that needs to be treated at Mungo's once a month."

"You think he'll buy it."

"No," I sigh. Severus is too smart. He will figure it out. "At least not for long. And if he pieces together that each time I go is the full moon, he'll probably do the same you and the others did and just confront me."

"That's a bit too wishful, Moony."

"I'll tell him."

"You weren't even going to tell us. If you think we were pissed when we found out, how do you think Snape will react if he just stumbles onto it like we did? We got lucky, Remus. He might not be so fortunate."

"Why is it so important to you that I tell him? Why is it?"


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"_Why is it so important to you that I tell him? Why is it?"_

"Because out of the four of us, I'm the one with most experience with relationships and you should listen to me. James and you are hopeless romantics, though both of you try not to act like it. _Peter_ has had more girlfriends than the two of you and he doesn't date often."

Okay, that's true. I won't deny it. Peter's a sweet guy. He has had a girlfriend or two over the years and they have always tended to be on the side of sickeningly cute. (See A.N. at end)

"So when I tell you that to make your relationship with Snape work requires being completely honest, especially concerning something as huge as lycanthropy, you better be pretty sure you can trust him with something that huge. Until you tell him, he won't know who you really are. He'll only know half the package. Even Peter could tell you this."

I massage my temple.

"Moony!"

"I'll tell him after exams," I promise. "It's not something I want to bombshell him with. Is that fair? Letting him worry about one dilemma at a time?"

"So long as you tell him before you go home, you should be fine."

"Again, why do you care?"

"I told you why."

"No you didn't. You told me why I should. Not why you care."

"I care because he makes you happy. But at the same time, anything concerning Snape that ticks you off, like me jumping him, tends to bring out a side of you that I've never seen. I've seen you mad, but never mad enough to go alpha. That kind of fury is scary. But it shows how much you care about him. And one day you'll go alpha in front of him and he'll be terrified. I don't give two shits about Snape. I'm worried about what it might do to you if he finds out you're a werewolf and he doesn't find out in a good way. I don't want to see you hurt, Moony."

I stride past him up the stairs to bed.

"You understand, though, right?"

"Yeah," I say. "I understand." I stop at the staircase. "But I tried. Three times in one day, for the record."

"But you tried?"

"Yes. The words refused to come out."

Sirius furrowed his brow, then smirked. "I think this is a job for the Hogwarts Marauders."

#

I stared at James. Sirius and Peter watched.

"Moony, you're not saying anything," Peter said.

I open my mouth, but no sound comes out. I close my mouth.

"You literally cannot say it!" Sirius laughed. James snickered.

"You're not helping," I snap at him.

"Do I really have to be Snape?" James asked, scratching his nose.

"Yes," Sirius said. "I hate him too much to be him."

"Okay, new tactic." Peter said, "Pretend you're at a Lycanthropes Anonymous meeting."

"A what?" Sirius asked. Peter shrugs. James is convulsing.

I shrug. "Hi, my name is Bob—"

"You're real name!" they shout at me.

"Fine," I say, taking a deep breath. "Hi, my name is Remus and I'm a w…" They watch, waiting. "I'm a w…"

"We heard you say the word werewolf before, Remus," James said.

"Yeah. I know."

"So what's the problem?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know! I've never actually been able to say 'I'm a werewolf'—"

"There! You did it!" James shouted.

"That's good. Now just say it: Hi, my name is Remus and I'm a werewolf," Peter said, mimicking me. I found the impersonation a little insulting. James and Sirius were snickering.

"I'm a w—I'm a ly—I'm a w—"

"C'mon, Moony! What are you?"

"W—"

"Stop. This is pathetic," James groaned. "Moony, why can't you say it?"

"I don't know."

"But he knows you were bitten? You talked to him about it."

"I never said I was bitten. I told him I was attacked. I think he thinks I was sexually assaulted."

My friends shivered and looked at my sympathetically.

"Okay, go back to that day. Instead, hint that you were bitten by a werewolf," Sirius suggests, "rather than leave disturbing images in our heads."

I sigh. I roll my sleeves up, trying to get back in the mood of that day. It seemed so long ago. I hold my arms out so my friends can see my scars.

"Something happened to me in my past that quenched all the feelings I needed to feel," I began.

Sirius waved his hand, allowing me to continue.

"I was a kid, very young. And one day, Fenrir Greyback came to my parents' house. My dad had stupidly said something to him a few days earlier. He turned me. And since then, my whole life has been void of feeling until I came to Hogwarts and met my friends. Because of what happened to me, I lived my childhood feeling no love, nor hate. Just tons and tons of pity and I just needed to feel something else, so I decided to feel pain if nothing else. At least it was feeling. I know it was artificial, but I clung to that-"

"Gentlemen," James said, interrupting me. "I think he's got it."

Peter pretended to wipe a tear away and Sirius was hugging his pillow.

Assholes.

I fix my sleeves, hiding the scars again.

"Exams end tomorrow, Moony," Sirius reminded me. He made it quite obvious that he intended to ask Severus if I told him.

I glare at him and climb into my bed. Just because I finally found a way to tell Severus doesn't make the task of telling him any easier. I still fear what will happen when I do. He said he wanted to find the werewolf, but what would happen if he finds it's me?

Now I'm more afraid of being treated more like a test subject than being rejected. I think I'd prefer rejection.

But either way, I'm stuck. If I don't tell him, Sirius will find a way to do so for me.

#

I find Severus outside sitting under a tree, reading a book. I approach him. "Severus?"

He looked up. "Yes?"

I don't even know how to begin.

"What's wrong?"

"It's about my scars."

Immediately, Severus is on his feet and trying to roll my sleeves up. "I'm not cutting myself! I'm not cutting myself!" I assure him quickly. "It's more why."

"I know why."

"Only somewhat," I say, sitting down under the tree. I'm shaking. Severus sits beside me. "Do you know Fenrir Greyback?"

"Yes. What about him?"

I tell him. I tell him about how Greyback attacked me on the full moon outside my house because my father insulted him. I tell him how I snuck out with my friends every month because they had found a way to make the full moon less terrible. I tell him how scared I felt telling him.

"Last week…I wasn't hallucinating."

I shake my head. "We have a way to get out of the school before the full moon. We have a way to get into the shack from campus, which is why Sirius and Peter were freaking out when we were at Hogsmeade."

"And when Black was attacked."

"My friends are animagi. Sirius turns into a big black dog. He was a dog when I bit him. Somehow, for reasons we can't explain, I can't turn them when they're in their animal form. He jumped you and I…I alpha'd. If you didn't go after James, I think I would have killed Sirius."

I look at Severus. He doesn't look at me.

"I understand if you changed your mind about coming over to my house…"

"I haven't," he said. "I'm working through what you just told me."

"Sev—"

"I understand why it took so long for you to tell me," he said, leaning against the tree trunk. "In the same situation, I'd do the same thing, I think. Thank you, Remes," Severus took my hand in his, "For trusting me."

I rested my head on his shoulder, my eyes closed as I try to fight back tears. Severus wrapped his arm around my shoulder, his fingers playing with my hair.

Severus kisses the top of my head. "I love you, Remus."

I hide my face in his robes.

I'm glad Sirius pushed me to tell him.

I'm relieved. I'm happy. I feel feather light.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Look, Peter is part of the group and he is a guy. He's going to want to date and probably does with a little advice from Sirius. Just because he's a coward and a traitor when he's an adult doesn't mean that's how he was like when he's sixteen/seventeen. He even said he was scared to die, which is completely natural. Yes, he made a bad decision and continued to make bad decisions up to his death and I'm not going to condone that. But Sirius and Remus, because they have a strong sense of loyalty, don't understand how the desire for survival can trump the love you have for your friends. The animals they turn into tell a lot about their personality. And rats can be loving and adorable pets, but when push comes to shove, they need to be protected from predators (like snakes and cats and dogs). And if they're not protected, they'll look out for themselves rather than those they care for. Don't be a hater just because of who he is in the series.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Severus follows me off the train. My father is waiting for us in the background, almost as though trying to blend in against the wall.

I approach him and he straightens, plastering a smile on his face.

"Severus, I presume?" he said, holding his hand out.

Severus grasped his hand, smiling a little. "It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Lupin."

My father is a little taken aback. He never actually liked my friends. Especially when he found out they knew what I was.

Would he think differently of Severus if it was let on that Severus knew what I was too? If he knew we were dating?

My parents aren't all that conservative, but they did stress to me a need to side on caution if I ever fell in love.

They mean well.

I watched as my father and Severus talked on the way to the fireplaces. I was hoping it wouldn't be so awkward, but some of the questions my dad asked him made me want to kill myself.

You know which questions: What's your house at school? What's your year? Who are your parents and what do they do for a living? What do you think of Remus?

Yeah. Severus sails through the interrogation smoothly enough, but I'm glad I'm not going alpha from the embarrassment alone.

I step into the fireplace and take a handful of floo powder, shout my address, and drop the dust, flying past fireplace after fireplace before I'm expelled into my living room.

Severus follows after, then Dad.

"You wouldn't mind sharing Remus' room, Severus? The guest room is taken up at the moment."

I look at Dad. "Who's in the guest room?" Not that I care if Severus shares a room with me. I actually prefer it.

"You're grandma."

"Rose?"

"Debbie."

Crap. I don't voice it, but my expression is readable enough. "I could have been warned." Grandma Debbie is likeable, but she's an absolute menace!

"It's only for the week. Three more days and she'll return to London. Her house has been infested with wild Puffskeins."

Severus does his best to school himself, but he still snorts a little. I don't blame him. Puffskeins are usually kept as pets, but they can be as bad as rats if left to grow and breed.

Only Grandma Debbie could have something like that happen to her.

"I don't mind sharing Remus' room."

Dad looks at me. "I'm cool."

But I'm not keen on Grandma meeting Severus yet. That is a recipe for a wallop of disaster.

I lead Severus up the stairs to my room.

"So, what's the deal with your grandmother? She sounds kind of cool."

"Only if you think eccentric old ladies are cool."

"I wouldn't know."

"Consider yourself lucky. When I was three, I was officially scarred for life by the woman."

Severus arches an eyebrow.

"She went on a trip around Europe and didn't come back until after I was born three years later. She barges into the house and might as well have cuddled me to death if I did not escape her hold screaming and crying for my teddy bear. She keeps harping on my mom to have daughters because she thinks I'm too wimpy and I'm pretty sure it's so she can tell them stories about how she survived on a mountain for a month in the middle of winter."

Severus is staring at me.

"Your grandmother survived on a mountain for a month in the middle of winter?"

"That is beside the point," I say. "Grams is a nut job."

"I don't know, your grandmother sounds cool."

"You won't be saying that when she leaves. At all."

"I dealt with Lily for ten years. I think I can handle one eccentric old lady."

"I've been friends with James and Sirius for five years, Severus. They're pretty eccentric—and I know how eccentric Lily is. She's not that crazy. I actually _complain_ about Grams' eccentricity. That should tell you enough about how insane she is."

"REMUS! YOU AND THAT BOY FRIEND OF YOURS BETTER GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE NOW OR SO HELP ME MERLIN I'LL GIVE YOU GOOD REASONS FOR HIDING!"

I grab his wrist and pull him out the room, plastering on a fake smile. I release him before descending the stairs.

"Hey, Grams," I say as politely as I can muster. The little woman throws grocery bags at me and I catch them. I stumble ever so little, but she takes notice of it.

"Remember to put your back into it, boy."

"Yes, Grams."

She ignores me and approaches Severus. I try not to glare at her and go to the kitchen to help my mother put away the groceries.

"You're Severus?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Far too skinny. Don't worry, laddie. We don't fatten our guests up too much." She cackles. I smirk. That will teach him not to underestimate crazy old bats. "Jamie has the same problem. He doesn't eat nearly enough for a growing boy."

"James is naturally skinny, Grams. He eats as much as a dragon."

"You're too skinny too, Remus," she points out. Mom and Dad are in the back yard talking. What about, I don't know. I wish they'd finish their conversation and save me and Severus from Grams. "I talked to your parents about your anorexia."

"I'm not anorexic, Grams!" I say, trying not to shout at her. Severus is laughing too hard to even stand, let alone make a sound. "Stop laughing!" I shout at him. He's not going to and I only made his fit worse. "I eat a lot, Grams. My condition kind of makes it a little hard to keep food down."

She slaps my head with a wooden ladle. "Think before you speak."

"_He knows_." I growl unintentionally.

"Oh. Then never mind. How about you help your friend into a chair? And don't growl at me, boy. Next time you'll get the spoon to your nose."

I cover my nose on habit. I've had my nose introduced to her fist and other objects. She never breaks it, but I've still had one too many nosebleeds because of her.

I walk around the counter and help Severus up. He's laughing so hard, tears are streaming out of his eyes.

Jerk.

Grams puts a glass of water in front of Severus, who's still convulsing.

I sit down and lean against the table. Annoying grandmothers aside, I'm glad Severus is enjoying himself. When I think Grams isn't looking, I stare at him, loving his smile.

Finally, Severus has calmed down enough to hold the glass.

"So, Grams," I say, looking at her, "how in Merlin's name did your house get infested with puffskiens?"

"Well, it's the oddest thing," she said, lighting a cigarette, "I thought I was feeding two females, the way they went at each other sometimes. Next thing I know, they're breeding as bad as rabbits in a top hat."

Which is a difficult feat. Think about it. You'll see the improbability of it.

"I figured it wasn't so bad having a litter, but as time went on, too many just started popping out."

I'm not surprised. Severus is laughing again.

"Well, they'll all get homes now, I hope. But I'll be expecting both of you to come over and help get rid of the smell."

Severus stops laughing.

Ha!

"Er…the smell?"

"Well you think the ministry officials are going to do it for you? It's not their job. Two strong boys like yourself are fully capable of a little manual labor. Don't scowl, Remus, you're an adult you better act like it." She turns to Severus. "If you're old enough, Severus, then I'll allow you both to use magic."

"I am old enough," he said, "My birthday was in January."

"Then you have less of a reason to scowl, Remus," she says.

"But Grams…" She waves the spoon around threateningly. "Yes, Ma'am." She smirks and lowers the spoon.

Cleaning my grandmother's house is not the way I hoped to spend the early days of my last summer vacation.

"In the meantime," she said. "What are you two going to do?"

Severus and I shrug. We just arrived. We haven't really thought beyond unpacking.

"Well," Grams crossed her arms. "I was thinking you two, being adults, could apparate to Barcelona for a day." She smirks. I exchange a look with Severus. "What? You think the two of you are that subtle?" I blush and sink in my chair. "Don't think you can deceive this old woman. I've been conversing with Minerva over tea, of course. She thought one adult in the family ought to be aware."

Damn teachers. You just can't trust anyone today. Severus furrowed his brow.

"Do you mean Professor McGonagall?"

"We're old school mates," Grams explained to Severus. "So what do you say, lads? A day at the beach to kick off summer?"

I'm not against going to the beach, but I swear I thought Grams would be least accepting. She's giving me that stare again.

"Of course I'm okay with it, Remus."

Shit! "Grams! Stop using legilimency on me!"

"Then learn occlumency." I tried. I suck at occlumency because to learn it, you have be mind raped and it's unpleasant. Not to mention, none of my friends know legilimency, so that was out.

"What's legilimency?" Severus asked, his curiosity peaked.

"The practice of reading minds," Grams answered. "Occlumency is the defense against legilimency. It was taught back in my day at Hogwarts, but they banned the class because students kept abusing it, sending rather naughty images to the younger students for kicks. It was absolute anarchy! But if used correctly, it can help you in a tight spot if need be. I've always thought it was a necessary skill for mothers especially."

"Why mothers?"

"No better way to catch your children in a lie," she said with a smirk.

"Don't listen to her, she's insane," I say. The spoon landed against my cranium with a loud thwack.

"Maybe you should stand down before you get welted," Severus suggested.

"I like him."

I shake my head at my grinning grandmother. "I know you do, Grams."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"She's not as bad as you made her out to be," Severus said, sitting at my desk. I shrug, playing with a loose thread on my overthrow.

"I know but I still kind of hoped she'd leave us alone."

"Why? You want to monopolize my time?"

I look up. Severus is smirking. "Yes."

"Well, way I see it you'll have plenty of time to have me to yourself." He moved from the desk to my bed, sitting across from me. "About three months worth before school starts again."

Well that is perspective.

Three days of perhaps dealing with Grams verses almost three whole months where my parents will be at work all day.

I smile.

"See? It's not that bad."

"Until someone else who doesn't know walks in on us," I say, realizing that my parents are still in the dark. I didn't exactly write, _I have a boyfriend, do you mind if he stays over the summer?_

"Yeah. That does happen to us a lot."

"My parents aren't going to care I'm gay," I say, "It's more the werewolf part of being in a relationship that scares them. They think I'll wolf out one night and attack whoever I'm with. Also if they find out that I've gone alpha…they were furious when I told my friends. I haven't told anyone else save you—scratch that, you're the person I _told_. My friends just figured it out. It's difficult for me to even say 'I'm a w—'"I swallow, blushing. "I wanted to tell you outright for a long time, but I could only drop hints."

Severus stares at me flabbergasted. "You can say you're gay, but you can't say you're a werewolf?"

"It was never okay to even mention it—in the house or anywhere. It was always referred to as my 'condition' like I had leprosy or epilepsy as opposed to lycanthropy."

"You're not sick and lycanthropy isn't a disease."

"It acts like a disease."

"No, it doesn't."

He stood and went to his trunk, pulling out a binder and setting it on the bed.

"The 'condition' of being a werewolf is called lycanthropy because the first werewolf was a wizard and king named Lycaon," he began. "Lycaon was cursed to become a wolf every full moon. According to the muggle legend it was Zeus who cursed him. The person who really cursed him was his wife after he brutally murdered their youngest child in cold blood and served him to their guests at a banquet."

I wrinkle my nose in disgust. "Ugh."

"You'd be amazed what Binns refuses to touch," Severus said. "Anyway, he was cursed at the full moon and every full moon since, he is forced to crave human flesh and turns into a wolf so that he never commits cannibalism again."

He showed me a passage in Greek translated into Old English: _Seo bitan Lycaon mann forðy __awiergan_.* Under that in Severus' handwriting was a translation of the Old English: _Any who receives Lycaon's bite shall be forevermore cursed as he._

"But once in a while, his prey would escape. And they in turn would spread the curse further and further around the world: from Greece to Northern Europe, branching out East and West to as far as Ireland and the eastern coast of China. And then further into Japan and the Americas. There are literally over a million lycanthropes worldwide today, Remus. All of them are persecuted and in hiding for something they have no control over. None of them chose to become what they are. For many of them, it was just very bad luck."

"Not for me. What happened to me was premeditated."

"Which is awful and not unheard of, but still pretty damn rare. Greyback is one of several scorned and angry lycanthropes who turned the persecution around to keep those who aren't lycanthropes in petrified fear never letting us progress out of a cycle of ignorance. There should have developments for a cure ages ago."

He files through several pages. "Silver is rumored to have an effect, but it really doesn't. However, wolfsbane has been known as a deterrent for animals for generations. Wizards used to believe that drinking it would kill the werewolf, but as a result it would kill them. And there have been several tries to make it so that the poison doesn't take effect. But so far, there's been nothing concrete."

"I understand why you would be interested now, but why before?"

Severus shrugged. "I'd do pretty much anything to avoid going home. I convinced a guy to take me on as an apprentice last summer."

"You haven't even graduated yet!"

"I wasn't even seventeen and he agreed to take me on. I had to get a couple letters of recommendation, first, from Dumbledore and Slughorn, but still. I'm actually still his apprentice, kind of."

"But you said earlier something about…leaving your print or something."

"Yes."

"You said you wanted recognition for something outstanding."

"Yeah."

"How does doing someone else's work help you get there?"

Severus shrugged. "I get an acknowledgement for helping, which doesn't go unnoticed."

I stare at him, trying to figure out what his intentions in this apprenticeship really are. Is he trying to get recognition for his own work? Is he aiding this Potions Master instead, content on the sidelines?

I gather his work and put them back in the folder. "I wish that this changed anything. This is amazing work, but…it doesn't change how people perceive me and others like me."

"You're not a monster, Remus." Severus caressed my cheek. "There's no reason for you to be ashamed of what you are. You're a human and a wolf. There's no reason for you to choose between one and the other. I love you for who you are."

"And I love _you_, but…what if some day I don't get to the shack or the barn soon enough? What if I attack you? Look at me, Severus." I spread my arms out, showing all the scars I inflicted on myself over the years from scratching and biting nothing more than myself. Severus lowers his hand, staring at my chest. He looks back at me.

"I am."

I drop my arms. "Moony is wild. Uncontrollable."

"The wolf tends to be. This potion I'm working on with my old master might help that."

"We're feared because we're rabid."

"You're not rabid."

"We kill."

"Not intentionally."

I don't know what else to say. I'm scared of what could happen.

"What if I hurt you?" I ask.

"You won't."

"How do you know?"

Severus shrugged. "Gut intuition." I slump my shoulders, shaking my head. Gut intuition isn't good enough for me. "I have a feeling you won't hurt me. Or at the very least you won't kill me."

"Great," I scoff. "I might turn you instead."

We enter into silence. I hide my face from him, but I feel his eyes staring at me. Severus' arms wrap around me and I'm pulled into his embrace.

My hands latch onto his shirt. They're shaking.

It's funny.

I find him doped up on drugs one time and slipping into a drug induced coma that might have killed him. He's not perfect—he's got his fair share of shit.

So why am I the one always bearing my soul?

He never talks about his own family or his fears, though I know all about his ambitions.

Do I come across as too needy to listen to him?

"Tell me about your family," I say. "Anything."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You don't want to know about my family, Remes. You think you do, but you don't. Is it not enough that you found me half dead? I told you my dad's abusive. My mom's too insecure to leave him, not that he'd let her, and she's a witch! A witch! Scared of a muggle!"

"Witches are still women. It doesn't matter whether their husband's a wizard or not."

Severus did not answer. "I'm glad I'm of age. I'm stuck in that house but at least I'm of age."

"You don't have to go back if you don't want to," I say, pushing myself up to look at him. "Like you said, you're of age. And you have a job. It's more than I can say for myself."

"Had a job," he admitted, a slight tinge coming to his cheeks. "I'm still researching, but I don't actually work for Damocles right now."

"Still, you have some experience." I kiss his lips gently. "It's more than most wizards and witches our age can say. You can get another job. You can get a place of your own in a matter of time. You'll have better luck at surviving out there on your own than I ever will. And if you really don't like it at your home, you're always welcome here."

He kisses me. I'm pushed down onto my back. Severus' lips bruise mine. The space between us is closed and his cold hand slides under my shirt, resting on my chest.

It's hard not to notice his bulge. I seize his shirt and pull it off him. We break apart only long enough to pull his arms out and his hands return to my waist.

The kiss breaks again and he gets off me, curling in the corner of my bed. I sit up.

"Severus?" He's shivering and refuses to look at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he lied, refusing to look at me.

I stand and make him look at me. He's crying. He hastily wipes them away. I kiss him. "I love you, Severus. I'm not scared."

#

_Blood drips from my mouth._

_The field is littered with body parts—gore and blood beneath a pale moon._

_My breath is ragged. My tongue lolls out of my mouth as I try to cool off. _

_I arch my head, staring into the sky and howl. Loud, shrill, haunting—_

I bolt upright in bed, breathing heavily. I'm shivering from cold sweat.

"Remus?" I look at Severus. He props himself up and looks at me through groggy eyes. "You okay?"

I lay back down, my head resting against Severus' breast. He runs his fingers through my hair. "Yeah." I say. It was just a nightmare, signifying nothing.

* * *

*This is not proper Old English. You'll have to pardon it. I tried.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

#Severus#

I keep staring at Remus. I can't help it. Last night roused some sort of hunger inside me. Not physical hunger—not like that.

It's a lust; a desire for more of him mixed with overwhelming love for the man inside the boy. I can't explain it better than that, though I wish I could.

My body is burning. My breathing is shallow. My heart is beating rapidly enough to dance to.

Remus is talking to his parents in the hall.

I watch him, my eyes on his back—more specifically, his broad shoulders. I'm itching to run my fingers down his spine and kiss his neck.

As it happens, we can't go to Barcelona today because Remus' grandmother was called away to a friend's (though it was still expected of me and Remus to stop by her house and clean it in two days). Who that friend is, we weren't told.

He embraces his parents and they leave. Remus closes the door behind them and bolts it.

I jump off the couch and pin him against the wall, ravishing his lips.

I don't once think about why I'm ravenous for him. I only know I am.

"Sev, we got up half an hour ago," Remus said when the kiss is broken for a moment.

"So?" I kiss his neck, nibbling gently.

"So…Dora is coming over."

I look at him.

"Dora?"

"A couple times a month, our neighbors need me to babysit their daughter. And, apparently, they need me today in an hour. And my parents being my parents forgot to tell me until just now."

He closes his eyes as though trying to calm down and sighs.

"Well," I say, "An hour's still a bit long."

He shakes his head. "I wish I could be in the mood right now, but I'm not. That girl's a menace."

"She can't be that bad."

"She's four. She's a metamorphmagus. She's that bad. She is annoying and—ugh."

"She has a crush on you?"

"Last year she kept saying she was going to marry me when she grew up."

I back away, crossing my arms and smirking.

"Don't say a word."

"Wasn't gonna. But I like her tastes."

"Jerk," he goes upstairs.

I slump my shoulders and follow him. "Remus…"

"I'm going to go take a shower before they get here," he said, turning to face me. "You should do the same. But take a cold one."

#

I come down the stairs a few minutes before "Dora the horror" (Remus' nickname for her, not mine) is supposed to arrive. Remus has recreated the living room into a playpen with several dolls and stuffed animals, a table with a toy tea set and small chairs, and other things that should be good enough to distract a little girl.

Someone rang the doorbell repeatedly. I could only guess it was Dora.

Remus gave me a puppy's pleading look for release and went to the door.

"Remus!" I heard a loud shout from the hallway. I peer down the hallway. Remus was talking to a tall, gorgeous woman.

She knelt down. "Dora, give Mummy a kiss."

Dora hugged her mother and planted a kiss on her cheek before returning to Remus, hugging his leg.

The door closed and Remus walked as well as he could with the little girl on his leg. "Dora, this is Severus, a friend of mine."

Dora looks at me and I at her.

Her eyes are a pretty blue and her hair the most startling shade of pink. She blinks at me. She scrunches her nose and it turns into a miniature of mine.

"Dora, that's rude."

"But he has a funny nose," Dora said.

Remus gives me an apologetic look. I shrug. I've been taunted worse than this.

"That's no excuse. Change your nose back and apologize to Severus."

"But it was okay when it was your other friends."

"Dora!"

Dora stuck her tongue at Remus, but scrunched her nose and it returned to its natural button shape. I arch an eyebrow at him. She has a crush on him, huh?

She looked at me. "Sorry," she said, doing her best to look adorable saying it.

"You're forgiven," I say, ruffling her hair. She pushes my hand off glaring at me. I've seen brattier. Dora's quite tame.

She rushes at the toys laid out for her use. She sits down cross legged and starts to set up a few dolls in a circle with two extra spaces. Remus flops onto the couch.

"What are you two doing?" she asked looking at us. "You're invited to the Minister of Magic's tea party."

"I prefer butterbeer," Remus groaned, but he got off the couch and joined Dora on the floor. I sat between a baby doll and a bear.

I don't know about Remus, but I feel ridiculous and out of place.

Dora is a master at roll playing. And her imagination is beyond belief. Though I still don't understand how she came up with it being appropriate for me to be Head of Feline Inspection. (Kitty Inspection, actually, but that's just a technicality.)

I felt a little better about my newfound title when Remus was made Chief of Police for Pond Scum. Because ponds do have scum and that scum needs policing, as Dora nicely put it. Not that I believe she realized she was calling Remus scum.

"Stop laughing," Remus growled.

"No, chief of the pond scum police," I salute mockingly.

He's glaring at me. I think he wants to call me a name or something but is holding back because there's a child present. Amazing how they kill moods and keep adults in check without any need of help save being themselves.

"Are you enjoying your tea, Inspector?" she asked me.

"Er, very much, Minister. Thanks."

Remus smirked at me, pretending to drink from his own fake cup of tea.

Dora was talking to each doll in turn, pretending they could talk—and that Remus and I knew what they were saying.

After a while, the tea party was over and Dora had turned her attentions to the doll house. Remus returned to the couch, massaging his head.

"She isn't as bad as you make her out to be," I say.

"She's behaving because you're here. She's looking for your buttons. Just wait. By the end of the day, you'll agree with me—and my friends—that Dora the Horror is very much real."

"She's a child, Remus." I sit down beside him. "I'm not an expert but I'm pretty sure that children require patience."

"Patience? I've plenty of patience. I'm more patient than most people I know. But," he crossed his arms, glaring at Dora in the corner. She doesn't notice us. "I'm not buying Dora's supposed good behavior right now. She behaved this well when she met my other friends last year. Sirius turned into a dog to entertain her and within an hour, she had doused him in paint. She tripped Peter and he fell down the stairs. She stole James' glasses and broke them."

"What did she do to you?"

"She thought it'd be funny if I went bald, so my hair just fell out."

"She used magic on you?"

"Wouldn't have been the first time," he said. "The time before that, she turned me into a duck. My parents had to take me to Saint Mungo's just to get it reversed."

I grin. "So you were turned into a were-duck."

"I was turned into a duck-wolf. It's not funny! I was quacking at her to turn me back the whole day and she couldn't understand me."

"I thought she had a crush on you."

"She does. She loves messing with me so much she goes home crying, kicking, and screaming."

"Well, that was last year. Maybe she's grown up a little."

He looked at me and his eyebrows shot to his hairline. "You sure about that?"

I look at my hand, which is a lucid moss green.

"Am I…"

"Completely green? Yeah." Dora is laughing, covering her grin with her hands. "Dora, turn him back _now_."

"But he looks so funny."

"Dora!"

Remus' skin was pigmenting itself to a bright red.

"Remes."

"What?" he turns around, glaring at me.

"You're red."

"Yeah? I'm angry—"

"No. I mean you're literally red." Remus' grimace vanishes and he runs to the bathroom.

"NYMPHADORA TONKS!"

Dora shrieks and vanishes.

I stare at the spot where she had once been. Remus bounds out of the bathroom, complete fury on his face. "Where'd she go?"

"Good question," I answer. "I think she apparated."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Remus stared at me. "She can't apparate. She's only four."

"But she can alter our pigmentation?" I ask, standing, "I know what I saw: she definitely apparated, Remus."

Remus grabs our coats from the coat rack and throws mine at me. I catch it. "Game plan: I'll check her parent's place if you go and let the ministry know there's a four year old menace on the loose."

I put my coat on and apparate to the ministry, approaching the old, buzzard like receptionist. "Um, I have to report a missing child."

She looks at me, probably distracted by my coloring.

"My friend and were babysitting and she just apparated out of the house—"

"Sev!" Remus shouted, running at me and seizing my coat, shaking me. "She's not at her house, she's not at the park!"

"She'll turn up."

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one who's going to be in trouble if we don't find her before three o'clock!"

"We'll find her," I say, prying him off. "In the meantime, you need to pull yourself together. Panicking is not going to help."

And he says he wants to teach…

"Remus?" We turn away from the bemused receptionist. Potter and Black are trying not to laugh. Remus rushes at them. "Babysitting Dora the Horror so soon? I do not pity you."

"James! Dora's missing!" Remus shouted, latching onto Potter. Potter's smile vanishes.

"Missing? As in…missing missing or you decided to play hide and seek missing?"

"Missing missing! She apparated out of the house."

"Not before painting you guys in school spirit." Black said. Potter's smirk returned.

"James!"

"Right. Dora. Missing. Bad."

"No! It's more this: Dora. Missing. Me dead. Ted is going to kill me if we don't find her before this afternoon."

Potter sighs. "Come on, I'll take you to Mom."

"Mom?"

"His mom works here," Remus clarifies, embracing Potter and then Black. My mouth drops as he turns sky blue and Black pumpkin orange. "Remus, there's a little problem with what Dora did to our skin."

Remus looks at me, then at James and Sirius. He barks a laugh.

"Am I pink?" Potter asks.

"Yes," Remus said. "You're fuchsia."

I shake my head, mouthing "blue," though Black is affirming Remus' joke.

Potter leads us to an elevator and we filed inside. "You want to tell us how a four year old gave you the slip?" Black asks us.

"You want to tell me how a _three year old_ out-pranked the Hogwarts Marauders," I snap.

Black's cheeks turned a shade darker. "I will let you know when I know," he said with an air of finality.

"I thought so," I say, smirking.

"Well at least I'm not green."

"True, it's not easy being green. But I muddle through." They give me blank stares. Lily would have laughed.

Regardless, we entered another area of the ministry and approached a red haired woman.

"Mom?" Potter said. "We have a situation." Mrs. Potter looked up and dropped the files in her hand.

"What did you boys do?"

"Remus hugged us—that's not the problem. Um, Nymphadora Tonks, Ted's daughter, uh, ran away from her babysitter after turning him," he glances at Remus again. "Red."

Mrs. Potter sighed and waved her wand. The files piled back in the air and returned to her arms.

"Mrs. Potter, we're kind of in a hurry," Remus said meekly.

It was not the thing to say. I've been stared down by some pretty scary women—most of them at school. But I have to say: Mrs. Potter is the scariest yet.

She turned her back to us and we followed, like discolored ducklings chasing after our mother duck. (I don't think Remus should have told me about the duck-wolf incident.)

We were led into the staff room and she laid a map of England over the table.

"Do you have something that belongs to her?"

Remus pulled out a pink hair clip. "She left this over last time I watched her."

He gave it to Mrs. Potter who grabbed what looks to be a crystal on a string. She clipped the hair clip onto the string and leaned against the table, swinging the crystal over it.

"What's she doing?" I ask. I had never seen this kind of magic before.

"Scrying," Potter said. "My mom works in Missing Persons. Scrying's an effective way to find stuff from water leaks to people. It's considered an obscure branch of magic because it doesn't use a wand, but it works really well."

The crystal fell onto the map, as though both became magnetized.

"She's still in Southampton," she assured me. "Are you sure you lost her?"

Remus looked at me.

"I'm telling you, I saw her apparate. She heard you yell, she screamed, and she went poof."

"Poof?"

"Not literally poof."

"Did you check the roof of your house, Remus?" Mrs. Potter asked.

We look at her.

"James apparated when he was five once and nearly gave me a heart attack. I didn't think until later he might have stayed in the house or something. When I got home, he was on the roof."

James and Sirius were trying not to laugh and failing miserably. Remus apparates. He returns with a very frightened and sunshine yellow Dora who refused to release him.

"Are you okay, Dora?" Sirius asks. "You gave Remus a big scare."

"Now all five of you are due at Mungo's," Mrs. Potter snapped. "I suggest you get there before this discoloration becomes an epidemic."

"Okay, Mom," James said and we apparated to the hospital.

We were rushed to the fourth floor. Technically, this is spell damage but as no spell was actually spoken and was the cause of a four year old metamorphmagus, the healers were a bit perplexed as to what should be done. Dora was taken to the children's ward there and her parents were notified.

The four of us were left to share a room.

"I wonder what would happen if we hugged each other," Sirius said, stretching. "Would we become tie-dye?"

"I don't want to know," Remus said.

"Well, your summer's off to an interesting start anyway," Sirius said with a yawn. Remus and I exchange glances. He has no idea how interesting. And it should stay that way.

The door opened and a witch stepped in. "Whoa," she said. She looks at a sheet. "A four year old did this to you boys?"

"Don't judge us," Potter said, slouching.

"Well, I'm your healer today. My name is Amelia Wheatgrass. I'd shake your hands but…"

"We get it," Remus said. "Thanks."

She sat down and reviewed the sheet again. "So it spreads through contact?"

"It did to those two," I say, pointing at Potter and Black. "Not to the two of us."

"She just thought it would be funny and you two were suddenly Christmas decorations?"

Remus nodded.

Healer Wheatgrass closed her folder. "We're going to have to run some tests. Patient Zero, hold your arm out."

Remus and I stuck our arms out.

"You're _both _Patient Zero?" We nod. "I only need one of you for a blood sample. Who wants a needle in their arm?"

Remus glares at me, though I'm snickering.

What? You can't not love the irony of what she said.

He holds his hand out, challenging me to rock-paper-scissors. I beat him with rock. "C'mon, Remes. Everyone knows you have an irrational fear of needles. Also, she won't have to risk having her pigmentation altered either."

"I do not have a fear of needles!"

"Needle."

He glares at me. "I'm not going to enter into a purile argument with you."

I sigh. "Fine."

"I'm not actually allowed to let you do the procedure yourself."

"Tough," I say, "give me the needle. You don't need to join our side of the fence."

"I really shouldn't—"

I take the needle from her hand, careful not to touch her skin, and roll my arm up, relaxing my muscles before plunging it into my arm and slowly drawing blood from my arm into the syringe. I return it to her and I put a cotton swab over the puncture wound.

Wheatgrass shakes her head, but takes the blood sample to the lab.

I lean back in my chair.

"You could have let the woman do her job," Remus said.

"And then she probably would have joined us in one of the other beds looking like an eggplant," I tell him.

I look at Remus. He's hidden his face.

"Remes, what's wrong?"

"Great—"

"Shut it, Padfoot," Potter snapped.

"Hey," I get out of my bed and sit on the edge of Remus'. "I've been clean for a while now. But that doesn't mean the experience I gained from that goes away. Look at me."

Remus does so.

"You don't have to worry about me. You keep me strong and sane."

"I think this moment would be a bit more chick-ficky if you weren't green and red," Black said.

"I have to concur, Mr. Black," Potter added. I stood and grabbed my wand.

"_Avis_." I say, sending several birds to peck them.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

#Remus#

After relieving the day's events to Dora's parents and mine, we were left alone to get whatever rest we needed.

I wish we could play Gobstones to pass the time.

Wheatgrass returned every so often to tell us how things were progressing with finding a cure for our predicament.

James and Sirius kept joking about our new coloring.

Severus flipped through a few books that found their way into his hands.

Myself, I was kind of wishing time could reverse back to last night. In my room. After we talked.

How I want to go back to that moment!

But you can't reverse time without dire consequences.

So I content myself pretending to sleep, staring at Severus, concentrating on the steady rising of his chest with each breath and the way his hair is tucked behind his ears so to stay out of his face.

#

_The red grass is wet and stains my paws. I walk around careless of the carcasses in my way. The white moon stares down at me large and luminous, shining against my silver fur._

"_Remus!"_

_I stop and turn around. There's a living human._

"_Remus! Remus, where are you?"_

_I crouch low, ears splayed back against my head. I tell myself to go for the jugular. To wait for the right moment to strike._

"_Remus!" He's close enough. I jump and pin him against the ground and latch onto his throat._

_I look up once and back away, horrified at what I've done, but it's too late—_

#

"Remus! Remus, wake up!"

I scream, bolting upright.

Severus seizes my shoulders. "You're okay." I'm breathing heavily. "It was just a dream." I'm cold and shaking.

"Have you been having nightmares again, Moony?" Sirius asks. I look at him and James and nod my head. Severus looks at them.

"Again?"

"Let me guess: not much different from how they were when you started at school?" James inquired. I nod, still shaking.

"I thought your nightmares stopped."

"They did, but the fear that started them never left," I said, lying back onto the bed. "I'm still afraid of killing someone one day, or turning someone."

_I'm afraid of killing you, or worse—turning you_.

Severus kissed my forehead. "You're not going to."

"It can still happen."

"Not to you."

"On a less mushy note, our pigmentation's back to normal," Sirius said. I want to zap him. But he is right and it didn't escape my notice that Severus is pale again.

"It's funny how we overreacted to something Dora the Horror caused," James said with a wide grin.

"Yeah, well, I'm tempted to turn myself orange again just to get Wheatgrass in here."

"You would," James snapped at Sirius.

"Yeah, I would."

Severus shook his head at them. "Are they usually this immature?"

I nod my head. "It's what gives them their charm."

"You call that charm?"

"No. They do." I throw the covers off and stand, grabbing my clothes. While James and Sirius were debating turning themselves different colors again and had not once stepped out of their beds (lazy jerks), Severus had taken the opportunity to dress.

We leave my friends to themselves and head downstairs to check ourselves out. (What point was there in staying if there was nothing that needed to be fixed?)

"You can't say I didn't warn you."

Severus looks at me.

"About Dora. I did warn you."

"Again, she's just a kid, she's not as bad as you make her out to be."

"Well, no she's not, but still—"

"A four year old, Remus. Just saying," Severus leans against the wall.

"A very annoying four year old," I correct.

Severus shrugs. "It's awesome you have a little sister."

"She's not my sister."

"She might as well be. Little kids are meant to be annoying. That's why their called annoying."

I stare at him. Then shake my head. "I still don't believe you don't want to teach."

"I don't. You have the patience for it. I can handle babysitting once or twice, but five days a week, six hours a day? No thanks. It'd probably turn me into something worse than…I don't know. I'd be a bad teacher. Like maybe a mean, scary, crazy science teacher."

I blink. "What's a science teacher?"

"The muggle equivalent to the potions master," he clarifies.

"Oh."

He looks down the street. I follow his gaze, expecting that James and Sirius perhaps checked themselves out. No such luck.

Rather, it's a man. He towers over us. His hands are stuffed in his pockets and his graying hair is tied at the back of his head. He smirks at us.

"Remus," he said, "It's been long."

My blood turns cold. Every intuition in my head tells me to run. Every muscle in my body aches to obey. Severus steps between us.

"Who are you?"

"Severus let's go," I say, taking his shoulder. I look at the man. "I've nothing to say to you. And I haven't changed my mind since last year."

We turned to leave. The man apparated in front of us. "You're not thinking clearly, Remus."

"I am thinking clearly. Always have," I growl. "I've made my decision a long time ago. I chose to be human. I don't intend to change my mind."

"You won't be accepted by the humans."

"I already have been, Fenrir."

Severus double takes between me and Fenrir.

Fenrir steps closer toward us. He stops, frowning, and sniffs. "The two of you..." he arches an eyebrow, smirking. "This human's your mate and you haven't turned him yet?"

I want to rip his throat out for calling Severus something as derogative as my "mate" as though we really are nothing but wolves.

"Calm down," Severus says, seizing my shoulder tightly. I look at my changing hands. I reign in my anger.

Fenrir smirks wider. "You've become an alpha," he noted, changing the subject. "I always did have high hopes for you, Remus. You've always been my favorite. You're clever, you're strong. You're talents are being wasted at that school. You're of age. You don't have to go back."

"I gave you my answer," I shout, pinning Fenrir against the wall. "I want nothing to do with you or others like you."

"Remus!" Severus pried me off him. "We'll go. C'mon. Let's go."

"Go ahead and run with your tail between your legs if it makes you feel better, Remus."

"Ignore him," Severus said, pulling me along in a side apparation. We arrive back in my room and I collapse on my bed. "Greyback has been contacting you?!" he shouts.

"Only once last summer and I told him the same thing I did just now. I didn't think he'd come back."

"Of course he was going to come back! He has a pack, Remus. There's a whole gang of others like him. When he turns someone, he lets them feed on whatever bitterness they have against humans so that they are more likely to join his cause. Why do you think he's so notorious?"

"Well it doesn't matter. I don't want to join his pack and I have no reason to," I don't mean to come off sounding so nonchalant. I'm terrified of Fenrir, but I'm not a coward. If I have no choice, I'll face him, but I won't run.

Severus slams his fist into the wall. "It matters!" he shouts. "Do you not know or understand how much danger you're putting the people you care about just by _talking_ to him? Anyone can be his target now."

I stand. "I'll protect you and my friends and family."

"That's not what I mean," he said, blushing. "He's going to try and break _you_."

"Like I said, I'll protect everything dear to me." I take his hands in mine, my thumbs massaging his knuckles. "There's only one way he can break me and I won't let him win."

"Remes…"

"I'll never let him win," I say, hoping to assure him. "I don't want to face my demons and my curses alone, Severus. I tried that before and it didn't work. I need you as much as I need Sirius, James, and Peter. All of you keep me sane. But I need _you_ to keep me human."

#Severus#

Keep him human? He almost alpha'd just a few minutes ago in the middle of London!

I pull my hands out of his grasp and push him back a little bit.

"Sev?"

I'd give anything not to say what I have to.

"No I don't," I begin. The effect is instantaneous. But I'm not yet finished. "I don't keep you human. If you need someone to keep you human, then it's not me, Remus. How many times have you alpha'd before we were together? How many times after we hooked up? Greyback saw your loss of control as a sort of improvement. That's not good. How is that keeping you human?"

It hurt. It was more painful than I thought it'd be.

I'm not scared of Greyback. I'm not terrified of him. But I am terrified for Remus. He can't control the wolf and neither can I.

I never wanted to see that look that now crossed his face. His eyes are staring at me with agony as he tries to grasp that I really am saying what I am saying.

"I love you," I add. "I love you so much, but…I can't help you control the wolf. If anything, the wolf is less controllable when I'm around."

Remus latches onto me, ravishing my lips in an attempt to block out what I have to say. He just makes it harder and he knows he's making it harder. I want to hold him and comfort him. Instead, I push him back and take my wand out, packing my things with a quick flick of my wrist.

"I should get home," I say, though I have no intention of going home. I can't look at him. "Tell your parents I said thanks for their hospitality." I apparate to the Leaky Cauldron and book a room.

In that room, I collapse on the bed and bury my face in the pillow.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I know this seems to be the end, but it's not. Just thought you'd like to know.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

~Start of Term, September First~

I thought I'd see Remus sitting and laughing with his friends, but he's nowhere to be seen.

Black comes over and approaches me. "Hey, Snape."

"Black," I greet, looking at him.

"Where's Remus?"

I furrow my brow. Did he not know? "What do you mean? Wasn't he on the train?"

Black pulls me to my feet and we exit the hall. "I thought he was with you all summer. He didn't write or anything, so I assumed he was too busy. What happened?"

"I thought he would have told you," I said. "We broke up. Months ago."

"What? Why?"

I told him about the encounter with Fenrir after we left the hospital. From the punch he threw, I gathered he pieced together what happened after.

"You idiot!" he shouted, slamming his fist into my cheek again. "You bloody fucking idiot! He's with Greyback's pack! He joined the damn pack! Did you think that wouldn't happen if you—you coward!"

Potter and Pettigrew find us and pull Black off me.

"You stupid coward! You let Greyback intimidate you? You played right into his hands! You might as well have handed Remus to him!"

"Greyback does not scare me!" I shouted. "That's not why I left him. He—I can't keep him human!"

"Can't keep him human?" Black struggles against his friends. "You made him feel more human than he ever felt in his life! Even we couldn't do that and we tried like hell for six years!"

"I thought I was helping him!"

"Bang up job, that!"

"Sirius, that's enough," Potter shouted, pulling Black as far as he could away from me. Pettigrew stood between us in case I decided to advance or if Black broke free.

"I loved him!" I shout. "I still love him—"

"Good! You won't mind if I flatten that nose of yours, then!" Black shouted, breaking out of Potter's grasp. Pettigrew pushed him away.

"Calm down, Sirius," he implored. Black was beyond reason.

"Get out of my way, Peter!"

I pulled out my wand and pointed it at Black. He in turn shoved Pettigrew aside and unsheathed his own wand.

"_Expelliarmus_!"

Our wands flew out of our hands and slid across the halls. Potter aimed his own wand at us. "Look, regardless of what happened last summer, we need to stick together. And we need to find Remus."

"What about me?"

We faced the owner of the voice, who stared at us through cold amber eyes.

"Moony?"

Remus smirked wolfishly at us. He may have been trying to hide it, but we all knew him too well.

This isn't the Remus Lupin we know.

"Hey guys," he greeted, ascending the steps, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Where were you?"

"I got here early, went to Hogsmeade and walked to school from the Broomsticks. What? You thought students have to take the train _every _year?"

He strode past his friends and stopped, looking right at me. His eyes flashed a moment, but he passed by me without a word more.

We return into the Great Hall and to our seats in time for the sorting.

#Remus#

Seeing them again made me wonder if returning to school was a mistake.

My eyes stray to the Slytherin Table. Severus is staring at me, imploring me in his own way what happened after he left.

_Fenrir stares at me, waiting for an answer. "This is your last chance, Remus. You were pretty determined the last time we met you wouldn't join us."_

"_I've made my decision. And I will rip Rousseau's throat out."_

_Fenrir stands and bounds at me, pinning me to the ground. "You know once you're part of the pack, there's no backing out. You're life is in my hands now, Remus."_

"_I understand," I whimper. _

_Fenrir releases me and I stand up again and yawn. "We leave now."_

_I rise to all fours. Fenrir runs at the barn door and rams it. I follow him into the forest._

"So, what happened over the summer?" James asked. "You broke up with Severus, why didn't you come talk to us?"

I shrug. "I needed time alone."

"You joined the pack, right?" Sirius asked.

I shook my head, deciding to fuel the lie. "No, I didn't join the pack. Yeah, I was upset. I needed time alone. As for not contacting you guys," I run my fingers through my hair. I hadn't cut it in a while. "I had gone on a walk about."

"The whole summer?"

"Yep. Just me and Mother Nature. No magic, no access to people. Just the clothes on my back. It was…surreal. Eye opening. I felt much better after it. I should have told you I broke up with Snape earlier."

They stare at me. Must be because I called Severus "Snape."

James seems the least convinced. And yet, he doesn't press me further. The sorting ends and Dumbledore discuses the beginning of year bla-di-bla.

_Shut up, Old Man, I want to eat_, I think. _Before I take a firstie instead._

I eye some of the first year students, looking for one that looked particularly good. That blonde girl at the end of the table looks tasty.

The table is laden with food and I seize a chicken wing, tearing it violently with my teeth.

"Moony…"

"What?" I ask, stripping the meat off the bone with my teeth

"You sure that walk about did you good? You don't seem calmer at all," Peter said.

"You're acting like Moony," James said, redirecting my growing fury away from Peter to him. "In fact, it's like you've completely given yourself over to Moony."

"Well, how else was I supposed to survive weeks on my own for several weeks?" I say.

"The point of a walk about is self discovery," James snapped. "I may not have been on one, but I know what they are. You're not acting like you were ever on one. You're acting like…" he silences.

"Go ahead." I dare, glowering at him. "Say it."

"You're acting like a werewolf."

I laugh. "That's funny. Really ironic. I _am _a werewolf."

"Yeah, but Remus, you've never—"

"Never what? Exorcized my potential?"

"I was going to say gave into the wolf," James said. "We understand you're heartbroken. It couldn't have been easy. You were mad for Snape. It's natural to be angry and hurt—"

"I'm over it," I assure them. I am. I've more important things to think about anyway. "You guys don't need to come with me once a month anymore. I have more control than I ever had before. I'll be going into the forest."

"No you won't," James growled. "You'll be going to the shack with the rest of us."

I narrow my eyes at him and gnash my teeth.

"It's not negotiable, Moony," Sirius reminded me. "You have to go to the shack. It was one of the things Dumbledore required you to do if you expected to attend. If you don't, he has grounds to expel you. And if you were to attack someone, you'll be expelled and sent to Azkaban. It's not worth it."

I back off, crossing my arms. "Fine. I'll go to the fucking shack."

My friends don't look satisfied with my agreement, no matter how reluctant I made it. I look at Severus again.

He's talking to Malfoy.

I suppress the urge to rip Malfoy's head off his neck.

#

_I grab his jacket, kissing him madly. I don't want to hear what he's saying. I can't fathom why it'd make any difference if Fenrir wanted me to join his pack. I won't do it. _

_Severus pushes me away. He's trying to hide his emotions, but I can read them far too easily. He hates what he's doing. He hates what he's saying, so why say it? _

I'll forgive you_, I think, _just don't leave. Please.

_He averts his gaze and takes out his wand. With a jerk of his wrist, his things return to his trunk. _

"_I should get home," his voice is thick and it takes effort to speak. "Tell your parents I said thanks for their hospitality." _

_With one hand on his trunk, he apparates. _

_I can barely move, shaking. I sit on my bed and pull my legs up, hiding my face between my knees._

_I'm cold. I try to grab my blanket, but I can barely move save to shiver. A cry wells up and escapes my throat. I don't think I've ever heard such a cry come out of me before. _

_I lay on my bed, which managed to keep some of Severus' scent._

#

I relax, releasing my breath slowly. But though I do my best not to show it, I yearn for him.

I still love him. I have forgiven him, somewhat.

But humans are unreliable.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

#Severus#

Like clockwork, I go to my usual spot in the library. It seems odd without Remus sitting across from me, though I've sat here longer without him.

Other than the dire need for an attitude adjustment, Remus is still himself. In a way. He's still one of the top in class, but he's gained a pertinence that the teachers do not appreciate. Three times in a class I've shared with him, he's been rebuked, lost points, and—only once—sent to the headmaster's office.

He's been in a fight or two to boot.

I can't help but feel responsible.

Regardless, the end of the month is near and there's a full moon coming in three days—which actually hasn't helped his attitude. If anything it's made it worse.

I spread my homework out on the table and open my inkwell ready to begin an essay for McGonagall.

I feel arms slide around me. Someone's teeth nip my ear lightly and the hands slide seductively down my chest and abdomen. I can't help but jump up, startled.

"Remus?"

"Hello, Sev."

"What are you doing here?"

"To see you of course," he grins wolfishly, staring at me. There are a couple scars over his nose now which I had not noticed before. They weren't too bad and healing nicely, hinting they were acquired over the summer.

I don't sit back down. Not with Remus there, so close and refusing to be himself.

"Okay," I say slowly. "But must you have acted so," I pause, looking for the most delicate way to put it. "Familiar?"

Remus steps toward me. I back away on instinct. He stops and licks his lips.

Damn wolf. What is he up to?

Just in case he tries anything, I reach for my wand. He refused to blink for the longest time, his eyes mapping me out, as though trying to remember every detail of my body.

"I missed you."

"As did I," I said, "but Remus—"

"C'mon, Sev. It was a long time ago. I've forgiven you." For a moment, I think I can see him—my Remus. "We can forget anything happened. Did Fenrir find us outside St. Mungo's? I don't recall. It can be as though it never happened."

"No. I'm sorry. I made my decision. I stick to my convictions."

It's so swift I don't have time to pull my wand out of my pocket. Remus has me pinned the bookshelf. How is someone so small so strong?

"Remus," I growl. "Let me go."

"You're in no position to make demands," he whispers, gently biting my neck. Our bodies rub together uncomfortably.

On the one, I want to give in to him. I missed our closeness. I missed his scent. I definitely missed our talks.

But _this _is wrong.

I manage to push him off and grab my wand, pointing it at his chest. Remus stumbles into the table. He steadies himself against it, his eyes fixed on mine.

"I don't know what it is you're doing or think you're doing," I say, "but it has to stop. You're being selfish and a fool, Remus. You want someone to keep you human? Aim to keep yourself human. Don't thrust that responsibility on me."

In the midst of my rant, he's casted a spell around us. He sets his wand down on the table as I finish.

"I'm not human!" he shouts. No one is startled by what he yelled, as though he never even shouted in the first place. "I tried to be. But that's what I'm anything but! Look at me!" He seized my wrists. "Look at me!"

I do.

"How can I be human? How could I even _wish _to be human? I don't remember what my life was like before I was bitten, Severus."

"Did you join the pack?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Remus stared at me, mouth parted slightly.

"Why?" he repeated, as though my question was ridiculous. "Because I was angry. I still am. I don't understand why I even decided to come back to school. Humans have only ever let me down. My friends have let me down. You've let me down—and you are the one I so desperately wanted to rely on. You knew you could rely on me. If ever you needed me I would be there."

"It's not healthy to be that dependant on someone, Remus, or to even think that way."

"Look at me."

"I am looking at you."

"But you do not see me," he said. "Just this…outer shell, this useless cage called human form. Outside, I've always looked fine. I've always seemed to have it together, but I'm screaming. Always screaming, never resting—never having a moment of real peace, save for when you were mine. Now it's louder than ever. It's rattling, it's shaking—it wants out. It takes all my self control just to keep Moony from lashing out."

He releases me, his head bowed. He falls to his knees, covering his face with his hand.

"It's been a nightmare the last four months. The things I've done. The things I've thought about doing! I think about murdering and I've murdered. Severus, I've killed without thought. I never thought about it. I never felt regret until the deed was done. And all in the name of the pack."

"Then why don't you just leave?"

I don't realize how stupid a question that is until it's out of my mouth.

"You think I could just _leave_?" Remus scoffs. "They won't let me leave. Not that easily. God no! They'll kill me before they let me leave."

I pull him to his feet. Despite myself, I kiss his hand.

"Now look at me, Remus," I say gently.

He lowers his hand and lifts his eyes to meet mine. His eyes are bloodshot. From crying or lack of sleep, I cannot tell.

"I left you because I thought I had let you down. I thought I was bringing the wolf out. You went alpha in front of me that day and I was terrified. You said I kept you human, but I didn't see how I was doing it. I thought I was making everything worse."

I should let his hand go. But I can't bring myself to release it. It's shaking to violently.

"I swear, Remus, if I knew this was the outcome, I never would have left. I never _should_ have left. You have always been human, Remes. More than some people I know. You were never a monster. I only saw the wolf once, Remus, but it was still you. Always you. If you need to scream, then scream. But don't change. God, please don't change. Don't ever stop being who I fell in love with in the first place. I still love you."

Remus bowed his head again and pressed it against my chest. His hand shifts in mine, lacing his fingers between my fingers. The other hand grips my shirt tightly.

"Don't leave me again," he pleads.

I sigh. I thought Gryffindors were much more secure in themselves than this.

I wish I could tell him I won't leave him. I wish to God I had not screwed everything up.

But I can't lie to Remus.

I hate being an adult. I hate even more that I have to be.

"I can't make that promise," I tell him. "But I'll be there for you."

"But you love me?"

"Yes. I love you." _And I want you_. Some things are better left unsaid. After several minutes, I gently push him off. "I know you have as much homework as I do," I say, returning to my seat.

Remus chuckles. "Ever the scholar."

"Yes. As were you until recently."

"So I've been acting a little off. I haven't fallen behind on my classes."

"Then you know this essay is due next week," I say, trying to concentrate.

"I do. There's plenty of time."

"There's also an essay on the draught of living death due in Potions. And another stupid essay on Goblin Wars and a test in Charms and Arithmancy—"

"I _know_," Remus says. "All this school work…kind of makes you wish you never came back."

I can't help smiling a little. "It does, admittably. But we did come back. I don't know about you, but I intend to muddle through till graduation."

Remus slides into the seat beside me, his hand on my leg and kissing my neck.

Why does he have to delight in distracting me? Especially when the full moon is so close? Why does the full moon have to come at very inconvenient times?

"Remus, I'm serious."

"No you're not. Sirius is at Gryffindor Tower with James and Peter."

For the love of Merlin, I hate that pun!

"I would really like to get as much of my homework done as possible before dinner," I manage to wrangle out of my throat. _Damn you, Remus!_

"We have time tomorrow."

"And you won't want do homework tomorrow either."

"Probably," he whispered in my ear. "C'mon it's been months."

"We're not going to forget those four months ever happened, Remus."

He stopped kissing me, but I could still feel his breath against my skin. "Well, I don't want to remember them," he said.

"No one made you join the pack," I said, looking at him. Anything to get his mind off sex—I hope this would do it. It was the first thing I could think of. "You're summer could have gone any different way after I left."

"You might have stayed."

"I should have stayed. I admit that. But you still joined the pack and you swore nothing would make you change your mind. So what happened?"

Remus kissed me again. I push him off.

"Stop trying to hide from things you don't want to deal with. Isn't that how you started cutting yourself in the first place? From trying to hide from the reality that you were being judged for what you are?"

"Isn't that why you were addicted to heroin?"

That again! Will I never hear the end of it?

"I owned up to my responsibility, Remus," I shout, thankful for the silencing bubble around us. Remus is startled by my outburst. "I came to terms with what I was going through with your help! When I left, you couldn't even acknowledge what you are. Now what? You can say it? You can say you're a werewolf with pride? Why did you join Greyback's pack?"

Remus stands and walks away. I don't stop him. I'm far from finished, but I don't stop him. I return to my homework and do my best to concentrate on what is in front of me.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

#Remus#

_My hands explore his body._

_Our scents mingle, staining the room. _

_I'm intoxicated. _

_I kiss his chest. His clavicle. His neck. _

_I will get something out of him if it takes all night. A moan. Perhaps, my name._

_My fingers trail up from his abdomen to his chest as I capture his lips again…_

I wake, despite my desire to stay in the dream, staring at the canopy. My friends are still asleep. I sigh and get up; cleaning the mess my dream had left with a quick spell.

Thank Merlin for magic.

I'm still heated when I step into the shower, so I turn the knob onto cold. The full moon's tomorrow. And with it, my frustration just rises—more so now that I'm near Severus again.

I step out, as calm as I was a week ago and dress for school. I don't bother looking to see if my friends have woken. Instead, I go downstairs and out the door, walking to the Great Hall, but no one is up yet.

I wander the halls, thinking perhaps of going to the kitchens. I stop at a door and stare at it. I don't recall ever seeing that door before. I perhaps should have been more cautious, but I open the door anyway. It's a dining room of sorts. There's food laden on a table.

I sit down and, throwing more caution to the wind, eat the food provided, looking around the room. It's windowless and small enough for one person.

Of all the times my friends and I have wandered these halls, how is it we never found this room?

_What is this room?_

I finish my food and head to the door. I look behind me one last time at the small furnishings and leave.

"You seem stressed."

I stop and look at the young man leaning against the wall. His brown curly hair falls past his shoulders. He stares at me with cold blue eyes and a knowing smirk. "Rousseau," I greet.

"Am I right?"

I don't answer. He sniffs the air. "Must be hard being near him and yet so far."

I cross my arms. "Yes, it is hard."

"He'd be an easy recruit," Rousseau suggests. "But if you still insist on leaving him alone…"

"I have an idea who to turn," I inform him. "And it's not him. However, there is the matter of my friends."

Rousseau cocks his head to the side.

"They won't let me go anywhere but the shack. And they've taken notice of my attitude adjustment. They're not going to leave me alone long enough for me to even approach my target—especially not James."

"Don't fret. You have a year to turn him. And no one's going to say no to a couple extras in the pack."

I nod my head, understanding his meaning.

"Someone will meet you at the shack, then. Can you get away from your friends long enough to report?"

"I should be able to," I say.

"Good."

Rousseau kisses me before he approaches the rail and jumps onto the beam. "One new wolf before the school year ends, Remus."

"_I know_." I hiss.

Rousseau grins. "I just don't want you getting distracted." He jumps down, vanishing into the dark catacombs under the school.

I sigh heavily, breathing in deeply and letting out slowly.

"_Let me go back to school!" I beg Fenrir. "I'll turn a student there instead. Please, Fenrir, he's just a baby. He's an infant!"_

"_Don't let such weaknesses control you."_

"_Mercy is not a weakness," I say, shielding the two year old I had been told to turn for the pack. I was able to get as far as taking him, but I can't bring myself to bite him. "I understand you're mad at his parents, but Fenrir, he's a child. He's younger than I was when you turned me."_

"_Look at your brothers. You were turned later than them. Many here," Fenrir wrapped his arms around Rousseau and Marcus, "were that age when I brought them into the pack. None of them here are alphas yet. You're my protégé, Remus. My child prodigy. Turn the brat."_

"_For pity's sake, let the boy go."_

"_Turn him," Fenrir barked. _

_I shake my head. "I am not you. I may be your 'protégé,' but I'm not you. Anyone else, I'll turn them." Fenrir pushed me aside and seized the screaming child. "A first year!" I shout. Fenrir looks at me, his expression unreadable. "I'll turn a first year at Hogwarts."_

_Fenrir sets the boy down, grinning. "You know what you're saying, right, Remus?"_

_I'm shivering, cold and scared. I nod my head. _

"_That's a lot of people to betray. You're friends. You're mate."_

"_He's not my mate."_

"_Right, that little technicality that he broke up with you," he said. The pack laughed and whistled mockingly. "I don't give two shits what happened between you and you're human plaything. You mated with him once, he's your mate." My fists tighten and I reign in my anger. "Don't hold back if you're angry, Remus. Let yourself get mad. I'll let you go back to school. You have the whole school year to pick and turn a first year. You have until the full moon in May."_

"_And the boy?"_

_Fenrir looked at the crying child. "Marcus, take the kid home."_

_Marcus picked up the child and returned to the house in the forest._

_We waited until Marcus returned in silence. Marcus joined the pack again and Fenrir seized my shoulder. "Choose a strong boy, Remus. I'd like to meet my grandson when the moon is full."_

"_I understand."_

"_Get back home, Remus, and get ready to go to school."_

I can't exactly tell the pack that I haven't picked anyone or that I have no intention of turning anyone.

I walk back to Gryffindor.

I'll never pass on the curse.

#

I join my friends for breakfast solely to keep them company. And to, perhaps, stare at Severus.

All right! I admit it. I'm obsessed. I know it's not healthy. However it's a bit more complicated than mere obsession.

Telling him what happened over the summer is not going to happen at all if I can help it. Nor does it help my situation.

I still have to put on airs of surrounding an imaginary first year, winning his trust and becoming his friend long enough to strike.

Yeah.

"_Hey guys. I lied. I joined the pack. And because I'm apparently an alpha wolf now like Fenrir, I'm expected to turn people into werewolves now and I told them I'd turn a first year. But I'm not really going to turn a little kid. What do I do?"_

Ha, that'd go over well.

Lily is having a conversation with her friends. James is being all goo-goo eyed at her. (I probably look the same as he does when I stare at Severus. I doubt I look that stupid, though.)

Sirius' brother sits next to Severus talking to him. Severus shrugs and a conversation picks up.

I know they get along and that Regulus looks up to Severus.

It's never bothered me before, but I feel Moony trying to get out. I channel it instead by strangling a fork in a death hold.

"Moony?"

I release the hapless fork.

"I'm fine," I say.

Severus glances our way and his eyes meet mine.

My brain flashes back to my dream and I avert my gaze to the bacon. I know he wants to concentrate on school, but I can't for my life concentrate at all until I have him laid down on my bed again.

I rest my head against the table, ashamed of my growing insatiable lust.

It's always been bad even when I didn't know I was gay since I learned what sex was. When I was younger, it could be passed off and forgiven as curiosity.

Didn't stop me from being a notorious panty thief my first three years at school. Which is a story for another time that ended quite violently.

But that's beside the point. I knew better than to objectify people. Especially the people I care for.

But for some reason, whenever Moony felt particularly frustrated, whoever I liked was at risk—as well as the people they might be associating with.

Currently, it's taking all my control not to wolf out and rip Regulus' throat out.

"Remus, class is about to start," Peter reminded me. I stand and grab my bag, following them out of the Great Hall. Severus is just a few feet away, walking beside Malfoy.

And though I know they're just walking to their classes, my jealousy flares again. I yearn to break away from my friends and reestablish my claim on Severus—

I shake my head, trying to cool off.

_He's not a thing. He's not a thing. He's not a thing_.

I just want the full moon done and over with so that life can go back to normal.

* * *

**Author's Note**: The food in the Room of Requirement is from the kitchens.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

#Severus#

If Remus thought I couldn't tell he was staring at me, he was sadly mistaken. It's not easy to forget what it feels like to be stared at—especially when you're being stared at by a horny lycanthrope so close to the full moon.

In every class we had together, I could fell his eyes burning holes in my back.

I wish he'd stop, but I suppose I could grin and bear it instead. Or I could turn it on him. I smirk at the possibilities, though each in its own way had a backfire.

After lunch, I return to the library and begin my homework. I loosen my tie and unbutton my shirt slightly, just enough to show off my throat and a little bit of chest.

Before long, he comes.

"Severus, I—" he stops, staring at my state of undress. I fight down the smirk and continue to write the essay in front of me. "What are you doing?"

I look up. "Obviously the same essay I told you we had due on Monday."

"Not that," he said. "Why is your shirt…"

I shrug. "It's a bit warm in here today, is all."

"No it's not."

It's not. I stop writing and look at him. "You sure?"

"I'm pretty it's not sweltering in the library."

"Feels like it is."

"It's not," he growled. Is he annoyed? "Could you_ please_ just button your shirt?"

I try not to grin.

It's taking a lot of self control on his part, I can tell, not to take the bait.

"No," I say, leaning on the table, my head propped up by my hand while I write with the other. I stop writing and bite on the end of my sugar quill lightly. I glance at Remus to see how he's holding up.

He's flushed, leaning on the chair, perhaps for support.

"Aren't you going to sit down?" I ask casually. Remus swallows, but moves into the seat. _Good boy_, I think, my quill scratching the parchment for a minute more.

"There's something you wanted to talk about?" I ask.

Remus can't take it anymore, but he's trying. "I…_was _going to…" I arch an eyebrow. Remus smiles. "You set this up."

"Set what up?"

"The shirt, the quill—you're teasing me."

"Bravo," I said, finally allowing myself the luxury of smirking. "Five points to Gryffindor."

"Is this because of yesterday? I'm sorry. The closer to the full moon it gets—"

"The hornier you are. I noticed. That's no excuse to harass me. Or stare at me all day." Remus drums his nails against the table, staring at me still. "Like right now."

"Then button your shirt."

"No."

"Then I'm going to stare," he said.

"You can't be that sexually frustrated," I retort.

Remus averts his gaze.

I arch an eyebrow. "Really?"

"There's a reason a lot of werewolves are also sex offenders, Severus." He snapped. "A really good reason actually, despite what people think—not that I'm condoning their actions. And don't tell me I shouldn't teach! I have it under control. Usually…But better you than someone else, right?" He grins apologetically. I'm not smiling. "Will you just button your goddamn shirt already?!"

I unbutton it a little more, smirking.

"Severus,_ please_," Remus begged. "Just button your shirt."

"Why?" I ask, smirking wider. "You don't feel comfortable feeling me up unless I'm completely clothed."

"No, that's not why."

I shake my head. "Just say you want me."

"I am not ashamed of saying I want you. I _do_ want you. Especially right now. But I _don't_ want anyone else wanting you either, so please, button your fucking shirt before I lose control and do something I regret."

"What do you think you'll do?"

Remus grins apologetically again. "I'd rather not go into detail." I sit back in the seat and fix my shirt. "Thank you."

"Feel better?"

"Define better?" He's still flushed and refuses to look at me. I return to the essay in front of me. I've toyed with him too much today. "Typical."

I look up. "What?"

"You always do this," he said, "after we talk or kiss or anything, you go back to doing your homework."

"The library is usually where you go to do homework. If I wanted to do it in the common room, I would do it in the common room. If I wanted to do it outside, I would do it outside. However, it's quiet here. If I need a book I can get a book. The library has always been where I've felt safe and at peace."

Remus bows his head, dejected.

I set the quill down. "I'm sorry. I love you, Remus. But the library…you're friends never came looking for me here at all while we've been at school."

"I love you too," he said. Remus seized my hand in his. "Severus, I need your help."

"With what?"

"Fenrir only let me come back because I promised to turn a first year."

I stare at him, trying to school my fury. "Why would you make that promise?"

"I don't know," he hissed, "Maybe to save a two-year-old from becoming like me."

"You said you killed."

"Adults," he snapped. "I killed adults. People older than us. Drunks, menaces. Nothing innocent."

I pull my hand out of his grasp. "Do your friends know?" Remus shook his head. "Why not?"

"I couldn't tell them. They asked if I joined the pack. I lied to them, fully intending to tell them nothing. I have to tell one of my brothers tomorrow night how my hunt is going and I just talked to one of them this morning."

"One of them was on school grounds?"

"One of them was _in_ the school," he clarified. "And I lied to him. I told him I had someone picked out. It's only been a month and everything is starting to spiral out of control."

"Then why are you telling me? Tell Dumbledore."

"I can't," he whispered, his eyes welling with tears. "He'll expel me. If I'm expelled—they want me to turn a kid. Make him my son. They'll make me attack a child who's not at school. I don't know how long I can hold out against them. I've already killed. He'll expel me on those grounds alone! It doesn't matter who I killed."

"All right," I say, holding my hand out to silence him. "All right. I understand. You can't tell a teacher. But you can't give Greyback and his pack what they want either."

Remus nodded.

"I'll help any way I can. But first I need to know what happened last summer."

Remus shook his head.

"I can't do anything unless you tell me something."

"I did tell you some things."

"Bits and pieces, Remus, don't make a whole story. What happened after I left?"

Remus refused to look at me, staring instead in the distance at the books.

"It's a long story. A very long story," he looked at me again. "And it's very violent. The things I've seen. The things I've _done_. I've always understood why I and those like me are cursed. But to actually live it and know you're living it…"

He shakes his head.

"You don't understand how much of a monster I am, even though I'm learning to control it."

He held his hand out. His nails elongated into claws. He looked at me, looking for horror in face. He lowered his hand and the claws vanished.

"God, Sev, you don't want to know. The things I've done. I'm not proud of any of it."

"You're human. You aren't supposed to be proud of what you've done as the wolf. You'd be mad to be."

"Please, Severus…"

"No," I cross my arms. "Tell me. Or I won't help you."

"I love you," he declared. "How can I tell you what happened over the summer and risk losing you again? I needed you to accept me for what I am."

"And I did. I _do._ That has nothing to do with me helping you face your brothers. Tell me or don't tell me, but I'm not going to rush into this half-assed like a hotheaded Gryffindor. And I won't rush in at all if I don't know the whole situation."

"Like I said it's a long story."

"Then we best get comfortable." I say, leaning back in my seat and crossing my arms.

Remus stood. "Not here. Come with me. I think I know a place we won't be disturbed."

I packed my homework and followed him to the third floor.

"That's odd," he said, stopping at a wall. "I know there was a door here. I was here this morning. I was here just hours ago!"

Remus paced the floor. "I know it was here. I know it was." The wall rippled.

"Remus."

"What?"

I point at the wall. He looks at it. There's a door. He opens it and I follow him inside.

It's a bedroom. Against the wall is a mahogany four poster bed adorned with dark red sheets and pillows. In the center of the room is a couch and recliner facing a large roaring fire. The floor is covered with a rug.

Remus is blushing. I arch an eyebrow at him. "I…"

"Forget it," I said, pulling him inside and close the door. "Start at the beginning. What happened after I left?"

Remus sat down on the couch I sat in the recliner.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

~Last Summer~

#Remus#

I left Grams' house and zipped my jacket up. Rain was pouring down violently. I stuff my hands in my pockets and descended the steps. I could have just apparated back home from inside, but I needed to clear my head.

I passed by several people, my head bowed. Scents wafted past me and sounds invaded my ears.

My summer took a drastic turn since Severus left. I barely left my room, despite my parents' pleas for me to come out and talk to them. I should talk to my parents; let them at least think everything is okay.

But nothing is okay. I'm falling apart on the inside. Everything around me is detestable. I want to just give up holding Moony back and let him take over. Let him run rampant through London. I turn down into an alley.

"Oi!"

I stop and turn around. Several boys and men of varying ages are circling me. I was unaware I had entered into gang territory.

"Where you going?"

"I don't want any trouble," I say. I don't, but Moony is itching to get out and tear them apart.

"Oh, of course not, but you see," the leader said, approaching me. He was burly and about my age. "We require a toll."

Really? They're going to mug me?

"How much?"

"Well, normally fifty quid," he says grinning. I don't know much about muggle money, but fifty pounds sounds quite expensive. "Or whatever you've got available. But since you're so polite, twenty-five pounds."

"I've only five pounds," I said. I don't. I'm only guessing what I might have in whatever pocket change I have. And it's not muggle pocket change either. I don't know what they'd be able to do with a galleon, two sickles, and a knut.

"Well, then," he said, approaching me. "We got ourselves a problem, pretty."

He places a hand on my shoulder. I seize it and twist one-eighty, breaking his wrist. My other hand grabs his hair and I slam his nose into my knee.

He crumples to the ground, screaming.

His gang rushes at me.

I'm sprinting as fast as I can to the other end of the alley.

Two men pass by me, attacking my assailants. I skid to a halt and turn around.

One of them was tall and dark skinned—African or Jamaican—dressed in leather goods. The other was dressed in jeans and a denim vest, void of a shirt. His auburn, curly locks were left down and grown long down his back.

The gang fled, helping their injured comrades.

"C'mon! You pussies!" The auburn haired man shouted. "Get back here and take your beating like men!"

"Let it go, Rousseau," his companion said. He looked at me. "Lupin, right?"

"How do you know me?"

"We know you. That's all you need to concern yourself with."

The auburn haired man, Rousseau, peered at me through his sunglasses.

"This kid's an alpha?" he asked, arching an eyebrow. "He's puny."

"You saw what he did to their leader," the other man said. "He's small, but scrappy."

"Who are you two?" I demand.

"Cool it, mate," Rousseau said, raising his hands. "We're your brothers."

"I don't have brothers."

"Not biologically, no. Fenrir turned us too," the big man said. He held his hand out. "My name is Marcus. This idiot's Rousseau."

"Rousseau?" I ask incredulously, arching an eyebrow. "Like the philosopher?"

"Yep. I like the way it sounds on the tip of my tongue."

"What's your real name?"

"I don't like my real name, so I don't have to tell you shit."

I look at Marcus again. "He's an idiot, isn't he?"

Rousseau seized me and pinned me against the wall. "You got something to say to me, you say it to _me_, understood, Puny."

"Actually, he's not," Marcus said, answering my question. "But he's got a temper."

"So I've noticed," I muttered. "Get off me." I push Rousseau off. "Thanks for your help. But if this was an attempt to get me to join the pack, forget it."

"It's not an attempt. Rather, we were asked to keep an eye on you," Marcus said.

"Not that we wanted to spend the last twelve years keeping an eye on a snot nosed spoiled brat who does nothing but keep his nose clean. Till now at least," Rousseau added. "Sorry about your boyfriend, by the way. Leaving you so suddenly, that was a pretty low blow."

"I don't need your pity," I said, "Thanks for your help, but I can handle my own battles."

I turn to leave.

"You could always change your mind you know," Rousseau said. I look at them over my shoulder. "Packs are pretty tight groups. Fenrir's pack—closest thing to joining the mafia you can get to."

"I told Fenrir I'm not interested. I haven't changed my mind."

"I don't know about that," Rousseau said, walking beside me. Marcus stays close enough to perhaps keep an eye on Rousseau. Or me. Or maybe, more likely, both of us. "You might change your mind. I mean, you look like a beaten dog, Remes."

I draw my wand and point it at Rousseau's chest. "_Don't _call me Remes."

Rousseau is staring at my wand. He smirks. "Got it, Puny," he said. I lower my wand. "But that doesn't change that you've been crying yourself to sleep over the last week. First time outside since that Snape guy left, am I right? And only to Grandma's house to clean out rotting puffskien stench while she's in Italy. So when you _get _home, what are you going to do? Hole yourself up in your room again?"

"Let the kid alone, Rousseau."

"Why? It pisses me off!" Rousseau shouts at him. He turns to me again. "So? You going to be a baby and stay in your room writing depressing poetry and cut yourself again?" the scars on my arms began to ache. "Or are you going to be an adult and own up to responsibility?"

"You don't know anything about me!" I shot back.

"I know you're heartbroken," he said. "It hurts. It won't stop hurting. Humans are going to leave you, treat you like something that needs pity and to be feared. It will _never_ stop hurting unless you become an adult and own up to the fact that you're a werewolf. Alpha or no, you're still a brat."

Marcus grabbed Rousseau's arm. "It's his decision, Rousseau," he stated. Marcus looked at me. "But, Remus, Fenrir's offer still stands if you ever change your mind. Let's go, Rousseau."

They walked in the other direction, though I'm sure they haven't actually gone anywhere, but to give me space. Not that it'd change anything—they were still close by in case I get into another fight.

I apparate home and sit at my desk, staring at the homework I should get to before it was too late. I was almost done. Homework had been a good distraction so I wouldn't have to think about Severus too much.

But it's not like it was a permanent solution. I'll be done in another day or two.

However, my choices were to replay what Rousseau told me, think about Severus, or do my homework. So I will do my homework.

Someone opens my door and I turn around, for a moment thinking—hoping—it was Severus.

"Mom?"

"Would you like to come downstairs for dinner today, Remus?" she asks. But she's imploring that I do. I shake my head.

"I'm not hungry."

"You've barely stepped outside this room," she said, sitting on the edge of my bed. "Sweetie, what's wrong? Please, if you won't talk to your father at least talk to me."

I turn away from my mother and stare at the parchment in front of me.

"Remus."

"There's nothing wrong," I say, plastering on a fake smile and grinning at her. She knows I'm lying, but she doesn't call me out on it. "Really, Mom, I'm okay."

She embraces me. "I wish you would stop lying to us, Remus, and trust us enough to tell us what's on your mind."

"I'm not lying." It's like clockwork. I say one lie. I'm called out on it. I lie to her again. "Really, Mom, I'm okay. I just need time alone."

Mom releases me and leaves the room.

When she leaves, a hand raps against my window. Rousseau is outside my room, clinging to the beams. I open the window and he swings inside, landing on the floor with a heavy thud. If my parents heard, they didn't come back to investigate assuming that I had just knocked over my dresser again. I close the window.

"Why are you here?"

"Lying to Mummy again? You're such a bad boy." Rousseau locks my door with a wave of his wand.

"Whatever more you want to say to me, it can wait," I say, turning back to my homework.

"Nope, I've no more to say. I wanted to invite you to go clubbing."

"I'm not interested."

"Why not, Puny?"

"I'm just not interested in going anywhere."

"That's exactly why you should go. Let's go dancing. Throw me a bone, will you? I'm trying to do you a favor."

"I don't want any favors from you," I growl, spinning around. "I only want to be left in peace."

"Right, because you want to brood over your lover. You're young, Remus." The way Rousseau looks at me makes me back into the corner and he pins me against it, "Look at it this way: you're seventeen years old. The night is young. You're young and you're wild. _Very _wild."

"What does that have anything to do with me?"

"Come clubbing with me. Make it a boy's night. Let yourself rebound. You're parents don't need to know. Hell, you don't owe them any explanations now you're of age. Let out the wolf once in a while."

I look at him. Rousseau's blue are staring at me. I forget that he's a werewolf. He looks so much like a cat—a straight nose, slanted oval eyes, a pointed jaw-line and sharp chin, full lips.

"So what do you say?" he asked. "Wanna go kick some ass and raise a little hell?"

I look at my homework, trying to make a decision. I can see him smiling out of the corner of my eye.

I can finish my homework later. I have all summer.

"Will it distract me?"

"Yes."

"Then let's go."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

I follow him out of the window, landing on my feet. Rousseau is running into the forest and I follow after him. I don't know where Marcus is, but I'm not concerned for it.

"Why couldn't we have just apparated?" I ask when Rousseau stopped running. "It'd be easier."

"Easier, but not as fun," He said, grinning. "There's a wicked club nearby anyway. It'd be silly to apparate when you can walk." He stuffs his hands in his pockets and I follow him, not inquiring where we were going further.

When we arrived at the club an hour later, we passed the line and snuck in through the back. Heavy rock blared in my ear drums. It took me a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the strobe lights making the dancers' usually fluid motions seem choppy and jagged.

Rousseau grabbed my wrist and pulled me onto the dance floor. I felt embarrassed and somewhat out of place.

"C'mon, Puny," he shouted so I could hear him. "Stop caring about how you look and dance!" I still couldn't move, even when I tried to. Rousseau grabbed my hand and pulled me close to him. "They're about to change the song to something slower anyway," he whispered in my ear, one hand on my back. My blood rushed through my ears as I put my hand on his shoulder.

The next song was indeed slower, though still full of heavy tones. He led me to the beat. I don't know when I stopped being so self conscious, but eventually, I felt like I was having fun. All my stress seemed to flow away.

The song changed to something faster, matched with ridiculous but fun dance moves.

Time was irrelevant.

Dancing with men and women alike, I moved across the dance floor feeling as fluid as water and as powerful as the wolf inside me. I could feel my sweat drip down my brow, but I paid no attention to it. I just needed to dance.

Rousseau finds me and pulls me into another dance, strategically leading me off the floor and out of the club.

My breathing is heavy now that I'm outside, faced with the cold and no longer moving as fast as I was before.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better," I admit. "Much better."

"Good, but the night's not over yet."

"Then why did we leave?"

"See the moon," he said, looking at the sky. I look up. It's partly cloudy above us and I can see some of the stars shining down. The moon is a sliver of a crescent. "It's midnight," he clarifies. "Security will be looking around in a few minutes to see if there are any sneaks, which is the logical explanation. However, midnight, when the moon is directly overhead, is when our powers are at their peak. You feel stronger, right?"

"Yes."

"Tired?"

"No."

"Not even a little?"

"No."

"Good. This way," he points further down the street. I follow him. We enter a pub and sit at the counter. "Two firewhiskeys," he said to the barkeep.

The barkeep set two glasses in front of us and poured red liquid into them. Rousseau hands me one of the glasses. "Drink up."

"Why are you trying to cheer me up?" I ask, taking the glass out of his hands. "You don't know me."

"No. _You_ don't know _me_. I _do _know you, Puny. Sitting at home and being a good boy is only going to make you more depressed. So long as you didn't know I existed I couldn't do anything. But now that you know I'm around, I'm not going to sit back and watch you angst if there's something I can do about it." Rousseau throws his head back, swallowing the alcohol in three gulps. "Hit me again," he said.

I stare at the drink and raise it to my lips. I barely sip it, but the bitterness gets to me. I cough, setting the glass down and cover my mouth with my sleeve.

Rousseau laughed. "Don't worry, Puny. I'll make a drinker of you yet."

I stare at the liquid, debating whether or not to take another drink from its depths. I raise the glass to my lips and let the alcohol enter my mouth and down my throat, burning my mouth and my throat as it passes into my stomach. Once the glass is empty, I set it down on the counter.

"Hit me," I say.

"You sure?"

"He's not drunk yet," Rousseau said. "We'll be out of here before he's too intoxicated."

The barkeep shook his head, but poured me another glass. "You're going to regret it in the morning, kid," he said, putting the bottle away.

I raise the glass to my lips again and drink. Rousseau watches me. What it is about me that has him fascinated, I don't know. I set it down again, but I don't ask for a second glass. My head feels heavy and my vision blurry.

"Well, for a light weight, you ain't a bad drinker," Rousseau chuckled, finishing his second glass. He set a few gold coins on the table. "Thanks, Mate," he saluted the barkeep and led me out.

"How you feel now?"

"Tired. My head hurts."

"You should have a splitting headache. You just downed two glasses of firewhiskey like a man! I had to get you out of there before you decided to over indulge. How does it feel, letting the wolf run wild a little?"

"Good. Powerful."

I stop and lean against a wall, we're hidden in an alley. "My head hurts," I repeat. I don't notice how close he is until he's too close.

Rousseau leans in, pinning me against the wall. His hand snakes up under my shirt and rests against my abdomen, his thumb rubbing my skin in gentle circles. His hand is cold. His lips taste like firewhiskey against mine, bruising them with his forcefulness and his harsh, sharp bites. His other hand steadies him against the wall. I return his kiss and he presses in further, his legs spreading mine apart.

I should scream, cry for help. He's raping me, or trying to, but I'm too drunk to care.

I close my eyes, pretending that it's not some creep probably more than ten years older than me, but Severus. It makes it easier to just give in to this false desire.

"Severus," I moan.

The kiss breaks and Rousseau backs away. I feel cold. I open my eyes.

Is it because I'm intoxicated that he looks furious and hurt? Or is he genuinely enraged that I had spoken Severus' name and not his?

I can feel my heart pounding violently in my chest. The rest of me throb with it. My lips are swollen and numb. I shiver from the lack of proximity.

"I love him, okay? I'm madly in love with him." I feel I should apologize. But I know shouldn't. In a way, Severus just saved me from Rousseau.

"He left you."

"I don't care. He's who I want."

"Remus, _I love you_." Rousseau grabbed my arms and shook me. "I've watched you since you were a child. At first, I just thought of you as my snot nosed, bratty brother. But look at who you've grown up to become! You're beautiful. You're smart. You're strong. You could be stronger if you gave into the wolf. You drive me mad! Madder still when you started dating that Snape kid. He can't love you like I can! No one will love you the way I do!"

My headache intensifies and I groan, raising my hand to my head. "I'm sorry," I say. "I can't love you. I don't even know you."

"You can learn to know me," Rousseau whispers in my ear. "Just for tonight, forget you ever knew Severus. Come with me. Be my mate. Sleep with me. I've waited too long, Remus. I've desired you too long. Now you know I exist. You can know anything and everything about me." His lips tickle my skin. He nips me a little, reminding me who is in control.

"No," I say. "I can't go with you."

"I will make you if I have to," he growls. "I will kill you if it keeps you mine."

"But I'm not yours," I say, shoving him off. "I never have been except in your sick, twisted fantasies. I'm Severus', even though he isn't here. Even though he broke my heart, I love him."

Rousseau's eyes are flashing, his nostrils flaring. "I don't need your consent."

"I'll scream. And if that doesn't work, I'll let myself go alpha and I'll rip out your throat." I don't know how good my threat is since I'm drunk.

"I'll pay you."

"I'm not a prostitute, you fucked up bastard."

I shouldn't have accepted his invitation. I wouldn't have if I knew this is how the night would turn out.

I hold my head in my hands and slide to the ground. Damn it, I shouldn't have had that second drink. My vision is blurry and my hands are shaking.

I force myself to my feet. "I'm going home."

Rousseau seizes my wrist and pins me against the wall, pressing my face into the bricks. He's twisted one arm behind my back and the other has my hair tightly in his fist.

"You're not going anywhere."

"Let me go!" I demand. "I swear I'll scream."

"Then scream. See if anyone cares enough to come save your skinny ass."

I don't know why I can't push him off no matter how hard I struggle. My voice is caught in my throat. I'm frightened, hyperventilating, and crying.

Rousseau's presses his body against mine. "Scream all you want," he growls. "As of now, you are mine."

No, I try to say, but I'm too scared. I feel his body rubbing against my own. He lets go of my hand and my hair, placing them on my hips instead.

_Someone please! Get him off!_

I see my nails elongating. I relax, letting Moony take over naturally.

"Like I said, you're smart—"

I shove him off and drop to all fours, snarling. My head hurts more than before. I jump at him, but then I black out.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

~Present Day~

Severus' knuckles are white and his teeth are gnashing. He hides his eyes with the other hand.

"Should I stop?"

He lowered his hand and shook his head. "Did he ever…at all…?"

"Yes. Not that night, but others. I wasn't able to fight him off all the time. I wish I was able to, but I couldn't. He's stronger than I am because he's older, I suppose, and has been a wolf much longer."

"Wasn't Fenrir the leader of the pack? Wasn't he supposed to protect you?"

"From Rousseau? He doesn't care who's getting shagged in the pact so long as they're able to hunt when it's time to hunt. Nor does he care if it's consensual or not." At least now I won't have to tell him about the other times I was raped or almost raped.

"You're sure you want me to go on? I can stop and we can talk about it later."

"No. Tell me the rest now."

I want to stop. But I recollect my thoughts.

~Summer~

When I wake up, I'm back in my room. My head still feels like it's been introduced with an anvil. My thoughts collect in my head and my memories.

I bolt upright.

Rousseau tried to rape me! I don't remember anything after that.

"Drink this." A vial lands on my lap. I look at Marcus. "It'll help your hangover." I twist the top off and swallow the contents.

"What happened to Rousseau?"

"He's alive."

"Keep him away from me!" I shout.

"Shit happens."

"That's no excuse! Keep him away from me!"

"No one is going to protect you from him, Remus," Marcus barked. "He's your problem alone. If anyone is going to learn how to get him off your back, it's you. This is your problem. One stupid beta got the better of you—an _alpha_."

"Then I have every right to rip out his throat."

"If he was part of a different pack, then the whole pack would be involved."

"Fenrir—"

"Doesn't care. But you're life is forfeit if Rousseau dies. If anyone in the pack kills another in the pack, they're life is forfeit."

"But it doesn't matter if—"

"No it doesn't."

"I'm not joining your pack. _Especially_ if Rousseau is going to attack me again," I growl.

"We can't control every wolf in the pack, Remus. I can keep an eye on Rousseau. I can't keep him away from you, but I can watch him. That's the most protection a werewolf can hope get, whether he has a pack or not."

"I'm still not joining the pack."

"Oh, you'll join. We all join at some point in our lives. The need to be accepted is too strong. Go ahead and resist as long as you like. You'll join us eventually. It's just a matter of time. Until next time." Marcus climbs out my window.

I'm glad my will is stronger. Beside's I don't have a need to be accepted. I have three great friends and I—I _did_ have Severus.

I stand and go to take a shower and dress. I descend the steps. My parents should be away at work now, but both of them are sitting at the table. Mom looks as though she's been crying. Dad is livid.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Sit," Dad said, pulling a chair out. I obey.

"We understand your friend had to go home so soon," he began, "but there is no excuse for you to run off in the middle of the night."

Oh no.

"Remus, we know you have a hard time because of your condition," Mom starts. "And for the most part, your father and I have done our best considering the circumstances. But you know it's not safe to go out at night. Especially given your condition."

I can't look at them in the eye. I weigh my options.

Option one: Sirius, James, and Peter stopped by and we snuck out to go teepee Mrs. Longbottom's house.

Option two: I was in the forest, taking a walk. Sorry for worrying you. I needed to clear my head.

Option three: The truth.

Option four: Say nothing.

Well, option two is the better lie, because they'll know I'm lying about my friends stopping by and teepeeing the Longbottoms. My friends have no reason to sneak to the house and I wouldn't need to sneak out of my window in that case. Also, they could ask Mrs. Longbottom and my lie would be revealed unless luck was on my side and someone _did_ teepee her house.

And the truth, well, though it'd be good to get it off my chest, my parents would go ballistic that I even talked to Fenrir or anyone in his pack. Even more so if I tell them about Rousseau.

I let them rant at me as I think through my options.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" Dad demanded, his arms crossed.

I don't speak. Instead I shrug. What _can _I tell them? There is nothing to tell without making them explode. However this situation I'm in may seem I can handle it myself.

"Remus, _please_," my mom begged, reaching her hand out for me to take. I don't take it, so it rests on the table. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I'm sorry I snuck out. It won't happen again."

It most definitely won't.

"But," I can't help adding. "I'm seventeen. I'm an adult now, so do I really have to get permission if I want to get out of the house at night anymore?"

"Yes," Dad said. "You're condition makes it difficult enough for you, Remus. And so long as you're under this roof—where are you going?"

"To my room," I snap, "I am what I am and I wish I could be different. I didn't choose it and I'm certainly not the reason I'm a werewolf."

"Remus!" Mom shouts.

Dad is shocked.

I shouldn't have said anything. I've nothing against my father. He's my dad and I love him. And I never once blamed him for my lycanthropy, though I know he blames himself.

I sit down again.

"I'm sorry," I begin, shifting my gaze from Dad to Mom. "It's been a very hard week. I don't want to talk and I am sorry that I scared you last night. It wasn't the full moon, so I didn't think there was a problem with it. I would never intentionally hurt either of you. I thought you knew that."

What else can I say without giving away what happened last night or last week?

Dad cleared his throat, breaking the silence. "Where did you go last night?"

"Out. That's all."

"With anyone?" Mom inquires.

"Alone." I'm not going to tell them I was with another werewolf! "Like I said, it's been a hard week. I decided to take a walk in the woods to clear my head." The lie rolls off my tongue like silk.

We pass into silence again.

"Does this have something to do with your friend from school?" Mom asks.

"Severus?" _Kind of_. "No," I lie again.

I don't want them worrying, so why bother telling them? _The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions_, a voice in the back of my head echoes. _Besides, they're supposed to worry_.

I ignore the voice.

"Is that all you want to talk to me about?" I ask, trying not to sound annoyed.

They exchange looks. Dad stands. "For now," he said. He bids Mom goodbye with a kiss and apparates to work.

Mom looks at me and crosses her arms.

"What?" I ask. She narrows her eyes at me. "I said I was sorry. I am. I truly am."

"Then why did you lie."

"I didn't."

She waved her wand, "_Accio_." The vial Marcus gave me zoomed out of my room and landed on the table. She picked this up and sniffed the contents. "This is a sobering potion."

"Again, I'm seventeen, I'm of age, I can drink legally."

"With Sirius? Or James?"

"Both are also of age," I remind her. "Though you'd never know it, way they act. No. I did go alone. Sirius is at the Potter's house. Peter's probably traveling with his family again."

"For six hours?"

I shook my head. "Mom I walked to town. You know how far it is."

Why do mothers have to be so perceptive?

Thankfully, she's finally convinced. "Would you like some breakfast?"

"Yes, please."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

I enter the barn and Dad locks it from the outside. He'll be back in the morning to let me out. I set my backpack full of spare clothes (because I'll need them in the morning) in its usual hiding spot. I sit down and stare out the window, waiting for the moonlight to take its effect.

The best I can do is relax and wait. Not that it'd help much, but the transformation is painful enough without struggling.

"How are you holding up?"

I jump up and spin around. Fenrir smirks at me, his head tilted to the side.

"What are you doing here?" I demand.

"Easy, Tiger," he said, holding his hands out. "Just coming in to see how things are going for you."

"Why?"

"Well, I don't know how much your parents know about your mate," he said. "So let's just say I'm concerned. You are my favorite after all. And him being a human, it was bound to happen."

"What? Him leaving?"

"It's what humans are good at. Many of my sons came after a nasty break up."

"I wonder why. Showing up and talking to them about joining might put a downer on a relationship."

Fenrir shrugged.

"I'm not joining the pack. Since I'm an alpha, I don't really have to join."

"True, you can make your own pack. Every father's dream, mine included. But you have no control yet, Remus. You're raw, untamed. Join the pack, even if just long enough to learn how to control yourself. Not that you'd be able to leave afterwards, but when you make your own pack, I'll send you off into the world...like a parent, I suppose."

"No."

"Why not?" Fenrir asks. Before I can answer, his expression changes. "Oh. Yes. Marcus told me about Rousseau." He clicks his tongue, but grins evilly. "Nasty business, that is. But think of it this way: you don't have a mate anymore. He doesn't have a mate. So, _diamyu_."*

"Rousseau is a pervert and a stalker. He tried to rape me."

"But he didn't."

"Intent trumps deed, you asshole," I snap.

My body erupts in spasms and I fall to the ground, screaming. I claw the dirt as my joints dislocate and reform in all the wrong ways.

Fenrir's transformation is much smoother. I don't hear him scream once through our transformation.

I lie on the ground, whimpering and press my head against the ground.

"_You see?_" Fenrir said, pushing me up with his snout. "_You're still in pain when you transform. You needn't feel that pain. I can teach you how to go through the transformation much more smoothly with less pain. But I can't do that if you don't join the pack._"

"_I won't be made Rousseau's bitch!_"I bark, snapping my jaws at Fenrir.

Fenrir jumps back, startled, but then he tackles me, biting my neck. I cry. I can't help it, it hurt. A lot. He releases me and I back into the corner, my tail between my legs and my ears splayed back on my head.

"_Sex is a natural drive, Remus,_" he says, "_Especially for us. You know it—you've felt the desires amplified to torturous levels. The need to mate and the need to kill are much stronger for us. You're not just satisfying the human. You also need to look to the needs of the wolf._"

"_I don't love Rousseau. I don't know him_."

"_Does it really matter to you if you know him or not? Does it matter if you love him?_"

"_It matters!_"

"_Remus,_" Fenrir sits down and looks at me. "_Love will only get in the way of the needs. Love is not a need. It's a wish. We can't be loved. History has proven that time and time again. The people we get too attached to die. Parents, friends, lovers. They will die because they know you. Because of what you are._"

I stand again. "_How would you know?_"

"_I loved once. And I lost her. I killed her. It's better to just get your needs out of your system and rely only on the pack than risk having a human mate. You will either kill them or turn them. Either way, you'll be torn and broken about it. Do you know how high the suicide rate is for werewolves?_"

I do.

"_We can only have each other. Rousseau has his needs and he desires you._"

"_Rape is still rape_," I growl.

"_True. Very true. How about we come to a compromise. I can't let you kill him—unless he attacks you. He wants you, so he will attack you. But you can't kill unless he does and you can't kill him after the attack. But the moment he does attack you, you can kill him and I'll pardon it._"

"_And if I kill him before or after?_"

"_Then your life is forfeit. I don't condone kin killing. We have to trust one another after all._" He lies down. "_Is the pot sweetened enough for you, Puppy?_"

"_Yes,_" I say, propping myself up to sitting position and scratched the back of my ears.

Fenrir stares at me, waiting for an answer. _"This is your last chance, Remus. You were pretty determined the last time we met you wouldn't join us."_

"_I've made my decision. And I will rip Rousseau's throat out_."

Fenrir stands and bounds at me, pinning me to the ground._ "You know once you're part of the pack, there's no backing out. You're life is in my hands now, Remus."_

"_I understand," _I whimper.

Fenrir releases me and I stand up again and yawn._ "We leave now."_

I rise to all fours. Fenrir runs at the barn door and rams it. I follow him into the forest.

I don't even think about what I'm leaving behind.

In the morning, my dad will come and see that I've broken out.

He'll freak out, call the neighbor's, and look for indication that farm animals or a human had been killed in the night. My mom will be inconsolable.

But I don't think about it.

Not even once.

#

Home is one thing. You're safe there.

Mom tucks you in at night, sings a lullaby, and kisses your forehead. When you're little, Dad might have had time enough to let you sit on his knee and he'll read you a story while Mom makes dinner.

Even when you're older, home is safe. Home is a place where you can stay a child.

School is another experience. You're eyes are being opened. You can't be a child anymore. Here, you learn how to be an adult.

What was once a foreign idea—like wanting someone to hold you who isn't your mother or father, to be kissed passionately in the hallway, and let your sexual curiosities run rampant—is now something you want to know.

All the while, you're learning to be responsible from adults who are not your family, but your teachers: the masters and mistresses dedicated to helping you become an adult.

But being in a werewolf pack—there's the challenge. There is no maintenance of innocence in the pack. No matter what age you are, the moment you join you're an adult.

You're a hunter and a killer.

You can't let emotions get in the way.

Don't like what's happening? Go alpha yourself and start your own pack.

To eat, to sleep, to kill, to have sex—it's all necessity, not desire.

Emotions are links to innocence.

Be the monster you're called to be. Leave the human behind.

That's exactly what it's like to be in a pack.

But it's not without its rules.

Some people compare the pack to a basic wolf pack.

Some compare it to a gang.

A werewolf pack is more like the mafia. They're not blood to you, but they're you're family nonetheless.

If the Minister of Magic runs the magical community in the light trying to keep us safe and out of harm's way, then Voldemort runs England from the shadows, aiding in the corruption and racism. And further still, Fenrir is the Godfather.

No one crosses into our world in this land without those three men knowing.

I wish I could say I was able to say I killed Rousseau over the summer. I never got my chance to. Like I said, he was too strong for me.

~Present Day~

"Is that everything?" Severus asks.

I shake my head. "There are few more stories I could tell." I look at Severus, mentally begging him not to make me say anymore.

The clock on the mantelpiece had begun to chime ten o'clock.

We were out way past curfew and if we dared to venture out of this room—well, we'd get points taken and perhaps detention.

But regardless of that, I want to sleep. I want Severus to hold me and kiss me. I want my summer to be just a very bad dream.

"Everything Remus."

"Can't it wait till tomorrow?" I say, trying not to beg. I don't want to tell about the next two full moons.

Severus leans forward and takes my hands in his. "Just get it out of the way. Then we'll decide what to do next."

"Severus, I'm tired."

"I know."

"Please, can't it wait?"

He runs his fingers through his hair. He wants to say yes, I can see it in his eyes. He shakes his head. "Not yet. We can skip classes tomorrow, if it helps."

My eyebrows rise up my brow. "Did you just say we can skip classes?"

"We're going to oversleep anyway," he says. "Now what happened after you joined the pack?"

* * *

*Phonetics only from memory of an episode of Supernatural S.4 or S.5 when Castiel and Dean go to a brothel. I know this is wrong. If anyone knows what was actually said and knows how to spell it, please tell me and I will fix it.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

#Summer#

The man would do well to not urinate on public property, but he's pissed and needs to relieve himself so who's going to care—other than the police?

Well, he'll wish the police would come and save him. I lunge at him first, dragging him into the park by the throat. He's a large man and I've a decent sized hunting party.

Fenrir has taken the other side of the town with a smaller group—a test for me to prove how well I can lead a pack. And how swiftly I can kill.

The man doesn't feel a thing as he's dead by the time he's being eaten at. Sickening crunching of bones invade my ears and the smell of blood wafts my nose and the sight of gore litters the ground.

We eat what we can, but once we're finished with him, there's nothing left of the man save a bloody spot on the grass.

I lie down and lick my lips, yawning.

Rousseau approaches and licks behind my ears.

"_Impressive kill_," he said. "_Most of us would have let him suffer._"

"_Letting them suffer draws more attention to us,_" I say. I let him lick me. It's not an attack so I can't kill him, though I snarl at him, warning him to back off. "_We don't want the police or the civilians realizing we exist_."

Rousseau lies down next to me, his head resting on his paws.

A couple of the others started roughhousing, growling and barking and yelping loudly.

"_Knock it off!_" I bark at them.

They sit down, smiling and panting.

"_We should get back home_," I say, standing again. "_We've strayed too far inland_."

"_On who's fault?_" Marcus asked, looking pointedly at Rousseau, who stood and shook his body as though he had just gotten quite wet.

"_What's the problem with that? We were told to aid Remus in the hunt and see how well he does under pressure._" He rubbed his head against my neck. "_I'd say he passed._"

"_PDA, Rousseau,"_ Marcus said, "_Back off of Remus. You're being too affectionate._"

Rousseau's tail whips my face as he walks away from me. I want to bite it and teach him to keep his distance. But he'd probably crack some innuendo joke later if I did, so I resist the urge.

"Let's get back to the forest," I say, leading them carefully out of the park and through the streets, keeping to the shadows.

It was late enough that there were hardly any cars about, but that doesn't mean that we couldn't get caught if we were careless.

Once in the forest again, we raced back to the abandoned farm we had made our den. Fenrir's group had returned just before ours.

"_How was your hunt_?" Fenrir asked.

"_Good,_" I answer, jumping into the truck's bed and lying down. Fenrir was lying on the hood of the car.

"_Marcus?_"

"_We ventured too far into the city,_" he said, "_Because Rousseau couldn't follow orders. However, Remus managed to find us a kill. He's swift, accurate, and quiet. His kill hadn't the time to scream before Remus was on him_."

I only half listened as Marcus recounted what I already know about my kill. Rousseau was staring at me again. He licked his lips. Perhaps he'll come after me again tomorrow. If he does, I'll kill him this time.

I snarl at him, baring my sharp canines as a reminder that I'm just as deadly as he is. Perhaps more if I can get the better of him. In wolf form, I certainly can. Not so much when I'm a human.

"_Well done, Remus_," Fenrir says. I push myself up and look at him, grinning. My tongue lolls out of my mouth. "_Go get some rest, boys. We'll talk about the next hunt in the morning_."

I jump off the truck and follow Fenrir and the others inside. The sun would be up in a few hours. What remained of our kill would be found by screaming children and then there'd be chaos later.

I lie down and close my eyes, giving into sleep.

#

I wake up, my stomach churning inside me. I get up, and put on a pair of pants before leaving the barn I get as far as the forest's entrance before I have to vomit.

I retch, falling to the ground, coughing and gagging.

"The first kill is always the hardest; especially if you try to maintain some shred of humanity."

I look behind me at Fenrir, who hands me a handkerchief. I wipe my mouth.

"It gets easier."

"That's what I'm afraid of," I answer, standing again and averting my gaze from the filth on the grass. "I don't want to be you if I can help it."

"Why did you kill the man?"

I gave it some thought. "Because he was a public menace," I conclude.

"Then take comfort in that you just did society a favor," Fenrir suggested. "It will help knowing that humans are not innocent."

"Some are."

"No. None are."

"And what? We're better than they are?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. We're faster and stronger. So in such a way, we are indeed superior."

I don't voice my disagreement. If we were truly superior, we wouldn't attack people. We wouldn't eat them or need to eat them.

"Get fresh clothes on and your wand, and come with me," Fenrir orders. I obey. I even took the time to brush my teeth. (I needed to. My mouth tasted disgusting.)

Fenrir and I walk into the forest.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"A shrine," he said. "Every Alpha must learn of our history at some point."

"I know some of it already," I admit, "About Lycaon and his wife."

"Good. But that's only the beginning of the tale." He stops at a cave. I stare at the entrance, then at him. "Go inside. The rest of the tale will be told when we reach the shrine."

I walk into the mouth of the cave. Fenrir follows.

"How far is this shrine?"

"As far back as I could get it," he said. "Did you know, Remus, that you were named after a werewolf?"

I turn around, looking at him. "I was _named_ after one of the founders of Rome."

"Who just so happened to have been a wizard, am I right?"

"Yes."

"Did you know he and his brother were nursed by a wolf?"

"Yes."

"Did you know that that wolf was their real mother?"

I furrow my brow. That was not what I heard. The Nicene Wolf was a female wolf who nursed the founders of Rome, Remus and Romulus, as infants and raised them.

"Several years after Lycaon was first cursed he met and turned a young girl, making her his new wife. At the time, taking girls as young as eleven for wives was quite acceptable. The younger the girl, the more children you could procure, the more you could establish your legacy before you died. And people died very young most of the time, Remus. Especially if you were a man."

I pulled my wand out and lit it. The light bounced off the stone walls and our shadows played eerily against them.

"Remus and Romulus were stolen by their mother who escaped Lycaon, their father, when she was pregnant with them. She birthed them under the full moon and they were born in wolf form. But when she left, Lycaon sought another wife and turned another girl, younger than Remus and Romulus' mother.

"She too birthed a son and named him Fenrisúlfr. Ironically, I was named after him."

"I fail to see the connection."

"You're my favorite, Remus," Fenrir said, with a smile. "Though not for the irony that our names suggest we are lost half-brothers. You're potential and your vigor enables you to someday lead this pack. Or perhaps break away from it and begin a pack of your own."

"I have no intention of spreading the curse."

"That is disappointing. You'll want to. Even need to—someday."

"I doubt it," I say, ducking under a beam.

"Well, as you asked, the connection between the three brothers is this: Remus and Romulus grew benevolent and peaceful, creating Rome which was meant to be a safe haven for the werewolves that their father had cursed. And today you can see how well _that_ worked out."

I had to laugh at that, even if bitterly.

Fenrir passes by me and spreads apart a curtain. Within was a table laden with bone and ornaments over a blood red cloth. And a large, stone symbol of three wolves attacking a fourth.

"Muggle mythology doesn't see any connection between Norse, Roman, and Greek myths surrounding our origin, and Wizards tend to ignore it, thinking it none of their business. Look at them, Remus! Our gods—Lycaon and his sons: the twins Remus and Romulus, and Fenrisúlfr."

"They're killing him."

"Indeed yes. Lycaon was a horrible king as a human. He was worse as a werewolf. His sons grew up despising him because of the tales their mothers had taught them. What would you say the moral is?"

"I'd say it's don't be a jerk or a cannibal."

"Well I suppose that's one. But not the point I meant to make, which is this: don't turn women. You notice there is not one woman in the pack identified as a werewolf."

No. There isn't. There're no she-wolves in the pack. Nor human women either for good reason, I think.

"Can you guess why we don't turn women?"

"Because then you could have kids that will tear you to shreds like what happened to Lycaon?"

"Yes. You could have pups. And you could end up like Lycaon."

"What does this have anything to do with being an alpha."

"Because there are two ways to become an alpha. One is the way you became an alpha: through extreme, almost uncontrollable rage. The other is to kill another alpha. The day Lycaon died four thousand years ago or so, three new alpha were born. And they were kinkillers. And the alphas after them were kinkillers—"

"So you—"

"No. I became an alpha the same way you did. I was about your age. Turned, kidnapped, and taught. Then, I, like you, fell in love. With a woman, not a man, if that matters. Her family found out about me and I was driven away from her. But of course, I needed to be with my woman. Loyalty is strong in us. Stronger in you, perhaps, because you're a Gryffindor."

"What happened to her?"

"I killed her, accidently, and was hunted down and left for dead for an _accident_. I redefined my philosophy after that. Humans will only ever let you down. Their fragile. Their prejudiced. And they will not stop hunting us. So why should we not hunt them back?"

He grinned nastily at me. I did not return the grin.

Though I understand his point of view, I refuse to agree with it.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

These lessons Fenrir gave me covered history to control: ease the transformations, make them less painful. Still, my second hunt loomed closer and I did not want to go. I knew I would have to, but dearly didn't want to.

We separated into different groups again, this time to hunt individually, while having one to watch each other's back. It was a system and it worked well.

Rousseau is paired with me before I could select a different hunting partner.

So we head out together and find a cottage. A man is smoking in the corner. A teenage girl, from what I could see through the window, is tied to a chair, her brow colored red and black. She herself, passed out and bloody from torture.

"_Here_," I growl at Rousseau. "_We kill the man. Leave the girl untouched_."

Rousseau doesn't answer me. But pounds the door with his hind leg, making a knocking sound. The girl wakes and starts screaming. The man slaps her and she silences. He takes a muggle wand called a gun and approaches the door.

Once open I jump. The gun is fired, but he misses me. Rousseau jumps in, seizing the man's wrist, tearing his hand off with his teeth. The man is screaming as we slowly eat him.

He deserved a slow death.

The girl is screaming, terrified of us. Before we leave, Rousseau jumps at her and rips her throat out.

"_I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE HER ALONE!_" I bark, tackling him to the ground. "_SHE WAS INNOCENT! SHE WAS A VICTIM!_"

"_And what would she have told the authorities if we let her live?_" he asked, shoving me off. "_Maybe she was innocent, but she was near death anyway. Better to end her suffering than to let it grow, force her to think she's mad—possibly criminally insane. I did her a service. And I protected the pack._"

I approach the girl and lie next to her, whimpering. "_I'm sorry_," I whisper to her, licking the blood off her face. "_I'm so sorry I couldn't help you_."

"_Think of the other girls you may have saved by killing that man,_" Rousseau said, lying next to me. "_Being what we are doesn't have to be a curse, Remus. You're taking a bad situation and making the best of it. I love you, Remus._" Rousseau licked my snout. I snarled, attacking and he jumped, biting my muzzle.

I scream, rubbing my paw over my snout. It's bleeding.

Rousseau backed in a corner, his tail between his legs and his ears laid back on his head.

"_Remus? I'm sorry. Are you okay?_"

I don't answer him, but run from the cabin. Rousseau chases after me.

"_Remus! Remus, wait!_"

I refuse to hear him. I want nothing to do with Rousseau. I hate him. He's forced himself on me. I should hate him. I should have killed him long ago.

I outrun him and hide under a bush, nursing my wounded snout and wondering when I started feeling so conflicted between Rousseau and Severus.

#

I returned to the farm alone later in the morning. My new scars had stopped bleeding, but they still looked rather menacing. I didn't want to go back, fearing what going back would bring.

But I did go back.

Rousseau had stayed outside that night. Sometime he had transformed back and had dressed in his favorite jeans and vest. He was sleeping, or so I thought. I decided to risk passing by him when he stood and seized my shoulder.

"Where have you been?" he demanded. "I looked for you everywhere." I avoid his gaze. "Go get dressed," he snaps, handing me my clothes. I do so. Once I'm decent, I look at Rousseau. He's massaging his temple. "Damn it, Remus…"

"Damn what?" I ask. "I gave you an order. You refused to follow it."

"You're not my alpha, Remus," Rousseau growls. "You're my mate. I don't have to obey you, especially if it means keeping you safe."

"Since when have we been mates?" I shout. "I don't love you! You've made it your ambition to damage me and break me apart! And you _dare_ to call me your mate? You have the _nerve_ to say you love me?"

"I_ do_ love you. And you love me, Remus, though you've yet to admit it. You fight me and struggle too much, but it _is_ consensual, Remus. You _could_ have killed me the second time and any time after that, but you just didn't care anymore. Call it whatever you want. I want to help you forget him."

Rousseau embraces me. Why am I not pushing him off?

He kisses me. Why am I not tearing his throat out?

_I love Severus_, I remind myself. _I don't love Rousseau. I love Severus. I don't love Rousseau_.

But I don't hate Rousseau anymore, either.

#

There were two weeks left before school was to start up again.

The child was playing in the sandbox.

His parents look away for a moment, talking to a friend. I approach the child and kneel down.

He grins at me.

"Hi," I say, "Can I play with you?" The boy nods and I point my wand at him. "_Stupefy_." The boy passes out and I seize him, running into the forest. I hear screams and wailing behind me at the park, but I'm too fast to be found.

I enter the barn and slam the door closed.

My heart is pumping, adrenaline rushes through my veins.

_What am I doing? I should have refused to do this. I shouldn't have agreed to this stupid test. _

The boy is sleeping soundly in my arms, peaceful and oblivious that he had just been stolen from his family and everything he knows.

I fall to the ground; my legs are unable to hold me up again. "I'm sorry," I whisper to the boy. "I'm so sorry." Fenrir approaches me.

"Good work, Remus," he said, taking the boy out of my arms. "You chose a strong one."

"What do you want with him?" I ask, forcing my legs to work. "You're not going to curse him, are you?"

"No, Remus," he said, grinning nastily. "Of course I'm not going to turn him. You are." I follow Fenrir to a bedroom where he sets the boy down on the bed and leaves him. "Let him sleep for now. You'll turn him tonight."

He pats my shoulder and I stare at the boy. He couldn't be older than two years old. He's a baby.

"Fenrir, wait!" I say, running after him. "Please, don't make me turn him. I'll do anything else, but I won't pass the curse."

"Just like how convicted you were to not kill? To not join the pack? This is your last test. You just have to bite him and infect him. The rest will be taken care of by us. Family matters."

"Fenrir, please," I beg, grabbing his arm. "Anything else. _Anyone _else. Just not a child. He's a baby, Fenrir. It's more evil than I'm willing to give in to. I'll kill, I'll hunt, but he's done nothing wrong."

"Yet."

"Yes, maybe, but if he's infected then that 'yet'—"

Fenrir pries my arm off. "There is no such thing as innocence, Remus. One day, every little child finds out the world is filled with evil. Some sooner than others."

"Not one of those children deserve to have their innocence stolen!"

"That's enough!" Fenrir barks. I back away. "You're turning the boy, Remus. There's nothing for you to do but wait."

Fenrir walks out the door. I return to the room and stare at the child, passed out on the bed.

What's more important? Being accepted by the pack? Being an alpha?

I've made my decision. I lift the boy from the bed and sneak out the back of the barn. If I can get back to the park, I can wake him and tell him to scream for his parents. They'll find him. They'll never find me. He might tell them about me, but they'll never find me.

I hardly get into the woods when I'm cut off by Marcus.

"What are you doing?"

"He's going to make me turn him," I say. "Marcus, please, let me go. Let me take him home. Look at him, he's just a baby."

"How old were you when you were turned?" Marcus asked.

"Four or five," I answer.

"Older than most of us when Fenrir turned us," he said. "I was barely three years old, Remus. You were lucky."

"If you think so, then let me take the kid home. He can be luckier than I ever was. He can live a normal, human life. For pity's sake, Marcus, I can't turn him! I'm not like Fenrir!"

"But you can kill? You're willing to hunt?"

The sun was setting. I would be forced to turn the boy soon.

"That is different and you know it. The people I've killed so far were horrible. They were adults, Marcus! This is a little boy!"

"Exactly." I turn around. Fenrir and the rest of the pack had found me. "Turn them young, raise them away from their human families, teach them to hate wizards, you'll get a good soldier out of boys like him."

"I was raised by my family," I reminded him.

"_You _ran away. _You_, after I turned you, managed to get back home to your human parents. _You_ were too old to keep pinned and too old to teach, it seems. You wouldn't stop screaming and hitting. You managed to escape. And tell me, Remus, how did that go? Do your parents love you? Do they see you or do all they see is the wolf inside you?" He pointed his wand at the boy, "_Ennervate_." The boy opened his eyes and looked around. Immediately, he started to whimper and cry. I couldn't blame him.

"Let me go back to school!" I beg Fenrir. "I'll turn a student there instead. Please, Fenrir, he's just a baby. He's an infant!"

"Don't let such weaknesses control you."

"Mercy is not a weakness," I say, holding the boy close.

"Look at your brothers. You were turned later than them. Many here," Fenrir wrapped his arms around Rousseau and Marcus, "were that age when I brought them into the pack. None of them here are alphas yet. You're my protégé, Remus. My child prodigy. Turn the brat."

"For pity's sake, let the boy go."

"Turn him," Fenrir barked.

I shake my head. "I am not you. I may be your 'protégé,' but I'm not you. Anyone else, I'll turn them." Fenrir pushed me aside and seized the screaming child. "A first year!" I shout. Fenrir looks at me, his expression unreadable. "I'll turn a first year at Hogwarts."

Fenrir sets the boy down, grinning. "You know what you're saying, right, Remus?" I'm shivering, cold and scared. I nod my head. "That's a lot of people to betray. You're friends. You're mate."

"He's not my mate." _Not anymore_.

"Right, that little technicality that he broke up with you," he said. The pack laughed and whistled mockingly. "I don't give two shits what happened between you and you're human plaything. You mated with him, he's your mate." My fists tighten and I reign in my anger. "Don't hold back if you're angry, Remus. Let yourself get mad. I'll let you go back to school. You have the whole school year to pick and turn a first year. You have until the full moon in May."

"And the boy?"

Fenrir looked at the crying child. "Marcus, take the kid home."

Marcus picked up the child and returned to the house in the forest.

We waited until Marcus returned in silence. Marcus joined the pack again and Fenrir seized my shoulder. "Choose a strong boy, Remus. I'd like to meet my grandson when the moon is full."

"I understand."

"Get back home, Remus, and get ready to go to school."

* * *

**Author's Note**: A little bit about Rousseau, since he's becoming such an important OC. I based him off of Tsuzuki and Muraki from the Manga/Anime series _Yami No Matsue_ (or _Descendants of Darkness_).

Tsuzuki is the shinigami hero and Muraki is his creepy pervert psychopathic rapist-like nemesis. YNM is a gothic, semi-yaoi series. Muraki loves hitting on Tsuzuki, always making references to wanting to rape him and Tsuzuki has a young partner named Hisoka—there are some shonen-ai undertones to Hisoka's and Tsuzuki's relationship. When Hisoka was human, he saw Muraki murdering someone and Muraki placed a curse on Hisoka, killing him. Muraki also has fun getting off on torturing Hisoka as much as he does Tsuzuki.

From this, Rousseau has both a loving and caring nature while at the same time being a very horribly creepy pervert and obviously a rapist. He hates Severus because of Remus' relationship with Severus earlier on in the story and more so after Severus leaves Remus. However, he genuinely love Remus, which is the product of unrequited affection and extreme obsession.

Why Remus is starting to get confused is based off of a little historical tidbit: in the 16th and 17th centuries, it was often that when women were raped, they would be left with either being branded as violated or marrying the ass who raped them. Many women got married to men who raped them, and so it is possible that eventually real love sprung from these very violent beginnings.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

~Present Day~

"You're so fucked," Severus muttered, massaging his temple. "I don't even know where to begin or how to help you. For one—_Rousseau_?"

"Yeah," I say slowly.

I glance at Severus. He's gnashing his teeth, trying to control his anger. But he won't look at me.

The clock chimes one.

"Severus, you weren't there. You left," I stand and knelt at his feet, taking his hands in mine. "I still love you. I _do_. But…I was alone."

"Do you love _him_?"

I shake my head. "I don't know. He confuses me. At times, I hate him. And others…" I warm his hands with mine, rubbing my palms against his skin, causing friction. "Maybe I'm cruel."

"You _are_ cruel," Severus said, "To me just as much as you are to him."

"I'm not the only one here who's cruel!" I say, glaring at Severus. "I needed you and you left. I was never cruel to you. To Rousseau, yeah, I can admit that. But I was never cruel to you."

"I don't know. Molesting me yesterday seemed pretty cruel. And the time before last May when I told you I wanted to study for my exam though what I really wanted was to—" he cuts himself off, breathing heavily.

I stand and sit back on the couch.

"You're not wholly innocent either, Severus," I remind him. "Just a few hours ago with that strip tease—what was that? It was taking all my self control not to jump you."

He smirks. "I know. You were fidgeting rather badly."

"And you say _I'm _cruel," I state, averting my gaze. I sigh. "I don't mean to be."

"Right, I bring out the best and worst of you, so I've been told."

"You _do_ bring out the best and the worst of me. When I'm with you I feel completely different from when I'm _not _with you. I love you, Severus. I'd _die_ for you."

Severus did not answer.

I look at him. His eyes show how hurtful my words have been.

"What?"

"That's selfish, Remus. I'd die for you too, but then where would that leave either of us? My summer was hard too; being away from you hurt. I can't count how many times I thought about coming back and begging you to forgive me and kiss me again."

I stare at him, and he at me.

_Screw it._

I pounce, ravishing his lips, straddling him. My fingers nimbly unbutton his shirt, and his mine. I pull my sleeves off my arms as he moves to my pants.

Severus' hands are warm against my skin, exploring my body all over again, refamiliarizing himself with it.

His lips release mine as they kiss my skin.

I'm starved for much more. So is he.

He pushes me off so he can stand. He's barely on his feet when I'm on him again. His arms hold me close to him and he guides me to the bed.

We break our feverish kissing only once, to make sure we were both consenting—I know, it's silly, but it's necessary.

I'm laid on my back. Severus straddles me, pinning my arms over my head and kissing me violently.

#

Today's the day of the full moon.

I'll have to report to a pack member tonight at the shack with my friends.

I don't want to go.

I just want to stay here, listening to the steady rhythm of Severus' heartbeat.

He's sleeping, so I don't want to move, but my fingers draw circles across his skin. So far, he's undisturbed.

He stretches, waking.

I prop myself up on my arm. "You up?"

"Kind of." I kiss him. "Yeah, no. Not yet." I kiss him again. "Do I have to get up?" He's grinning. I kiss him a third time.

"No," I answer.

The clock chimes eleven o'clock.

"But if you're hungry, I can go loot the kitchens," I suggest.

He seizes the back of my neck and pulls me into another kiss.

I lick my lips. "Right, something American. I'll see what the house elves can cook up."

"Shut up."

I laugh and kiss him back. I lie on my back after a moment, sighing.

"What?"

"I don't want to go to the shack tonight."

"You don't have to worry about for another…what? Eight hours?"

"Ten. Still. I don't want to go. But," lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. "I have to go. Otherwise I could risk hurting you."

"You won't."

"You don't know that. As a beta, I blacked out. I would have no memory of the night before. Now, as an alpha, I remember everything. Moony wants you as badly as I do. He'll try to turn you. He won't try to kill you, but he's still dangerous."

Severus repositioned himself on top of me.

"Worry about tonight when it _is_ tonight," he suggested. "Right now, I want to focus on the present. Not the future. Definitely not the past." He kisses me. "But right now. For instance, I can think of about a thousand things I want to do to you _right_ _now_."

He nips my neck with his teeth. I wince involuntarily. It hurt a little bit.

Severus's hands guide him down my chest, where he planted gentle kisses, to my navel…

#

The blanket in our mouths tore in two. Padfoot fell back on his rump while I shook my head in victory, tail wagging to and fro.

I drop the blanket and kneel down, my rump in the air. "_C'mon, Padfoot, let's fight_."

"_What's gotten into you, Moony?_" Prongs asked, looking up at us. Wormtail is sleeping on his back. "_You seem quite happy_."

"_No reason_," I said. Flopping onto my back and rolling around on the floor, my tongue lolling out. "_I'm back with Severus._"

"_Well that explains a lot_," Padfoot said, scratching his neck. "_Is that wise? What if you break up again_?"

"_I'll deal with it if it happens_," I promise, rolling back onto my feet. Padfoot's ears perk up as do mine. It smells like Marcus.

"_What was that?_" Padfoot asked.

"_I'll check it out._" I volunteer, walking into the hallway. Marcus is sitting by the door. "_Marcus."_

"_Remus."_

Marcus yawns. I sit down across from him. "_How is your hunt progressing?_"

"_As well as it can,_" I tell him. "_Without letting them know._"

Marcus stands and sniffs me. "_Isn't this Severus' scent?"_

"_It is."_

"_What are you going to do about Rousseau?" _I don't know what I'm going to do about Rousseau yet, so I don't answer. "_Be careful, Remus._" Marcus said. "_Having two mates never works out well_."

No arguments here. I have no intention of having two mates. I will tell Rousseau my choice. He won't like it. But I will tell him. Eventually.

"_Moony, what is it?"_

"_Nothing, Padfoot_," I say, returning to the living room. "_Just a rat."_

"_Hey."_

"_I mean a real rat, Wormy," _I say licking Wormtail. He bites my tongue. "_Ow!"_

"_Ugh! Werewolf slobber! That was not pleasant. Don't do that!_"

"_You didn't have to bite my tongue_," I say, licking my muzzle.

"_Yes, I did," _Wormtail snaps. "_I don't like getting licked._"

If we were in our human guises, we'd be cracking meaningless innuendo. But we resist the urge.

A part of me wants to go hunting. I can't, but I can at least play with my friends and savor this last year.

I curl up on the couch. Padfoot takes the torn blanket and growls, shaking his head and it, challenging me to another round of tug of war. I stare at the other end before latching onto it.

Prongs watches, perhaps a little jealous that his animal form doesn't allow him to play as wildly as Padfoot and I can.

The only thing that would make the night more fun is if Severus was here with me—a wolf like me, playing with us. And if possible we could be alone in here. My friends could take the night off.

But my human self deliberately keeps him away on these nights. I won't kill him. I'd never kill him. He wants him here as much as I do, so why does he hold him out at a distance?


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

I enter the Room. Severus is finishing his last essay at the table by the fireplace.

Neither of us have been seen in our own houses for a while. We should try to stay in our dorms, but when push came to shove, neither of us wanted to go back.

I gave my friends the ambiguous answer that I wanted to be with Severus, so I wasn't coming back to Gryffindor at night, though I still ate at the Gryffindor table and attended classes with them.

Which leads to today: the first Hogsmeade Weekend of the year.

Lily is grinning coyly at me. James looks a little afraid of this look and refuses to look at her.

I don't know what I am supposed to be afraid of, but clearly I should be afraid of something.

"So," Lily said, grinning. "Any big plans for the weekend?"

"Sev and I were thinking of staying in," I answer. "Why do you ask?"

"He can go to Hogsmeade without permission now, you know, since we're seventh years." True. "So I was thinking—"

"Lily, please, they have plans," James begged.

Lily glared at him. "Staying in does not constitute as plans, James."

James backed down, nibbling on a crispy bacon strip.

I exchange looks with Peter and Sirius.

We look at James and raise our right hands in the air.

"_Whee-tch!_" we hiss, flicking our wrists in a motion much like a whip.

He glares at us. "I hate you all."

"James, be nice."

"Definitely whipped," Sirius said. "Madam, I tip my hat to you. Or I would if I was wearing one. You have tamed a Hogwarts Marauder."

Lily grinned. "Oh, don't thank me yet. You're next." She turned back to me. "Anyway, what do you say to having a double date?"

I blink. That's it? That's what James is looking so nervous about?

"I have to talk to Severus first," I say, "but there shouldn't be any problem with it."

"Good. Meet you guys at the Broomsticks at eleven?" Lily said.

I shrug, seeing Severus and standing.

"Hope to see you then," Lily said, smiling.

"Perhaps." I remind her. I bid goodbye to my friends and approach Severus. "Is it part of Lily's nature to schedule double dates at random?"

Severus nods. "There wasn't much we could do when we were together, but she often invited people at random out of the blue to join us on the lawn. She did it again, did she?"

I nod, fighting down my asinine jealousy. _They aren't together anymore_, I remind myself. But I still remember. "Would you like to go to Hogsmeade? I know we were sort of planning some time alone…"

Severus shrugged. "I don't have a problem with it, so let's go. Unless you have one."

I do and his name is Rousseau. But screw Rousseau! I want to go out in public with Severus.

I shake my head.

#

The Three Broomsticks is still relatively empty, filled with long term attendees who know when to beat lunch hour.

Lily and James have sanctioned off a table. Severus and I joined them. Lily stood and embraced Severus who hugged her back. She then embraced me and we took our seats.

James and Severus glared at each other.

Looking between my best friend and my lover, I had the feeling this lunch might be more awkward then necessary. Lily glanced at me, perhaps thinking the same thing.

"So," Lily said, a smile gracing her lips. Severus glanced at her and his eyes widened seeing that grin.

"Whatever you're about to ask, don't you dare!" he hissed.

Lily glared at him a moment, but the smile returned. "Where exactly have the two of you been running off to at night?"

I flush scarlet.

"Actually," James said, grinning his unmistakably evil grin. "I've been wondering the same thing."

I slide down in my chair. Severus hides his face with his hand massaging his temple.

"Both of you," he growled. "Mind your own business."

"Why? You're our best friends. We're entitled to know."

I shake my head. "Not really."

"All right," Lily said, mock glaring at us. "What you do in your time alone is your deal. It was just a conversation starter anyway."

"But—"

"James," Lily said. "Shut up."

Severus smirked. "Has your soul been chipped away yet?"

"That's mean, Severus!" Lily snapped. James slumped in his chair and nodded. Lily slapped his arm.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Severus said. Lily took her bag and attempted to hit Severus with it, but he managed to grab it instead and yanked it out of her hands. "I thought you were done hitting and kicking people after second year."

"Bad habits die hard," Lily said, shrugging. She nudged James. "He knows full well."

James nodded, but kept glaring at Severus. Whatever he wanted to say, he didn't say it.

Perhaps he and I are on the same wavelength.

I know Severus and Lily are just friends. James is well aware of that fact too. But in this whole time, neither of us has spoken since the conversation shifted. We only listened to the carrying dialogue between Severus and Lily—letting our jealousy of the other's best friend brew.

I never told Severus that I'm still jealous of Lily. I wasn't even sure I still was until now.

My hand reaches over to his, locking my fingers between his. He doesn't break a beat. But I'm reassured when his hand grasps mine in return, his thumb gently massaging my skin.

I glance at James once, to see his reaction. He is sitting up straighter, and he is he not glaring as hard as he was moments before.

The conversation shifted again from Lily's need to throttle people she's mad at to potions. Lily's quite skilled at potions. Severus would probably be in the Slug Club with her if not for James and I—and Sirius and Peter too.

One of Rosmerta's waitresses stepped to the table. A round of butterbeer was ordered with a lunch of turkey legs, roasted chicken, and Cornish pasties. James smirked knowingly at me.

"What?"

"The turkey leg again?"

"The turkey leg is essential for my own appetite," I remind him. "You've seen how big they are."

"True…but…"

"I'm hungry! Deal with it."

Lily's shaking her head. Severus, who had yet to see the turkey leg (because I was not _that_ hungry last time we came to the Broomsticks together), has a look of curiosity mixed with worry.

"Besides, you ordered the turkey to."

"But I'm not going to be able to finish it! It's a big ass turkey leg! You, on the other hand, manage to eat the turkey leg, whatever else is on your plate, two butterbeers and some more before you're full on a good day."

Lily glared at me, though I'm not sure why.

I shrug. "It's good turkey."

"I think I shouldn't have ordered chicken," Severus wondered.

"No. You should have ordered the pasties," Lily said. "They're filling, but they're not as big. Those turkey legs are massive. It's a miracle that _anyone _can finish even _one_ and stay thin."

Oh. That's why she was glowering. I grin innocently at her. Lily shakes her head at me. I shrug.

"I like to eat," I say in my defense.

"Everyone likes to eat, Lupin."

Severus shakes his head. James is making quick cutting motions with his hand over his neck. I ignore them. "Then why does how much you eat matter?"

Severus slapped his forehead. James sighed, mouthing "you're so dead."

"For a number of reasons," Lily said, crossing her arms.

I suddenly felt like I was in the presence of a harsh mother—harsher than my own.

Are you acquainted with Molly Prewett? She's a fierce woman who married Arthur Weasley after they graduated a few years ago. I knew them from my first year (their seventh) Molly had a knack of scaring you enough to make you pee your pants.

Lily began to list why it was bad to eat too much.

I felt as though I had been shrunk. Or, perhaps, that Lily had grown to tower over me. Neither Severus nor James came to my rescue. Well, I didn't listen to them. I'll have to take the "Wrath of Lily" like a man.

But that doesn't mean I wasn't saved. She had just finished her rant when the food arrived.

Anything she said was forgotten as I tore at the turkey.

This turkey after being yelled at by an angry redheaded woman—it actually tastes better. You wouldn't think it would, but it does.

"That is a big ass turkey!" Severus muttered.

"I told you," James said.

"Both of you just eat your food," Lily groaned.

I couldn't say no to that and eat merrily. We break in our meal to move onto different conversations.

A distinct scent, different from the food around us, enters the restaurant. I look around for the source. I know he's still in here. But I can't spot him.

"Remus, what is it?"

"Nothing," I say, turning back in my seat and drinking my butterbeer. My hands are shaking, but not violently enough to draw attention.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

After we've eaten, I excuse myself to go to the loo.

As I wash my hands, the door opens and I brace myself for an attack that is now sure to come. I'm seized by the coat and pinned against the wall. Rousseau is glaring at me. His blue eyes are glinting nastily—no. They're glowing.

"Rousseau, I can explain."

"I hope so." His canine teeth are sharper.

"But you need to calm down first," I say. "We can talk once you're calm."

"_Calm down_?" he spat. "How can I calm down? Why are you with him? _Him_ of all people to come here with! And his scent is all over you! It reeks!"

"Rousseau, you need to calm down," I repeat, slowly reaching for my wand. "You need to. You're going alpha in the middle of the day in a bathroom in a _restaurant_. I will explain everything, but not when you're out of control. I need you to listen and you can only listen if you're calm enough to."

Rousseau slams the wall with his fist.

My wand comes free.

"If you wanted company, Remus, you only had to write me. We could have met—"

I press the tip of my wand under his chin.

He backs away, calming down. His eyes are back to their normal color. His teeth and nails to their normal length and appearance.

"I don't want you," I say. "I've never wanted you. Now calm down and we'll talk."

The door opens again.

"Remes, what's taking so long?" Severus asked. Rousseau snaps. He's completely gone alpha. The large wolf rushes at Severus.

"_STUPEFY_!" I shout, hitting Rousseau's back. He collapses to the ground, sleeping.

Severus stares at Rousseau, who turns back into a human. He looks at me. "This is Rousseau?"

"This is Rousseau," I confirm. "And this is very bad."

"You haven't told him?"

"I haven't had the chance to yet. I've only seen him once since returning to school."

Severus is staring at Rousseau's comatose form with extreme hate. I haven't seen that look in his eyes for a long time.

"C'mon," I say, leading Severus out of the bathroom. I alerted Rosmerta of Rousseau's presence and that he attacked us. She flooed the Aurors, who arrived seconds later—six of them.

The restaurant was cleared by two Aurors as the other four apprehended Rousseau. Severus and I waited with the crowd. I wanted to make sure Rousseau was taken away.

My stomach churned when he was brought out:

His hands were cuffed behind his back. His face was fitted with a leather muzzle. Around his neck was a metal collar with four rings that had chains hooked to them.

Rousseau looks at me and Severus. Like a wild dog, he tried to break free of his restraints and charge at us, screaming threats at us. The crowd screamed. I backed into Severus instinctively. He places his hands on my shoulders.

"I've got you," he said in my ear. "He can't get you."

The Auror's pulled him back and they apparated.

"Where do they take werewolves?" I ask, my curiosity mingled with fear.

What if I'm discovered? What if my friends had turned me in back in our first year? Would what happened here happen to me someday?

"Ones like Rousseau?" Severus asked.

"Any werewolf."

Severus didn't say anything for the longest time. "I don't know."

"That's so cruel," Lily mumbled.

"He's a werewolf, Lily," James told her. I look at him. "They tend to be…violent. They don't mean to be, but their nature—it sometimes gets the better of them. They can't control themselves."

I storm away, pushing through the crowd.

"Remus!" James shouted. I don't stop. James catches up and seizes my arm. "I'm sorry," he said. "I was stating a fact."

"A fact or a prejudice?"

"A _fact_," he said. "You don't have any more control than that guy does. You're just as prone to going alpha as he is and you _have_ gone alpha. You've tried to kill Sirius, maybe even me. We've forgiven you, of course, but Lily doesn't know you're a werewolf and I didn't know you could hear me. I thought we were out of earshot. I wouldn't have said anything if I knew you could hear us."

"I'm still 'prone to violence' as you so nicely put it. Why not just yell it out then? 'Wild werewolf this way! Get the Aurors back here! Get the pitchforks and light the torches! Angry mob on the loose—'"

James' fist slammed into my jaw. I stumbled back, clutching my cheek. Saliva fills my mouth, burning it. I spit and a concoction of blood and saliva falls to the ground.

"I would _never_ turn you in!" he shouted, seizing my shirt and shaking me. "None of us would! You think you'd be at Hogwarts right now if we ever told a soul? It's your secret to share. Not ours. You want Snape knowing? Fine. If you trust him, that's good enough for me and the others. Want to tell Lily? Go ahead. It's not my place to tell her. But we love you, Moony, regardless. Why give a crap if you're a werewolf? I don't. Peter and Sirius don't. Snape clearly doesn't."

He released me, calmer.

"Do you know that werewolf?"

I nod my head.

"Who is he?"

How can even explain Rousseau? "Well," I begin. "He's my ex. Somewhat—it's harder to explain than it should be."

"What?"

I explained what I could without mentioning the pack.

"Then I came back to school and Severus was here and—and I couldn't stand it."

"You were still in love with Snape."

"Yes."

"Moony, this guy…this Rousseau…he's bad news."

"I know."

"You said it yourself that your relationship with him started with assault. If you're back with Severus, it's bad for both of you. I don't know where they're taking him, but I pray it's Azkaban for a long, long time."

I nod my head, agreeing with James. He's absolutely right: I don't want to see Rousseau again if it can be helped.

But it'd be just as bad if he's left there to brood, getting angrier and angrier.

We walk back to the Broomsticks in silence, musing. Severus and Lily have left, but there's a silver doe sitting by the sign. It stands and walks over to us.

"_We're at the Shack_," Lily's voice comes from the doe's mouth. "_See you guys there soon_." The doe vanishes.

James and I found Lily and Severus waiting by the shack as Lily's patronus had said, They're talking.

We walked up to them. I embraced Severus, who holds me in return. James kissed Lily's forehead, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"What's gotten into you two?" Lily asked, "You both seem scared. What's wrong?"

"Nothing to worry about, Lils," James assures her, grinning.

Leaving Lily in the dark isn't really for the best. But I'm not ready to tell her what I am. I don't know if I'll ever want her to know—especially after today with Rousseau's outbreak.

I breathe in Severus' scent. I relish in his warmth. And I hold my breath, not wanting the sound of air flowing in and out of my lungs to dull the sound of his heartbeat.

It's a warm October day, but I'm freezing. I'm so cold. So, I hold him tighter. I don't want to let go.

#

Rousseau is being held in Azkaban. It took a lot of work for me to get permission from Dumbledore to go see him. I couldn't dare to begin explaining why I wanted to see him, but I get the feeling Dumbledore knows anyway.

I'm brought to the cell. This place—it's cold and my breath is like ice in my lungs. There isn't any shred of happiness in this place, so I focus on Severus.

Rousseau is curled in the corner of his cell. A Dementor glides by me.

"Rousseau?" I say.

He wakes.

Seeing me, he scrambles to his feet and comes as close as he can. He is chained to the wall and the muzzle on his face had not been removed.

"Why are you here, Remus?"

"To talk," I say, "like how I wanted to the day you were arrested."

"_You_ had me arrested."

"I did. That's beside the point."

_I'm in our room on the third floor with Severus, we're joking about classes again. Our homework is almost done and after that, we'll go to dinner. And then we'll go to bed. _

"I love Severus, Rousseau. I tried to get over him. I did. I thought, maybe, grudgingly I admit, that I might be getting over him by falling in love with you. I'm sorry but I never loved you the way I love Severus. I always have loved him."

"Who was it that brought you out of your depression? _I did._ You repay me—you're mate—by getting back with your ex?"

I shake my head. "You were never my mate. You just gave me a whole new set of things to worry about, diverted my attention from what really mattered to me. Yes, I was hurt. I was depressed. But I never once stopped loving Severus. As it so happens, he never stopped loving me."

_I'm asleep, or I was. Severus' kiss wakes me. I don't want to get up early on a Saturday. _Damn it, Severus_, I think. _Go back to sleep_. I groan and burry under the covers._

"_Remus, it's ten o'clock."_

"_It's six," I snap. "It's too early."_

"I am sorry," I say. "I don't love you. I _can't_ love you. I just…needed you to know that. Rousseau, I really am sorry."

I turn to leave. "Just remember who gave you those scars, Remus," Rousseau shouted. My hand traces the scares over my nose and cheek. "They'll never fully heal. You can't get rid of me that easily!"

I lower my hand and stride out of the prison.

I want to get back to school before this place sucks more life out of me.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

I enter the room and fall onto the couch, laying my head on Severus' lap. His fingers play with my hair and the other hand holds the book up, propping his elbow on the sofa's arm. "God, I want some chocolate," I say.

"No. No chocolate," Severus reminds me. He's got me on a "chocolate probation." No chocolate. At all.

I went on a chocolate binge a couple days ago and was bouncing off the walls (a little too literally). I accidently bruised his back when I tackled him when he came back from classes at lunch, knocking him onto the floor.

"Please?" I look up at him, pouting.

"_No_."

"_Please_?" He shakes his head. "I'll get it from the kitchens," I threaten.

"How was your visit to prison?" he asks instead in an attempt to get my mind off caffeine and sugar bars with nuts or crispy rice. Or plain old milk chocolate—I'm not a fan of dark chocolate, but I wouldn't say no to a small fun size bar.

"I don't ever want to go back there," I say. "It was awful. Just to walk the halls I had to focus on you. I'm still freezing." I nuzzle closer to him.

Severus puts the book down and takes my hand, kissing it.

"But what I needed to tell Rousseau is out of the way. He's not leaving or getting out of Azkaban any time soon, so that's…one thing to check off the to do list."

"True," Severus said, kissing my hand again. "What's next? Any other mad ex-mates of yours that I should concern myself with?"

I grin. I have to take the bait. "Well, there is _one_ other ex," I say, looking at him with a mischievous grin. "He's not a werewolf. But he's tall, kind of thin and rather pale. Doesn't help that he refused to wear color except green and white and silver—but that's only because they're part of his uniform."

"So a Slytherin," Severus laughed.

"Yeah. Easy to recognize. Black hair and eyes. Big nose. Damn good kisser. Yeah I think you got another person to worry about."

"Yeah. He sounds intimidating," Severus said, lifting my head so he could stand and put the book back on the shelf. "I think I know the guy." I sit up.

"You do. Pretty well."

"That's makes it harder to beat the crap out of him," Severus said, smirking. "Really, leaving you? Stupidest thing he's ever done."

My smile falters. "Severus, please forgive yourself. I'm not mad at you."

"I know. That doesn't make what happened over the summer any less my fault."

"None of it is. Neither of us could have known at the time that I'd join the pack. No one forced me to join. I actually _chose_ to join after consideration. I won't say 'careful consideration.' It wasn't. Now I want out, but there's no way out that I can find."

Severus opens his mouth to argue. I hold my hand up to silence him.

"Don't try to convince me otherwise. It's not your fault." I stand and approach him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing his lips. "We'll find a way out. I _will_ get out of Fenrir's pack. I'm that determined. He can't keep me there."

"He'll try."

"He can try all he likes. I'm not staying. And I can't be killed. I didn't kill Rousseau. I can find a way out of the pack without killing any of them and without passing the curse on to a first year."

Severus runs his fingers through his hair, agitated.

"Can we not…worry about that now?"

"Time is running out, Remus."

"Rousseau has been dealt with," I tell him. "I don't want to focus on what's left to do. Can't we check what's already done off and take a few minutes to _relax_? Homework's done. Halloween is tomorrow—Meaning Sevie Pranks."

It's a school tradition to prank as many underclassmen as possible during Halloween that began about sixty or seventy years ago. It's all fun and games. No one gets hurt because if someone does, the pranks will be banned.

Filch hates them, but there's always a cleanup crew for that night preselected a month ahead of time because that's how long it takes to get the prank up and running.

All in all, there's no reason for anyone to complain except for the first years—who tend to be the brunt of the joke.

"Rousseau is in prison. This is our last year. I know you haven't had a good time at school, but this year will be different. I promise."

Severus removes my hands from his hips. "Why do you think this year will be any less hard?"

I smirk, "Kind of one of the perks of dating a Hogwarts Marauder."

"What? Smooth sailing?"

"Well, we are the guys who caused you so much trouble, so…" I shrug. "Think of it as payback against Sirius and James if you want. The point is that no one messes with my partner without risking the consequences." I cross my arms. "They are very severe consequences."

Severus arches an eyebrow. Then he shrugs. "Yeah," he agreed. "They are severe. Never mess with a werewolf's mate. It's an actual proverb."

I furrow my brow and shake my head. "There's no proverb about werewolves except this one: _beware_."

"Well, there should be one about what happens when you mess with a werewolf's mate."

"It would still mean beware."

"Yeah. But it'd be more detailed," Severus said, sitting on the couch again. I joined him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "_Werewolves make great lovers but bad enemies._"

I let it circle around my head.

"Admittably it sounds like something out of a fortune cookie."

"No. That's a good proverb. They're supposed to be short and fortune cookie like. What is a fortune cookie? I've never heard of them."

"Neither did I until Lily's dad returned from a business trip to America with a bag full of these biscuits. You break the biscuit and inside is a slip of paper that tells you something ambiguous about your future."

"What did yours say?"

"I don't remember. It was ten years ago. Lily and I didn't even eat them. We just kept breaking the biscuits apart and reading them out aloud."

"That's a waste of biscuits."

"We were eight and we weren't sure if they were edible. We only wanted the fortunes inside."

"Did any of them come true?"

"I don't think so."

"Why didn't you bring this up before? It would have made a great prank just to hand them out and tell them they tell accurate fortunes."

Severus shook his head, trying not to laugh. "No. Remes, you've had some really fine moments, but that was not one of them. That was too cheesy. I would have expected that from Pettigrew, but you?"

I grin, "Which brings us back to chocolate..."

"No!"

"But it helps me think clearly!" I shout. "I'm going to get bad grades if I don't get some chocolate." Severus threw his head back and laughed. "Shut up, it's not funny!"

"You're not going to fail your classes by not getting chocolate," Severus reasoned. I pouted. He kissed my forehead. "Only if you keep complaining about not getting any chocolate."

I still pout. You can't take a man's chocolate away. You_ can't_. It's cruel.

"Not even a fun sized bar?"

"Remes my back still hurts from when you rammed me to the floor."

"That was a chocolate binge," I say in my defense. "I'm asking for a little half inch of chocolate at least."

Severus refuses to look at me, not wanting to see _the Look_. Yeah. I have a look. It's difficult for him to resist it.

I smirk inwardly and straddle his lap. He refuses to look at me, no matter how much I stare. Our position probably makes it more difficult for him too. I kiss the corner of his mouth.

"Please, Sev?"

He's mumbling, "I'm stronger than the look," under his breath.

_We'll see about that_.

"Please?" I whisper in his ear.

"No."

"With a cherry on top?"

"_No_."

"What about strawberries?"

"Goddamit, Remus, _no_."

I frown. Then I get an idea and I smirk. I get off his lap. "Fine," I say, crossing my arms and looking the other way. "All this over a little accident? It's ridiculous, Severus. It's just some chocolate."

"Then you can go a few days without it," he tells me.

I don't look at him, pretending to be the hurt lover. I will get my chocolate if it's the last thing I do.

#Severus#

I glance at him once. He won't look at me.

_For crying out loud, it's just a stupid chocolate bar_, I tell myself. _Throw him a bone._

But if I do that, then there is sure to be another binge. I know there's a chance this could backfire. Remus could get chocolate from another source and binge again anyway.

I sigh.

"Remes, I'm not trying to be mean," I assure him. He still won't look at me. "Look, tomorrow's Halloween," I say. "You can have some chocolate tomorrow."

He spins around and hugs me, grinning widely. He's so spoiled.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

The seventh years woke early Halloween morning and communed in the Great Hall. I and the other prefects handed out a costume to each student in our house.

I had adorned a cheesy muggle werewolf's costume. (I thought the irony was too much to pass up.)

Severus glanced at me once while getting his costume (which consisted of a weird white mask and a chainsaw prop) and shook his head, but he was trying hard not to smile.

Once everyone had their costumes, they went to dress in several stations set up. The doors opened. Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall entered. McGonagall didn't smile, but Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling.

"Ladies, gentlewizards, may I have a moment of your time?" he said. We stopped what we were doing and gave our undivided attention to the Headmaster.

_Please don't cancel the prank_, I thought. _Please, __please__ don't cancel the prank_.

"Professor McGonagall and I wish you luck in today's festivities."

_Thank Merlin._

"Remember that you are _still _required to go to your classes, but between them, you are allowed to scare as many of your classmates as you like. At the very least, wear your robes over your costumes until after your last class."

There were several groans. The costumes weren't warm. Some of them were quite thin, but no one wanted to wear their uniform.

"I know, I know, it's not fun," he said with a laugh. "But afterwards—"

"We commandeer the teacher's lounge!" The head boy shouted. There were several cheers. Dumbledore raised his hands to silence us. McGonagall's lips thinned further.

"No, you don't. Not until graduation," he said once he had our attention again.

Oh well. We _get_ to take over the teacher's lounge eventually.

"Oh c'mon!" Sirius shouted, already dressed as Scream.

"Be content that you will be allowed to commandeer the teacher's lounge eventually, Black," McGonagall snapped.

"Rather, there will be a party after the feast for you put on by your teachers, myself included. You may wear the costumes you have on now or change into formal wear. Masks will be provided. Have fun today and try not to make the first years wet themselves again."

The throng laughed. Some expressed disgust.

"But that takes all the fun out of it!" James shouted.

"I did say try," Dumbledore reminded him, chuckling. Professor McGonagall shot him a glare that clearly said, _don't try. Do._

Well, we will try. We'll purposefully fail. But we'll try. Those of us not wearing masks grinned innocently. Those with masks were smirking. Everyone was already plotting.

What? I dare you to survive six years of being tormented by the senior class. You will look forward to your time to shine.

And this is ours!

Though thirty or forty years ago, the first years decided to get their revenge on the sevies. It's a cautionary tale to all lower classmen:

Supposedly, after the Halloween Sevie Prank, the first years—spritely little midgets—had the audacity to prank the seventh years.

They got all this goo (don't ask how. I don't know. They probably brewed it) and when the seventh walked in two days after Halloween, they were doused in this goo. All the first years cheered and flaunted the seventh years that day.

The leader, some stupid Slytherin kid named Riddle, was found and the poor kid was thrown into the lake and forced to swim in it with the giant squid on his tail. Since then, no one dared to go against us.

Of course, in fifty years the story could have changed, but the moral did not. Don't prank the upperclassmen or you might be swimming away from the giant squid.

Though I do wonder what he and his classmates did in their seventh year…no one knows except a select few teachers (including Dumbledore) and none of them will tell us.

Those of us who dressed returned to our dorms. Severus and I walked back to our room to fetch our robes, our masks in our hands and in his other, the chainsaw. (It's not a real one, but a muggle toy engorgified and charmed to look real. We can't bring _real_ weapons onto school grounds. That'd be bad.)

"Why did they have to make us wear our robes?"

"Don't ask. Why clowns? How many first years are scared of those?"

Severus shrugged. "They'll be the muggle borns, I'll tell you that much. And any clown holding a butcher knife is scary."

I shrug. I don't think clowns are that scary, butcher knife or no.

We set our things down on the couch and grab our school robes, putting them over our costumes before hiding our faces with the masks. I put on my furry gloves that came with the costume.

"How do I look?" I ask. Severus looks at me through the hockey mask.

"Like a Hollywood movie reject." I don't answer, confused. He sighed, exasperated. "One of these days, we're going to muggle London and we'll go to the theatre." We get our bags and head to our first class.

#

I chased a few screaming second year girls into the lady's room on the third floor

Sirius came up and we high fived before moving on to find new victims. On the floor below, Severus was chasing after a few fifth year students, his chainsaw roaring loudly over their screaming. They managed to get themselves locked in a classroom.

"Bad luck, that!" I shout.

The fifth year boys he had been chasing made faces at Severus through the windows. The girls hid behind them, staring at Severus fearfully. He motioned that he was watching them and met me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah, well. What about you?"

"I think Lily's in that bathroom," I say, jerking my thumb over my shoulder at the third floor bathroom. We got people stationed in every bathroom as zombies.

Classrooms were the safest places our victims could go. We couldn't enter them without expressly needing to be there or risk detention (the agreement between us and the teachers).

"Any moment now…"

Sure enough, the second years ran out of the bathroom shrieking.

Severus laughed maniacally and we raced up the stairs to corner the girls, who were crying and screaming, but left with no other choice but to run.

There was one other thing the underclassmen could do to escape us. And that was hide behind a teacher.

Severus and I skidded to halt in front of Spout who had her hands on her hips. The crying and shaking second years hid behind her.

Before a word could pass through her lips, Severus and I turned around and ran the other way.

"Damn it," he growled, removing the mask. His forehead glistened with sweat and his cheeks were flushed. "Why'd they have to get Sprout?"

"Well—"

"Hey! You cowards!" James shouted, banging on the door. "C'mout!"

"James, if they're in a classroom, they're not coming out," I remind him. James glared at me through his leaves. He had been decked out as the Alder King, a muggle and wizard legend about a creature that could kill children by touching them. It's more popular among wizards and not commonly told to muggles. "You should have chased them into the bathroom."

"Shut up. I'm going up to the fifth floor. What about you two?" James smirked at us, creasing his makeup. "Sneaking off? Hey, you know which bathroom Lily's supposed to be haunting?"

"Third floor," I say, "But I'm not sure." James ignored my last bit and raced up the stairs, skipping two at a time.

"Well," Severus said, putting his mask back on. "I'm heading to the dungeons. There're always some underclassmen hiding there."

"Have fun. I'm taking this floor."

Severus picked up the chainsaw and descended the stairs.

I smirked beneath the mask and jumped at the students trapped in the classroom, getting nice shrieks out the girls before running off.

I slowed to a walk and checked my watch. I had another class coming up. Damn. I turned, fully intending to head to class, and stopped.

"Shoddy piece of work," Fenrir said. He's not smiling. I remove my mask. "What are you doing?"

"I could ask the same thing."

"Rousseau is in Azkaban. It took some work to find a way inside undetected, but it seems Rousseau found a way. Why did you turn him in?"

"He lost control. A few months in Azkaban _hopefully_ will calm him down. It's not like I killed him," I say striding past him.

"Where are you going?"

"I have a class."

"Skip it."

"I can't. If I don't go, the whole class can be penalized."

"The pack is more important than you're education, Remus. I thought you learned that this summer."

"Do you want me to fit in with them or not?" I shout. Fenrir does not answer. "Then I go to class. We can talk at the full moon."

"He lost control because you're back with Severus, am I right?"

I look at Fenrir.

"If you _insist_ on being with Severus, you should turn him," Fenrir advised. "Make him one of us, indoctrinate him into the pack. It will make it a little easier to keep him by your side."

I don't show him that I disagree with him, but I turn around and head to class.

"Think about it, Remus."

"I will."

_No, I won't._


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

At the feast, the seventh year class entered the Great Hall in costume.

Several first years (confused by the tradition and completely traumatized—which is the point) broke into tears, but the others were applauding us as we removed our masks and bowed lavishly.

Some of the teachers were applauding, but others were frowning at us, as always.

Everyone's a critic.

The seventh year students are said to sometimes take the prank too far by the younger students. But when you hit fifth year, you're so used to it that it's more a laugh than traumatizing.

As we were bowing, something hit us from above.

Profane language and shrieks filled the hall.

The fifth years cheered, drowning out our screams. I removed some of what was on my head. Whipped cream? We were bombed with floating _pie_?!

For the first time in decades, the sevies had been pranked.

Whoever organized this had a date with the giant squid as soon as we find them.

"Looks like we're all wearing formal wear," Peter muttered, giving his hands a shake, splattering the floor with cream pie.

"All right, all right," Professor Dumbledore said as the laughter and shrieking died down. "Seventh years, you are dismissed to shower. You will be given a separate feast later tonight."_ At the party_, he leaves off. "And to the fifth years: well done. A wonderful revenge scheme if I do say so myself. Juvenile, perhaps. I expect better from you in two years."

The fifth years cheered again.

"Tuck in."

While the underclassmen jeered at us as we left the hall, we were busy hatching the next phase. The fifth had no idea what they had just done. Perhaps they forgot the events of the Great Hogwarts Prank War in the mid thirties.

But by Merlin's beard, they just started the next Great Hogwarts Prank War. (You _won't _find it in _Hogwarts a History_.)

#

"Why couldn't they have waited?" I shouted, not for the first time. It takes a lot of time and preparation for a good prank like ours. But they hit us with the never ending pie in the face gag. "Two more years! That's all they needed to wait for!"

Severus shrugged. I still don't know how he washes his hair. I've asked. Many times before. He refuses to tell me how and I still haven't found an obvious shampoo bottle. But it's clean of whipped cream and pie crust.

"Remus," he said, pointing at the bathroom. "Go take a shower and rant in there. It will be fixed. We will win the war. Take it as a challenge. You're a marauder. You're supposed to like prank wars."

"No. I don't. I rarely prank people. James and Sirius—"

"Go take a shower."

"But—"

"Shower. Now. Before I kick you in there."

I glare mockingly at him and obey. Damn fifth years…

I turn the shower on and scream when I'm hit with this blue, stick mess. I jump out of the shower and grab my towel. On top of being covered in cream pie, I'm now sticky with this blue, sweet smelling stuff.

Severus is laughing in the other room.

"Severus! What did you do?" I shout, wrapping my towel around my waist and exiting the room. Severus is convulsing with laughter on the couch.

He holds up a package of what looks to be…I take a closer look. "Kool-Ade." Blueberry Kool-Ade. I don't know what Kool-Ade is, but it's obviously the reason why I'm covered in blue sticky stuff

I glare at him. "You're going down."

"Oh, really?" he said, sitting up, having regained some composure. "I thought you said Potter and Black were the pranksters in your group."

I narrow my eyes at him. "I lied." I wasn't before.

Don't judge me! He started it!

"Just scourgify the showerhead," Severus suggests. "It'll be fine. Then you can take a shower. You really need to," he added laughing again.

"Again, I'm bringing you down," I warn him, seizing my wand before returning to the bathroom. I clean the showerhead with a quick flick of my wrist and set my wand down.

Now I do shower and I shower vigorously. I'm covered in cream and I'm sticky. A shower with soap and shampoo is a blessing.

Once I actually feel clean, I step out and return to the bedroom where my dress robes await. Severus finishes putting on his cufflinks, an image of sobriety. I stare at him while I myself get dressed, getting an idea. I take a comb and a hair band and approach him.

"What are you doing?"

"Would you mind if I tied your hair back?"

"Not really. But why?"

"Why not? I want to see what it'd look like." Severus shrugs and I run the comb through his hair pulling it to the back of his head and tied it at the base of his neck. Some strands escaped me and fell back around his face.

I stand and put the comb away. I look at him.

"Well? Do I look idiotic?"

I smile, putting the robe over my shoulders. "Actually you look quite aristocratic." Severus looked away, trying to hide the tinge that lit his cheeks.

It's then I notice his collar is slightly open, revealing his throat and a bit of his clavicle.

"Where's your tie?" I ask.

"I don't own one. Nor would I want one." I grab a spare one of my own and approach Severus. "Again? Remus—"

"You look handsome. I wouldn't want anyone staring at you more than need be."

He smirked. "We haven't even gone to the Halloween party yet and you're already jealous."

"Just let me tie the damn tie," I say, buttoning his collar up a little more and nimbly tying a bowtie. "There." Severus frowns, tugging at his collar. "Stop that."

"It's tight."

I frown and redo the tie, a little looser than before. "Better?"

"Yes." There's a small smirk trying to creep onto his face. I let it go, kissing him instead.

"Perhaps, we shouldn't go," I suggest, my jealousy getting the better of me.

"We haven't eaten since this morning, Remes," Severus reminds me. "I don't know about you, but I'm hungry."

I am too.

"We could go to the kitchens." Severus kisses me back.

"Let's go," he says, taking my hand in his. We leave the room and head to the Great Hall. Outside is a table full of masks and feather fans. Severus takes a black one and I take one that is white. The hall has been decked out like a graveyard.

Eerie deciduous trees were spread around the room and grave markers. The school ghosts floated around, conversing with the students, making the scene eerier. The walls were covered in cobwebs and fake spiders, and iron fences.

There was a table laden with the same food often found at the feast and smaller round tables where students sat and ate. The tables surrounded the dance floor. Several students and a few teachers were already there, dancing to the music.

Music played silently in the background. I haven't noticed the musician, but Severus' grip has tightened.

"I didn't know Alice Cooper was a wizard," he exclaimed.

"You didn't know Alice Cooper was a wizard?" I asked, arching my eyebrows.

"I'm half blood, give me a break."

"So? I'm half blood too."

"I grew up in a muggle household. You didn't. My mother was pretty much the lady from _Bewitched_ minus the apple pie, which was replaced with whiskey."

He meant it nonchalantly. I know he did. And I know that joking about his parents' helped him.

But I wish he wouldn't. It always throws us into taciturnity. And not the good kind either. I wish he'd talk to me about his family. I think it'd help him get over the bitterness. Talking about my lycanthropy has done so much for me, why couldn't it do the same for him?

_Welcome to My Nightmare_ echoed around the hall.

Severus is staring at the food, so we head over there and fill our plates before finding a table. I spy a couple of girls staring at us, giggling behind their fans.

Severus pays them no attention, finding it more essential to give his food his undivided attention. But I wish they'd stop staring.

I don't know what songs had played between, but now _Lace and Whiskey_ from his new album vibrated off the walls

They decided to be brave and approached us.

Cooper took a quick break to thank his cheering audience and began to sing _Wish You Were Here_.

"Excuse me," one of the girls. Her friend, hiding her face with her fan so we couldn't see her grin, giggled audibly. "Would you like to dance?"

"No," I say curtly.

She glared at me. "You're quite rude. I was asking your friend."

Severus swallowed. "Sorry, I'm with him." The girl's winsome smile faltered. The only reason we couldn't see her blush was because of the mask. With quick apologies, she and her friend, who kept glancing back at us, left with hurried strides.

"Now we wait," Severus said.

"Wait for what?"

He looked at me. "Have you not met Lily? Do you not think that there are more girls in this school who are like Lily? Just wait. The…what are they? Oh yeah. The _Flames of Moe_ will pretty much raise the temperature in the hall a couple degrees."

Flames of Moe? Dare I ask him to clarify?

But sure enough, the hall does feel warmer several minutes later. I dare to look around. Several girls are staring at us with what I think is…sick, twisted, sadistic hope?

"Severus, what's going on?"

"Um," he said, lifting his glass of butterbeer. "I think…yeah. Fan-girls expecting a little bit of fan-service." He took a swig and set down his glass. "Not to be mistaken with the fan-boy. They look the same; seem to be from the same genus, but definitely not the same species." He thinks it over and shakes his head. "I lied. They are the same species. Just different sexes."

Next to grace the hall was _Cold Ethyl_.

"And Lily's one of them."

Severus nodded.

"How do we get them to go away?"

"We don't. Just suffer through it. They'll go away on their own."

I hope he's right.

* * *

**Author's note**: Because in my head, Lily is a fan-girl. Or an anime character. Haven't decided which. She's Renge!


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

After we ate, Severus stood and held his hand out to me. He's shifting his gaze from me to the dance floor. _Only Women Bleed_ had just begun to play.

I stand and give him my hand, trying to fight down my blush and ignore the witches watching and waiting. He places his hand on the small of my back. My hand rests on his shoulder. Our other hands are interlocked and we slowly waltz to the beat of the music.

"Is this what you meant by fan-service?"

"Only if they're easy to please."

"And if they're not?"

Severus shrugs and kisses me. "They are now. You can't hear them, but they're spreading gossip all over the place. The whole school will know about us in the morning," he said with a smirk. I'm not smiling.

It's one thing for our friends to know. Even the teachers, maybe. But the whole school? I preferred our relationship when it was more private.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just like the way things are. Now I feel like I'm parading around."

"Well, you're not," Severus assures me. "Have you ever?" I shake my head. "I didn't think so. It's just a bunch of little girls. Or is the big bad wolf scared of a bunch of little girls?"

I chuckle. "Okay, I see your point."

"You don't have to like it."

I nod my head, attacked by fatigue. I should have eaten a little more, but I was not as hungry as I thought. I lay my head against his breast. The song changes again to something faster and upbeat.

As I have found when you're dancing, time is irrelevant. Whether upbeat or slow, time passes faster when you're lost in the music. Before long it was midnight and we were sent to bed.

I'm glad tomorrow is a Saturday.

I discard the robe and undo my tie. Severus embraces me. "I love you," he whispers to me.

I smile. "I love you too."

"Dance with me."

"We just were dancing, Severus."

"Humor me, then." He removes his heavy robe and tie.

There's no music, just the two of us. Severus guides me in a waltz around the room.

"Why do you want to dance so badly?" I ask.

"Partly because I don't want to go to bed yet," he admits, "Partly because tomorrow's Saturday. Mostly I want to dance because I want to dance with you as much as I can. I want to forget how much weight is on our shoulders. I want you to forget for a moment that there's so much pressure on you from your pack to be one of them when you naturally stand for everything Greyback is against. I want to lessen the load on your back."

He looks so sad. We've stopped dancing, though we're still in the position for a waltz. I kiss him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I love you, Sev," I whisper when I break the kiss to draw breath. Whatever space left between us is annihilated when Severus placed his hands on my hips, kissing me back.

I do love him. I love him immensely.

Which is why, when the full moon comes, I will keep him at a distance so that I won't turn him. I know I want to, but I can't let what happened to me—the ridicule, the shame, all the secrecy and the pain and the anger that comes with being a werewolf—happen to him.

#

I don't want to wake up. I want the night to be eternal.

But I wake anyway and the clock chimes noon.

I listen to Severus' steady heartbeat and feel the calm rise and fall of his chest. He hasn't woken yet.

At least I think he hasn't.

I glare at the clock—the reminder that time doesn't give a shit what I want.

"Saturday is halfway gone. Do something productive, Lazybones," it says to me.

I close my eyes instead and soak in Severus' warmth.

He shifts a little bit; a sign that he is about to wake. His hand finds its way to my head and laces through my hair, massaging my scalp.

"I don't want to get up," I moan, snuggling closer to him.

"Good. We don't have to," he said. "I hate internal clocks."

I smile. "Ditto."

"I hate bladders more," He groaned. I let him get up, laughing loudly. "You ate and drank as much as I did, so shut up," he snapped.

It's true. I did eventually eat a little more last night.

But I relieved myself earlier and my bladder is holding just fine.

I take a deep breath and relax, propping myself up on my elbows, waiting for Severus to return from the bathroom. A few seconds later, he's returned and climbs back under the covers, pulled up over his head.

"It's not that cold," I say. I actually feel quite warm.

"It's cold enough," he tells me. To make his point, his feet touch mine. They're freezing! Instinctively I pull away, making a mental note to get him slippers. "See?"

Bunny slippers just to vex him.

"Yes, I do. Maybe we should get a rug in here."

"No."

"Don't be difficult, Severus."

"If you choose the rug, it's likely to be this fluffy thing."

"Fluffy rugs are fluffy!"Severus pulls the covers down far enough to look at me. He's so ridiculous, I can't help laughing. "I still say rugs."

"I say no rugs."

"You're feet won't be cold if we add rugs."

He doesn't retort, sitting up. "Are we actually having this argument?"

"Yes. It's not as stupid as the argument we were having two days ago. Over chocolate."

"Speaking of which, I don't think you went near any."

"Oh I did. I stashed it around the room. You'll never find them."

He stared at me. "They're in your desk drawer."

"No," I lie. He stands, walking over to the desk. I seize him around the waist. "Okay! Okay! I lied. They are in there."

"You were supposed to eat them yesterday, not hoard them."

I give him the Look.

"Remes—you know, I give up. Keep your chocolate." I hug him. "But I get half."

"No," I say. "You can have as much as you like." To make my point, I get out of bed and get the stash.

"Not right now!"

"Anytime is a good time for chocolate," I say matter-of-factly, returning to the bed. I grab a small bar from the bag and hand it to Severus, who stares at it grudgingly. "You know you want it," I say.

Severus takes it from me. "You're going to get cavities at this rate, Remus."

"I'll only get cavities if I forget to brush my teeth. I brush really well," I unwrap a fun sized bar and throw it in my mouth. "Besides, chocolate really helps after the full moon."

Severus smirks, slowly chewing. "So I should just _let_ you overindulge on sugar and cocoa?"

"Yes."

He kisses me. "This won't last long."

"Yes it will."

He shakes his head. "No. You'll go on another binge again and I'll have to confiscate the chocolate again—it'll be a never ending circle." I shrug and unwrap another bar, holding it out for him. He takes it in his mouth.

"Maybe. But until then, will you just enjoy your chocolate?"

Severus smirked.

"What?"

"How close is it till the full moon?"

I furrow my brow, "A week and a half." I stretch and lie down. "Why?"

"Jeez. You start early." I glare at him. "What?"

"If you're seeing any innuendo in what I'm saying, that's not me, Sev. That's you."

Severus crumpled the wrappers and tosses them in the air, incinerating them with his wand. "So? There's no harm with a little innuendo."

The clock struck one o'clock. My stomach growled. Severus chuckled. "We should get of here today."

"So says the man who just an hour ago wanted to do nothing but lie in bed because it's cold out."

"Pot calling the kettle black, Remes. You wanted to do the exact same thing, but now you look a little bored."

I shrug. "We don't have to leave." The gargling in my stomach suggested otherwise.

"I'm going to take a shower," Severus said. He grins suggestively at me. "Want to join?"

I grin back. "I'm right behind you."


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

I stare blankly at the page. I look at the ingredients in front of me. Severus is already heating the water in his cauldron, but I can't help but feel a little intimidated by the potion we're brewing today.

"Remus, what next?"

"Er…" I stare at the page. "Three measures of fluxweed," I say. Severus adds fluxweed to the water. He looks at me, waiting for the next instruction. "Two bundles of knotgrass." He obeys. "Stir three times clockwise. Then wave your wand over it and let it sit for eighty minutes."

I'll let Severus partake the actual brewing. Otherwise, our potion would become something other than polyjuice.

Several of our classmates have messed up already. I'm sure if I was left with the actual brewing, we'd be in the same boat as the rest of them.

Severus is ever calm under Slughorn's dictation, only on par with Lily and James in the back.

Sirius' and Peter's potion exploded, knocking them off their feet and littering the room with bits of pewter cauldron. Slughorn raced to their rescue.

"They must have added the knotgrass before the fluxweed," Severus mumbled contemplatively, "then stirred counterclockwise."

"Huh?"

"If brewed incorrectly, this potion can be quite combustive."

My eyes widen.

"Don't worry, you did well," he assures me, leaning on the desk, and poking a dead leech with the end of his wand. "We've another," he checks his watch, "seventy five minutes to kill before the next part. You know, usually you have to wait about a month in order to really make this potion because of the ingredients' rarity. I doubt many students get such an opportunity to brew polyjuice."

"Fascinating," I say, rolling my eyes. I don't find it interesting at all. If anything, I'm sure we're going to mess the potion up entirely before the end.

"If you are done," Slughorn shouts, "I suggest you use your time productively." Those of us who had finished jumped at our bags, pulling out any homework we needed to finish before our next class. Severus took a quill to one text book, making small, quick annotations.

I attempted busying myself with a little transfiguration. My gaze kept straying to Severus. It was getting closer to the moon. My emotions and desires were just beginning to feed off my adrenaline and any other chemical they feasted on.

For now, I can control myself. But before long I will be unable to keep my hands off him. I can't say I'm proud of this loss of control. I actually find them quite embarrassing after they've occurred.

The whole class is jolted out of their work from shouting in the hall. A few more potions exploded.

"Stay in your seats," Slughorn said, rushing to the door. "Snape and Evans, you're in charge. Help the others, please."

Color drained from Severus' face. He glanced around at our classmates, his eyes scanning them with terror. Lily is already helping them fix their messes with kindly patience.

"You'll do fine," I whisper in his ear.

Severus stands and approaches a group Lily had not gotten to, aiding them in their dilemma.

Several minutes pass. Slughorn returned, his face red and furious.

Professor Dumbledore entered after him, quite solemn. "I take it you'd like to know," he said, "that the student responsible for pranking your class has been caught and thrown in the lake."

We cheered, applauding.

"Yes, yes, I suppose you find it quite pleasing," he said. We silenced, taken aback by his tone. Sirius and I are the only ones who have heard that tone before, last year. "The boy was caught by the squid and has been sent to St. Mungo's."

No one cheered. No one laughed.

"Congratulations," he said. "You're the last class to partake in Seventh Year Pranks." He swept out of the room. No one moved. We were frozen and even the fires under our cauldrons couldn't warm us.

The last class to have Seventh Year Pranks? But whatever happened wasn't the underclassmen's fault. They don't deserve to be punished for whatever happened to that fifth year.

But nothing was going to change Dumbledore's mind. Not in the mood he's in at this moment.

A couple girls had broken out into tears.

Slughorn dismissed us, telling us we'd continue next week.

#

I fell onto the couch and sighed, massaging my head. I've no interest in going to whatever classes I have left today. I don't know for how long I'm drowning in guilt over what happened to that kid.

Severus climbed into the room. "Are you feeling okay?"

I don't answer immediately. Severus walks to the couch and moves my head, sitting down.

I look up at him. "Should we have let it go? It was just a prank."

"Would we have anyway?" Severus asked, his fingers relieving my headache. "I think it as a harsh punishment and in its own way unfair, but I think it is best just to let the Headmaster calm down and we'll petition that he punish only our class instead. The Head Boy and Girl are already on it."

"We didn't know he wouldn't be a strong swimmer."

"Exactly. There was no way _to _know. It was a very unfortunate accident. It happens."

I sigh and sit up. "Can we stay here for the rest of the day?" I ask. "I really don't want to go to class."

Severus nods. I rest my head against his shoulder and close my eyes.

"_Remus Lupin, you are called to the Headmaster's Office." _

I sit up. Severus furrows his brow, questioning what happened.

"I'll be back soon."

"Tell me what's going on."

"I will when I know."

"I'll be here."

I kiss him and grab my robe, threading my arms through the sleeves as I leave the room. I've been to Dumbledore's office before, but never have I actually been called to the office.

For some reason, my feet feel like lead and the journey seems longer than it really is.

Professor McGonagall is waiting for me.

"Professor, am I in trouble?" I ask.

She doesn't answer. "Chocolate Frog," she said. The gargoyle moved out of the way and she led me up the stairs and opened the door. "Professor Dumbledore, Lupin is here."

"Ah, good," he said. His twinkle and smile is back. "Come in, Remus." I enter the room. I half expect my parents to be here. They are not.

Instead, there is a tall man with a pointed nose and thin lips. His graying hair is left down long and wavy. He has a goatee and wears sunglasses. If anything, I think he's still living in the dratted peace and love days that had long expired.

He grins at me and stands.

"Remus, may I have the honor of introducing Principal Arnold Maicob," Dumbledore says.

I'm confused. I look between Principal Maicob and Professor Dumbledore, waiting for an explanation.

"How are you today, Remus?" Maicob asks in an almost unnoticeable Brooklyn accent.

I'm a little annoyed by his familiarity. "Good, Sir. If I may ask, what is this about?"

"Of course," Dumbledore said. "Principal Maicob is the headmaster at Manhattan's School of Lycanthropy."

The School of Lycanthropy?

A few memories of my parents arguing when they thought I was asleep surfaced. I stuffed my hands in my pockets. "Isn't the school a pack?"

The headmasters laughed.

"No," Maicob said. "M.S.L. is an actual school for young Lycanthropes. You perhaps received a letter a few years ago, though you may not remember. You had been a lycanthrope for about a year at the time, I think, when we sent you the acceptance letter. You're parents rejected allowing you to come to M.S.L."

"Why?"

"Well, New York is a long way from England," he said. "And you were only six. Perhaps your parents thought you'd get homesick. Normally, we send out acceptance letters within a year of turning. Young children to college students are often sent acceptance letters. Not that we _condone_ the turning of children, but it does happen and we want to offer them an education where they don't need to hide from what they are."

"Much of how Hogwarts' approached your own lycanthropy, Remus, was based on Principal Maicob's suggestions and approach to teaching young lycanthropes. You're monthly excused absences are part of M.S.L.'s program: allowing the students to transform in different areas of the school in enclosed areas so they don't find a way out and spread their lycanthropy to others."

"Okay," I say, "But I graduate at the end of the year. Why is M.S.L. showing interest in me again?"

"M.S.L. has always had an interest in you, Remus," Dumbledore said. "And I agreed to enter Hogwarts into a trial program, which was to let a lycanthrope into the school."

"It would have been better if more lycanthropes had accepted Hogwarts' admission," Maicob said.

"Yes, well, most of the young lycanthropes turned around the same time Remus was were kidnapped by the lycanthrope that turned them or killed."

Maicob is unsettled by this revelation.

"Remus was quite lucky."

"I understand. Well, to answer your question a little more fully, M.S.L. is extending its invitation to you again if you'd like to join the college division."

I stable myself against a chair. "Am I being scouted?"

Maicob nodded. "You're grades are beyond satisfactory. You've managed your lycanthropy at school quite well. Yes, Remus, M.S.L. is scouting you. Professor Dumbledore tells me you've expressed interest in becoming a teacher."

I can only nod.

"M.S.L.'s college division has a good program for education majors. Young Lycanthropes need a role model who they can look up to as well as reliable teachers. What sort of education have you expressed interest in?"

"Well," I look between him and Dumbledore. "I've always liked Defense Against the Dark Arts or Transfiguration—or do you mean age group? I couldn't teach primary school even if I wanted to. The age group here at Hogwarts is where I'm most comfortable."

Maicob nods his head, letting what I say hang in the air.

All my excitement, which I've been doing my best to contain, comes crashing down when I remember that I'm part of a pack. Would being part of a pack damage my chances at getting into Manhattan's School of Lycanthropy?

"The education department does offer Transfiguration Ed and Defense Ed for the age group you're looking into. I suggest you speak with your partner first. We can accommodate for non-Lycanthropes also if he likes. But we don't accept them as students."

I look at him wide eyed. If possible, the twinkle is Dumbledore's eye shines a little brighter.

"I apologize if I insulted you, Remus," Maicob said with a friendly smile. "You have two scents, both male. I may have jumped to conclusions."

"You didn't," I say.

Maicob is likeable. He reminds me of Professor Dumbledore if he was younger and cooler. (Not that Professor Dumbledore _isn't_ cool. It's harder to connect with him because he's so old, Whereas Maicob may be closer to fifty years old.)

"I do have a partner."

"Well then," Professor Dumbledore said. "I'm glad we had this meeting. That is all, Remus. You best get to your next class."

I nod my head, but I still have no intention of going to my next class.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

I tell Severus everything that passed in Dumbledore's office. By the time I'm done, he's staring at me in awe.

"M.S.L.? _The _Manhattan School of Lycanthropy?"

"The very same. You've heard of it?"

"Heard of it? _Heard of it_?" he repeats.

He jumps up and seizes the research he's done.

"When I was an apprentice, my master venerated the school several times. It's a great school. Not as great as the ones here in Europe, but nowhere in Europe are you going to find a school solely for werewolves. Too many of them here are bitter, so no one else thought to start a school. M.S.L. was founded thirty years ago, I think—yes."

Severus stops rustling through his old notes and looks at me. "Why didn't your parents send you there in the first place?"

"Well, I'd ask them, but they'd be far more concerned with where I had run off to over the summer," I say with a shrug. "Which would make a lovely dinner conversation: 'No mum, I wasn't trying to worry you. I had in fact joined a pack, but hey, I'm thinking of leaving for college at the end of the year. Could you pass the sprouts, please?' Something tells me that wouldn't go over too well."

"Yeah…joining a pack would damper any family reunion," he said, setting his notes down on the desk. "I need a better organizing system. This is a mess! How an old Transfiguration essay got in the middle of it, I'll never know."

"Well, don't look at me. They're your notes. For someone so brilliant, I'm surprised how disorganized you are."

"I work well with clutter."

I spy his desk. It's littered with paper and books piled on top of each other. I have, at times, wanted to attack it and straighten it up, but thought it'd be rude to do so without Severus' permission.

Which he refuses to give.

He looks at me and frowns. "You're not touching my desk."

"But you can't find anything!"

"I can find things just fine. See," he picks up a scrap of parchment. "Last week's," he looks at it, "Potion's quiz. An O."

I glare at him. I got an A. It's the best I can hope for, though I had hoped beyond hope to get an E at the very least on that very quiz.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to gloat."

"Yes, you did."

The expression on his face is a giveaway that he wants to contradict me. He can't do it. "Okay, a little bit. But—but just a little."

Jerk.

Severus puts the quiz down and sits next to me. He knows I'm still wounded about the quiz. "It's not as if you bombed the quiz, Remes. It was a pop quiz. An A was better than what you usually do on pop quizzes in Slughorn's class, right? You did well."

I don't answer.

"I love you." Now he's sucking up. "You're better at Transfiguration." A known fact, but he never struggled at Transfiguration the way I struggle at Potions. "M.S.L., Remus," he reminds me. I look at him. "You'll be able to become a teacher. And maybe in a few years be able to teach at a school where being a werewolf is not considered a curse. That is good. I'm proud of you."

"Do you think I should have gone there from the very beginning?" I ask.

Severus shakes his head. "No. We wouldn't have met if you went to M.S.L. from the beginning. Sure, these wouldn't have happened." He takes my hand and kisses my wrist over a couple of my scars. "But we wouldn't have met either."

"Nor would I have felt inclined to join the pack."

"You would have developed a Brooklyn accent within the first year there."

I smile. "Ugh. Brooklyn accent!"

"What's the matta with you?"

"What's the matta with me? What's the matta with _you_?"

We tried our best to mimic a Brooklyn accent. I couldn't tell you how accurate we were. We probably butchered it. Would Americans care? I don't know. I don't know how easily they get offended.

But we laughed.

"If I decide to go to M.S.L.," I say after we've calmed down. "Would you come with me? You don't have to. I'd understand if you don't—"

"Of course," he said. "I meant it when I said I wasn't going to leave you again. If that means New York, then New York better be ready for us. We'll turn the city upside down."

I kiss Severus. "I love you," I say. My voice is caught in my throat, so it comes out a little huskier than I had intended.

I kiss him again, climbing onto his lap and untucking his shirt. Severus slides my robe off my shoulders and lets it fall to the floor.

I continue unbuttoning his shirt as he unbuttons mine. He holds me closer and I remove my shirt, letting it join my robe. His tongue begs entrance and I open my mouth to allow it. My hands find their way to his belt and unbuckle them.

The kiss breaks.

"What is it?" I ask, feeling a twinge of rejection. "Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Then don't stop kissing me," I demand, ravishing his lips.

The kiss is broken a second time. "Remus, if I…asked you to turn me into a werewolf…"

"No," I snap. "Why would you even ask? Severus, no, I won't. I could never—No."

"Why not?"

"You don't know what you're asking. No one in their right mind would ever want to be a werewolf. You'll be uncontrollable. Like right now," I say, my shaking hand rests over his heart.

"Right now I want you. Badly. It doesn't matter how, so long as I have you. I get so jealous, Severus, if anyone else shows interest in you. So jealous that I want to rip them apart and it takes so much effort to keep cool. And I _want_ to turn you. I really _want _to turn you. But…"

I press my forehead to his chest, unable to stop my tears.

"Severus, I love you too much. Severus, you don't know what you're asking. You don't know what it's like to live the way I have had to since I was five years old. It's a cycle of never ending torture. I feel like I've been cast unjustly into hell. Even when coming to school, even when hanging out with my friends, I felt like a fish out of water because of what I am.

"I only feel human here with you. I don't want to spread my curse to anyone—especially not to you. How can you even think that being a werewolf is in any way glorious? How is it that you could think being like me could make anything better? No, Severus, I won't turn you." I look at him again, wiping my eyes. "Don't _ever_ ask me again."

#Severus#

Remus gets off me, picking his shirt up.

It did not go as well as I had expected. I didn't think he'd want to turn me. I was curious what he thought of it or if he'd even consider it.

"I'm going to see how things are in Gryffindor," he said. Not good. "See you tonight."

I get off the couch. "Remes, I'm sorry," I say, wrapping my arms around him. "I'm sorry I brought it up. Stay. Please." I kiss his neck. "Forgive me. I was curious, I swear that's all. Don't go."

I don't beg often. But when I do, I'm desperate. I don't like the way I sound when I beg: weak, even needy. It's not who I aspire to be.

I don't want him to go. Remus has been harder to earn forgiveness from, less tolerant of my teasing. I can guess it has to do with the pack, but I wish he'd let me in again.

And his apparent jealousy is very obvious. You'd have to be blind and deaf not to be able to spot it.

I can pick him apart psychologically all I like, but it won't make this feeling that he's drifting away any less real or hard to deal with.

This time, I feel like I'm the one who's going to be left.

When my friendship with Lily ended, I couldn't bear it. The load was too heavy to carry on my own. I needed someone and there was no one.

Then I had Remus. When I left Remus, I desperately wanted to go back to him. I wanted to beg him for forgiveness. But I was afraid of what would happen if I did. I really, truly thought I was unable to keep him human.

I see now I was wrong. I do keep him human. I keep him safe, but not tame.

And now, I get the feeling he's drifting away. He's physically here. I'm holding him right now and I'm holding him as tightly as I can. Yet I feel like he's slipping through my fingers no matter how tightly I hold him in my arms.

I tell him I'd follow him to the ends of the earth if need be.

But what if one day he doesn't want me to? What will I do then? Will I take it as hard as I did when I lost Lily's friendship?

Remus turns his head to look at me.

"You won't ask again?"

"No."

"Then I forgive you." He kisses me and I return it. I don't know if he truly has. He still seems so distraught. I don't release him.

"Remus, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

If possible, I hold him tighter. "Are you sure everything is okay?"

"No, it's not, but I'm muddling through the best I can. It's the pack." He breaks out of my embrace and sis on the couch again. "I'm really trying to push them aside. Severus, they won't let me go o M.S.L. They expect me to start my own pack, starting with a little kid here at school."

I sit beside him, pulling him onto my lap. "I've been looking," I tell him. "I know you haven't had the time or have been too stressed, so I've been looking."

He looks at me, hopeful. "I haven't found anything yet, but it's going as well as it can. There is something, I know it."

Remus averts his gaze. "There…may be, but I don't know if it will get me out of the pack or just make me their new leader."

I know what he's thinking.

"But I could kill Fenrir."

"Let's focus on getting you out of the pack. And if there really is no other way than to kill Greyback, then we'll cross that bridge when we get there, okay?"

Remus nodded and rested his head on my shoulder, falling asleep.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

While Remus is in class, I scavenge the library on anything I can find related to werewolves. I've picked out and scoured these books before, but never because I was looking for anything specific. Someone had to have managed leaving a pack before and lived.

But if they have, it's not referred to in any of the books in Hogwarts.

I set another book on top of the pile and massage my head, sighing.

"You still hang out in this spot?"

I look up. Lily sits across from me. She glances at the books on magical creatures. "What's all this about?"

"Nothing," I say. If Lily doesn't know about Remus' lycanthropy, then it's best if she's kept in the dark. I pick up the next book in the pile and open it.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Does this have to do with Remus?"

"No."

"Really? I thought it did," she said. "I know you guys think I don't know. Remus is a werewolf, right? James and the others never have time to spare on the full moon, so…"

I look at her. "Why would you think he's a werewolf?" I ask. How did she even figure I out?

She shrugged. "It's either Remus or Sirius. And since you're looking through these books," She grinned. "I'm guessing Remus. You wouldn't bother with Sirius."

I stare at Lily blankly. She's spot on, but I'm not about to let her know that.

"Did it ever once occur to you, Lil, that maybe I'm working on a project for DADA?" Lily pouted. I smirked. "Yes, Lily, this is homework." She smirks back.

"Where's your ink and parchment?"

Damn, I didn't think about that. "I'm scanning. Looking for the best sources. _Then _I'll write it."

"Really?"

"Really."

Lily stands. "Fine. But I will get to the bottom of this, Sev."

"Go ahead, Lily-pad."

A book collided with my head. I wanted to scream. Instead I sucked in a breath and held it. My eyes were watering.

It was a heavy hardcover! Besides I deserved I for calling her "lily-pad." She hates that nickname.

Lily strode out of the library.

I debate going to the hospital wing to have my head checked. Lily can be rather abusive. Admittably, I've been through worse. The pain throbbed to a dull thrum and I decided going to the hospital wing wasn't necessary.

I check my watch. Classes are about to end, or start. I had to get to Arithmancy. I leave the books on the table and go to class grudgingly.

Remus has beaten me to my classroom.

"Hey," I greet. Remus smiles. "Why so happy?"

"Apparently," he said holding out a letter for me to read, "I don't have to meet with a pack member today." I completely forgot tonight was the full moon. "None of them can make it. Details are a little shoddy as to why I won't be meeting with one of them, but still. I won't have to see them until December. Speaking of which…"

"Yes, Remus, I'm staying over the holidays. Like every year. Unless you've gathered he courage to see your parents and need moral support. And maybe a good lie."

Remus' smile faltered. "The only lie that's good enough is to tell them I was kidnapped and that I escaped."

I seize his arm. "Why didn't I think of that earlier?"

"What?"

"You could tell your parents that Greyback kidnapped you and forced you to join the pack. It's not entirely untrue."

"And the best lies always have a little truth."

"It gets you out of the pack."

"And would explain why I ran away without actually saying _I ran away_."

"Remus, I got to get to class."

"Right," he said, turning to leave. "But you're coming over to James' house this holiday season."

"What?"

"I'll explain later. Get to class." I shake my head as he runs off, whooping and skipping. Yes, he skipped. There is no other way to explain the bounce in his step.

#

I reviewed his letter to his parents. "Why did you want me to proof read this, Remus?"

"Because I'm nervous." He grins. "I haven't had contact with them in four…maybe, almost five months."

I point at myself. "Since I turned seventeen."

"Yeah, but your dad's an asshole. It makes sense for you to not want to see your parents."

I set the letter down. "It's fine. You're parents will understand. Yeah, it's going to be scary. I'm not going to lie, it will be terrifying. But it will get you out of this insane situation."

I hand the letter back to him and he stands. "Could you come with me to the Owlery?"

I grab my robe and walk beside him, my arm over his shoulder. He's shaking.

"What if they don't believe me?"

"They will," I assure him. Good parents are more likely to want to believe you were kidnapped rather than having chosen to run away. "Think of something else. Why do you want me to go to Potter's?"

"It's a tradition," he explained. "The Marauders go to James' family's house for Christmas day. It's a pretty fun party. His parents are great hosts."

"Ah. So only a day, not the whole vacation."

"Yes."

"I can handle a day in the same room with Potter, I think."

"You still don't like him do you?"

"We've been civil. We have to be. He's your best friend and he's dating _my_ best friend. We're at an impasse. We have to get along, but we don't have to like each other."

Remus isn't shaking now and he's smiling.

"Speaking of which, Lily's figuring out you're a werewolf. She doesn't know yet, but she'll beat it out of Potter if she can't beat it out of me. And she already tried to beat it out of me."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"You think I should tell Lily?"

"I'm just the messenger. Do whatever you want with the info."

"But she will figure it out?"

"Yes."

"And there will be blood?"

"Lots."

"I'll tell her if only to avert a massacre."

"Oh how nice," I say sarcastically. Remus approaches an owl. It holds out its leg and he ties the letter to its leg, giving the owl his address. The owl takes off.

"Honestly, what's the worst Lily can do anyway?"

I can't help but bark a laugh. The worst she can do?

"Has Potter not vexed her enough times before? You've seen what she can do."

Remus shrugs and we leave the Owlery. "Well if she can be that bad, then I'll talk to her." I stop and look outside. "What?"

"Would you say mid-November is too early for snow?"

"No."

"Damn."

Remus looks outside. His eyes light up. "You think it'll snow enough to cancel classes?"

I don't have good memories of snow. "Why, so I can get snow stuffed down my shirt again?"

"If you'd just answer the challenge and fight back, maybe you wouldn't get snow stuffed down your shirt," Remus said matter-of-factly.

"Really?" I mutter. "What if I don't want to join in on a snowball fight?"

"You'll join," he said.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Well, who knows," he's smirking and there's a glint in his eyes. "Maybe if you play, something good will happen," he adds suggestively.

My heart is racing, but I keep my face calm.

"You're blushing," Remus points out.

"Shut up."

"Do you even have the right to blush like that anymore?" No, I don't, but I can't help it if I blush. "Okay, maybe out in the open you're shy, but—"

I blush redder. "Remus, stop."

"Fine, fine. I'll be nice." He's still got that gleam in his eyes.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

I lay on my back, breathing heavily. Remus and I are sweating. He props himself up on his forearms and stares at me.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said, leaning closer to kiss me. "I love you."

"I love you too."

We kiss again. The clock on the mantle began to ring, informing us that morning had come and it was time to get ready for school for another day. Remus glared at the clock.

"No, Remus, you can't break it."

"I know," he says. "That doesn't mean I don't want to."

"So long as you know not to break the clock," I say, aiming to get out of bed. Remus grabs my arm. "Do we have to go to classes today?"

"McGonagall's test is today, Remus," I remind him, "First thing after breakfast. Yes, we have to go." He doesn't like my answer.

"We can stay a little longer."

"Sure. If you're willing to go to class without having eaten anything," I remind him. "Personally, I don't want to deal with a moody, cranky werewolf until lunch."

I get out of bed and head to the bathroom.

"Why can't the full moon always be on Saturday?"

"Not every full moon is?" I ask, layering my voice thickly with sarcasm, "Shocking." I close the door in time before the pillow can hit me. At least Remus doesn't throw anything at you unless it's stuffed with feathers, unlike Lily.

#Remus#

The pillow falls to the floor. I chuckle, but I lie back down, desiring to get some actual sleep. I look at the clock again, which tells me I need to get up and embrace the day.

But I won't sleep tonight either. I sigh and decide not to care, falling asleep anyway. I'm almost completely asleep when Severus starts to shake me.

"Remus, get up and let's go," Severus snaps.

I groan and pull the covers higher.

"Fine," he said. "Maybe failing a test because you refused o show up will—"

_Fail?_

I jump out of bed and put on my clothes as quickly as I could. I've not failed a test in Transfiguration yet. I REFUSE to fail now!

"I'll see you at class," Severus says, leaving the room.

"Wait!" I shout, scrambling to finish putting my clothes, grabbing my bag, and chasing after him. "Severus, wait!"

Severus laughs. "I think you're a little confused which house you're in, Remes," he says, pointing at the green and silver tie around my neck. He waves his wand and it changes to look like one of my red and gold tie instead.

Blushing, I finish buttoning my shirt.

"Oh, now you're blushing? Are _you _even allowed that luxury anymore?" Severus teases.

I smirk. "Not when talking about sex," I answer. "But this," I indicate my state of attire, "is the result of getting up too quickly."

"You're gonna fail McGonagall's test today anyway."

"No I won't. I can take her tests half asleep with one arm pinned behind my back and get a test."

"You mean an O?"

"Yes. That."

Severus stops me and fixes my shirt.

"Couldn't you have used a spell?" I ask once I'm presentable.

"Where's the fun in that?" Severus asked with a smirk. We enter the great hall and are stopped by McGonagall.

"I was about to get you, Lupin. Snape, you may as well come too," she said striding past us. We leave the hall and follow her to Dumbledore's office.

Once inside, we're told to take seats. A man with a gnarled face and a wooden leg was looking around the room.

"I assure you I had no idea of what happened over the summer. But is it wise to ask this of a student?"

"He's of age," Alastor said, turning around. One of his eyes had been gouged out and replaced with a magical one. And a small chunk of his nose was missing.

Severus' mouth opened in awe. I couldn't do anything but quake.

"If he's of age, he can help."

Dumbledore doesn't seem pleased to hear this.

"Don't look so sour, Dumbledore," he snapped. "Like I said, he's of age. He is free to refuse. Though," he looked right at me. "I got the feeling he won't. What's with the other?"

"We're partners," Severus said, regaining his composure. He held his hand out to him and smirked. "I have to say, it's an honor to meet you, Mr. Moody—Sir."

Moody stared at Severus. "You've got an itch to join _my _aurors boy?"

"No. Not your aurors specifically, Sir. The aurors in general, if the ministry will have me," Severus answered.

Moody decided to test Severus, snapping question after question which Severus answered with immediate and detailed precision.

"What is the difference between a grindylow and a kappa?"

"Who cares," Severus retorted, "if you know how to detain them? Or kill if necessary. With both, you cut off the head." This seemed to be good enough for Moody, but I couldn't help wincing and Dumbledore wasn't pleased with the answer either.

"I'd say you've just gotten a letter of recommendation, Snape. If I remember to write it," Moody said.

Dumbledore folded his arms over his desk. "Severus what _is _the difference between a Grindylow and a Kappa?"

Severus blinked then shrugged. "Grindylows are small, horned water demons. Kappas resemble sea monkeys with long fingers.

"Now, Alastor, the reason you're here?"

"Fine, fine." He looks at me. I cower under his gaze. Is he here to drag me to Azkaban? "Lupin, you know where you're pack is."

"Yes."

"You're parents asked me to capture them. Now I've got a team assembled, but you can answer a few questions I've got. Like where they are and how many are there."

I furrow my brow and straighten. "You're not here to arrest me?"

"Nope."

"But I'm one of them."

"Yep," he said. "You're letter to your parents indicated you were kidnapped. They've requested that your crimes over the summer, if you committed any, be pardoned. Personally, I think you should serve some time if you did kill, but the ministry granted you pardon, so you're off the hook. _This time_."

I disregard that last bit. "I'll help," I say. I tell Moody whatever he needs to know. From how many, to their location, when they're most vulnerable, where the escape routes are—whatever he needed to know. "Is there anything else you need to know?"

"To know?" He repeats. "No. Hold out your right hand, like so," he extends his arm.

I obey, standing. Moody seizes my hand in his rough one, squeezing it so tightly I feel inclined to wince. He takes his wand and waves it over our hands.

"What's this?"

"A lie detector," he says with a nasty smile. "Can't be too careful." The silver glow around us changes to a yellow-green. I get the feeling that that's not good from the look on his face—and on Severus'.

Has it detected the lie amidst all the truth?

"May I have a word in private, Lupin?"

"Yes."

Dumbledore and Severus leave, but not before Severus sends me a worried look. I nod my head, assuring him that I'd take care of it.

"Are you holding anything back?"

"No." The yellow darkens. I stare at it. "I don't have much choice do I?"

"No. You don't."

I avert my gaze. "I wasn't kidnapped. I went willingly." The dark orange lightened to green.

"Did you kill?" I don't answer right away. "_Did you kill_?"

"Yes—but only scumbags."

"Who?"

I tell him about my two kills: the drunkard and the murderer. Through my tale, the lie detector remains green. Moody waves his wand over it and it vanishes. He releases my hand.

"Am I going to Azkaban?"

Moody studies me. "Do you intend to keep up the vigilante werewolf act?"

"No."

"You've been pardoned, anyway. But if there is a next time," he points a gnarled finger at me. "You'll be visiting your pal Rousseau in Azkaban. Understood?"

"Yes Sir."

"Get out of here."

I grab my bag and leave as politely as I can. When I leave, Dumbledore returns to his office. I can only hope that Moody won't tell him.

"What happened?"

"He let me go," I say.

"That's it?"

"Yes."

Severus isn't convinced, but he leads me away from the office. "There's still time before Transfiguration," he says, "Let's eat."


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

I enter the Great Hall in a bit of a slump. I'm tired, my body aches all over—no thanks to Sirius or James (Peter's animagus form is too little to cause a lot of damage)—and I'm starving.

I sit between Sirius and James who are laughing maniacally at Peter, who had accidently tripped and knocked into a bowl of cream.

"You look like hell, Moony."

"I feel like hell."

"Well at least you don't smell like sex," Sirius joked. I rest my head against the table, too tired to kick his ass. My stomach growls loudly and I prop myself up and seize a piece of toast.

"Mail's here." The owls swooped overhead. One landed on my shoulder with a letter and the paper. I take them from the owl and he flies away. I set the letter aside and look at the paper.

My eyes widen. I'm awake now.

"What?" James said, peering over my shoulder.

_WEREWOLF PACK APPREHENDED IN SOUTHAMPTON—FENRIR GREYBACK ON THE RUN_

My pack is in Azkaban—all except Greyback. Which wasn't good, he'd know I turned them in, but he won't risk coming out in the open for a long while.

I stand and approach Severus at the Slytherin table. It was unheard of, I know. Slytherins and Gryffindors don't approach each other's tables for a good reason. That's why there're on the other side of the hall.

"Did you see the paper?"

"I don't get the paper," he said, "Can't afford it at this moment."

I hand it to him and he scans the article. "So…"

"I'm out of the pack."

"Not entirely."

"He's the pack leader and he's in hiding. I'm not surprised he escaped. Yeah, a little disappointed, but not surprised. But for now, I'm free." I can feel the glares from the other Slytherins. I think some of them are just itching to throw their food at me. "I should go before another food fight starts."

Severus glares at his housemates, but nods.

I escape before a bread roll filled with butter hits me. I catch it instead and eat it.

Severus is yelling at Goyle.

#

I scan the letter from my mom again. She's demanding that I come home for Christmas. I'll need to write her and Dad that Severus is coming over again, but at least, I hope, I'm forgiven.

Severus returns and removes his robes. "Remus, are you okay?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"You've been out of it all day. I thought you'd be in a more celebratory mood."

"I've gone nearly forty-eight hours without sleep, Sev," I say, laying my head on his shoulder and closing my eyes. "I've been going on coffee and chocolate all day." I barely hear him, having fallen asleep.

#Severus#

"Perhaps you should go to bed early," I suggest. But I've spoken a little too late. Remus is sleeping as he is with his head on my shoulder.

I sigh. I'm as gentle as I can be in moving Remus to the bed. I get his shoes off before heading back to the couch and taking out whatever essays I had been assigned to complete.

I stop every so often to look at Remus. The curve of his lips, parted slightly. His pointed chin and sharp cheekbones. The small curve of his nose which flares slightly as he breathes. His brow, usually furrowed even when he's unaware of it shows his worry. Now it's relaxed. He's completely at peace.

The fifth time I caught myself staring at him I approached and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

Remus doesn't wake. Good, I didn't want to wake him, yet there's a smile on his face.

I return to the couch, staring at the parchment. I run my fingers through my hair and pick up my quill, returning to work.

Remus is talking in his sleep. I glance at him. His brow is furrowed and he's thrashing. He's having another nightmare.

Probably afraid that he'll lose control over his lycanthropy again.

I set my quill down and sit beside him taking his shoulders and shaking him.

"Remus." He wakes, sitting up and breathing heavily. It usually takes a little longer to wake him. "Hey, it's okay."

He presses his head against my chest. "I hate being a werewolf," he mumbles.

"I know." I rub his back. "But you're in control. You manage it very well." He yawns. "Go back to sleep. I'm right here."

"Sev?"

"Yes?"

"Could you hold me?"

"Sure." I release him and head over to my side of the bed. I lie next to Remus and wrap my arm around him.

I suppose I can do the rest of my homework tomorrow.

#

~Two Weeks Later~

Remus and I step off the train into the freezing air of King's Cross Station. We move to the fireplaces and floo to his parent's house. I step out of the fireplace after Remus, who's dusting himself off.

"Mom? Dad?" he called.

The back door opened and Mrs. Lupin stared at Remus for a moment before embracing him, tears streaming down her face. She's oblivious to me. I can't help but feel a little awkward.

"Mom, er…you know, I wasn't sure I would have been able to get out of…without Sev's help."

She releases him and looks at me. "You helped him?"

"Yes, Ma'am," I answer. Like that, she embraces me.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," I answer, patting her back. I don't what to say or do. It's one thing when it's Remus. Another thing entirely when it's his mother.

She releases me and dries her eyes. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes, Mum," Remus answers. She heads into the kitchen. I glare at him. He looks at me and narrows his eyes, crossing his arms. "What?"

"Did you have to tell her I helped?"

"You know what it's like seeing her cry? It's unnerving. If my mom starts crying and hugging me and there's another person in the room, I will sic her on them. That is my right as a son."

"No, it's not. You're job is to suck it up while I sneak upstairs away from any awkward mother-son moment."

"You were going to leave me to rot?"

I nod, smirking.

"That's cruel."

"I would expect no less from you if that was your mother," I say, meaning every word.

And it would happen. My dad may be a bastard, but my mom is relatively nice. I just don't like how much of a weakling she is.

Mrs. Lupin returned to the parlor. "Grilled cheese sandwiches?"

"Sure, mom," Remus said. "We'll be upstairs in my room."

She nodded and we took our things upstairs.

We forced the trunks under the bed and Remus put anti-parental warding spells around the room. I smirk.

"Really? You just came home for the first time in nearly six months and you're putting up spells already?"

"Well, I don't exactly want my parents walking in on us," he says, smiling coyly while putting his wand on the table. "Do you?"

"Definitely not," I say, placing my hands on his hips and kissing him. "It could be a little hard to explain why I'm shagging you, not to mention awkward."

"You have _no_ idea." We kiss again. "None at all."

"Remus, Severus, lunch is ready," Mrs. Lupin called.

"We need our own place," Remus groans.

"Right now, that would be a bad idea. Neither of us have jobs, we're both in school. And I think you're parents would have killed you if you didn't come home this year. Especially with what happened over the summer."

He nodded and I followed him out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen where two plates of grilled cheese sandwiches awaited.

#Remus#

Severus was having a conversation with my mother inside while I sat outside under the canopy with my father.

"I had a talk with Moody a few days ago," he said.

"So…"

"I know what really happened."

I can't bring myself to look at him.

"I'm not going to tell your mother, Remus."

"Thanks for that, Dad," I say, looking back at her. She's laughing. I turn away. "Dad, I'm sorry."

Dad sighs. "For what?"

"Being such a disappointment," I say. "I mean, being what I am, it's got to be hard on you and Mom. But I try. I really, truly try."

"Hey, look at me." I glance up at him. "You've never once disappointed me or your mom. I figured someday you might have wanted to join a pack or would someday. Be with others like you. I wish there was a different pack, but…it was the closest. And I'm glad you were decided to turn them in."

Would he bring up the people I killed? I didn't want to talk about it, so I decided to derail him to a different topic, something he can be proud of. "I got scouted by M.S.L.'s college division," I say. Okay it wasn't a completely different topic, but still.

"Really?" I nod. Dad smiles. I can't begin to describe how happy I am to see him smile. "You know, they wanted you when you were six. Your mum and I didn't see eye to eye. She wanted you to stay home. She would have taught you magic if it was necessary. She didn't like the idea of sending you away from home so early. I actually thought you should have gone. It had been a long hard year, we were not capable at the time at taking care of you. But in the end she won the argument and you stayed here."

"I thought that you guys thought it was a pack."

"No, no. We knew it wasn't. But still, New York. Pretty far from home. Especially for a six year old."

"Hogwarts is far."

"But not on the other side of the world. You're old enough to handle that now." He took out a pocket watch and handed it to me. "You left this here last summer."

I take it. My watch, the one I got on my seventeenth birthday last March. "Thanks, Dad."

"I expect you to be a wizard, Remus. Not a werewolf."


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

_He took out a pocket watch and handed it to me. "You left this here last summer."_

_I take it. My watch, the one I got on my seventeenth birthday last March. "Thanks, Dad."_

"_I expect you to be a wizard, Remus. Not a werewolf."_

"I'm both," I say, pocketing the watch. "You and Mom never could deal with that. I'm a werewolf, I have been for…my whole life, I suppose. I've tried being one and I've tried being the other. But I'm both. I can only ever be both. You want me to be a human. Greyback wanted me to be a wolf." I shake my head. "Neither works without sacrificing the other. I can't deny what I am. Ever."

"The world won't accept that."

"Then hang the world!" I say. "I can't change what I am. And this world will never be fair. Why should I bother trying to please people who won't be impressed because of what they see on the outside first? The people you know, Dad, will only see the werewolf."

Dad leans back in his chair.

"This world is so narrow minded, so…prejudiced enough. It's got to stop someday."

Dad chuckles. "You've been spending time talking to Dumbledore, have you? You're starting to sound like the old man."

I laugh. "And everyone thinks he's crazy. Has anyone stopped to consider maybe he's trying to enlighten a very…I don't know, conservative group?"

"Wizards aren't that conservative, Son."

"Dad."

"Unless it has something to do with the magical world."

"Thank you."

"If you think you can handle being both, go ahead and if you succeed you can tell me to suck it."

I grin. "I'm pretty sure I've been doing that since 1971. Maybe not to your face but…" Dad narrows his eyes at me and I back off. I'll stick it to the man later. "Okay, okay. We'll debate that later."

The door opened. "Save me," Severus hissed at me through grit teeth.

"Mom, what are you doing to Severus?" I shout.

"Nothing!" She snaps back.

Severus mouths, "Lies."

I shrug. "I cannot control her. Neither can he," I say looking at my dad.

Dad shoots me a look and points at another chair. "Pull up a chair and join us, Severus. I'm sure that will get you away from my wife for a little while."

I try to warn Severus against it, but he's already grabbed the chair and sitting in it beside me. I hand him a bottle of Butterbeer.

"Thanks."

"You sure you know what you're doing? Trading suffering at the hands of my mother for suffering at the hands of my father?"

"You're mother's scary?"

"And he's not?"

Severus shrugged.

I suppose compared to his father, my father's an esteemed gentleman. Trust me when I say that is a very frightening thought.

"So, Severus," Dad said, smirking at me. I shake my head.

_Dad, don't do it!_

"Not that we aren't thrilled you're here, but what do your parents think about you staying in Southampton for the holidays?"

Why? Why must he?

Severus shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I've spent the other six at school. My family's not…let's just say my family really sucks."

"Right," Dad said, taking another sip from his bottle. "I think you mentioned that last summer."

"I think I did."

I try to make myself smaller, try to hide. Dad doesn't rebuke me, deep in a conversation with Severus.

A scent wafts past my nose. I sit up, sniffing the air as indiscreetly as I can. I look at the forest barred by the new fence my parents erected.

"Remus?"

I swallow. The wood splintered and a wolf growled at us.

"Get inside!" Dad demands.

I stare at the wolf. I know him, but it's not Fenrir's scent.

Severus seizes my arm and pulls me inside.

"_Impedimenta_!" My dad shouts. The wolf whimpers and he enters, closing the back door. "Remus, you and Severus get to the Potters! _Now_!"

"I can fight."

"REMUS!"

I glare at Dad, but I don't press further. Severus and I head to the fireplace and floo to James' house in Godric's Hollow.

"Remus, a little early for Christmas Eve aren't you?" James asks with a cheesy grin. Severus steps out after me and I slump into the recliner. James' smile vanishes. "Snape."

"Potter."

James averts his gaze from Severus to me. "What's up?"

"Werewolf at my parents' house."

"Funny. They kicked a werewolf out?" Sirius asked, trying not to laugh.

"Not me, you idiot."

Sirius and James look at Severus. "He's upset because his dad won't let him fight other werewolves. The irony of it is he's a werewolf and has an advantage."

"It's not the full moon—"

"Alpha," Severus and I say.

"Oh," James said. "Crap."

"Yeah," Severus says, joining me on the couch. "Honestly, I think we would have been able to handle it. But, well, parents."

"Mm-hm," Potter said, nodding his head. "We're seventeen and they treat us like we're seven."

"No helping," I snap.

"Sorry Moony," James readjusted his position on the floor, propping himself on his elbows, arm outstretched. "Wanna break my arm again?"

Severus furrowed his brow. "What?"

I stare at his hand. "Nah."

Sirius lost his balance on the adjacent sofa and fell on the floor. "Doth mine ears deceive me?"

"Say it ain't so, Sirius," James said, grabbing Sirius' legs. "Say it ain't so!"

"Remus, are you really upset you didn't go up against another werewolf?"

I shrug. "I don't think it's fun trying to rip your arms out of their sockets anymore."

"The rumors about the mysterious arm wrestling champion from Gryffindor are true?"

"Very much so," Sirius answered. "And I think he just stepped down!"

"We've tried for years to beat him," James said dramatically. "It's…not right, Moony. Just not right!"

"Maybe he's just in a slump. Give it a little time and he'll be ripping our arms out and beating us to death with them in no time."

Severus looked at me.

"I'm not going to indulge them," I said through grit teeth.

"Then indulge me," he said, smirking. James and Sirius stopped messing around and looked at us. Severus got on the floor and rested his arm on the coffee table. His smirk widened. "Unless you're too scared of a challenge, Wolf Boy."

"Slytherin has a champion to?"

"No," Severus said. "Most of the guys there are so foppish there's no actual contest."

I resist the urge. _I am not accepting new challengers. I am not accepting new challengers—damn it._

I join them on the floor and grasp Severus' hand in mine.

"Moony, no cheating," James reminds me.

"Just be ready to set his bones back into place," I say. I should go easy on my partner, but I can't bring myself to go easy on my friends. My reputation is at stake.

"You won't break my arm," Severus said.

"Just because we're sleeping together doesn't mean I'm going to stand down."

"Good. It wouldn't be a fair fight otherwise."

"Go!" Sirius shouted.

I pressed against Severus' hand and he against mine. My brow furrowed and I exerted more force. Is this actual resistance? Have I found a worthy foe? A mere mortal that might defeat _me_?!

Never!

"Snape! Snape! Snape!" Sirius and James shouted.

"Traitors!" I shout. My hand was slammed into the coffee table. My funny bone banged against the edge. I held my arm in a silent scream. "That will never count," I hiss. "I was distracted."

"Sure you were," Severus said smugly. "You could have ignored them, Babe."

Sirius and James made faces at me from behind Severus.

"Ignoring them is impossible," I state. "When my arm stops throbbing we're having another go."

He smirks wider. "You sure that's the kind of 'go' you want?"

"New rule!" James shouted. "No more innuendo!"

Sirius pouts at him. "But that's no fun."

"Shut it, Padfoot."

"Homophobe," we snap at him.

"I'm working on it."

"All in favor against the new rule?" Sirius asked, raising his hand. Severus and I joined with him. "Majority vote, James. Besides, letting them flirt will help your phobia."

"I hate all three of you," James snapped, crossing his arms and glaring at us from the couch.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

I kept glancing at the clock on the mantelpiece. Dad should have come over to tell us it was safe to return home by now.

"I'm sure it's fine," James said, catching me staring at the clock. "One of them will show."

"Potter, checkmate."

James stared at the board in time to see his king hand over the crown to Severus' knight. "Damn. Did you teach Lily or did she teach you?"

"She kicks your ass at chess?" Severus asked, smirking. "You _really_ suck."

"Go shag yourself, Snape," James said.

Severus' smirk widened. "I don't have to."

James' cheeks turned red, but he was trying to mask his discomfort with a scowl.

The fireplace flared to life and we stared at it, expecting one of my parents, or both, to walk through. No one passed through the roaring green flames. I got off the couch and approached it. I've waited enough.

"Remus?"

"I'm going to see what's up," I say, walking through the flames. The others followed.

My house has been overturned.

"Oh my God," James mumbled. "Remus, what happened?"

I look at Severus. I wonder if we're thinking the same thing.

"Whatever happened in here, whoever did it has a message for you, Moony," Sirius said, staring at the wall where family portraits normally hang. They've been knocked down and broken.

_THE FARM AT MIDNIGHT TOMORROW_

_COME ALONE_

_DON'T ALERT THE AURORS OR I WILL KILL YOUR PARENTS_

"What farm?" Sirius asked. "Moony, do you know what the message is talking about?"

_Yes_. "No," I answer. I'd still rather my friends not know what happened over the summer. "But I'll figure it out."

"You're not going alone," James snapped.

"I have to."

"No you don't!"

"James—"

"He's right," Severus said. I look at them.

"Whoever left this…I don't doubt they'll kill my parents unless I do exactly what they say."

"Look, I know of a potion. It can conceal Potter's, Black's, and my scents, if not our presence. We can go with you and whoever kidnapped your parents will be none the wiser."

"Which answers that part," Sirius said. "But what farm? It's ambiguous."

Severus arched an eyebrow, "Impressive, Black, I didn't know you had such a wide vocabulary."

"Shut it. I'm smarter than I look."

"Drop it, both of you," James snapped. "Snape, do you know if we have the ingredients for this potion you were talking about?"

"I'll check," he said going up stairs.

"Remus, are you sure you don't know about the farm indicated in the message?"

_It's the pack's hideout_. "Maybe; there's an abandoned farm in the woods. Just a rundown barn house," I swallow. "My Dad and I used to go there during the full moon, before Hogwarts."

"You sure that's the right farm?"

"I don't know any other farm around here." How many more lies are going to stack up between me and my friends before the truth decides to weigh me down?

"We need to know for sure. You and Sirius go see if that's the right place. I'll stay with Snape and help in any way I can. _If_ I can."

Sirius and I left through the back door. The sun was beginning to brighten the sky and thaw the frozen grass.

It's ironic. The whole time, I was fairly close to home, but not close enough to escape the pack and let my parents know I was all right.

I took Sirius by the arm and apparated close enough to walk to the barn, but far enough so that Sirius wouldn't be detected.

"Stay here."

"Why?"

"Sirius, don't question me. Please."

I left him and approached the edge of the forest. The door to the barn opened and Fenrir exited with Rousseau.

"Is that Greyback?"

"Sirius! I told you to stay put," I hiss.

"Right, like that's going to work. Who do you think that other guy is?"

"He's the werewolf that attacked my house last night," I say. Why I didn't recognize Rousseau immediately, I don't know. His scent hadn't changed, but he looked thinner, gaunter. "I recognize his scent." _Now_.

Azkaban does that to you.

Fenrir was talking to Rousseau in hushed whispers, but I could tell he was angry. Rousseau looked away toward the thicket. Sirius and I hid behind the trees, holding our breath.

"Are they still there?"

"Probably," I say. "We apparate back to my house—"

"Remus," Rousseau sang, "Oh, Remus. I can smell you."

"Now."

We vanished, just as I could see Rousseau turning the corner into our line of sight, and reappeared in my living room. I fell onto my torn couch, shaking.

"Remus, you look ill," James noted.

"We were almost caught," Sirius said. "The werewolf that did this is there with Greyback."

"Safe bet that means my parents are there," I add.

"Well, it makes sense that Greyback would be involved," James said. Severus looked up from the potion directly at me. He waved his wand over the cauldron.

"Remus, can I talk to you in private?"

I nod and head up to my room. Severus followed. "Who did they miss?" he asked when the door closed behind us.

"No one," I answer. "They got everyone that night."

"They missed someone. Who is there?"

"They didn't miss anyone."

"He wouldn't be with Greyback if he isn't part of the pack!" Severus shouted.

"He was _in_ Azkaban when the others were captured," I shot back. "The other werewolf is Rousseau. No one escapes Azkaban, Severus," I tell him, seeing the look on his face. "You know just as well as I do you can't escape Azkaban. Robbing Gringotts is easier than escaping Azkaban. You either stay there till your death or you're released. They released Rousseau. That's the only logical explanation."

"And Greyback only needs only one other pack member to get revenge on you," Severus said. "Who better than your ex?"

"No, he doesn't need Rousseau. Not to get back at me. He's stronger and faster than all of us. I was the only other alpha in the pack. Now Rousseau is an alpha. Fenrir must have taught him the same things he's taught me sometime between the raid and last night. They've had enough time if Rousseau had a crash course. This is all Rousseau. He was the one who attacked, left that message…"

Severus leaned against the table, massaging his temple. "How do you know if you've passed Greyback's 'course'?"

"If you turn another person, start your own pack, you've passed. I didn't see anyone else. Rousseau _could_ be starting his own pack now. But I couldn't smell anyone else."

"Did you smell your parents?" I shook my head.

"I was a little busy trying to get Sirius out of there before Rousseau and Fenrir found us."

"Did they?"

"Rousseau smelt me. That's all. He almost found us. We got out in the nick of time. Though, Fenrir knows I was there to, since Rousseau did."

"Damn it, Remus." He said it barely above a whisper, but I still heard him.

"I had no intention for this to happen."

"We are screwed! You're one werewolf up against two, who you just said are stronger and have seniority on you. They want you to come alone. They intend to kill you for turning on the pack."

"Turning on the pack was supposed to get me out of the pack. It worked."

"No, we were wrong. It didn't get you out of the pack. We signed your death warrant."

I avert my gaze. "Then it's good you guys are coming. Right?"

Severus shrugged. "I don't even know if the potion will work," he said. "I've never brewed it before. You'll have to tell us if it does."

"I will," I promise, approaching Severus and embracing him. "Can we just…could you…"

"Yeah."

#

The potion was ready for consumption an hour before midnight. Severus, James, and Sirius drank the potion. We waited a few minutes and I sniffed. I shook my head.

"I can't tell. You're scents are in the air. It might have worked, it might not have."

"It'll have to do," Severus said. James and Sirius looked at him.

"What? Oh, because I'm in Slytherin I'm supposed to be a coward? The hat did consider putting me in Gryffindor. As it just so happens, I'm more ambitious than brave. Hence Slytherin."

"We're with you, Moony," James said.

"Then let's go."


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

James, Sirius, and Severus hid in the thicket as I approached the barn. The sky was dark grey and it was snowing heavily.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and kept my head bowed, letting the ice freeze my neck through the fabric of my cloak.

I hesitate to open the barn door, sniffing the air for my parents. I opened the barn door. Fenrir and Rousseau looked up right at me. Neither smiled.

"I'm here, where are my parents?"

"Not here." Rousseau answered.

"I can _smell _that," I snapped. "But you still took them. I came to get them back. Now _where are my parents_?!"

Fenrir stood. "Sit."

"No. I just want to get my parents and get out. I want nothing to do with any of you. Give me my mom and dad and you'll never see me again."

"You don't understand, Remus," Rousseau said. "_We_ are your family. And you turned your back on us. That's just as bad as kin-killing."

"Is that really what you think or is that _his _madness?" I ask Rousseau, pointing at Fenrir. "Are even able to be anyone else other than his lackey?"

I close my eyes and breathe in. "You could just let us go. We'll leave Southampton if that's what it takes—"

"Go?" Fenrir repeated. He laughed. "You're not going anywhere, Remus." He approaches me. "I think letting you go back to school was a mistake. You're trying to be a human again."

I don't contradict him. Fenrir is incapable of understanding anything he doesn't like.

"Remus, you are smart. You are strong. And you have so much potential. Now do as I say, and sit down." Fenrir ordered.

"Why? So that it's easier to tear my throat out?" I ask. "I turned on the pack and if that is as bad as kin-killing, then you're going to kill—"

I stop, looking away from Fenrir and at Rousseau.

"You weren't going to let me take my parents home."

"Remus—"

"Did you—"

"I can explain."

"You did? YOU KILLED MY PARENTS?!"

I ran at Rousseau, shifting into Moony. Rousseau took a bar and pressed it against my throat, pushing me back as I snapped my jaws at him, aiming for his throat.

Fenrir seized the back of my fur and flung me to the other side of the barn. I landed on my feet, but slammed against the wall, yelping.

I stood back up and lunged at Rousseau, who had taken the time to change. Fenrir jumped at me trying to get at my throat. I kicked Fenrir off and was attacked by Rousseau. Fenrir took me from behind.

The doors slammed open and spells lit the barn, knocking Rousseau and Fenrir out.

Prongs approached me.

"Moony, can you stand?"

I try to get up. My back hurts and so does my chest. They didn't get my throat. Padfoot trots over to me. _Snape is waiting outside._

My ears perk up. _Why hasn't he come in?_

_He can heal you, but I'll have to hold you down. We can't risk you turning him._

_Do what you think is necessary_, I say, _I want to see Severus_.

Prongs turns around and heads outside. He returns in his human form, Severus behind him. I try to get up, whining. Padfoot gently bites my throat, reminding me to stay still.

I stop trying to stand, panting and whimpering. Severus pulls out his wand and mumbles a spell under his breath. My pain subsides. I lick my muzzle looking at my mate, my tail whacking the floor as he moves over to the wounds on my chest.

Padfoot bites me a little harder to remind me not to make sudden movements or attack.

Once I'm healed, Severus scratches my ear.

He looks at Prongs. "Is he aware about what happened to his parents in this form?"

Prongs shook his head. "Moony and Remus are like two different people. We don't know much about what goes on in the mind of a werewolf when they're in wolf form. He might know, but at the same time, he might be completely unaware as to why he turned."

I look between them, calm and at peace. I begin to retreat, letting Remus take command again.

As I do, a strangled, ethereal cry escapes my throat—something between a howl and an anguished scream. Padfoot releases me. Severus grabs my cloak and throws it over my shoulders, holding me.

I can't bring myself stand, so I cling to Severus and weep.

#

The search for my parents' remains was fruitless. Since no bodies could be found, Grams organized a memorial service for them instead.

"Here," Severus said, fixing my tie. I'm usually good at tying it, but my fingers refused to obey my brain.

"Thanks."

He kisses my forehead.

"I should have stayed," I muttered for the hundredth time, sitting down.

"Remus…"

"I shouldn't have obeyed him."

"Remus!" Severus shouts. I jump, startled out of my thoughts. "Nothing that happened that night is in any way your fault," he said in a much calmer tone, kneeling down and taking my hands in his. "None of it is your fault."

"They died because of the pack. I joined the pack to begin with."

"Then I'm just as responsible, aren't I? Would you have joined if I didn't leave you last summer? You told me it was not my fault. I decided to believe you. So, please, Remus, believe me when I say what happened to your parents is not your fault. It is Rousseau's and Greyback's. They made the choice to kill them. They didn't have to."

I couldn't look in his eyes—_what if they went after Severus_?

"We should go. Debbie is waiting downstairs."

I shake my head. I don't want to go. If I go to the memorial, then I have to let go that maybe—by some glimmer of faint hope—Mom and Dad are still alive.

"Why not?"

"It's hard enough as it is," I say. "I can't help thinking…thinking that they'll walk through the door to pick us up or something." I swallow. "Does it get easier?"

Severus shook his head. "I don't know, Babe. I wish I could tell you it does, but I don't know. But I do know that you aren't alone."

"Boys," Grams shouted. "It's time to go."

I inhale and stand, descending the stairs. Severus was right behind me. Grams is fixing her gloves. She doesn't look like she's mourned even a little. It makes me angry, but I don't bring it up.

"All right," she said, opening the door, "let's go."

Severus and I follow her. Once outside, she takes my arm in her right and Severus' in her left, leading us to the chapel in Diagon Alley where the service will be held.

I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, but I stood by my grandmother while she greeted anyone walking through the door. Friends of my parents, my friends, their teachers, my teachers.

I did my best to look grateful to them, but I really want to be alone. Or with Severus. I haven't decided which I preferred yet.

I sat with my grandmothers. Grams remained ever stoic throughout the service. But Grandma Rose couldn't keep her tears under control. I barely heard anything that was spoken, but I would have to speak as well.

Finally, Grandma Rose stepped down from the podium and it was my turn to speak.

My feet felt like lead as I walked to the podium. I had nothing prepared. I was supposed to, but what could I say?

I look at the crowd in silence, searching for the right words.

"I…I don't know a lot about what my parents were like when they were in school or kids or…" I swallow. "But I do know that." I try to breathe.

"When I was little, we used to, um, come here to Diagon Alley. There's an arcade near Flourish and Blotts that my Dad and I would go to while my mom shopped. And one of the games was a variation of Fantasy Quidditch. I think Muggle Borns compared this version of Quidditch to Foosball, whatever Foosball is."

That got a few mild mannered chuckles from the crowd.

"He, uh, used to always beat me. I only beat him once and that was the summer before my first year at school and…I was a jerk, just relishing in my first victory against my dad at Fantasy Quidditch. Mom came in and told me to can it. I didn't, but we went for ice cream after that and I was still going on about how I finally beat my dad at quidditch. I was driving Mom off the wall. I don't know why I remember that or why I chose that memory of my Dad. Or what it says about him. Or about my mom, I guess."

I blinked and sighed again. The air stung my clenched throat. "Mom was just awesome. She was tough on me when someone needed to set me straight. Which…is more often than I thought before…um, she was tough, but she was also a lot of fun. Growing up was hard for me…because I was sick a lot and she always found a way to make it fun."

_When I was little, she made sure Dad packed a lot of balls and stuff for me to play with on the full moon so that I wouldn't bite myself which was inclined to do. And when there weren't balls, there were animated toy squirrels. I had a lot of dog toys when I was little and I destroyed every single one by sunrise._

But I can't tell the people here that, but it's on the tip of my tongue. I swallow it back, deciding to end my impromptu speech before I say too much.

"All in all, they were great parents…if that means anything."

I return to my seat between my grandmothers. I find my friends but I know I can't join them until the reception, which is after the chaplain speaks.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

#Severus#

Remus and I entered the shed. Potter, Black, Pettigrew, and Lily are there as are two bottles of Potter's father's firewhiskey. I set down a case of butterbeer.

"I still say Evans shouldn't be here," Black said, crossing his arms. "Hey Snoopy," he said to us, grinning.

"Rather male chauvinist of you, Black."

"No. It's not. I'm genuinely concerned for your welfare. It's not chauvinist. It's chivalric."

"Oh, please. I can take ten of you with one hand behind my back, my eyes closed, and hopping up and down on one foot," she scoffed. "All I need is my wand."

"You'll end up blowing up the whole shed if something happens and you're too drunk."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Black. I can handle my liquor just fine."

Potter smirked, nodding. "She really can. It's rather sexy."

"Either that or she's not actually drinking anything," Pettigrew suggested.

"You shut your mouth," Potter snapped. "Lightweight."

"You're a lightweight," Pettigrew retorted lamely. We laughed. Even Remus managed a light hearted chuckle.

"Snoopy?" I asked Black.

"Yeah," Black said. "It's a hassle saying Snape and Moony all the time, so Snoopy."

"I think you're already drunk, Sirius," Remus said.

"No I'm not," Black protested. "You' will know when I'm drunk. I will not be able to keep my hands off the nearest person. I'm gropey when I'm drunk."

"Which is why you're between me and Peter," Potter told him. "For your safety, grope Peter."

"No! Grope James."

"It'd be safer if you don't drink, Black," Lily suggested. She looked at me and her smile faltered. "Sev, you sure you're okay being here?"

I shrug. "I brought butterbeer for a reason."

"Well, let's get the party started." Potter said, opening a bottle of firewhiskey and passing it around with Styrofoam cups. I and—because no one wanted to get groped, so they wouldn't let him take any of the whiskey—Black took bottles of butterbeer.

"To Mr. and Mrs. Lupin," Black said.

"The Lupins." We threw our heads back and drank. Potter left the circle to play an Alice Cooper album before returning to the group.

One drink turned to two. Two became three. Sooner than I expected Potter, Pettigrew, Remus, and Lily were crying, giggling, and cracking stupid puns and jokes that no one wouldn't find hilarious if sober. But as they were drunk, the asinine jokes were riotous.

"I think you guys had enough," Black said, reaching to take away the firewhiskey. Lily pulled out her wand, but she was holding it wrong: the end where the spells come out was pointed at her and the handle was aimed at Sirius.

"No touchy!"

"Hahahaha! She said 'touchy!'" Pettigrew cackled.

"Lily, put the wand down before you hurt yourself," I said slowly.

"Don't be so bossy, Sev'res." She giggled. "Did anyone tell you how many wizards and switches have funny names?"

"Er…"

"Many! There's Sev'res and Remus and Srius…"

I nod. "Yeah, lot of funny names," I said approaching her and taking her wand out of her hand. Lily kissed me on the corner of my mouth.

"Oi, Slut," Remus shouted, throwing his cup at her. It missed, hitting Black and drenching him in alcohol instead.

"Fuck! Moony, why would you do that? My shirt's ruined."

"Hands off my boyfriend!"

Potter had fallen asleep and was snoring loudly, the remnants of his whiskey sparkling on the concrete floor.

Lily began to cry and shook Potter, trying to wake him. "Remus called me a slut! Remus called me a slut!" James just slept on.

"For Merlin's sake, Black, you're sober, you can fix the shirt. Remus, stop throwing stuff at Lily."

"No," he snaps, hugging my leg. "No one can kiss you but me."

"Okay, but Lily isn't thinking straight."

"Of course I'm straight."

"Not what I meant, Lily," I said calmly.

Lily started crying again. "Why are you so mean to me?" She started shaking Potter again. "James, wake up! Everyone's being mean to me!"

Black and I exchange glances. "Yeah, no," Black said. "I'm not dealing with crazy drunk bitches. She's you're best friend, Snape. You deal with her."

"And risk her getting a concussion because of a drunk werewolf?"

Pettigrew is still convulsing with laughter on the floor.

"She's you're best friend and he's you're partner. They are your problem."

"I can't help but notice that you're giving me the insane ones, Black."

Black grinned. "I know I am. Peter's the…puffy person that sells muggle pastries and James is passed out." I shake my head.

"Bitch."

"Git."

Pettigrew, who had slowly regained some composure, burst out into another fit of laughter.

"Black this is not working—"

"Sev," Remus mumbled, hugging my leg tighter. "Can we have sex?"

Lily was shouting at James to wake up and Pettigrew was laughing way too hard to have taken notice of Remus' drunken request.

Black was staring agape at us, blushing madly. I was embarrassed for Remus and made a mental note never to let him near alcohol again.

"Not right now, Remus. Later, when you're sober."

"Good call," Black said.

"But I wanna have sex _now_…" Remus said, scrambling to his feet and clumsily attacking my shirt. I push him off.

"Remus there are other people here."

Remus blinks. He's flushed, but looks around. "We could always have an orgy." No words can describe how mortifying hearing those words come out of his mouth are.

"No," Black said. "No. Just—just no. No orgies tonight, Remus. Or ever."

"Who asked you?" Remus said.

"I get the feeling that if you were drunk, you'd be down for it."

"Yeah, if I'm drunk, but…no. Not when I'm sober. Besides I'd have to off myself and everyone in the room the next morning if ever an orgy took place in here."

"So, quasi-homicide and suicide?"

"Yep."

"Sirius is a murderer!" Remus shouts.

"He's not a murderer, Remus," I say, covering his mouth. "I think we're going to have to stun them."

"Yeah."

Remus had taken a hold of my hand and had put a couple fingers in his mouth, moaning erotically. _Fuck!_

"Stun him for me, _please_."

Black obliged, blushing madly. "God, what do you two do at night?"

I smirk, laying Remus on the floor. "I could tell you, but then I'd probably have to kill you as a kindness. It would be like…ear rape."

"Then I'd rather not know at all. Sorry I asked."

I spy Lily trying to strip Potter. I take my wand and aim it at her. "_Stupefy_."

She collapses on top of him, her hair falling into the spilled whiskey. I can't say I'm sorry about that. She's not sexy when she's drunk. She's annoying.

"Why's everyone dropping dead?" Pettigrew asked.

I exchange looks with Black. He smirks. "Because everyone was being bad, Peter. Do you want to die?" Pettigrew shakes his head, wide eyed. "Then behave yourself."

"Okay," Pettigrew said, holding his arm out with his thumb extended toward the ceiling. "Goodnight." He curled up on the floor and fell asleep.

I shook my head. "Why can't all drunks be like Pettigrew? Or Potter for that matter. Look at him, he's been asleep this whole time. And Pettigrew is giggly. Not gropey or perverted or a pain…"

"Beats me," Black said, shrugging. "So, now that you know how your partner is when he's drunk, what are you going to do now?"

"Never let him touch alcohol again," I state without hesitation. "Ever."

"He better have enjoyed tonight then," Black said.

"I get the feeling he did. He might not remember in the morning. But towards the end…"

"Yeah, I don't want to think about that again," Black said, conjuring sleeping bags and pillows. Those already asleep were magically slid into their bags. I know I'm laughing at them in the morning."

"I bet you will. Just don't mention sex and orgy when Remus wakes up. If you think you or I was embarrassed, Remus will want to walk around with a paper bag on his head."

"Yeah, okay. I'll tell him he was trying to start an orgy last night."

I glare at him as he gets into his bag. I slid into mine and wrapped an arm around Remus before turning the lights off with a wave of my wand. I kiss Remus goodnight before falling asleep.


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

#Remus#

My head is throbbing painfully. I can't remember the last time I had such a horrible migraine. I groan and sit up, massaging my head.

"Here." I look at the cup in front of me and took it. Severus sat beside me. "It'll help your hangover." I drink it, coughing.

"Ugh."

"Pity sugar ruins the effects."

"Now I want sugar. Is there chocolate?"

"Not at hand. Back at your Grams' maybe."

"Did we do anything stupid?" I ask. Judging by how bad my hangover is—and that I can't, for my life, remember anything from last night—I'm guessing we did.

"No," Severus said, but he's a little flushed.

"Oh, God, what did we do?"

"Nothing!"

"Severus…"

"I can sum it up in one word," Sirius said handing James and Lily potions too. He looks at me with a diabolical grin, "Orgy."

My jaw slacks and my eyes widen to the size of dinner plates. "We…"

"No, but that was one interesting suggestion, Remus. Nice job. It was a little awkward when you were sucking Snape's fingers—"

"Oh my God," I whisper, hiding in the sleeping bag.

"Black, I told you not to say anything."

"He'd have found out eventually one way or another."

"Why does this taste like shit?"

"Because it's for hangovers, Prongs."

"Oh. That makes sense."

"Remus, come out. You weren't in your right mind," Severus said, patting my back.

"No. This is where I live now. You can't make me come out."

"Remes, alcohol makes people into idiots. Everyone does stupid things under the influence."

"Do they suggest having six-way sex?"

There's a pause. "Maybe. I don't know."

"Well—"

"Black, I will hex you."

"No you won't—what are you doing?"

I peer out, only enough to see Severus aiming his wand at Sirius.

"Do you want to test me?" Sirius shook his head. "Then shut up." He put his wand away and I returned to the safety of the sleeping bag.

"Remus, really. Come out, we'll all go get a big, greasy breakfast at an imported American joint," Severus suggests.

"Bring me hotcakes, please."

"Peter, get up!"

"Ow! Man the stations! The Reds are attacking—why is my head hurting?"

"Here have some ass' milk," Sirius said. "It tastes like actual ass."

"You're right. It does."

"Bottoms up, Pete," James said. "What's with Moony?"

"I'm not coming out," I repeat.

Two arms wrap around my middle and I'm pulled out. Sirius wraps up my sleeping bag.

"He's still so red."

"I know," Severus said. "It's cute."

"It always has been," James said, nodding.

"What happened to my hair?" Lily asked. "It smells like firewhiskey."

"It should, it was washed in it," Sirius informed her. "No you were not pranked, though that would be a good one." I think about it and nod my head. It would be a good prank.

"Well, we should try and freshen up before we go to Muggle London," Lily suggested, standing and trying to straighten out the wrinkles in her shirt. "Where's my wand?"

"On the table. You attempted to blow yourself up," Severus explained. Everyone looked at him, confused. "I'll explain at breakfast. Merlin, did everyone forget what happened last night?"

The four of us averted our gaze, admitting silently that the last eight or so hours are a blur if not a blank.

Lily seized her wand and waved it over her head. A soft white glow appeared over her head. I blink and Lily has begun to cast the same spell James. She looks clean, sober, and presentable.

"I don't want to smell like a flower."

"It won't make you smell like anything other than that you've showered."

"Oh. How do girls know—"

"Because we're girls and we're awesome," Lily answered with a grin, casting the spell on Peter and Sirius before turning to Severus and me.

"Will you two stand up? I don't know what it would do if you're so close to each other let alone if you're sitting down." Severus releases me and we stand.

After the spell is cast on us, we file out of the shed and apparate to Downtown Muggle London. Lily and Severus led us to a restaurant with a large, yellow, and curved M on the front.

There, we stayed and ate the promised greasy breakfast (courtesy of Lily's parents, or so Lily says) for what felt like a few minutes, but perhaps was actually a couple hours, talking and laughing at Sirius' and Severus' exaggerated stories of what happened last night (at least I think, and hope, they're exaggerated).

Lily's laughter died a few minutes later.

"Lily what is it?" James asks. Severus turns around in his seat and then back. He's just as grim.

"We should get out of here," he said.

"Why?" Peter said.

A woman stormed up to us. Her yellow hair was pulled back into a tight bun and she wore a light blue dress over white spandex and a white coat. On her head was a winter hat.

"Lily?"

"Hey, Tuny."

"Mule," Severus said.

Tuny scowled at him, her already bony appearance looking more and more ghastly as she sucked in her cheeks. "What are you doing here? Isn't there a place for you and your freak friends?"

"We have a right to be here just as much as you do, Tuny," Lily snapped. "Besides we were about to leave."

"No, Lily, we weren't," James said, glaring at Tuny. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced. I'm Lily's boyfriend, James."

"I didn't ask."

"Nor does she care," Severus said. "Ignore her, she'll get bored and go away."

"Guys," Lily said, possibly attempting to hold James and Severus back from attacking Tuny. "This is my sister, Petunia."

"You have a sister?" Sirius shouted. He looked at Petunia again. "I never would have guessed. You look nothing alike."

"Nor are they anything alike. Pureblood muggles are just as bad as pureblood wizards. Some anyway," Severus said, glaring at Petunia. He's holding the plastic fork in a death hold. I'm guessing he's itching to stab Petunia with it.

"We're all adults here," Lily said, trying to remain calm. She's shaking. "We can be cordial. Right?" She looks at Severus. He meets her gaze and sets the fork down. Then she turns to Petunia. "Look, Tuny, we really are leaving, so—"

"Petunia, who are they?" A man asked, standing next to Petunia.

"Vernon, I don't think you've met my sister."

"Oh?" Vernon looks right at Lily. "You never mentioned a sister."

"I try not to. She's a blot, as you can see from the company she keeps." Lily is near tears.

"I'm sure she's not as bad as you think, Tuny," Vernon said, perhaps taking note of how upset Lily is and trying to reign in Petunia's bark. "Marge and I never used to get along. But things change. Perhaps if you had spent some time together, maybe—"

Petunia laughed. "Our situation goes way beyond sibling rivalry. She's a freak. Always has been."

How is the Lily sitting beside James the same Lily Evans we know at school? Why hasn't she hexed Petunia for talking to her like that? I was itching to grab my wand and turn her head into a horse's head.

"She goes to a school for freaks. She has freaks for friends and freaks for teachers, I'll bet."

"Petunia, w—we're just as numerous as…" Lily swallows, looking at Vernon.

I understand why. The wizard world must be kept a secret from Muggles. Vernon doesn't seem like a bad guy, but he certainly shouldn't be aware of our world just yet and exposure to it in this manner could give him the same outlook as Petunia has.

"We're not freaks," she summarizes weakly, pleading her sister to show a little mercy.

"Yes, you are. It's shameful. Why Mom and Dad think it's so grand is beyond me."

Severus and James have lost it. Their wands are out and aimed at Petunia. Her eyes widen and she backs away, frightened.

"Oi!" Vernon shouts.

"James, Severus, please," Lily said, stepping between them and Petunia. "We can solve this without using magic."

"Lily," Severus snapped, "we tried it your way. She doesn't change."

"I'm not going to stand aside and let this horse-faced bitch insult you!" James shouted.

"We are not resorting to violence!" Lily shot back. "Put the wands down. We're going. _Now_." She ushers us out of the restaurant and we head down an alley so to apparate.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

We arrive at the Potters.

Lily collapses onto the couch, her strength waning and waterfalls of tears slide down her face. James holds her, trying to calm her down.

We're all shaken by Lily's blatant femininity at this moment. We recognize her as a woman, but she's always acted like one of us. She's always seemed so calm and collected and yet so wild and free.

I can't recall ever seeing Lily cry. Not once.

"One of these days, you have to hex her, Lily," Severus snapped.

"No," Lily said between hiccups. "I can handle Petunia…just fine."

"She's been asking it for years! Since before you even knew what you were!"

"She's still my sister."

"Some sister," Sirius muttered.

"Family isn't perfect, and Petunia is far from perfect."

"She acts like a high born Slytherin," James said. "I've never thought muggles could—"

"You think wizards are bad? We look like Santa's elves compared to some muggles." Severus asked. "In the last almost eighty years alone, Muggles have done awful things. Every generation has been in a war of some kind. Vietnam, World War One and Two, Cold War, which we're in right now: all because of muggles. We're not that great either, but at least we can come to agreements without resorting to war. Muggles, they are always looking for new ways to kill each other. You know what the muggle equivalent to Death Eaters are? The KKK in America."

"Will you please," Lily hissed, "shut up? I know my sister is a bitch. But she's still my sister. If she was anyone else I would not take any of her crap. You all know that. But she's my sister. I have to try and be cordial with her or else she'll never forgive me for being a witch."

"But that's not your fault," Peter exclaimed.

Lily nodded. "I know that. And so does Petunia. She's just jealous of me because I had a gene for magic and she did not. There's no one to blame, but she takes it out on me anyway. She is not like the purebloods in Slytherin, whatever you may think of her."

Lily inhaled and exhaled slowly, having recollected her composure.

"I know that that was a very bad first impression of my family. I am _so_, so sorry. My parents don't share Petunia's prejudice. They think I'm the awesome one, the one to be proud of. I mean, c'mon. There's a witch in the family. Personally, I sometimes think they want to show me off to their friends."

She focused on breathing again and wiped her tears.

"I'm sorry. Today was supposed to be about cheering Remus up and it became about me. How bitchy is that?" she choked out a mocking laugh.

I shrugged. Thinking about my parents' deaths is something I don't want to do.

"I'll live," I assure her. Other than Lily's sniffing, the room is deathly silent.

"I'll put the kettle on," Sirius said. "Anyone want tea?" We gave him an affirmative. We could all have some tea. Sirius went to the kitchen and the rest of us sat in the living room, fuming, reminiscing, or comforting.

"We could play a game," I suggest—anything to not think about yesterday's memorial service or today's fiasco at the restaurant.

"Like what?" James asked.

"I don't know. Maybe a muggle game, if Lily's willing to teach us one?"

Lily shrugged. "After tea, maybe," she said. I nod my head, though I'm disappointed that we can't do something distracting right now.

She looked up past us and smiled. "It's snowing again."

We look outside. Well, that's distracting, if anything. We watch the snow fall in small flakes slowly building a film outside.

"What's so interesting?" Sirius asked with a tray and pot of hot water with tea bags.

"It's snowing," Peter said, as though it should be obvious.

"Ah. Well, tea is served."

#

"Sorry about today," Severus asked as we ascended the steps of Grams' house. "We did not plan on running into Petunia at all."

"It's fine," I assure him. "It's the thought that counts. Despite what you think, it was fun after everyone stopped moping."

Severus nodded, smiling. "Save for you accidently dislocating Lily's shoulder."

"She said Amoeba* was pretty violent," I said. "And it was only dislocated for a couple moments. She's fine. And I can't always control my strength."

Severus shook his head and entered my room, sitting at the desk. I sat on my bed and crossed my legs. "You flipped her over the chair."

I shrug again. "It's what I do? I'm sorry! I can't control my strength. And I already apologized to her for it!"

Then Sirius snapped at me for not keeping my werewolf strength in check. She was bragging and shouting how she "knew it." Sirius thought she already knew.

We weren't allowed to continue the game until we explained everything to her. She was okay with it, if not a little put out for being the last in the group to find out that I'm a werewolf.

"The least you can do is give me a break," I mumble.

"No," Severus said, smirking. "I know you're jealous of my relationship with Lily, Remes, but there's no reason to beat her up."

I glare at him. I know he's just teasing, but still. "For the last time, I didn't mean to hurt her."

Severus shrugged. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Babe." I throw a pillow at him. Severus catches it and sets it on the desk. "We talked about throwing stuff, Remus. Don't."

"It's lot like I'm throwing the lamp at you. Pillows won't hurt."

"Yeah, but you and Lily both have a tendency to want to bash my head in with something."

"I only throw pillows! Lily throws…what? Books? Bottles? Glass figurines? She's a violent little pixie!"

"I know. Why do you think I wished Potter luck when he finally got her to go out with him. And you threw a cup of whiskey at Lily because she kissed me."

My mouth parts. "She kissed you?"

"She was drunk. So were you."

"Oh," I say, "was that last night?"

Severus nodded. "You're aim is terrible when you're drunk. You hit Black instead. Speaking of which, you're not allowed near alcohol ever again. I was embarrassed for you."

I shrug. "It was pretty embarrassing when I woke up. Would it have mattered if it was just the two of us?"

"I'm not sleeping with you when your drunk, Remus."

"Thank you for being genuinely concerned for my pride. Or is virtue?"

Severus laughed.

"You are not virtuous, Babe. You do try, but you fail. I'm fairly sure that the only reason Black helped me knock you out when you trying to turn me on is because he was intensely taken aback."

I blink. Then nod. "Yeah, that's sounds more like Sirius. He probably would have left you to rot. That is if he was used to me acting like a…"

"Horny hound?" He suggests with a smirk.

I smirk. "Yes. Exactly." I stand and approach the desk. I straddle Severus, kissing him. "I'm a horny hound. A very bad dog." I slide my hand under his shirt. "Very bad."

Severus kisses me.

"Boys!" Grams shrieks. "Stop stinking the house up!"

We break the kiss up and stare at the door.

"It smells like sex in here!"

I blush, mortified. Severus bursts into laughter. I get off his lap and leave the room.

"Grams! A little decorum, _please_!"

Grams stares at me with her hands on her hips. "_I _need decorum? I'm not the one with my head in the gutter, Remus Lupin. If need be, I will separate you two."

"And stop mind-raping me!" I shout, flushing deeper. I storm back to my room. Severus has lost all composure, laughing so hard that tears leak out of his eyes.

"I know you think my grandmother is funny, but if that happens again, we're moving into her shed in the back yard."

"So we'll stink up the shed with the smell of sex instead of the house?"

I grin. "Yes."

"Well, what if she decides to yell at us for stinking up the shed?"

"Well, the smell will go away eventually, I guess. Besides, only four months in this house: the rest of December until New Years, and then Summer. Then we go to Manhattan."

"And we'll stink up a dorm room."

"No, we'll get our own place. A flat."

"I don't think Americans call flats 'flats.'"

"Whatever they call a flat, that's what we'll get," I say.

"You're a romantic, Remus," Severus said, shaking his head. "What you're suggesting is going to take a lot of money."

"We'll manage somehow. You have job experience and you can get a job working at the American Ministry of Magic."

"Americans don't have a Ministry of Magic, Remus. They have The Oz, which acts as like the muggles' government. And the auror office is part of the FM branch."

"FM branch?"

Severus shook his head, laughing. "Flying Monkeys." I furrow my brow. "Don't ask, after a muggle wrote about their world, they took what he wrote and renamed everything to match the book. FM is like the muggles' judicial branch."

"How do you know so much about America?"

Severus shrugged. "I used to debate moving there after I graduated."

"You wanted to be an American citizen?"

Severus shrugged. "I thought America was awesome when I was a kid. I grew up. England's my home. I do have some sense of nationalism."

"How patriotic of you," I say.

"GO TO BED!" Grams shouted.

"We're moving into the shed first thing tomorrow."

"Whatever you say, Remes."


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50

#Severus#

Remus is crying again. He thinks I can't hear him. Of all the times to lose his parents, this had to be the worse time of all.

Christmas is just three days away and all I can do is hold him and pray that this is enough and wish there was more I could do for him.

I wrap my arms around him, holding Remus close.

In the morning, he'll smile at his grandmother, tell her he's okay.

She will know he's not, but she won't bring it up.

I kiss his cheek.

Remus will pretend that he's fine during the day, hiding behind his smile, joking with his friends, flirting with me. And when it's night again, he'll be too defenseless to hold back his tears.

"I love you, Remus," I whisper, tightening my hold on him. Remus turns around and presses his forehead to my chest and his hands grasping my shirt.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I woke you up again."

_Like I care,_ I think a little too harshly. I squeeze his shoulder. "It's fine, Remus. I'll live. Try to sleep."

#

I'm kissed awake. Opening my eyes to see Remus smiling at me, I groan. I'm still so tired.

"C'mon, it snowed overnight," he said. "There's two feet outside. Let's have a snow ball fight."

"It's warmer inside." Remus kisses me again, begging me to get up. "Ask me again in an hour. Maybe I won't be so groggy then."

"But the snow could melt."

"Two feet of snow isn't going to melt that much by an hour."

"It could."

I pull the covers over my head and turn on my side away from Remus. Maybe he'll let me sleep now.

"Please, Sev…" he begs, joining me under the covers. "Unless you have an idea of something more fun?" he adds.

"I do. It's called sleep. Just another hour and I promise I'll be awake."

"Fine," Remus said, "But when I return, I'll stuff snow down your back." He gets out of bed and goes to take a shower.

I don't know how long it's been, but I doubt it was an hour when Remus returns and stuffs a snowball down my shirt. I scream, shocked by the cold. Remus is howling with laughter as I try to get the ice out of my shirt.

"REMUS!"

"I warned you."

"It has not been an hour!"

Remus frowned at me. "It has been an hour."

"No it hasn't."

"It has. You promised you'd be awake by then. And now you're awake." He's grinning at me. I sigh.

"Fine. Give me a few minutes." I prefer him in bed and crying to him being hyperactive and stuffing my shirt full of snow. I shower and dress before joining him outside in the snow. Immediately I'm hit in the back of the head with a snowball.

I turn around and Remus is pretending that he had no idea where it came from. I make a snowball and throw it at him. It splats in his face.

"You were right, Remus, this is fun," I say making a second snowball and throwing it at him. Remus ducks and it hits the door instead.

Remus lunges at me and I jump out of the way. He scrambles to make another snowball while I hide behind a tree to make a few of my own.

One nearly gets my ear, and another stings my leg.

Remus dodges three of mine, but I manage to hit him in the chest. I apparate behind him and tackle him to the ground, pressing his face in the snow.

"Oh God! Merlin's pants! Get off! Severus, get off! God, it's cold!" I get off, cackling with laughter. Remus is glaring at me. His nose is red from cold. He sneezes. "If I get sick, it's your fault."

"You'll be fine," I snap.

He sneezes again and I feel a little guilty for getting back at him for waking me up with a snowball.

"I'll make you a pepper-up potion. Come on."

We head back inside and hang up our cloaks. I go to the kitchen and get my cauldron. I begin brewing the potion.

"Did you have to tackle me to the ground?"

"Did you have to stuff my shirt with snow?"

Remus sneezes again. He grins and sits on the couch. "Well, I was debating something else, but I didn't think it would have gotten you out of bed."

"Ah." I finish the potion and pour him a glass to bring him. "Drink."

"Yes, Sir," he said, taking the glass and downing the contents. He made a face and stuck his tongue out. "One of these days, someone will pioneer a series of potions that include sugar."

"Sugar would make them useless. You can't use sugar in potions. Only in cooking."

Remus grins wider. His nose is looking less like Rudolph's. "I bet you're good at cooking."

"I wouldn't know, I never learned how," I say walking back to the kitchen to clean the cauldron.

"Really?"

"No one bothered to teach me and it's not as though Hogwarts offers a home economics class. Nor would I have joined that class if they did."

There's a pause from the living room. "I wouldn't have either."

I wave my wand over my cauldron and it empties, clean and spotless. I wave my wand again and the fire beneath it dies. Now I let it cool and return to Remus' side, sitting down beside him.

"Remus, perhaps it'd be healthier if we…talk about what happened to your parents."

He doesn't like that idea at all.

"I know you don't want to dwell on it, but Remus, you're hiding rather than dealing. It's not healthy."

"I know."

"Then let's talk."

"If I talk, everything will crash down around me." He admits. "I don't want to talk."

"Okay, we don't have to talk, but are you sure you're dealing?"

Remus shrugs. "I don't even know how to deal with something like this. I've never lost anyone before. So where do I begin?"

"Talk to me, for one, and let me hold you. Not just at night but during the day too."

Remus looks away from me.

"It's not a weakness to be upset, Babe. You're not weak."

"But I don't want to show that I'm capable of it."

"Why? Because you're in Gryffindor? Do you think your friends would judge you for that? They don't, Remus. You don't have to show them how broken up you are by your parents' death if you don't want to. Just don't hide it from me. I _know_ you're upset, I _know_ you're broken up over it."

I took Remus' hand in mine and kiss it. "I love you, Remus. I want to comfort you."

Remus closes his eyes and rests his head on my shoulder, tears spilling out from between his lashes.

"I love you," I whisper, embracing him, pulling him onto my lap.

"What if they had gone after you?"

"What?"

"Rousseau could have easily gone after you instead," he said, breathing raggedly. "I miss them. I still think Rousseau and Greyback lied to me. I still expect Mom and Dad to walk through the door and tell us they escaped and were hiding this whole time. But he could have gone after you instead. He'd have killed you."

I kiss Remus' forehead. "He didn't come after me, Remus. You and I got out before then."

"He could have. I could have lost you too."

"But he didn't. You didn't lose me. And you won't." He looks up at me, opening his eyes. They're red from his tears.

Remus kisses me. I kiss him back. He lies down, and I on top of him, not once breaking apart save to take a breath between kisses. His hands begin to explore my body. I pin his arms down.

"Severus," Remus whispers. "Let's go upstairs." I sit up, releasing one hand and pull him up the stairs into his room.

I shove Remus onto the bed, pulling his shirt off over his head. I pin his arms over his head, ravishing his lips with mine.

I don't know if Remus is really trying to break free or if he's trying to push me further into giving into him, but his hands escape mine and we're sitting up. Remus pushes my shirt off. I pull my arms free of the sleeves and let it fall to the floor.

Remus pushes me down, unzipping my jeans, sliding his hand inside.


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51

#Remus#

I wake up, for the first time in a long time, feeling fully rested.

The previous day's events flooded back into my mind and I smiled. Severus is still asleep and I watch him, tempted to disturb his rest with either a touch or a kiss.

I decide against it, but I refuse to get out of bed, wanting to do nothing but stare at him.

Something tapped my window and I looked to it. An owl tapped its beak against the window again, a letter tied to its leg.

I sigh and get out of bed, putting my underwear back on before opening the window and letting the bird fly inside and closing the window. I undo the letter tied around the fowl's leg and open it.

It's a letter from James—"cordially inviting you to the Potter Family's Christmas Party" tomorrow night. I check yes and send it with the owl back to James, opening the window far long enough for it to brave the weather again, then I shut the window and climb back into bed.

"Remes, you're cold," Severus complained, opening his eyes.

"You're warm, so it works out."

"No it doesn't. What did you do? Open the window?"

"Er…yes. Only for a moment or two."

"Hm." Severus stretched. "I'm going back to sleep."

I peer at him. He opens an eye and looks at me. "You sure? I could give you another blow job instead."

Severus chuckled. "Don't tempt me."

"Why not?" I ask, grinning. I slide my hand across his skin. "You know you want to."

He seizes my hand before I reach his crotch. "I do. But I question your motives, Remus."

I frown and pull away, turning on my side so that my back faces him.

"Remus," Severus said, kissing my shoulder. "Baby, c'mon. Let me explain. You're still mourning your parents, Babe. I thought you just wanted to have sex to dull the pain. If I'm wrong about yesterday, then I'm sorry—"

I look at him. "I'm not using you, Severus. I'm not going to think about my parents when I'm having sex. I don't want to think about my parents when I'm having sex! Why would anyone want to think about their parents when they're having sex? That's not just disgusting, it's disturbing."

Severus is blushing. "Okay, so it was stupid of me. I'm sorry."

"You should be," I say, trying to sound furious, but I can't stop a smile from creeping onto my face. "It's almost unforgivable."

"_Almost_ unforgivable?" Severus asked, smirking. "So there's a way I can be forgiven for being an ass?"

"Only one," I say, though thousands are coming to mind. "You—"

"Boys, breakfast is ready," Grams shouted.

I groan. There go my hopes for morning sex. And I was so close, too.

"I'll make it up to you later," Severus said, kissing me.

My mind flashes back to yesterday. Grams might just read my mind again. She's evil enough.

"What?"

"Grams might—"

"Oh, yeah."

"What? Not 'oh, yeah': 'oh no.'"

"Okay, okay, I tend to enjoy watching you squirm under her scrutiny. It's funny. But I did look into what leginemancy and occlumency is. You just have to build a wall in your mind. Theoretically."

"Right. That'll work."

"That's all I got."

"Boys!"

"Okay, fine, what does the theory say I have to do?"

"Whatever you do," Severus said, "Don't think about anything. Not school. Not your friends. Not Christmas. _Especially_ not me. You think it, she sees it."

He gets up and climbs over me to get dressed.

"Right, that's easy," I say, staring at him. "Not thinking about you will definitely work."

"It will."

"Right, so she can't read your mind because—"

"Because she likes me. She doesn't even try to read my mind," Severus said, grinning, taking a black shirt and pulling it over his head.

I glare at him.

"What? I don't know why your grandmother likes me. For all I know, she might be a cougar." He pauses. "Now I don't want breakfast anymore. You're grandmother's scary."

I laugh. "No, I think you're safe from my grandmother, Sev. If she is a cougar, she'd be going after Sirius instead."

"BOYS!"

"Remember, keep your mind blank."

I get out of bed and throw on a pair of sweat pants and a sweater.

"What were the two of you doing up there?"

"Nothing," we say.

She glares at me, but I keep my mind as blank as possible. I can feel her trying to reach into my memory and—honestly, it's gross.

She pulls out. "About time you started blocking your mind."

I look at Severus. He's smirking. We sit at the table and eat.

"Have you bought gifts for your friends for the Christmas party tomorrow?" Grams asks.

My eyes widen. "Shit!"

"Language, Remus!"

"I lost track of time," I say.

"Well, there's time still. Go to Diagon Alley today. Here," she says, putting a bag beside me, "Christmas presents and food only."

I resist the urge to hug the old bat. "Yes, Ma'am."

"I'll be back tonight." She said, grabbing her bag and heading out the door. "Behave yourselves—both of you."

"Yes, Ma'am," we chime. The door closes behind her. I look at Severus.

"So," he said, smirking, "Today's just working against you, isn't it?"

"Shut up."

#

We apparated into Quality Quidditch Supplies. The great thing about having for Sirius and James for friends is that they're easy to shop for. We're in and out in about ten minutes.

Peter is a little more difficult, since he isn't obsessed with quidditch. Nor bookish.

I gawk at the price for a small owl. Unlike James and Sirius, Peter could use a pet, and so long as it's not a cat, it should be fine. Perhaps I could get him a rat, but that would be a little…dumb.

Deciding that a pet for Peter would have to wait, I drag Severus away from the pet shop and head to Olivander's.

There was one time Peter's wand went haywire and almost lit him on fire. Since then, we decided it was wiser if he didn't keep his wand in his pocket.

I decide to go and find him something else. Peter has enough wand holsters. I stop, seeing a holster that hides the wand under your sleeve. He doesn't have one like that.

After examining it, I buy it for Severus instead and leave the store. I pause and look behind me. "Sev?"

"Right here," he said. I look to my left. I furrow my brow.

"I thought you were inside with me."

"Sorry. Ran into Malfoy. Had a chat. You find Pettigrew anything yet?"

"No," I say, stuffing my hands in my cloak's pockets. "I'll probably have to get him a useless trinket at Zonko's."

"Hm."

I look at him. He's deep in thought. "Severus?"

"Yeah?"

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm a bit distracted. That's all."

We head to Zonko's and I make a basket of items for Peter. It would have to do. I've no idea what else to get for him. We leave the joke shop and I pause.

"What is it?"

I hand Severus the presents. "I'll be right back."

"Remus!"

I look down Knockturn Alley, but he scent is gone.

"Remus, what was that?" Severus shouted, pulling me away from Knockturn.

"I thought I smelled Rousseau."

"Rousseau is wanted for your parents' murder," Severus snapped. "He's not going to risk coming to Diagon Alley."

"I know his scent," I shot back. "He was here."

"Can you smell him now?"

"No," I admit.

"Then let's leave it be and go have lunch. All right?" he asks. I nod reluctantly and we head to the Leaky Cauldron.


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52

#Severus#

_I'm seized from behind and pulled behind Flourish and Blotts, a cold hand clasped over my mouth._

"_Snape," the man said. His auburn curls were tied back. He had a light beard and mustache growing around his mouth. He's dressed in a grey cloak and red robes. "We haven't been properly introduced." He lowers his hand. "I'm Rousseau."_

_I reach for my wand. He grabs my throat, tightening his grasp around my neck. I lower my hand and he releases me. "We need to talk about Remus."_

"_Stay away from him."_

_Rousseau barks a laugh. "Stay away? Tell me, Kid, do you like steak?"_

"_What does that have anything to do with—"_

"_Let's say you have a steak put in front of you. You're not that hungry and you're told not to eat it, just watch it. Eventually, you'll be too hungry _not_ to eat it, am I right?"_

_I cross my arms. _

"_I was given one task and that was to watch over Remus from afar. Keep an eye on him, but never approach him unless he was in danger. So I obey. I watch him. Protect him if necessary."_

"_I know you're obsessed with Remus."_

"_Then we understand each other." He hands me a letter. "Give this to Remus for me."_

_Rousseau leaves. I stare at the envelope in my hand. I'm tempted to rip it. But I also want to read it. I decide to save it for now and head back into the alley to find Remus, slipping the letter into my pocket._

#

Remus is busy wrapping the gifts he bought for his friends. I turn the letter over in my hand and decide to open it.

_Remus,_

_I did not kill your parents. Fenrir would not let them live. I am sorry, Love. You know I would never hurt you, Remus. I love you. I still love you._

_I was angry and heartbroken when we last met. You are evil, Remus. But I love you. I had a lot of time to think since then. _

_I have decided to forgive you, and remind you that you belong to me…_

My hands are shaking. I can barely contain my fury.

The letter goes into a lot of detail of some of the things that took place between them over the summer, listing reason after reason how Remus belongs to Rousseau.

I can't bring myself to finish it and I throw it in the fire.

I can almost hear Rousseau mocking me.

"Dinner's ready," Debbie said to us.

I put the letter out of my mind, or tried to, as we joined her at the table.

I stare at Remus most of the hour as we ate. Portions of the letter, which he left out to me back in September, kept flitting cruelly across my mind.

I understand that he was confused by his relationship with Rousseau. I also understand that at some point, the rape stopped being rape. Still, I deserved the whole truth. That's not even the most disturbing part of Remus' relationship with Rousseau.

Rousseau is easily thirty at least. Of course, Remus is of age, so it's hardly pedophilia. That can't be the reason I'm so disturbed.

_Kid_.

"Thank you for dinner," I say.

"You've barely touched anything," Debbie exclaims.

"I'm not that hungry."

Remus blinks at me, inquiring if I'm all right. I plaster on a smile and put my dishes in the sink. The sponge and soap instantly get to work on them and I head upstairs.

"What happened today?"

"I don't know. He did say he ran into a classmate…" I close Remus' door behind me and pace, trying to clear my head.

#Remus#

I enter my room. Severus turns to me.

"What's wrong?" I ask. "Did Malfoy say something to you back at Diagon? You've been acting strange since we met up at Olivander's." He approaches me and pins me against the door. "Severus?"

He kisses me violently, breaking after a moment.

"Severus?"

Severus is breathing hard.

"Severus, what's wrong?"

"I'm fine," he said.

"No, you're not."

"It doesn't matter. It's not important. Sorry for being so forceful just now."

"Sev, if something is bothering you, then it's important. Please, tell me."

Severus averts his gaze, glaring at the floor. He mumbles something.

"What?"

"Rousseau still loves you." He repeats.

Rousseau? I kiss Severus. "I chose you. You don't need to worry about Rousseau."

"He doesn't care. You may have found a way to ignore him, but he still looks at you. He still wants you. It infuriates me, Remus, that after all the shit he's done to you he thinks you'll return to him."

How does he know this about Rousseau? "I won't."

"I know you won't. But that fucked up idiot won't accept that. He's obsessed with you. He doesn't care that you don't love him. He never has so long as he had you."

Severus approached the window, looking outside into the darkness. He closes the blinds. Then he bangs his fist against the wall. "I hate him!"

"Don't think about Rousseau, Severus." I approach him. "Don't think about him. Sev, please." I make him look at me. "I love you. Only you. Think only about that. I love _you_. I want only you."

I kiss him.

Severus still looks so beaten. "Did Rousseau talk to you?" He looks away. "He did, didn't he? I wasn't Malfoy at Diagon today, but him? Was it?"

"Would it matter?"

It's confirmation enough for me. "Ignore him," I say, "Whatever he said to you, ignore it. If need be, remind him I chose you. Remind _yourself_ I chose you. Severus look at me." He does. I kiss him. "I love you. I do _not_ love Rousseau. I _can't_ love Rousseau."

"You love me."

"Yes, Severus," I say, kissing him. "You."

"Me."

"Yes, you. Only you. Always you," I kiss him again. "Don't doubt me, Severus. Ever." I hug him, soaking in his warmth. "Come on, let's go back downstairs," I say.


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 53

Celine Warbeck echoed around the room, barely audible. The coffee table was laden with food: chocolate and cheese fondue, Christmas biscuits, crackers and wafers.

The adults were lounging around either standing, sitting at the table, or outside having a smoke.

But the six of us were surrounding the coffee table, making good use of the sweets and drinking eggnog or hot cocoa. I was glad that Severus was enjoying himself, laughing at a few old stories of past Christmases at the Potters with the rest of us.

We were decked in ugly Christmas sweaters.

I kept staring at Severus. He wore the loaned green and red sweater to the party, but it had since been cast aside, tucked under the table. He wisely wore a (somewhat festive) t-shirt under it. His hair, without any urging or pressuring, had been tied back.

"Watch out!" Peter shouted. "Mistletoe!"

We scrambled, trying to spread out as the enchanted mistletoe chased us around the room until it finally caught me and Lily.

"Does this thing care about sexuality?" Lily asked. "I'd feel bad kissing Remus."

"It doesn't care who you're with or what your preference is," Sirius said with a grin. "Give Remus a big one, Lily!"

"Or vice versa," James laughed.

"Potter I am going to kick your ass!" Lily shouted.

I glance apologetically at Severus and kiss Lily (she slapped me afterwards).

The mistletoe releases us and chases after the others, who run and duck and dodge, but eventually a new pair of victims were captured—Peter and James. It was hilarious watching them try to kiss.

Once they kiss, they run to the bathroom to rinse their mouths. The mistletoe has one last pair to target before it decides to leave us alone—for another hour anyway. I restrain Severus.

"Running is futile," I explain. "If you don't kiss Sirius, it will follow one of you around and make you kiss the nearest person available, regardless of sex or age. It will make you kiss someone eventually. I once was forced to kiss my dad." I shiver at the memory. Not one of my favorites.

"Snape, c'mere," Sirius said, beckoning Severus.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes." I shove him at Sirius. "I will kick Sirius' ass later."

"Oh, oh!" Sirius shouted, feigning offense. "Very nice, Remus! After all our mistletoe moments together, you're choosing your partner over me!"

I blink. "Why wouldn't I? He kisses better than you."

Lily nodded.

Severus glared at us. "Don't you have anything better to do than objectify me?"

Lily and I exchanged glances and shake our heads. We laugh.

"He better be worth it," Sirius said. He wrapped his arms around Severus' neck and kissed him.

Lily took a camera and took a couple photos.

"Muggle or wizard?" I asked.

"Muggle. It lasts longer and there's no escape. It's there forever," she said, putting the camera away. "Besides, I don't know how to take wizard pictures."

The mistletoe sped away just as James and Peter returned.

"Sirius, you can stop kissing Snape now," James snapped.

Severus pushed Sirius off. Sirius was blushing. "Damn, Remus. No wonder you went gay."

"Oh, Merlin's shaggy y-fronts, you're joking," James muttered. "Snape what are you doing to my friends? Stop raping their lips!"

"I am not—you know what! I give up!" Severus said, collapsing on the couch.

I sit next to him and kiss his cheek. "Don't worry. I'll protect you from the hungry lions."

"I'm not that good at kissing," he snaps.

I arch an eyebrow at him. "Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Ten galleons says you can't make James want to switch sexualities."

"I am not taking that bet."

"You just made Sirius blush. Sirius _never_ blushes. For a moment, he was gay. If that's the effect you have on him, what effect will you have on James, who's a homophobe?"

"Remus, what are you plotting?" James asked, overhearing me.

"I'll up it to twenty."

"Thirty, and I expect it in full."

"Deal." Severus jumps off the couch and seizes James, dipping him down into a kiss. James is flailing.

"Christmas of 1977: Snape's Revenge," Sirius joked.

Severus brought James up. James is tomato red and his glasses are askew.

"Remus, you're partner felt me up."

"That was not part of the deal, Sev."

"You still owe me thirty galleons. Now."

"Correction," Sirius said, "Snape's MEGA revenge!"

"I don't have thirty stinking galleons on me right _now._"

Severus smirks. "Well there is another way you can pay your debt…"

"NOT IN MY HOUSE!" James shouted at Severus. "This isn't a motel!"

"Of course not, James," Peter said, patting James' shoulder. "It's a gay bar."

We burst out laughing. Poor James. He looks like he's about to die, but we can't bring ourselves to care.

"James, you'll live," Lily assured him.

"No I won't," he snapped. "Snape _kissed me_! My lips! They're burning off!"

I look at Severus, and then at James, getting a very evil and cruel idea. I lean up and kiss James.

"REVENGE OF THE GAYS!" Sirius shouted.

"Okay. That's it, Black, no more sweets for you," Lily snapped at him, slapping the top of his head.

"Well…way it's going, I think Severus and Remus just invited James to have a threesome."

I break the kiss and smirk at Severus, who's glaring at me. "What?"

"How does that make you feel, Evans?"

Lily looked at us. She shook her head, grinning evilly. "No. I think they were actually warning him that they want to rape him after the party."

Severus and I convulse with laughter. Peter and Sirius look at Lily, then at James, then at us, and finally at each other. Looking at James, I can tell he's horribly mortified.

"Lily that's your boyfriend," Peter said. "Be nice."

Sirius shrugged. "I probably would be okay with it."

"You would," Peter goaded.

"Are you calling me a slut?"

Peter grinned. "Yes. Yes, I am."

"Well you're a bitch."

"Slut."

"Bitch."

"Slut."

"Bitch."

"Is this common?" Severus asked. I nodded.

"Note how many adults are _not_ telling us to settle down," I say. "It's very common."

"You're both sluts—I mean bitches!" Lily shouted. "You're bitchy sluts!" She said in a juvenile effort to correct herself.

"Everyone's acting like they're drunk again," Severus said.

I get off the couch and sip Lily's eggnog.

"They are. Mildly. We've been pranked: the eggnog's been spiked."

"Really?"

"No," I say, grinning. "It's just the sugar. We'll crash eventually." I look at James. "James, you okay?"

James shook his head, unable to speak.

"I would say I'm sorry, but I'm honestly not sorry at all."

He manages to flip me off.

"But I already have someone for that activity," I say, wrapping my arm around Severus'. "I don't need another partner. Though I'm sure you would be fun."

James glares at me.

"It couldn't have been that terrible, Potter," Severus said, smirking. "Black liked it."

"James, it was just a couple of kisses," Lily said. "Severus and Remus were messing with you. I thought it was adorable."

James glared at her.

"You're dating a homophobe, what do you expect?" Peter asked.

Sirius approached the couch and went around to James. "Sorry, mate. The evening won't be meaningful otherwise." Sirius kisses James. "Mwah!"

"You're all so mean," Lily said, smirking.

James runs over to Lily and hides behind her chair. "Keep them away from me!" he hissed at her.

"Gentlemen, one homophobe for sale. He requires food, long walks on the beach, and lots of cuddling."

"Lily, we're breaking up."

"Starting bid: fifty galleons."

"Woman, that is insane!" Sirius said. "I'm bidding down! No more than five galleons."

"Padfoot, I will have you neutered!" James shouted.

"Five galleons," Lily said, "Do I hear six?"

"James, you are being made into a whore," Peter joked.

"Sold for five galleons to Sirius Black: a night with James Potter," Lily said, dragging James out and pushing him at Sirius.

"Don't worry, James," Sirius said, patting James' hand. "I'll be gentle."

James punched Sirius in the nose. And that was the end of that.


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54

We settled down in time for dinner, but we barely ate anything.

Grams lectured us for eating too many sweets, but we shrugged it off and conversed instead.

There wasn't much to talk about, save for school and how Grams and I were doing (which was shied away from, as though she and I were akin to eggshells).

It was hard not to think of my parents. It was painful, not having them here. But at the same time, I don't think they'd want me or Grams to mope, especially not on Christmas.

The mistletoe reappeared over James and Lily. Lily blushed a little when James kissed her.

"Feel better?" Sirius asked.

"Yes. That was definitely the only kiss I wanted all night." Mr. Potter snickered. "Not a word from you!" The mistletoe vanished.

"I didn't say anything."

"You were about to."

"No I wasn't, Jimmy."

James glared at his dad. He _hated_ being called "Jimmy."

"Jimmy?" Lily asked.

"Don't call me Jimmy," James warned.

"Why not? It's cute." Sirius, Peter, and I smirked. Lily spotted us and glared mockingly. "You three be nice." We feigned innocence.

"We're always nice," Sirius said in our defense.

James shook his head. "They won't be."

"Well I can try," Lily said.

I shook my head, mouthing "No." Lily picked up a toffee, to throw at me. I opened my mouth to catch it. She aimed, it came—Severus caught it in his hand.

"You've had enough sugar for one night, Remes," he said, eating it instead.

"And you haven't?" I asked. Severus shrugged. I frown and kiss him, sliding my tongue into his mouth and stealing the toffee. I am aware that I shocked a few people at the table. Nor do I care. I stick my tongue out at him, showing the toffee.

"Mature, Remus. Very mature," Severus muttered.

My tongue and the toffee return to my mouth. "You're welcome to steal it back."

"I will sit between the two of you if you don't behave," Grams snapped, waving her fork at us.

"Uh-oh."

"Shut up, Sirius."

I stopped laughing the moment I saw something rush by the window. I excused myself and stuck my head outside to try and get a scent. I went outside, braving the cold.

"Remus, over here."

I approached Rousseau, my wand aimed under his throat.

"Give me one _very _good reason not to kill you?"

"I didn't kill your parents," he said. "Good enough for you?" I didn't lower my wand. "If it isn't then why haven't you tried to kill me?"

_Because I don't want to alert Moody and go to Azkaban_. "I made a promise not to kill again. That won't stop me from cursing you. What did you say to Severus yesterday?"

Rousseau arched an eyebrow, smirking. "We barely talked. I suppose he read my letter."

"What letter?"

Rousseau shrugged. "It's not important. Ask your mate."

"Go away, Rousseau," I demand, lowering my wand and heading back to the house.

He seizes my arm, pulling me back to whisper, "Happy Christmas, Love," in my ear. I pull out and turn around ready to hex him, but he's already gone. I pocket my wand and return to the house.

Once back, I leave my shoes by the hearth and try to warm up on the couch.

"Did you go outside?"

I look at Severus.

"Yeah," I say. "It's warm inside, so…" I can't bring myself to tell him Rousseau was here.

"Next time, do what I did and wear a shirt under the damn sweater."

"Okay," I say. I glance at the clock. Three hours to go until midnight when we'd have the gift exchange. I'm already tired, but I can't bring myself to have anything with more chocolate.

Severus sat beside me and I rest my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes.

"Are you tired already?"

"Yes. The party goes on till midnight and we usually crash after dinner."

"Aw," I heard Lily coo. I open an eye at glare at her. "Don't look at me like that! You two are cute." I close my eye and tried to block out the noise. It's a harder feat than assumed, but I try anyway…

I'm shaken awake.

"Remus, it's almost midnight," Severus said. I get off his lap and look around groggily, Sirius is still shaking me. "Black get off him. He's up."

I grab my wand and point it at Sirius, "_Aguamenti_." Sirius is splashed with water.

"Gah! Cold! Cold!"

"Go get dry then," James snapped at Sirius, who ran up to his room.

"You up?"

"A little bit," I said, yawning and stretching. "Was I really asleep for the last three hours?"

"Yes, Remus, you were," Severus said. "I wasn't sure we'd be able to wake you."

"Why was I on your lap?"

"Well, I had to go to the bathroom eventually."

"Oh. Okay."

"Coffee, Remus?" Lily offered.

I shake my head. "I'm not a big coffee drinker."

"I'll have one," Severus said.

"'Kay," Lily said, standing to get more black swill.

"You know, Remus, you _can_ put sugar in coffee. It makes it taste better."

"But then it's just caffeinated sugar water and still doesn't taste that great."

"You can also put cream in it."

"Still doesn't taste great. You won't make a coffee drinker of me, Severus."

"Fine, but I haven't given up yet."

"It'd be in your best wishes to give up."

"You can mix coffee with cocoa." I glare at him. "Fine fine."

The clock chimed midnight and the gift exchange took place.

I feel bad for not getting anything for Lily. In the insanity of finding gifts for my friends, I had forgotten that she would also be at the party tonight.

She didn't seem to mind. James outdid himself, getting her a garnet necklace and matching earrings. So I really shouldn't feel that bad, right?

Three boxes were pushed at me by three buffoons with mischievous grins.

"If I got dog biscuits again…"

"Dog biscuits? That's cruel!" Sirius said, feigning hurt.

"You really have that little faith in us?" James asked, glaring.

"Perhaps we should stop getting you presents," Peter added.

"But you get me dog biscuits _every year_," I say, opening the boxes. "It is not a funny gag anymore." Severus is fighting down a smile. I stare at the three boxes of Kibbles and Bits. Sure, there were other gifts _with _the dog treats, BUT THEY STILL GOT ME DOG TREATS!

"Would we pull the gag if it wasn't funny?" Sirius asked. "You walk into it every time!" I flip Sirius off. My friends snickered. Lily shook her head.

"You're all so purile."

"Then why do you hang out with them?" Severus asked.

"Why do you?"

"Because I'm dating the one in the group that's more mature than the three of them combined. But he's only mature when it suits him."

Lily looked at the others. "Well, you can't exactly blame him."

"No, I can't. But I can blame them."

Lily looked through the tree and handed my present to Severus. "Open it, now."

"For that, no."

"It's from Remus," she said, grinning.

He takes the gift and glares at her mockingly, carefully opening the paper.

I'm not sure why I'm blushing, but I can't fight down the heat rising to my cheeks.

Severus kisses me. "Thanks, Babe."

"Not quite done! There's still a couple left!" Lily said, passing around the last five. All of them are signed from her.

We open them and gawk at the hand knit scarf, mittens, and hat sets.

"Lily," James asked, "Why are there ears on ours and not Snape's?"

Lily grinned. "Well, Remus is a lycanthrope and the three of you are animagi and Sev's not an animagus. Plus I dared cat ears for one of his hats once and he only wore it once and never again."

"Put the darn hat on, James," Sirius snapped.

"But it's missing antlers. I'm not a doe. I'm a stag. Stags have antlers."

"If I knew how to knit antlers, I would have. Now wear the damn doe hat."

James put on the hat, the ears flopped lifelessly around.

I turn to Severus, grinning. "Cat ears?"

"Not another word. If I wore the damn thing I'd be the laughing stock of Hogwarts without any help from the four of you."

"Okay, but I wanna see that hat."

"You'll never find it," he said, smirking.

"I will."

"He will," Lily promised. "I'll make sure of it."

"No one is finding that hat!"

We teased him more about the cat eared hat before being ushered by Grams to get ready to go home.


	55. Chapter 55

Chapter 55

#Severus#

"You had fun, right?" Remus asked, climbing into bed beside me.

"More than I thought I would have," I answer. "Probably because you're friends weren't trying to humiliate me."

"No, we were having too much fun humiliating James to bother humiliating you," he said, closing the distance between us. He slid his hand under my shirt and around my waist to rest against my back. "Today was hard."

"I know." I kiss the top of his head. "You don't need to keep it in, Remus."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Babe."

#

I woke up before Remus for once. Most days he's awake before I am, but today is an exception. I glance over to the clock. The morning was long gone and the clock's hand moved to read twelve thirty. I look at Remus again, peacefully asleep.

How the hell am I going to get out of bed without waking him?

_Challenge accepted_.

Carefully, I untangle myself from Remus and the sheets. I climb over him and stand on the ground.

The carpeted floor keeps my feet warm, but the air seeps the warmth out of me.

I gather some clothes and head to the bathroom to shower.

Twenty minutes later, I enter the room again to see how Remus faired. He still slept soundly.

_Resist all urge to kiss him_, I tell myself, putting on my socks.

I head downstairs to get something to eat. I make some toast, pour myself some orange juice, and brew coffee.

Remus comes down the stairs.

"Morning," I say, spreading butter on my toast.

"Morning," he yawns. "When did you get up?"

"Half an hour ago."

"How are you even awake?"

"I wisely used that half hour," I said, tearing a piece of toast apart with my teeth. "Hungry?"

"Starved."

I pour another glass of orange juice for him and make some more toast. "You know, I thought you'd tear into the food at dinner yesterday."

He grins. "Like at the Broomsticks?"

"Yeah."

"It happens rarely," Remus admits, "Usually after the full moon. Normally I can barely stomach anything. I used to stay home sick a lot because I often had eaten something that didn't agree with. I can eat pretty much anything. I don't have allergies. It's just usually before the full moon, everything makes me nauseas."

"What about dog food?" I ask, grinning.

"Yeah, it's a running joke, but at the same time, they actually do settle my stomach."

I think that should make me want to laugh more than gag, but I set my toast down, having actually lost my appetite. "You eat dog treats."

"I prefer sweets, usually chocolate, but when they're not available, yeah, I'll get dog treats."

"Remus, that is disgusting."

"So long as it works, I don't care. Besides, Sirius eats them too."

"Remus."

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

Remus smirks. "Feeling sick yet?"

"My stomach is somersaulting. Yes, I feel sick. I'm throwing out the dog treats. You're not touching those ever again and I will bash you're friends over the heads with a beater's bat."

Remus pouted.

"Don't. Eat your breakfast."

"Fine. I will," Remus said, putting his toast on a plate. "Severus?"

"Yes?"

"Should we go to the park?" He asked. I looked at him. "Or would you rather stay inside? We can do either. I just want to do something productive today."

"Something productive on Christmas day? Places are going to be closed today, Remus."

"We could still go on a walk around the park."

I take my toast and finish eating it. I'm glad my appetite came back. "I think the ice skating rink in Godric's Hollow will be open. If not, there's a park there."

Remus smiles.

"What?"

"Godric's Hollow again? We were there last night."

"Last night we were stuck at Potter's house. I'd like to see the actual village, if that's possible."

"Yeah. Of course. I thought you'd like to go somewhere familiar."

"Well, that's the problem with familiar," I say, pouring my coffee into a mug. "You already know it."

"No arguments here." He finished eating and put the dishes in the sink. "Thanks for breakfast, Love."

"You're welcome."

Remus returns upstairs and I hear the shower turn on.

I drank the black, bitter liquid while I waited for him to return downstairs so we could go. A snowball slammed into the window, startling me. I set the mug down and went to investigate, peering outside.

"You know, now that I've had a chance to really meet you," I look at the speaker. Rousseau grins at me, leaning against the wall. "I understand why Remus chose you."

"I've no idea what you're talking about," I growl. Why am I even bothering to talk to him?

"Oh, but you do, Snape." He stepped closer to me. "I really think you do."

I tighten my grip on the door in case I'd need to slam it in Rousseau's face.

Rousseau stands on the bottom step. "You're smart. You're young. And you're strong—you have the makings of one with power. Or I'd think so if charisma could be thrown into the mix. You and Remus are a lot alike—"

I close the door in Rousseau's face, hearing enough. It was creepy. If I didn't know better, I would have guessed Rousseau was hitting on me.

"Let's have a wager, shall we?" Rousseau called through the door. "Who does Remus love more: his first lover or the mature lover? Ask him." Rousseau left.

I know I don't need to be insecure. I know how much Remus loves me. I know he chose me.

But…

_No_, I tell myself. _I've been through this. Remus chose me. He loves me._

But why?

I laugh dryly, mocking myself. _I should be asking why Rousseau is so…so desperately clinging to Remus._

Why does Remus love me?

I shake my head, trying to rid myself of doubt. Remus descends the stairs. I grab my cloak and pull on my shoes.

I kiss him. He blinks at me, confused. "I love you."

He smiles. "I love you too." I kiss him again before letting him go get his shoes and cloak. "Shall we go?" he said, returning to my side. We apparate to Godric's Hollow.

As our luck would have it, we apparated in the middle of a snowball fight. The children decided we were worthy of the two teams joining forces to chase us out of the park. Instead, having an advantage over the twerps, we magicked the snow to attack them.

"Isn't that cheating?"

We look at Lily. Potter is sniggering and making faces at the screaming brats. Lily caught him and slapped his arm.

"What? They were attacking _me_ earlier. But they wouldn't dare touch you."

"Why?" Remus asked.

Potter shrugged. "Probably has something to do with her being a girl." Lily hit him again. "What? That's probably true."

"No," I say, "She's just scary." Lily punched my arm. "Just telling it how it is."

"Sev."

"Fine. I'm sorry." Remus and I walked past them. "Beware of enchanted snowballs."


	56. Chapter 56

Chapter 56

#Remus#

"_Remus…"_

_The red moon reflects on the black water. I don't move. Lying down, licking my paws. I stop, pushing myself up to scratch my head._

"_Remus…"_

_I lay back down, resting my head on my paws and staring at the lake, listening to the dull throb. _

"_Remus." My ears perk and I look up at the human. "Come here."_

_I snarl. How dare he command me, an alpha!_

"_All right. All right." He kneels beside me, scratching behind the ear. He kisses the top of my head between my ears. "Why are you in this form, Remus? I thought you didn't like transforming."_

I don't. It's painful.

_I lick his hand and sit up, placing a paw on his thigh. My tail drums against the floor. _

"_I love you, Remus."_

I love you.

_I latch onto his arm, breaking the skin, ignoring my lover's scream—_

"Remus!"

I wake, breathing deeply. "Did I have another nightmare?"

"Yes," Severus answered. "Remus, what exactly is haunting you so much?"

I frown. "It's not like I have nightmares every night, Severus."

"You have them often enough."

I swallow. I don't know how must longer I can keep these dreams to myself. The train whistle blew, alerting us we were getting close to school.

"Fine," I say. I look directly at him. "Severus, when I have nightmares, they are just reflections of what I'm afraid of. Same as every other nightmare you've heard of. It's always the full moon. It's always in a forest or a thicket or a wood. It's always red and black. Sometimes I'm surrounded by dead bodies or drenched in blood."

"And?"

"You're there." His stern gaze softens. "I used to dream that I…" I avert my gaze a moment, collecting my thoughts. "That I kill you. Now, in my nightmares, I'm turning you."

I look at him.

"They'll go away eventually," I promise. "They did when I was having the same—well not same, but similar nightmares about killing or turning my friends."

"If it helps, I can make Dreamless Sleep potions—"

I shook my head. "As much as I would like that…no thanks. I know you think I have nightmares too often, but I don't. I barely remember the details of what I dreamt now."

"You seem to know the details."

"I know the details as well as I do because I've dreamt the same dream time and time again. When I was little, it was all about when I was turned. When I stopped having nightmares about that, it was about turning my parents, then my friends, and now you. They will go away. I will stop being afraid sooner or later. And at the same time," I shake my head. "I never stop being afraid of what I am. Because someone else will come into my life that I care about and then I'll be scared for them."

Severus embraced me. "You're not going to turn me, or anyone, Baby," he kissed me. "You're too cautious to let that happen. You're…" he paused. I look at him. He smirks. "The anti-Greyback."

I laugh. "What?"

"Greyback purposefully turns people."

"Right. But what does that have to do with me being his opposite? _He_ turned me."

"But you purposefully lock yourself away so that you _don't_ turn people. Greyback would never do something like that. He wants to spread Lycanthropy. You don't. And you could have turned me a month ago."

I look directly at him, wide eyed. "The night after you're parents were killed, you alpha'd, remember?"

I nod. I do remember, but not everything. I blacked out between transforming into a wolf and woke again turning back.

"You were badly injured. Greyback and Rousseau had every intention of killing you, or at least Greyback did and Rousseau was defending himself because you were trying to kill him. Remus, Black held you down by your throat so you wouldn't move while I healed you."

He averted his gaze and bit his lip. "I thought, for a long time, that I would be scared of you if I saw you in your wolf form." He looked at me again. "I wasn't scared at all. I don't know how, but I just knew you wouldn't try to turn me. I just knew."

I shook my head. "There wasn't much I could do if I was being held down by my throat. I don't want you anywhere near me when I'm like that, regardless of the situation. The risk is too big."

"All right," he said. "Duly noted. I won't sneak into the shack on the full moon to say hi."

"That's not funny," I snap, trying to fight down the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

"Yes it is."

"No, it's not, Severus."

Severus smirked. "Then why are you smiling?"

The train slowed to a halt outside the school.

"Well?"

"Sev…"

"You thought it was a little funny in a macabre sort of way. Admit it."

"Fine," I groan. "A little bit."

"I'm rubbing off on you."

"Yeah. You and sick sense of humor."

"No, not sick, dark. There's a huge difference between a sick sense of humor and a dark sense of humor."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"What's the difference? Both have to do with people getting maimed."

Severus chuckled. "You've never seen a zombie movie, have you?"

"A what?"

"Zombie—Inferi, they're called zombies by muggles. You know, animated corpses come to life to eat human flesh?" He grins, but I'm grimacing. "Oh, c'mon Remus, it's not that gross."

"Yes, it is."

"No one really dies in the movies, nor are they supposed to. If they do, ooh boy: never good."

"Why?"

"Murder charges, lawsuits…not to mention the movie gets banned for pretty good reasons."

The train stops and we fall into silence.

We stand.

"Remus," Severus said, taking my arm.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

I kiss him. "I love _you_."

#

I stare at Severus at the Slytherin Table. Perhaps we shouldn't have joined the rest of the school at the New Year feast.

#

"So, you going back to wherever you and Snape have been staying?" James asks.

"Uh-huh," I answer without looking at him.

There's a pause. "Moony," Sirius said, "I want to sleep with your partner."

"That's not funny, Sirius," I say, glaring at him.

"But at least we know you were listening now," Sirius said, grinning. "Relax, I don't really want to do Snape. It's Snape."

I can't help smirking.

"Remus, we're trying to eat. We don't want to know about your conquests."

"Normally you would," I say to Sirius.

"Yes, but that was when we all assumed you were straight."

I smirk wider. "You're going to make it easy for me, are you?"

"Peter and I? Nah. Not as much as James will."

"True."

"Hey!"

"You're the homophobe, James. It will be easy to creep you out, for instance," I smirk evilly at him. "Our best night was—"

"Moony I promise to break your nose and maybe knock out a couple teeth. And hex you for good measure," James growled. "I don't want to know what you and Snape do in your spare time. Ever!"

"Fine. Homophobe."

"Don't you forget it," he said, nodding curtly.

Sirius is smirking. "Now I'm curious. What exactly _did _you do on your best night?"

"PADFOOT, I WILL CURSE YOU TO KINGDOM COME!"


	57. Chapter 57

Chapter 57

_It's good to be back_, I thought, sitting on the bed after I had just finished unpacking. The door opened and Severus entered. He set his chest down and waved his wand. The contents within entered the drawers on the other side of the bed.

"I'm _not _looking forward to classes tomorrow," he mumbled, falling onto the bed dramatically.

"Why?" I ask.

He handed me a letter. "Slughorn's retiring soon," he answered. "He wants me or Lily to take over as the potions teacher so he asked Dumbledore over the holiday if he'd be willing to let the two of us teach the First Years as Student-Teachers."

"Oh."

"That's it?"

"I know you don't want to teach, but you're good with kids."

He shook his head. "Remember what I said about Dora?"

I don't, so I shake my head.

"I can handle it once in a while, but all the time? No. Tomorrow, Lily and I have to teach first years between our normal classes—and that includes keeping up with our homework and grading _theirs_."

I wince.

"Finally you get it."

"That's a bit much. Couldn't you talk to him?"

Severus shook his head. "I already tried. And Lily was no help. She's excited about it. She likes kids. Always has. Notice how many first years over the years looked up to her and still do? She can be a teacher. I can't—especially not on top of being a student."

"I sense a 'but.'"

"But Lily can't do it alone. She's also a full time student. We have to work together. Sure we get exempted from Potion's class."

"Crap."

"Yeah," he said, smirking. I glare at him. "What? You're descent enough to pass, but you're not going to wow the examiners at NEWTS."

"Especially now I've lost my tutor to snot nosed firsties," I mutter.

Severus sits up. "Not necessarily. In a way, it's only for the rest of the school year. Then I can pass it off to Lily. She can be the new Hogwarts' Potions Mistress for all I care. As for your tutoring, I don't see any reason why we can't stay up late."

"Other than that when we stay up late, we're _not_ studying," I point out.

Severus smirked. "Well there's that too." I roll my eyes. "What? It's your study time we're discussing. Not mine."

"I feel dirty."

"Why?"

"Because I'm dating a teacher," I say, unable to fight down my smile any longer.

Severus tackled me, straddling me and holding my arms over my head.

"What? You got to admit: dating a teacher? I think it's more kinky than dirty, Babe. The only way it'd be kinkier is if I really _was_ a teacher."

"That is a matter of opinion," I say; then adding with a smirk: "_Professor_."

"I don't think I can get used to that."

"They might actually have the gall to call you that, Severus."

"Yeah, but I don't think it'd be appropriate if each time someone calls me 'professor,' my mind instantly jumps to doing you."

I furrow my brow. "That'd be a bit distracting."

"What if I called you 'Professor' instead?" He asked.

Shivers travel down my spine. My nerves chilled from the inside out. "Say it again."

"Professor Lupin," he whispered in my ear. An electric shock spread through my body. "You okay, Remus? You're rigid."

I slipped my hands out of Severus' grasp and rolled him onto his back.

"Remes, I think you're a little too excited."

"Only because of you," I say, kissing him. "Call me 'professor' again."

Severus stared at me. He smirked. "And if I don't?"

"Twenty points from Slytherin," I threaten, nipping his neck, "and detention. That's what if you don't."

"Can I get my sentence lightened to just detention? Slytherin can't afford to lose anymore points."

"You're not going to say it, are you?"

"Not if it means detention with you," Severus whispered, smirking.

"Say it."

"No."

"You don't want detention, Snape."

"I really think I do."

"You wouldn't last an hour."

"Oh, really?" He challenged. Severus propped himself on his elbows, kissing me. I let my guard down just for a moment and I'm on my back again. "Let's try that again, Professor. You were saying something about detention?"

"About detention, huh?" I repeat. I seize his tie, pulling him closer to me to capture his lips. "First off, not a word gets out to your classmates, Snape."

"May I ask why, Professor Lupin?"

"No. You may not."

We've paused, though I'm not sure why.

I stare into Severus' eyes and loosen my grip on his tie. "I love you, Sev. I love you so much."

Severus kissed me. I open my mouth to allow his tongue entrance inside. Our hands entwine.

"Help!"

We break apart.

"What was that?"

I shake my head. I've no idea.

"Help! Somebody!"

Severus and I got off the bed and carefully peaked outside the room.

There's a child, much younger than he should be for a student. He's looking around frantically. The poor kid is dressed in pajamas and a small blue robe with slippers. "He—"

"Hey," Severus shouted. "It's all right, what's wrong?" The kid turned around. Seeing Severus, he burst into tears and ran at him, hugging him around the waist.

I exchange glances with him. Severus is just as dumbstruck as I am.

Severus brings the boy inside and we sit on the couch. I take a bar of chocolate from my stash and hand it to the hiccupping child. He calms down enough to eat.

He looks so familiar, but I can't quite put a name to him. His ebony hair sticks out at odd angles. He's scrawny, but easily four or five years old. His glasses are a little lopsided, but he doesn't seem to care.

"Er, where are your parents?" I ask him. It's the first think I can think of to ask him.

"I don't have any. I live with my uncles," he answers. "They teach here during the school year, so…" He starts to weep. "They're going to be so mad!"

"Why?"

"I stole a potion and drank it. I have a cold, so…I thought if found the right potion I'd be able to sleep."

He's crying so much I wouldn't have noticed that he was sick.

"You're uncles?" Severus repeats. "Are there two brothers who teach here?"

I shake my head. "I've not heard of any. Also, I think we'd have known if a kid his age was living at school."

"True." We look at the boy again. "What's your name?"

"Harry."

"Harry?"

"Yep. Harry Potter."

I stare at Harry Potter. He still nibbles on the chocolate and looks at me.

I see the resemblance between him and James now. There are only two differences I can spot between them. First, Harry's eyes are not the same color as James' brown eyes. Instead, they are a startling vibrant green. The second is the unique scar etched on his forehead.

But James doesn't have siblings. And Lily only has a sister.

He catches me looking at his forehead and tries to flatten his hair over the scar, averting his gaze. "Harry, how did you get that cut on your head?" I ask.

He glares at me. "You already know how," he snaps. "So why are you asking."

"We don't know," Severus corrected him. "What year do you think it is?"

"It's 1986," he answers, confused. "Why?"

"Because it's 1978," Severus answered. "Is it possible that you've accidently drank a time travel potion?"

Harry's eyes widened.

"So…my uncles aren't here?"

"Well they're not teachers," I correct. "Are you _sure_ they're your uncles?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"Well, they're not _really _my uncles," he clarifies. "It's just easier to say they are."

"You're absolutely sure?"

"Yes."

I cross my arms. This kid, clearly, is James and Lily's son. But—

"You said you don' have parents."

"Yes. They died when I was a baby the same day I got this," he pulls his hair back to show his scar. It still looks so fresh. It couldn't have been from so early in his youth. "Voldemort killed them. That's all I know. That and that I survived."

* * *

AN: To be honest, I'm not sure what people think of Harry's arrival, opinions/reviews would be great. Harry's presence is actually forshadowing for a later event...so I won't be cutting him out of the story, but I'd still like some feedback...


	58. Chapter 58

Chapter 58

I'm overcome with numbness. This kid? He survived the killing curse? Voldemort's _favorite_ curse?

"Remus, can I talk to you for a moment?" Severus said, standing.

"Sure."

"One of my uncles' name is Remus," Harry said, delightedly.

_Oh, Merlin._

We walked away from Harry, letting him finish the chocolate bar (which I now regret giving him). "Remus, why is Potter's kid here?"

"I wish I knew. He said he drank a potion. Obviously one that sends you back in time. He must have gotten scared while travelling and focused on me. Though I don't know why I'm his guardian."

"There're two," Severus corrects, "Two uncles—in _1986_."

"Okay. Calm down, we will figure this out."

"I'm as calm as I can be at this moment," Severus hissed. "There is a five, maybe six, year old kid is sitting on our couch. He identified you as his guardian, that both of his parents are dead, and that they were murdered when he was a baby. He's revealed far too much."

"Cut him some slack. It's not as though this was intentional. I mean, he's gonna be in trouble one way or another when he gets back."

"Fine," Severus said, "but that doesn't change the fact that he tried to wake up the whole bloody school. If we didn't find him when we did, we could have been found out. Not everyone is asleep yet, Remus. Teachers are still patrolling the corridors."

"Five years old. Stuck in the past. He looks fine now, but I'm pretty damn sure he's freaking out. And we didn't get found out. Focus on the positive, Severus."

"Why do you two have the same names as my uncles?"

We look at Harry, who's staring up at us with bright, innocent eyes and chocolate smeared all over his face.

"When we know, you will know," Severus answered, frowning and giving me his darkest glare.

_Why is he glaring at me? I didn't do anything! _

I shrug. "Look, Harry," I say, turning back to the kid. "We've got classes in the morning."

"_You've_ got classes in the morning," Severus corrected. "_I've_ got Slytherins and Gryffindors in the morning." I give him a sympathetic look. Harry tilted his head to the side.

"You're a teacher? Why are dressed like a student?"

"Because I'm a student-teacher."

"Oh. Okay."

"Harry, maybe you should go to bed," I say, my gaze shifting at the clock.

"I'm not tired."

Severus sighed. "You should not have given him sugar."

"I know, but…"

"Where does that door lead to?" Harry asked, pointing at a new room. It was definitely not there before. I approach it and open the door.

I look at Severus, shift my gaze to Harry, and back at him. It was insanity, I know. I walk back over to them, pick up the kid. "Bed time," I say, putting him in the children's room now next door and closing it, barricading it with my body.

"Hey! Let me out! Let me out, Stupid! Let me out!"

Severus was trying not to laugh.

"What? I didn't know what else to do."

"I don't think locking him inside there is going to help any, Remus."

"Would you rather figure it out _now_ or in the morning?" I ask. "Because either way we look at it, we've got a crisis on top of a crisis ON TOP OF A CRISIS!"

"Babe, there's no need to yell."

I take a deep breath. "You're right. I'm sorry. But this is too much." I massage my temple. "It's bad enough having to deal with my lycanthropy. Then throw the pack on top of that. Now James' kid—his _kid_, Severus—is here in the past. What he's told us, we're not even supposed to know and by the time we can get him back home, it will be too late to use a memory charm." I slide to the ground. "What I want to know is what they were thinking making me and you his guardians, if that's what happens."

Severus takes my hands in his. "We'll figure this out. First, we need to tell the headmaster. This is so far out of the realm of what we can handle right now, we're gonna need all the help we can get. And as for James and Lily, I don't think it'd be wise to even let them cross paths with Harry."

I agree. If they meet Harry, talk to him, they'll get the nastiest shock in history.

"If you think about it," Severus continued, grinning. "It could have been worse."

"How, Severus? Enlighten me," I say sarcastically.

"He could have been fifteen instead of five."

I groan. The door behind me has gone quiet. Perhaps Harry tired himself out. Its hopeful thinking, but I pray it's true.

"I see your point, but I think that fifteen year olds are easier to manage than five year olds."

"Potter's kid? I doubt it."

I stand again and open the door to see if Harry's decided to go to bed. He zips out of the room and hides behind the couch, cackling.

"I'm stunning the damn brat," I hiss.

"Again, you're the one who gave him sugar."

"Severus."

"Don't resort to stunning yet," he said, holding his hands out. He turns to the couch, his face a mask of sternness and his arms crossed. "Harry."

Harry pokes his head out. He steps into our vision. "Yes, Uncle Severus?"

_Merlin's pants!_

"It's time for bed."

"Yes Sir."

Harry walks back into the room, head bowed, and he climbs under the covers. I close the door and stare at Severus. "You're sure you can't stand kids?"

"I wasn't even sure it would work, but he wasn't listening to you. I figured I'd take a leap that, if we are his guardians, I'm probably the disciplinarian."

I glare at him. "How would you know?"

"I didn't. I trusted my gut."

"You're gut's got good intuition."

"Thanks."

I look at the new room and sigh. "What the hell are we going to do?"

"I don't know. But we are not going to panic. Like you said there's too much going on right now in our lives and this…I don't know where to begin. But it is officially tomorrow's problem. As soon as we're done with classes, we'll deal with this."

I nod. There's not much else we can do at this point. We get ready for bed.

Severus wraps his arm around me.

#

I wake to a shrill scream.

"What the fuck was that?" Severus swore.

We jump out of bed and enter Harry's room. The poor kid is shivering. His hands are clasped over his forehead and his eyes are shut tight. His face is stretched in a grimace.

"Harry?" I ask, sitting on the edge of his bed. "Harry, are you okay?" In the other room, the alarm clock alerted us to morning. "Harry?"

Harry lowered his hands and opened his eyes. He tried to change the grimace into a reassuring smile. "I'm fine," he said. "My scar acted up again. That's all."

Again?

I take a closer look at his scar. It's red, inflamed, somewhat scabbed. It's not fully healed. But he doesn't pick at it or inspect it. In fact, Harry acts as though this scar is completely normal, like a birth mark.

"When's breakfast?" he asks, trying to avert our attention to something else.

What is it about this kid that's so different from my past experience with children? He's somber and mature—well behaved in comparison to what I'm used to.

I exchange a glance with Severus. He's not showing any emotion, but I can tell he's just as affected by this kid as I am.

"Uh," I begin. "We'll go to the Great Hall as soon as we're all ready."

Harry jumps out of bed and approaches a dresser.

"Harry, they're—"

He pulls out a few necessary clothing articles.

_How the hell…_

I decide not to think about it. Several minutes later, Harry is sitting patiently on the couch, a copy of _Beedle the Bard's Tales_ in his hands.

"Okay," Severus said. "I'm going next."

"Sure," I say and sit across from the five year old. Another silent minute passes awkwardly. For me it was awkward. "So, uh, Harry."

He looks up from the book. "Yes?"

"Are you sure you're okay? I mean, that was a pretty loud scream."

He blinked, confused. "Oh," he said. "Yes. I'm fine, thanks. Uncle Severus thinks I have nightmares about the night my parents died. But I don't have them that often anymore. I might stop having them eventually. I don't really remember anything about that night. As soon as I dream it, I forget all about it. I'm all right."

"What about your scar?"

"It's a scar from magic, that's why it seems so new," he said. "I figured you might have wondered. I get questions about my scar a lot. It's very bothersome and it's hard to go outside because people keep staring at me. I guess I'm just weird."

"You're not weird," I snap at him. Harry winces. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay."

Severus exits the bathroom leaving only me left who hasn't gotten ready for the day.

"Do you use hair oil to like Uncle Severus?" Harry asks.

Severus turns bright red. I grin.

"Hair oil?"

"You'll never find it," he growled at me. "And you've no right to talk, Remus. And as for you—"

Harry tries to hide his face with the book as I escape into the bathroom. "I will find it!" I shout at him.

"No you won't!"


	59. Chapter 59

Chapter 59

"Harry," Severus said, before we left the Room. "Whatever happens downstairs, don't mention anything about where you're from or anything that happened in _your _past. Not your parents' death, not that you live with your uncles. Anything. Not even the books you read or the television shows you watch."

"Why?"

"Because it's dangerous for us to know," I answer. "You're not in trouble," I assure him when Harry's eyes widened and turned glossy. "We're not mad. Just be careful what you say."

Harry nodded.

That said we head to the Great Hall, Harry's hands holding mine and Severus.

I sit with my friends, half expecting Harry to follow me.

He doesn't. Instead, he sits beside Severus at the Slytherin table. In a way, it was good luck. It'd be hard explaining to James why mini him is sitting beside me and drawing so much attention to himself.

Well, he was drawing attention to himself at the Slytherin table.

"What's going on over there?" Peter asked.

"No clue," I answer.

"Let's find out, then," Sirius suggested. Not good, he'd recognize Harry. It would be disastrous.

James slumped into the seat, glaring at me. "Hey, Prongs what's up?"

"Moony," he began, ignoring Sirius. "Why is there a miniature of me sitting next to Snape?"

"I've no idea," I say as calmly as I can. After which, I stuff my mouth with enough food to choke on, taking my time chewing.

"Wait, that's what's going on over there?" Sirius said, jumping up and heading to the Slytherin table. Peter followed right behind him.

James kept glaring at me. I averted my gaze and chewed as slowly as I could.

"Merlin's Underpants, he's so cute!" Lily shrieked.

I swallowed the last bit of food.

"Well?"

"I said I don't know."

"You know. I know you know."

"I know you know that you know," I say, grinning.

"Remus! Who is that kid? I know he's not me! He's dressed in clothes that I've no recollection of existing in the sixties!"

_That's because they're from the eighties._

"Is he my kid?"

_Oh crap_. I shrug. "Maybe it was just a slip up?"

"Remus, stop lying to me." James said. "He is my kid, isn't he?"

No way around it.

"Yes," I say. "He's your son. He told me and Severus some stuff you don't want to know, so…we thought it'd be fine to bring him here so long as he wasn't noticed. We're kind of sleep deprived. He just showed up, out of the blue, last night. We've been trying not to, but when a kid from the future shows up and starts giving you scary predictions, you tend to freak out whether you want to or not."

"It can't be that bad."

"No one should know what Severus and I know now."

"Which is?"

"I can't tell you."

Damn right I can't! Telling him he's got only four years left to live, him and Lily both, and knowing that you're son is famous for doing something impossible the same night you die…

It'd hurt James and Lily too much if they found out.

"Yes you can."

"Okay, I could. But then I'd have to obliviate your memory. Trust me. You don't want to know."

"Then why do you?"

"James, he's an ignorant five-year-old who is sitting at the Slytherin table beside my partner trying enjoy some cereal. He didn't know any better when he told us," I explain.

Sirius and Peter returned to the table. "He is actually rather cute as far as most kids go." James pushed his plate away. "Feeling okay, Prongs?"

"No. I'll meet you guys at Transfiguration."

I should have kept my mouth shut.

"What was that about?"

"What'd you say to him, Moony?"

I lean against the table. "Nothing he wanted to hear."

#

Harry followed me to Transfiguration, going on and on about how he liked Professor McGonagall (next to Severus and I).

Lily walked beside us, asking him a few questions occasionally. If she suspects she's his mother, she isn't showing it. Once in a while, Peter and Sirius would toss out a question of their own for Harry.

And Harry is doing really well at telling them nothing about the future.

"Harry, have you been to classes before?" I ask.

"Yes. I know to be quiet," he said. He held out his copy of _Beedle_. "I'll sit in the back and read. Sometimes I get paper and crayons so I can draw."

"How is it you know how to read at five?"

"My uncles taught me and there's a library where I live and there wasn't much else to do. I even convinced them to get me muggle books because they're more fun than wizard books."

"What's your favorite muggle fairy tale?" Lily asked.

"_Tom Thumb_."

"Never heard of it," Sirius said.

"Of course not," Lily snapped. "It's written by muggles."

We enter the classroom.

"You sure you want to sit in the back, Harry?" Peter asked, smiling. "You can sit with us."

"It's okay. I wouldn't want to be a distraction."

He sits down in the back on the floor in the corner and opens the book, trying to be as invisible as he can be. It feels wrong leaving him there, so I sit nearby him in the back so to keep an eye on him.

Every so often, I'd glance to make sure he was still there. He'd look up every so often to see what accident had just happened.

There are often accidents in practical classes like Transfiguration.

At some point, Harry stood and approached me. "I'm going to the bathroom," he told me.

"Okay. Do you need someone to go…"

He left.

"I guess not."

James glanced behind at me. Is he still upset? Probably. The class ended and I exited just as Harry returned.

"Where to next?" he asked, holding my hand.

"The library," I say, "We'll probably meet Severus there for study hall."

Harry took my hand, pulling me along, trying to run to the library. As though by instinct, I seized him around the middle and put him on my shoulders.

I spy James. Understandably, he's livid. I'd be furious too if my kid came from the future and wouldn't seek me out first and hung out with Sirius or James or Peter instead of me.

I wish to God I could explain everything that I know. I wish I could tell James that Harry just doesn't know him the way he should.

But there's nothing I can do about it. I can't tell James that Harry is an orphan.

"Hagrid! I see Hagrid! Remus, can we go visit Hagrid? Please?"

"Maybe after study hall," I say. Harry translates it as a promise and starts fidgeting. I put him back on the ground and he keeps tugging at my hand, trying to get me hurry along.

Would it be okay to let him see Hagrid? Not that I'd mind. Hagrid's a nice guy. Most people are a bit scared of him because of his height and appearance. (Me being a werewolf, him half giant, Hagrid was the first friend I made at school before James, Sirius, and Peter.)

At the library, Harry busies himself reading book after book he could find, sitting between Severus and Malfoy. Severus looks stressed. It must be because of his first class with the first years, since Harry isn't doing anything to bother him.

There's a snap that jolts us. James calmly repairs his quill.

"What's up with James? He's a bit distracted today, you think?" Peter asks.

"Must be because Harry's his kid," Sirius answers. I look at him. Sirius grinned at me. "He has green eyes. I'd notice that about my best friend. Also that scar, James doesn't have anything like that. Plus, Harry seems pretty attached to Snoopy."

"Stop calling us Snoopy, Sirius."

"Would you prefer I called you two Snupin?"

"Fuck off," I growl.

"Hm," Peter said, "That'd rile me up to. But the more disturbing question would be how he got here."

"True…"

"By accident," I say. "He seems to be better now, but he said he had a minor cold and went to get some medicine."

"Oh. That would do it."

"You'd think finding yourself in the past would make you more sick," Sirius said, "he's handling it—"

He stopped talking. Harry had begun to weep. Severus picked him up and left the library, handing his notebook to Flitwick.

I stand. "I'll be right back."

I turn in my notebook to Flitwick and exit the library.

"What's wrong?"

"He's stuck in 1978," Severus said a little harshly. "What's _okay_?" Harry clings to him tighter. "I'm sorry," he sighed. "My first class was a complete disaster."

"I'll take him off your hands if you need a break, Sev."

"Remus!" James stormed over to me and pinned me against the wall. "Tell me what the hell is going on _now_!"


	60. Chapter 60

Chapter 60

"_Remus!" James stormed over to me and pinned me against the wall. "Tell me what the hell is going on __now__!"_

"Potter—"

"Stay out of this, Snape!"

Harry has stopped crying and looked at James fearfully. James turns back to me. "Why is my son so attached to you?"

"James—"

"Tell me!"

"Let him go!" Harry shouted. He had jumped out of Severus' arms and was clinging to James, trying to pull him off me. "Let him go! They didn't do anything wrong, so please…"

Harry released James, swooning a little bit. Severus caught him before he hit the floor. He felt his forehead and picked him back up.

"What's wrong?"

"He needs a healer," Severus said. "I'm taking him to the hospital wing."

"Snape—"

"If you want to come, Potter, I'm not going to stop you," Severus snapped. "Bu you really _do not_ want to know anything about your son. However if you insist, then fine, I'll tell you what we know."

I shoot Severus a warning glare, which he ignores.

"But you won't like it."

"I don't care. So long as I get answers," James snapped. "The least you can do is let me hold my kid." Severus held Harry out to James, who snatched him. I've never seen James so emotional.

It's odd for three people to take one little kid to the hospital wing, so Severus and I wait outside while James stayed by Harry's side.

"Why did you tell him we'd tell him what he wanted to know?"

"Because in the same situation, I'd want to know, no matter how bad the future turns out to be," he said, crossing his arms. "Plus, I can't help pitying Potter. Neither he nor Harry get the chance to know each other, so…"

I never thought of it that way. I was so focused on the consequences of knowing the future, I completely forgot about the emotional attachment Harry and James could develop while Harry was here.

The door opened and James was pushed out. He looked at us.

"Tell me everything you know," he demanded.

"You die," Severus said, none too kindly.

I bow my head. James slumps to the ground. I don't blame him. It's a cruel prediction.

"When he's a baby, you and Lily will be murdered by the Dark Lord. He meant to kill Harry to. But he couldn't, for some reason no one knows. And the scar on his head that looks new, he's had it his whole life, it seems. It just doesn't heal. He lives with Remus and me in the future. He calls us his uncles."

For the longest time, no one speaks.

James breaks the silence first. "Is that all?"

"That we know of, yes," Severus answers. "That and that he's incredibly famous because he survived the killing curse."

James removes his glasses, hiding his face. He's trying to be silent, but I can hear his ragged breathing and I can see his shoulders convulsing.

"Why him?"

"I'm sorry, James," I say, sitting next to him. "We don't know. Neither does Harry."

James removed his hand. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and his eyes were red. "You know I'd fight You-Know-Who with all my strength if I could, but why…how could Harry survive? How could a baby survive Voldemort's attack? That's impossible."

"And yet impossible is in the hospital wing with a fever, which we stupidly let get worse," Severus said.

"James, he's healthy," I assure him. "He's a little bit sick right now, but other than that, he's happy and he's healthy. He's lively, well behaved, smart…"

Fresh tears spilled out of James' eyes.

"James, I'm so sorry," I say, embracing him.

What else can I say?

#Severus#

Remus and Potter stayed at the hospital wing while I decided that it was time to speak with the Headmaster about Harry.

I waited by the gargoyle, unsure what to do. I didn't know the password. I didn't know if Professor Dumbledore would even come out of his office or if he was on his way back—

"Mr. Snape?"

I look up at the boy. He's the same one who caused trouble this morning. His potion exploded, showering the whole room in acidic residue. The Slytherin badge flashed against his black robes. "Er…"

"Willis," he said. "Just call me Severus. I'm still a student to. Why are you here?"

"I need to speak with Dumbledore. Shouldn't you be at class, Willis?"

Willis frowns at me. "Look who's talking."

Normally I'd smirk at the kid, but I don't, "Seventh year privilege, it seems."

"I don't want to go to class," he admits, sitting next to me. "Severus, I'm sorry about this morning, something got thrown into my potion and…"

"So you added the wrong ingredient," I say. "It happens."

"But I _didn't _add the wrong ingredient!" Willis shouts. I glance at him. There is nothing but surety in his face. He averts his gaze. "Sorry."

"What makes you so certain you've been sabotaged?"

"It's nothing."

I furrow my brow. "Are you being bullied?"

"You wouldn't know."

"I'd know," I assure him. "I would know pretty well. Look, if you are being harassed, then go to a teacher." _Don't make the same mistake I did and keep it locked away. It could kill you._

"The teachers can't help," he said.

"It's their job to help. C'mon, I'm a student too. If you come to me expecting me to do something and I did, it'd be just as bad as the ones who are harrassing you. The teachers are better equipped to handle it."

"Did you go to a teacher?"

"No. Not until it was almost too late." I've said too much. "Fine," I say, "Just tell me who and I'll take care of it at the next class."

The door opened and the headmaster descended the steps. He stopped and blinked at us. "Well, hello, boys. Shouldn't you be in class?"

Willis jumped up and scurried off. I stood.

"I had a free period, Sir. There's something I need to speak with you about."

"Walk with me. I'm heading to the kitchens for a mug of cocoa. Perhaps you'd like some, Severus?"

"Er, no thank you." I walk beside Dumbledore. "Sir, last night—"

"A child with a bad cold accidently travelled back in time?" I stare at him. "I may be old, but I'm perceptive. It did not escape my notice that the lad was ill, nor that he bore resemblance to Mr. Potter while yet not being Mr. Potter himself. I came to the conclusion that he was, in fact, the young Mr. Potter."

"Yes, Sir," I answer. "And he needs to go home."

"Well, of course he does. But as you know, time travel is forbidden. How he managed it, even accidently, is going to cause quite the stir at the ministry. He hasn't revealed too much, I hope."

"Enough," I admit. "Given his age, he can't be held responsible for this mistake."

"But his family can."

I still walk, but each step was an effort. I felt like I was being held down by led.

"Well, I suppose there's a way to take care of it without causing too much trouble for his family. There is a potion that will take him to the exact moment before he comes, if he came through an object or sorts."

"Would a potion count?"

"Indeed, it would. That is good news. If the boy travels back just before he drinks the potion, he can stop himself from taking it. He will never come here."

"And—"

"Everything that's been revealed during his stay here will be forgotten. It will be as though it never happened."

"Because it'd never come to pass."

"Precisely," he said. "Perhaps, Severus, you'd be willing to make the potion?"

"I would," I answer. And I truly would. "But I'm swamped. I have classes and homework. I now teach a class with homework to grade—Professor Slughorn assigns it, but I have to grade it. Academics plus my social life, I don't have much time."

"Time is fickle, my dear boy," Dumbledore said, a twinkle in his eye. He raises his fingers to his lips and pulls out a time turner. "I trust you know what this is." I nod my head. "I'll lend it to you. Don't let yourself be seen. Use it wisely."

Dumbledore presses the time turner in my hands.

I look at him. "Professor, how—you know what, I'm not going to ask. Thank you. I'll return it posthaste."

I leave him at the door of the kitchens and stuff the necklace in my pocket. With this thing, I can keep up without breaking a sweat—and brew that potion he was talking about.

But what is that potion?

I enter the Room and stare at the potions kit. What happened to the bedroom? I approach the kit and look at a piece of parchment lying on the table.

"Tempus Antrorsum?" I look at the back. _Tempus Retro_ had been scratched on the other side. I look at the one on front first.

_This time travel potion will send one person to the future_.

Convenient.

I looked at the vials. I had the equipment, but not the ingredients.

_Okay_, I think. _Not as convenient as I thought_.


	61. Chapter 61

Chapter 61

#Remus#

Harry was discharged the next day, clinging to James.

"I play junior quidditch," Harry said, "I'm the seeker for Dragon Breath."

"Really?" James asked. "Are you good?"

"We haven't lost a match yet," Harry bragged, grinning. "When I'm twelve, I'm going to try out for a Hogwarts team. Then I'm going to play for the Falmouth Falcons."

James rolled his eyes. He has no respect for the Falcons. I don't care for them either, but…

Best not to ruin any dreams, I suppose.

"Why not the Cannons, Harry?"

"They suck."

"They're not that bad," I say, "Each to his own, I suppose, but—"

"No, they really do suck. They haven't won a game in years." I exchange a pained glance with James.

"Harry, remember when we talked about telling people about the future?"

"Yes."

"That was one thing about the future that we should not know."

"Oh. Am I in trouble?"

"Yes," James said. "You're in a lot of trouble."

"James."

"What?"

"He's not in trouble."

"You can't punish a kid for having opinions even if you disagree."

"Yes you can."

"No you can't. That's abuse."

James had nothing to say to that. "Fine. It's a prediction. Not an opinion."

"Actually, it's a fact."

"To you, Harry," I say, "It's a fact. For us, it's a prediction."

We stopped outside Hagrid's hut. I pound on the door. "Hagrid, it's Remus and James."

The door opened. Hagrid loomed over us.

"Hagrid!" Harry shouted, jumping out of James' grasp and latching onto Hagrid's leg.

"'Ello, James, Remus. Long time, no see."

"Sorry we haven't been around lately," I say. "Classes have been piling onto us."

"S'alright," Hagrid said. "Who's the baby?"

"I'm not a baby, I'm five years old."

James and I exchange a glance.

"Well…"

"He's my son," James said, cutting me off. I glare at him. "What? There's no easy way to say it."

"Whatever, James."

"So that's what all the commotion yesterday was about. Come inside. I've made rock cakes."

_Oh, Merlin._

But we accept them to be polite. Harry expertly hides his cakes, giving them to Hagrid's new puppy Fang instead. Poor dog.

Harry talks to Hagrid as though Hagrid is one of his school friends. The familiarity Harry exhibits with so many teachers, some of the staff, and us is striking. He even knew how to placate Filch.

("If it's raining, bring an extra pair of shoes and a towel to dry off with," Harry suggested last night before going to bed, "He'll get mad if you tread mud and water. Also, bring something for Mrs. Norris, like catnip or a treat or a toy. If you're nice to her, Mr. Filch will be nice to you.")

Not that anyone would want to be nice to Mrs. Norris. Filch is awful and Mrs. Norris is quite devoted to her master.

In this short amount of time we spent at Hagrid's, Harry revealed to us more than we had come to ask of him when it was just him and us.

His best friend is the youngest Weasley boy, Ron. Occasionally, he is babysat by Hagrid if _Tonks_ can't babysit (I can only assume he means Dora. She's probably a student in his time). He proudly claims that "Led Zeppelin rocks" (I am sure that this is something that Severus taught him, as I've never heard of "Led Zeppelin"). He wants a pet but can't have one because he "already has a dog" (does he mean me? I'm a werewolf, not a pet!). He likes to read, but he prefers comic books to "normal" books. He hates bullies "like Draco Malfoy" (I've nothing to say to that, though I do look at James a moment. He's twiddling his thumbs. He knows what he's done). He also said that he had been told that he "has a strong sense of right and wrong."

"What about girls?" James asked, grinning.

I roll my eyes. Asking a five year old if he's interested in girls? There's only one right answer to that in Harry's mind: "Ew!"

"They're crazy."

I was not expecting that. Neither was James. "What do you mean crazy?"

"Exactly that," Harry answered. "They keep wanting to marry me and stuff. Except for Tonks. She's really cool! She can change her hair color and the way she looks, so she always looks pretty, and she's smart and—"

James is convulsing in the corner, trying to keep himself from laughter. I can't blame him. Dora the Horror is anything but smart and pretty. She's mocked everyone I know, pranked everyone I know, and humiliated everyone I know.

But Harry praised Dora enough to make me believe that he had a little crush on Dora's older self. I pray he grows up to see reason and choose a different girl. Or guy. I'm not exactly picky (nor do I have the right to be)—then again, he is only five…

Harry peered out the window, catching sight of something or someone. He opened the window, letting in freezing cold air. "Severus!" He shouted.

"Harry, get back inside!"

"We're in here!"

James pulls Harry back inside. "What were you doing? It's cold outside."

"But Severus was looking for us."

I look at James and shrug. "What makes you think so?" he asked Harry.

"Because Severus usually is looking for us. Maybe it's time to go to lunch."

It's not. Severus knocked on the door and Harry squirmed out of James' arms again to open the door. Severus entered, shaking snow off his cloak.

"Hey, Hagrid," he greeted. "God, it's cold."

"We know," James said. "The kid decided it'd be okay to shock us with it when he opened the window."

"That's not my fault."

"You were walking by, Snape."

Harry clung to Severus, trying to scale up onto his back. "Again, not my fault," he snaps at James. "I was getting something for a class. We're out of spider eyes, so…"

I arch an eyebrow. What is Severus leaving out?

"Cool," Harry said. "Can I help?"

"When you're older," Severus promised.

"But you said the same thing last week. I'm older than I was then."

"When you're _much_ older then," Severus clarified. "Like ten years."

"That's so long!"

"No it's not," I said. "It'll go by in a blink of an eye." James nodded. Harry blinked. "What was that?"

"Am I ten years older now?"

It was hard not to laugh at that. It was too freaking cute.

"No," Severus said, "We didn't mean literally."

"But—"

"How about this, I'll teach you a basic potion when I've got some spare time."

Harry thought about this and grinned. "Okay."

I frown. Spare time? Two days ago, Severus was complaining about having no time at all. What changed since then?

James diverted Harry's attention from Severus back to him by playing with Fang. I can't exactly blame him for being a little jealous and wanting to monopolize Harry's time.

"I've been meaning to ask," I said, looking at Severus, "how was your first class? You seemed a bit stressed out after it yesterday."

"The usual mishaps you could expect in a first year potion's class happened, but other than that it was okay," he said, taking my place at Hagrid's table as I slid over into James' spot.

"Be careful, Potter!" Hagrid snapped. "Fang may seem okay, but his puppy teeth are still sharp."

"Usual mishaps?"

"You don't remember exploding cauldrons?"

"Oh, I remember them," I say. "Most of them exploded because of James and Sirius. You sure you have time to teach Harry how to brew a potion? I mean…"

"I'll make time if I need to," he said, "Besides I doubt it's his first time making anything out of a cauldron."

"Perhaps," I lean back in the seat. "You don't have to, Sev."

"It's fine. He'll have to go home eventually, why not spend a little time with the little twerp. But I am busy and I think it'd be better if he got to know his parents while here."

Severus kissed my cheek. "I'll see you tonight. I do have to get spider eyes."

"Good luck."

"Thanks, Babe."

Severus stood, bade Hagrid and the Potters goodbye, and left.

But I know he's hiding something from me.

Perhaps he just didn't want to say anything in front of James and Hagrid.


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter 62

The next week passed by quicker than I had thought it would. Barely any homework got done, no thanks to Harry. Not that he meant to distract everyone, Lily and James especially.

Severus was indeed busy and most days, he was asleep long before I even felt tired, weighed down by his homework and his students'. Lily was having the same issue and often would leave after dinner to go to bed if not grade papers or work on her own.

McGonagall fell down with a cold the morning Gryffindor Sevies was supposed to have class and transfiguration was cancelled. I decided to go see how Severus was handling his class.

I don't enter the room, but peer inside through the door. Severus is snapping at a student, arms crossed and glaring down. The boy—I knew he was a Gryffindor because I've seen him in the common room when I have been there—had his head bowed. I open the door. Severus doesn't look up.

"Do I make myself, clear, Wood?"

"Yes, Mr. Snape," Wood sniffled.

"Get back to work."

Wood returned to his desk, glaring at a Slytherin boy while doing so. They worked silently, not daring to get on "Mr. Snape's" bad side again. He approached me.

"What was that about?"

"Bullying issue," he clarified. "Nothing I couldn't handle."

A twinge of guilt tugged at me.

"It's settled, so…"

"Why didn't he just go to a real teacher?"

"Because apparently the real teachers can't threaten to swirly firsties, whereas sevies can," he said with a grin. I frown. "What?"

"It's still bullying, Sev. We may be older than them, but it's still bullying. I thought you'd be above that."

Severus chuckled. "You have no sense of humor. I just took points and gave him detention with Filch. I wouldn't stoop _that_ low."

I arch an eyebrow.

"What? Yes, I was given rights to discipline, but only in the classroom. I can hand out detention with either Slughorn or Filch and take no more than five points from a student. Jealous?"

"That you're probably abusing your power?"

"One time does not make abuse of power," Severus insisted.

"Okay, that's true, but was it—"

"Bullying, Remes, during class. Last week, he tried to make the room explode. He was about to do it again."

That's justifiable enough for me.

"What happened to Transfiguration?"

"McGonagall's taking a sick day."

Severus snickered.

"Severus!"

"No, it's not funny, but…McGonagall? Sick? C'mon, she's faking. That woman's never been sick in her life! She's too evil to be sick."

"She's not evil."

"Yeah? Well, she likes you."

"No she doesn't. She's friends with Grams. No one who likes Grams could like me. Ever, Severus. _Ever_." Severus leaned against the wall, massaging his temple. "You okay?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. I'm really tired. Barely got any sleep."

I frown. Tired? Severus had been going nonstop since the week began. He hasn't once slowed down at all. Once his own homework was done, he'd grade his students' work. Then he goes somewhere and returns a moment later and went to bed, falling asleep instantly.

But he's managed to get the amount of sleep he needs every night. There's no reason for him to be tired. He catches my stare and smirks.

"What? I'm fine. I just forgot to have a cup of coffee today. I'll get some from the kitchens after class.—_Counter _clockwise, Hewitt!" He snapped at a girl. "Sorry about that, Babe."

Now that I think about it, Severus had been quite reluctant to get out of bed all week, begging for a few extra minutes before having to get up.

Twice, I've opted to sic a happy, hyper, screaming Harry Potter on him because he was so reluctant to get out of bed and go to breakfast.

I arch an eyebrow.

"Remus, really. I'm fine. I'll just sneak in some coffee before my next class."

"Study hall is next," I remind him.

"Oh. That's right," he smiled. "Better yet, I'll go back to bed."

"What?"

"It's Friday. And nothing really important ever happens in study hall, so…why not?"

"Because you might skip your other classes, Severus."

Severus glares at me. "You ever notice that when one of us doesn't want to go to class, the other insists we do."

"Yes."

"It's damnably annoying."

I smile. "Yeah, it is a bit annoying. But the alternative is to skip classes completely. If that were to happen, the teachers would think the apocalypse is upon us."

Severus snickered again.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Like I said, I'm just a bit tired."

The bell rang.

"If you're done," Severus shouted, returning to the front of the room, "bottle the potion and leave it on the desk, with your names on the cap. If you're not, well sucks to be you."

I wince. That's a bit harsh.

But then again, if a potion is not finished in the allotted time, you can't turn it in because the potion will be ruined.

But as it so happens, every student turned in a vial and whisked away to their next class. Severus massaged his temple again.

"Severus," I say, approaching Slughorn's desk. "Are you _sure_ you're okay?"

"Huh? Yeah. Yeah."

I place my hands on his hips and kiss him. "You sure?"

"Yes, Remus. I told you, I'm tired." He hasn't opened his eyes since I approached, but now they open, fluttering as though Severus was struggling to keep them open.

"Go to bed."

"Really?"

"Yes," I say. "I'm sorry I insisted you go to class. You're about to fall asleep where you stand."

"Want to come with?"

I smile. "As much as I'd like to, one of us has to be a responsible student, right? At least for today," I shrug. "Besides, I'm not the walking dead."

Severus pouted.

"Go get some sleep," I say, pushing him out of the classroom. "Okay?"

"Fine, fine."

"Good." We kiss and he heads up to the third floor. I fix my bag and head to the library.

#Severus#

I enter the Room and set my bag down and cover the chair's back with my robes, rolling my sleeves up. I pull out the ingredients I gathered the day before and set them on the table.

I swoon and back away, covering my eyes.

Maybe I _should_ go back to bed. Eight hour nights for every twenty four hours I spend awake didn't seem so bad at first, but now…

The dizziness passes and I stare at the cauldron.

Should I continue the potion and risk ruining it, having to start over again, or should I just leave the room, think about bed, and climb into the Room again and sleep?

The potion's too important to risk ruining it. With that in mind, I reluctantly put away the spider eyes and leave the room. A few moments later, I enter again and climb into bed and fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow.

#

"Severus? Severus."

I groan and stretch out, lying on my stomach. Remus shakes me again, but the only thing that will get me out of bed now is Harry jumping up and down on it.

"I will get Harry," he threatens.

I hide my head under a pillow.

"Harry, a little help would be nice here."

I climb out of bed before Harry could jump up and down on it. I look around. Harry is no where to be seen. "That's not cool, Remus."

"Where is your robe and bag?"

Crap! I left them in the other room. They're still there, but…

"Well…"

Remus held up Dumbledore's time turner.


	63. Chapter 63

Chapter 63

"That makes everything easier to explain," I say, yawning. "Dumbledore gave that to me."

"Severus—"

"It's a good reason not to tell anyone."

Remus set the time turner down, glaring at me.

"Remus, please. If I was caught with a time turner earlier, it'd be bad." I stand and embrace him. "I'll explain now, so please, Babe. Don't be mad."

"I'm listening."

I release Remus and sit on the bed.

I tell him about the Tempus Antrorsum and that the time turner was only so that I could use it to give myself a little more time to work on the potion so to help Harry get back to his home.

"And you didn't think this was important enough to tell me?"

"No, but—"

"But what, Severus?" Remus snapped. "You don't trust me?"

"No," I stand. "I didn't want you to worry, Babe. This potion I'm making for Harry is very difficult to make. If one mistake is made, I—" I stop and avert my gaze, taking Remus' hands in mine. "It could just go really wrong."

"Which makes it all the more important that you get enough sleep. Damn it, Severus, why didn't you just _tell_ me? Harry is supposedly my responsibility too."

"I know."

"You're not acting like you do."

"I didn't want to worry you."

"I know you don't," Remus said, "But Severus, I have just as much right to get Harry home safely as you do."

"There were just not enough hours in the day to get everything I need to get done…I didn't want to put you under more pressure than you already are."

"What pressure?" I furrow my brow.

"What pressure?" I repeat. "What—Remus, Greyback and Rousseau are still after you. They are still going to try to break you. Forget classes and getting into MSL, worry about that if nothing else."

I shouldn't have said anything. I know I shouldn't have said anything. Remus doesn't seem upset that I brought them up, but I can't stop feeling this guilt about it anyway. I embrace him, closing my eyes.

I'm so tired.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"No, I'm about to fall asleep again."

Remus pushed me back onto the bed. I suppose he said a quick spell because the blankets under me, which I was too tired to bother with, were yanked out from under me and covered me.

He sat beside me and kissed me. "I love you, Severus."

"I love you too," I mumble. I don't know if Remus heard me. I don't know if he said anything else because I had long fallen asleep again.

#Remus#

I brushed a strand of black hair out of Severus' face, brushing his cheek lightly. My thumb lightly strokes his slightly flushed cheekbone.

I wish he'd have told me he had a way to get Harry back to his own time sooner than now. I'm not mad, a little disappointed and hurt that he didn't trust me enough to tell me he found a way—but not mad.

Harry would be eating dinner with the others now in the Great Hall, probably telling them about another adventure of his at Hogwarts—maybe a story about the potions lab exploding. It happens a lot, so it's not uncommon, but it's always funny.

I kiss Severus' cheek and head to the Great Hall.

Even if Severus is too tired to eat, I'm not going to neglect my stomach, especially when it's growling so loudly. Will I be stuffing my mouth today or will I feel nauseas the moment I enter the hall?

I stop, smelling Rousseau and Fenrir. What are they doing here now? All thoughts of eating torn away from my mind, I rush in the direction away from the Hall.

They're hidden in a dark, empty corridor.

"Good of you to come, Remus," Fenrir greeted, smirking at me. Rousseau leans against the wall. I hesitate to approach them. "Don't look so mean, Remus. We're here to talk," he assured me, arms spread wide. "See? If you were to attack, I wouldn't be able to stop you until you've already ripped out my throat."

"You're never on such a weak defense."

Fenrir lowers his arms. "Fair enough," he said. "Come back to the pack, Remus. We lost our brothers because you tried being human again. But I'm willing to overlook that. Turn your partner and your friends—especially turn that boy that's been around you."

I feel numb.

Fenrir laughs. "Yes, Remus, we've noticed the boy. He's adorable. Not unlike how you were when you were turned."

"No."

Fenrir arches an eyebrow, all laughter gone. "No?"

"No. I won't lower myself to being you. I made my decision. Admittedly too late, but still, I won't turn anyone if I can help it."

Rousseau steps forward. "Remus—"

"I'm out of the pack," I shout. "I am out! I am done! I've washed my hands of you!"

"Remus," Fenrir said, "oh, Remus. Once in you're in for life. You were told that before you joined. You are part of the pack. You are even able to make your own pack if you like. I'm giving you a chance to come back, rebuild our family."

"You killed my parents."

"Humans," Fenrir emphasized. "Humans that were holding you back, trying their hardest to keep you from your full potential."

"Remus, take this offer," Rousseau said. "We have legitimate claim to kill you. This is more than you can hope to ask for in your position."

I look from Rousseau to Fenrir. "And if I don't?"

"I have a friend," Fenrir said, grinning. "A powerful friend. He's willing to do me a…small favor in return for loyalty if you refuse."

"What friend?"

"You've heard of him. You could say, he and I…are old school chums. Back when I was human myself. An upperclassman of mine. He's very handy with the spell work. One could…_die_ seeing his magic."

I shake. I hope he doesn't mean who I think he means. Fenrir approaches me.

"I don't think anyone would have known that the Dark Lord could be such a good ally. Did you, Rousseau?"

My hands tighten, curling into fists by my side. Rousseau bows his head.

"Don't. Please don't."

Fenrir seizes my hand and wraps his arm around my waist his hand resting on the small of my back, as though about to lead me in a waltz. "Once a pack member, always a pack member. So long as Rousseau and I are out, you're in the pack, Remus. Understood?"

I wish I could stop shaking. Why would he go to Voldemort? Voldemort doesn't care for werewolves—

"I understand," I choke out.

"Then turn your friends—actually, I want the boy for myself. Renew your loyalty to the pack by bringing the child to me unscathed by the next full moon. And the moon after that, turn your friends."

He releases me. "Let's go, Rousseau."

Rousseau doesn't follow at Fenrir's command. He approaches me first. "It's not so bad once you give into your new abilities. It takes a lot of control not to kill, but it's amazing having your own family, who share your specific strand of the curse. And their loyalty to you is unmatched."

He kissed me. I'm too afraid to fight him off, but all he does is kiss me. Rousseau follows after Fenrir, leaving me in the dark corridor.

The next full moon is only a couple weeks from today.

I hate to wake Severus, but we need that potion _now_.

I turn around and head back to the Room.

I don't see the puddle Peeves had created in the middle of the hallway, slipping and banging my knees and elbows against the stone. Peeves cackles at me, mocking me.

I barely hear the taunting "Loony, loopy Lupin." I take my wand out and blast the insufferable poltergeist down the hall, scrambling out of the puddle just as Peter turned the corner, talking to a freckled Hufflepuff girl before catching sight of me.

"Moony?"

"Not now, Peter," I snap, running past him. I'd normally feel bad about that, but it's for his own good and the good of the others. I skid to a halt out of the room and enter.

"Severus!" He doesn't wake. I stride to the bed, shaking him. "Severus, wake up."

"Remus," he groaned, pulling the covers over his head.

"Greyback and Rousseau were here."

He's awake and seizes my shoulders. "What happened?"

"They want Harry at the next full moon."

His hands fall to his sides. "How do they even know about him?"

"I don't know. But—Severus they got You-Know-Who involved. What if he finds out that Harry is…"

"Why are you wet?"

I look at my drenched robes. "Peeves. Puddle—Severus, there are more pressing issues here!"

Severus massaged his neck. "Right. Sorry."

"Severus—"

"I just woke up, Remus, give me a moment."

"But—"

"The full moon isn't for another two weeks. The potion is halfway done. If I neglect to study for a few days, I can have it ready by then."

"Then skip class or whatever you need to do. Talk to Dumbledore if you must but we have to get Harry home as soon as possible."

Severus looked at me through tired eyes. I embrace him. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important, Love. Fenrir is going to turn Harry if we can't get him home and there's just not enough time until the full moon to balance everything out."

"I'll see what I can do."

I kiss him violently. "I love you. You're amazing, Severus."

"I know."


	64. Chapter 64

Chapter 64

Severus had sent notices to his teachers of being sick with spattergroit, which would get him out of school long enough to finish the potion for Harry.

I watch Harry play with James and Lily in the Gryffindor Common Room, oblivious that his time here in the seventies will be cut shorter than he expected. I wonder if it's cruel to his parents, who won't get a chance to know him otherwise and will probably forget him if the potion works the way it should.

I finish my essay and set it aside to dry.

"Remus! Help!" Harry shrieked, giggling as he escaped James' grasp again and latching onto my neck in a hug. I smile, pulling the energetic kid onto my lap.

"That's no fair!" James snapped. "You'll get to spend a lot of time with Remus in the future. So going to Remus is off limits."

"No it's not!" Harry retaliated.

"Yes it is."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"This can go all night, Booger," James said.

"If he's really off limits, then why haven't you come to get me?"

I grin wider. "Yes, James, why haven't you?"

James glared mockingly at me. Lily seized Harry. "Because I was going to," she said. Harry didn't scream or kick. Rather he latched onto Lily.

"Mommy!"

"Yay! Mommy!" James shouted, joining the hug. Lily screamed when he tackled them.

"James! For the love of Merlin!"

I chuckle and pack my things. It was time to go back to the Room. Severus should be done for the day himself, so…

"I'll see you tomorrow," I call at the rambunctious family that was monopolizing the Common Room. They were being too loud for the others and no one had the heart to tell them to keep it down.

Also, if Sirius got his hands on Harry, then it'd be absolute chaos trying to find them because Sirius was doing his best to corrupt him.

I walk down the corridor, deep in thought. How far would be enough to send Harry back to? What would be the effects of sending him that far back?

I don't want the kid to go—which is funny because I don't like kids his age that much. However, Harry just…he doesn't act like any other kid I've met. He is quite mature for his age and very kindhearted.

I should get back to the Room and go to bed, but my legs and shaking. I lean against the wall, hiding my face with my hand.

If anything were to happen to Harry before we get him home, could we fix it in time to change history? Or would changing history be the way to fix it?

I breathe in and out, trying to pull myself together.

Damn kid just wedged his way into our lives like it was where he belonged. Intentionally or not, it was exactly where he belonged. I don't want to say goodbye, even if it's not forever.

I regained enough of my ability to walk to continue back to the Room. Severus is there, looking over his students' homework.

"Still doing that?"

"Lily's covering my class until the potion is done. As far as she's concerned, she's just helping out a sick friend. Would you mind sending this to her tomorrow?" he set down the last vial down.

"Sure."

"Thanks."He leaned back on the couch. "How's the kid?"

"Happy," I answer, sitting next to him. "He's grown pretty attached to his parents."

"Thought he might," Severus said, stretching. "There isn't any real replacement for them."

"Aren't you going to miss him?"

Severus shrugged. "I'm not the one who's been developing attachments to him, so I'm not too concerned about how I'm going to feel when he goes home. You, on the other hand, I'm worried about. You and Harry's parents. The potion will, I think, erase the time we've spent with Harry. Anything related to him will be forgotten, but that doesn't mean you won't feel the loss."

"I'll have to worry about it when it happens, won't I?" I say, looking at him. "There isn't much else I can do but help the kid get home before the full moon. In the meantime, why not let him have some fun with his family," I lean back. "Will he remember?"

"I don't know." Severus embraced me. "But if he does, he'll have some good memories to treasure."

I nod.

"Remus, I thought you didn't like little kids."

"I don't. I didn't. Harry's…he's not your average brat—he's not a brat. Bit crazy and loud sometimes, but overall…"

"Change of heart?"

"Maybe." Severus kissed my neck. "I'm not saying I'm starting to change my mind about them."

"Of course not."

"I guess I just have a higher level of tolerance when it's Harry because he says I—_we_ are his guardians or something, I guess."

"Perhaps."

"Must you kiss me like that when we're talking about a kid?"

"You could always stop talking about the kid," he suggested, his hand snaking under my shirt.

"The po—"

"Needs time to stew a bit before I can get to the next phase," he assured me. "Thirty-six hours to be precise."

It _has _been a while, now that I think about it.

I smirk. "So…I have you to myself for thirty-six hours?"

"No," Severus said, pushing me down onto the couch. "I have _you_ for the next thirty-six hours."

"But all I've been doing is homework at Gryffindor's Common Room and classes and keeping my friends in line…which I do horribly…"

"Exactly. Think about it, you have less time than I do, so…I get you for the next thirty-six hours. No random kids from the future, no full moon, and no insane, crazy pranks that your friends are cooking up. No interruptions."

I kiss him. Severus' tongue wedges its way into my mouth.

My hands pull his shirt off as he unbuttons mine.

The kiss breaks. I sit up, attacking Severus' pants as he finishes with my shirt. I pull my arms free of the sleeves.

Severus pushes me back down, pulling my pants off. He leans down and drags his tongue along my stomach to my sternum. I close my eyes, simply enjoying his touch.

He stops and I open my eyes. "Severus?"

Severus stands.

"What is it?" I ask, sitting up.

Then I hear it. Footsteps, loud, thunderous. At first, I thought Hagrid, but that was not the case at all. It was too loud and cloppy for Hagrid. It sounded like several people all at once.

Severus pressed his ear against the wall, listening. I join him, chilling my ear against the stone.

"…Defenses…too much…werewolves…enough…"

Beyond that, the walls were too thick to really hear anything.

Whoever was passing by walked further down the hall and eventually I couldn't hear them again.

I look at Severus. He seizes my wrist and pulls me to the bed. "Sev?"

"Sorry about that," he said, shoving me down. "Forget about it." He jumps on top of me, ravishing my lips. He stops. "Remus?" I slide out from under him. "Whatever they were talking about, it wasn't you. I'm sure they just found out that your pack's found a way inside the school."

"That does make it about me, in a roundabout way."

"Did you know about the catacombs?"

"We all did."

"Did you know they could be broken into?"

I shake my head.

"Then you're not at fault," Severus said, pressing his forehead to mine. "You're not responsible for anything Greyback or Rousseau have done or will do."

I sigh. "How is it," I say, "that you're saving me more than I've ever saved you?"

"Because I don't need a lot of saving. I'm capable of defending myself," Severus said. "You've done enough for me, Remus, and I'm indebted to you. Before I knew you—really knew you," Severus sighed. "I didn't know who I was. I was just…I don't know. Soulless? Empty? What I have with you I thought I had with Lily, and yeah. She's my best friend, we've been together through thick and thin, but my relationship with her is so different than it is with you. With you, Remes, every moment is precious. I remember what my life was like before, but now I look back and I'm glad that's not me anymore. And then, I look at you."

I look at his hand, which has been playing with mine, gently stroking my skin.

"Remus, I can see you're in a lot of pain because of your lycanthropy. I wish to God I could just take that pain away. I can't do anything for it, but I can stay by your side. I can kiss your pain away. I can hold you and give you my shoulder." Severus presses his hand against my chin, lifting my head back up to meet his eyes. "I love you, Babe. I always want to be with you."

I kiss him. "I love you," I say in that short moment I take a breath. "I love you."

Severus pushes me back down. His hand holds mine. His other hand is tangled in my hair.

I'm burning—completely on fire. I feel cold when Severus moves down, spreading my legs apart. I grasp at the sheets, trying to stay still.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I answer. He pulls out and rolls onto his back. "I'm fine. It doesn't hurt, I just…"

"Can't seem to get entirely used to it?"

"No." I sit up. "It's just a reaction."

"Good." I look at Severus. His eyes are closed. He opens them and smirks at me, propping himself onto his shoulders.

"Could you just hold me tonight?" I ask. Severus pulls me into his embrace, my head resting under his chin. I listen to the steady rhythm of his heart and inhale his scent. I close my eyes, drifting to sleep.

"I love you, Remus."


	65. Chapter 65

Chapter 65

#Severus#

The potion turned a pearly pink. I check the directions again, fearing I had made a mistake.

I had not.

I made some difficult potions in the past, polyjuice being one of them, but nothing as complex as this. I read the directions following. The potion needed a few hours more to stew, so I waved my wand over the cauldron and leave.

Everyone else would be in the Great Hall at this time, so I should be able to sneak away to the kitchens and get something to eat.

I stuff my hands in my pockets, my mind on distant things. I miss Remus. I miss his touch, his scent, his voice…Well, a couple weeks versus four months…I can handle it. And there's only eight days left.

Someone seizes my arm and pulls me into an empty room. I'm pinned against the wall.

"I thought you have spattergroit. You look rather well to me," Rousseau grins nastily at me. I debate giving him the satisfaction of answering. I decide not to. "What are you hiding, Snape?"

I cross my arms, never breaking eye contact with Rousseau.

"Fine, don't talk, just listen. I don't want to see Remus hurt. The Dark Lord will hurt him, you, and everyone dear to Remus if he doesn't do as he's told. I assume Remus knows you're not sick. Contact him however you like and tell him it'd be wise for him to just hand over the boy."

Rousseau pauses, waiting to see if I'd answer. I don't.

"Ever the stoic," he sighs. Rousseau pinches my chin. I'm tempted to kick him, or punch him. At the very least I'll bite him. There's no need for a magical fight.

I clench my jaw, resisting all urges to attack him.

"I don't know what Remus sees in you. You're a human, after all. Perhaps if you were one of _us_ maybe I could accept it a little better."

I narrow my eyes at him. I want to kill him. But I can't reach my wand without alerting him to what I'm doing.

And as for physical ability, even if I were to fight him, he'd still overpower me, since he's a werewolf.

"I wonder."

I can't help blinking. What is he wondering about?

Rousseau kisses me. He sticks his tongue out and licks my bottom lip. I shove him, but he's using his full strength. I can't push him off me. Rousseau forces my mouth open, sticking his tongue inside.

I reach for my wand, forgetting he could feel every move I make. He stops kissing me and seizes my arm twisting it behind my back and forcing me to the floor, one leg on my back.

I'm used to being pinned down. Usually I can fight against the assailant. I'm fairly strong myself, since I had no choice but to fight back.

But being up against a werewolf physically is entirely different. I knew they were stronger, but this—this is not what I had expected at all! His appearance doesn't match his strength. Is Remus—yes, he is. Perhaps not as strong as Rousseau since he wasn't able to fight him off and kill him.

"Get off me!" I shout.

"Good to know you haven't lost your voice, Kid," Rousseau taunts. "So Snape, are you as good a fuck as you are a kisser? I'm convinced you're more to Remus then just a sex buddy, but I'm sure it helps."

My heart is racing. Is he—

"Don't worry, you're not my type. Remember to give Remus my message." He releases me and I stand up, massaging my injured arm. Rousseau is gone.

I don't ponder where he's gone or why he let me go.

I've lost my appetite. I decide to go back to the room and get some rest. I leave the classroom and head back. Each step is like lead. I walk with my head down.

"Severus?"

I lift my head and straighten, looking behind me at Remus.

#Remus#

Severus is a little flustered when he sees me. "Why are you…our agreement…"

"I know," I say, approaching him. "I told my friends I was going to the hospital wing to check on you. C'mon." I walk alongside him back to the room.

"Rousseau showed up again," He informs me once we're inside. "He wanted to warn you about finding a way out." I stare at me. "That's all."

I grit my teeth. He's hiding something. "No it's not."

Severus sighs, collapsing into the recliner.

"Severus, what did he do?" I seize his arms. Severus winces, so I roll the sleeves up. His right arm is developing a dark, yellow and brown bruise. I stare at the bruise only a moment.

Did Rousseau…did he…

_What did he do to Severus?!_

I grab Severus' shirt and hastily unbutton it, looking for more injuries.

"Remus. Remus!" Severus grabs my wrists, pushing me off. "He didn't do anything but this," he raises the betraying arm.

I sniff the air around him, it's faint, but it's there. "He rubbed his scent on you. Did he kiss you?"

Severus can't look at me. He nods his head.

What do I do? I want to kiss him. I'll never believe he willingly kissed Rousseau. But why try to hide it from me? Rousseau's scent is still on him. I'd have figured it out sooner or later anyway, so…

I'm torn between jealousy and fury. I know it's Rousseau's fault. I do. But…I'm still angry.

"Wash it off," I say.

"Remus, Babe—"

"I'm not mad at you," I say, trying to assure him I'm not mad though I am clearly furious.

I know it's not his fault. I know it's not, but I can still smell Rousseau on him and it infuriates me. I can't even look at Severus right now.

"Just wash it off, Severus. And change your clothes too. I don't want to smell him. Not on me and _definitely _not on you."

I move away and sit on the couch.

Severus heads to the bathroom. A minute later I can hear the shower running.

I don't know if I truly understood Severus' hatred for Rousseau. I hate Rousseau too, but I never hated him on this level. It was one thing when he was going after me. Now he went after Severus. He went after someone I consider precious.

I leave the room, running to the catacombs. I doubt Rousseau has gotten that far yet.

Treading through the muddy streaming water running through the catacombs of the school, I sought him out, using my sense of smell to guide me while my eyes adjusted to the darkness.

It was a faint scent, mingled with the smells that made up the catacombs. An ordinary being wouldn't be able to make out the scents of the filth along the walls to the rats around me.

I found him after a while. I wasn't being quiet while searching, so I'm not surprised that he might have decided to hide and ambush me.

"_Rousseau_!" I shout.

He steps out from where he was hiding.

"You…"

"I…what? Did you get my message? Or did you rush after me before giving your human a chance to tell you anything?"

I'm shaking. I'm barely able to contain my fury. I know I'm transforming.

"I got it."

"Good." He turns to continue on his way out of the school.

"_Don't turn your back on me!_"

Rousseau turns around, actually having the gall to look shocked. "Is this about the kiss? Completely neutral, Remus. I was having a little fun with your mate. Not that you can really call a human your mate. A toy is more accurate."

I lunge at him and reach for his throat.

Rousseau dodges me, transforming.

Before I can regain my footing and attack again, I'm pinned to the ground. Rousseau's mouth is clasped around my neck. I try to fight him off, but his jaw tightens, growling at me, and I whimper.

Rousseau changes back, releasing me from his mouth, only to be pinned down by his hand instead. I don't dare to change back, fearful of what he'd do to me if I did.

"Remus, I've not given up. I will never give you up. I love you. I know you don't love me and I am trying desperately to understand what it is about Snape you like. He's only going to break you're heart again and again. You know I would _never_ hurt you as he has." He kisses the top of my head. "I love you so much, Remus. So I'll wait for you to see reason and come back to me, because I know you will."

He slams my head against the wall, dizzying me to the point where I wouldn't be able to attack or follow him. I yelp as he runs off. I stand again, shaking my head, trying to regain my senses.

By the time I can think coherently, I'm human again and Rousseau is long gone.

Can I go back in this state? My robes are torn to shreds from the transformation. I'm cold and wet. I lean against a wall filled with coffins.

Rousseau claims he doesn't want to hurt me. And yet he does nothing but hurt me.

"Remus?" It's Severus' voice. "Remus, are you here?"

"This way," I shout. "Tell me you have spare robes for me," I beg when he finds me.

"We're about the same size," he assures me, helping me up and wrapping his robes around me, I tighten them around my body. "Though it might be hard explaining why you're wearing Slytherin robes."

I lean against him.

"Remus?"

"I'm fine. I…Sev, they're trying to destroy me."

"They won't." He holds me. "I won't let them. I'll protect you."

He pushes me back toward the school, leading me back to the Room. Once there, it was my turn to take a shower and warm up. Once I did that, and had changed back into my own clothes, I met Severus outside the door.

"Sev?" He kisses me gently.

"I will protect you."

"Severus—"

"I want to protect you, Babe. I won't let them hurt you again. Not Greyback. Definitely not Rousseau. Especially not me," he kisses my hand.

"You don't hurt me, Severus. Only once, and you healed me. I love you."

"I love you too, but you should get back before your friends think you've also come down with spattergroit."

"Killjoy."


	66. Chapter 66

Chapter 66

"So, you're sending him back?" Lily asked us. Harry slept on her lap and her fingers stroked his head.

Severus nodded. "This isn't his home, and he wasn't supposed to be here to begin with."

"Sending him home is probably for the best," Sirius said, "Though I'm going to miss the kid."

Peter, James, and I have yet to speak, but what else is there to say. We all knew Harry would have to go back to his time eventually.

"Will we remember?" James asked.

Severus shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe. To be honest, it's more likely that Harry'll remember more than us. But the potion won't be drinkable until tomorrow."

"It's a Hogsmeade weekend tomorow," Peter piped. We looked at him. "Well, we could send him off. Then say goodbye at the end of the day."

It was a plan at least. I liked it. I glance at Harry. His glasses had been set aside on the table and he was sleeping so peacefully. How would he take to going home? Would he be happy? Or would he throw a fit? He's so well behaved, I can't see him throwing a fit even if he didn't want to leave.

Either way, it's for the best.

"Remus, a word," Severus whispered, pulling me aside.

"What?"

"Tomorrow's the full moon. Wouldn't that be cutting it close?"

I completely forgot that the full moon was so close. _How could I forget?!_

I glance at Harry and the others a moment. "It should be okay," I say, though I'm not so sure myself. "They expect him to be there that night before midnight, as soon as the sun has set at the earliest. He will be gone before then."

Severus isn't convinced. Neither am I, but I do want to send Harry off happily.

"I suppose that's a plan," James said. "What about you guys?"

"Sure," Sirius said. "Zonko's products galore! And sweets to get him bouncing off the walls back home."

"I don't think he'll be able to take things back, Sirius," I say, "But I'm not against it either."

"Snape?"

Severus rubs the back of his neck. "I suppose I'm okay with it."

Lily smiled. "Then it's settled. We'll see you two in the courtyard under the clock tomorrow morning," she said to me and Severus. She moved Harry as gently as she could so not to disturb him. "Goodnight, guys," she kissed James and went upstairs.

Once she disappeared, Severus looked at me. "Is it really okay for me to be here?"

"No," the others answered before I could assure him it was all right. I glare at them.

"It's not like he knows our password or that there's other people in the common room, guys."

"True," Sirius said, "But a Slytherin in the Gryffindor Common Room is like sending a wolf into the lion's den. If it wasn't us…"

"Yeah, well, even so, who would dare?"

Sirius arches an eyebrow at me. I glare at him.

"It's not discriminatory," Peter said, jumping in between the brewing argument between me and Sirius. "It'd be the same if one of us went into another house as well or if someone from Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff came inside."

"We need to get going anyway," Severus added.

"Right," I stand. "This isn't over, Padfoot."

"Bring it, Moony."

#

"How are you doing, Harry?" I ask as we pass by Madam Puddyfoot's Tea Shop.

"Good," he said, grinning at me. "I've been to Hogsmeade a few times before with my uncles."

"I guess this isn't going to be as momentous as we hoped, then," James said, ruffling Harry's hair. Harry shook his head.

"No. I'm here with more people and you're all really cool."

James beamed. I wonder how cool we are in the eighties.

"Harry," Severus said, pulling out a vial of the potion. "Would you like to hold onto this? It's fine if you drop it, I have an extra." To show he wasn't lying, he took out a second vial and pocketed it. "But try not to break it."

Harry nodded and the potion was handed to him. "Will this take me back to my time?"

"Yes. Just a few minutes before you arrived in our time. That should be enough time to stop yourself from drinking the potion."

"Okay."

Harry put it in his purse that was tied to his belt. He released James and latched onto Lily, pulling her into a skip.

"You tell him to be careful with it and he goes and runs off," I mutter, crossing my arms.

"It's fine. Cut the kid some slack today at least."

"Peter's back," Sirius noted, turning into a dog and bounding after Lily and Harry. Peter had both hands full with seven drinks.

Why am I the one who gets sent on coffee runs?" he asks while we take some of the drinks off his hands.

"Because it was your turn to go on a coffee run," James snapped. "Sirius did it last week, Remus the week before, I did three weeks ago. It only feels like you're the one who always gets sent on a coffee run, Pete."

Harry halts in front of Peter. "Did you remember the cocoa?" James and Severus snickered as James handed Lily her coffee.

"Yes," Peter said, handing him a smaller cup than the rest of us, "one kid's cocoa. Honestly I'm against giving you sugar."

"Oh, shush," James mumbled. "Let me and Lily spoil him while we can."

"Fine," Peter snapped. "But remember: what comes up will come down."

Harry ignored them, chugging his hot chocolate happily.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Sugar high five year olds are hard to manage. Especially in large crowds," Peter explained. "We might as well put him on a leash to keep him close."

"He's not a dog, Peter!"

"Just a suggestion. Don't have a cow."

"I'm done," Harry said, holding his cup in the air. "I'm going to throw it away."

"I'll go with him," Severus said. "Have fun arguing over what the effects chocolate has on children are."

I shook my head. "Is that kid able to get hyper?"

"You are. I'm sure you're insane."

"No, I'm not. So long as I am moderate about my chocolate consumption, I'm good. Last time I went on a binge, Severus forced me to go on a cleanse."

"Right, how'd you survive?"

"I didn't. I almost died." My friends snickered. "After three days I was stuck in the hospital wing with a large bag of chocolate in my lap. It was gone long before Severus had a chance to confiscate it."

"Lupin," Lily growled, "I hate you."

I grin. "I love you too, Lily."

"How do you do it?"

I shrug. "Maybe I'm a fop…"

"No," Sirius said, shaking his head. "You wouldn't hang out with us if you were. You wouldn't be able to handle us…"

"Okay, I'm not a fop. I don't live on just candy because I'm too weak."

"You are not weak," Peter mumbled.

"Yeah, I know. I know my own strength…somewhat."

"Well," James said, scratching the back of his head, "you're better at controlling your strength than you were back in first year."

I shrug it off, drinking my mocha. Severus returned with Harry on his shoulders.

"I'm taller than everyone!" Harry shouted, grinning. Severus seemed a bit disgruntled, but otherwise…

"Sure, sure, you're taller than everyone," He said, sighing.

"Can we go see the Shrieking Shack?"

"Sure, but only if you ride on my shoulders," James said, his envy taking control again.

"But Severus is taller," Harry reminded him matter-of-factly. I wince. That's got to hurt.

"You can ride on my shoulders back in your time, okay?" Severus suggested, eager to pass Harry off to someone else.

"Okay."

Severus handed Harry off to James and we headed to the Shack.

James jogged ahead with a screaming and laughing Harry. The rest of us followed.

I took Severus' free hand in mine, hoping, even if for a moment, we could be carefree again.

We joined father and son at the Shack's borders. James had set Harry down and was now finishing the rest of his own coffee while Harry ran around in circles, fantasizing about the Falcons.

"So, what's the first thing you're going to do when you get home?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know. Play quidditch with Severus and Remus, maybe. Or sneak into a classroom during class and outsmart all the big kids."

"You think you could?" Severus asked.

"I know I could!" Harry snapped. "I'm smarter than them because I live at school!"

"Okay, okay. No need to have an attitude."

"Sorry," Harry said sheepishly.

James handed him the school snitch which Harry chased after eagerly like a cat on a fly, giving us a moment to catch our breath.

"It's almost seven," Lily said, checking her watch. "I know we just had coffee, but we should probably head to dinner."

And then we can send Harry off home.

The day had been too short.

"Harry?" James stood, looking around frantically. Harry had disappeared.

We look around, even searching the Shack, hoping to find him there trying to catch the snitch—which we found behind a tree, caught on a branch on the other side of the fence.

Harry is gone.


	67. Chapter 67

Chapter 67

#Harry#

The man dropped me. It hurt my bottom, but I refuse to cry out.

"Damn kid," he growled at another man, more menacing than the first. "He kept kicking me. He's spritely for a brat."

The second man approached me and knelt down, staring at me. He grabbed my chin, pinching my face. I tried to bite him and he pulled away. "I see what you mean. He'll be hard to train, but he's got a lot of potential."

"My uncles are coming for me," I say to him. "They'll be here at any moment and then you'll regret it."

"Your uncles, huh?" he said, smirking at me. "You'll have new uncles soon. I'll be one of them, and so will he. He will be your Uncle Rousseau. You may call me Uncle Fenrir."

Fenrir? The same werewolf that turned Uncle Remus when he was little? I tried to hide that I recognize him, but I'm more readable than I thought.

"You've heard of me at least. I can tell. What is your name?"

I spit at him. I'm not telling him anything.

He wipes my spit off with his hand and hits me. Despite myself, I'm crying. I can't see very well. My teeth rattle with the force and throb. My glasses have slipped off. I think they've broken. I cough, spitting hot saliva out of my mouth.

"Let's try that again," Fenrir said, seizing my hair and forcing me to look at him. "What is your name?"

"Go to hell."

"He's got quite a mouth for a kid his age," the one named Rousseau laughed.

"Shut up," Fenrir shouted at Rousseau, he turned back to me. His eyes take notice of my scar for the first time.

_Oh no, he'll figure out—wait…I haven't been born yet, I'm safe._

"That's an interesting cut." His fingers trace my scar. "Reminds me of Thor."

Who?

What a stupid name.

"My name's Harry, dickhead!"

"Who taught you such insolent language, Harry?" Fenrir asked, pretending to be a doting friend. "You're uncles?"

"I'll spit on you again," I threaten him.

My scar began to burn, slowly, intensifying with time until I couldn't do anything but scream because of the pain.

#Remus#

I skid to a halt, listening to the shriek behind us. It sounded too much like Harry…

"Remus?"

I ignore Sirius and sprint in the direction of the scream.

"Remus!"

"Where are you going?" They ran after me, far behind me as I broke through the branches and bushes, which slowed me down enough for them to cut the distance between us in half. The screaming was louder here—echoing, vibrating, chilling.

"Move!" Severus shouted, pushing me aside while facing against a rather stubborn sticker bush. "_Sectusempra_!" The bush was cut to shreds.

What sort of spell was that? One of his own?

But it did what we needed.

Harry was kneeling on the ground, clutching his forehead with both hands, shrieking. Fenrir and Rousseau were staring at him, unsure what to do to calm him down. And there was a third being, cloaked in black.

The third person took out his wand and pointed it at Harry. A moment passed and Harry's screaming had died, though he still seemed to be in pain. Lily broke past us and embraced Harry.

"I don't see the reason you needed me, Greyback."

"Well, my lord, I don't see the harm in having you here. After all, a wizard as great as you can understand that even the strongest of us can be overcome by a group, no matter how young."

"How cowardly, like a mutt with its tail between the legs."

Fenrir frowned, glaring at the man. But that was all he did.

"How about a round of introductions," the man said, his voice revealing a mocking attitude. "I am Lord Voldemort. I assume you all already know Fenrir and Rousseau. Ladies first, I say. Tell me, my dear, what is your name?" Voldemort approached Harry and Lily. Lily clutched at Harry tighter, shielding him from Voldemort. He seized Lily's arm and pulled her up.

But he released her quickly, holding his hand. His hood fell off, revealing a bald head and a flattened nose, much like a serpent's.

Lily backed away, holding Harry close.

"My lord! You're hand."

Voldemort ignored Fenrir, releasing his hand where a bright red burn had appeared, as though he had been seared on touching Lily. Or did he touch Harry while pulling Lily to her feet?

"What spell did you cast?" He demanded Lily. Lily shook her head, unable to talk. James stepped in front of them, glaring at Voldemort, wand ready in case he needed to defend his family. "It wasn't the girl…the brat, perhaps?"

"Lily, get Harry out of here."

Lily tried to run, but Rousseau cut her off. "No where to run, Red."

"You won't get out of here easily," Fenrir informed us. "In just a few hours, the full moon will be overhead and there will be three werewolves ready to hunt. A bit small for a hunting party, but I promise you: three alphas have more control over their power than a three hundred betas. The girl will have to go, but the rest of you, I'm sure, would enjoy joining our pack. Wouldn't you say so, Remus?"

I can't look at my friends. I know they're looking at me with confusion. Once they understand they'll look at me only with betrayal.

"Don't," I beg him.

"Don't? _Don't_?" Fenrir laughed. "I knew you wouldn't tell them while you were still part of the pack, but after sending most of our brothers to Azkaban with your betrayal, I thought you'd tell them what happened over the summer."

"Remus, what is he talking about?" Peterasked. Sirius and James had already figured it out. Lily refused to look at me.

"Remus is one of us," Rousseau said, throwing his arm over my shoulder forcing me to look at my bewildered friends. I'm stiff, unable to move. "He joined the pack last summer after he and Snape broke up."

"That's impossible," Sirius snapped. "Right? Remus, did you—"

"He did," Severus said. "He told me."

"Enough!" Voldemort shouted. "That boy!"

"My lord, the boy is mine," Fenrir shot unwisely.

Voldemort pointed his wand at him, "_Crucio_."

Fenrir slumped to the ground, writhing in pain, screaming. My stomach churned, seeing someone in such pain, even if the pain was deserved.

Voldemort lowered his wand and the curse was lifted.

"Bring the boy here," he ordered Lily. She shook her head, clutching Harry tighter. Voldemort pointed his wand at her and James stepped between them.

"Stand aside."

"No."

Voldemort waved his wand and James flew, slamming against a tree.

"James!" Lily shouted, trying to get to him.

"_Imperio_," Voldemort shouted, pointing at Lily. She halted and approached him. She stopped.

"Mommy? Mommy!" Harry shouted, the spell that was cast to keep him silent lifted. Lily was trying to pry Harry off her. Once on the ground, Lily passed out. Harry stared at Voldemort, quaking.

"How did you do this?" Voldemort asked, showing the injured hand.

"I don't know." Harry grasped at his pocket, pulling out the vial. He looked at us. We didn't dare move, though I don't know why. He smiled at us.

Why?

"All I know," he said to Voldemort in a much calmer voice, though still shaky, "is that you can't kill me."

Voldemort narrowed his eyes at Harry, perhaps contemplating how that was possible. "What do you mean?"

"You killed my parents when I was a year old. You also tried to kill me. But for some reason, you couldn't. No one's sure what happened to you that night. Some say you died, others say you're badly injured and in hiding. But they do know that I'm the one who stopped you. That's how I got my scar. You can't touch me. You can't even kill me."

Voldemort raised his wand at Harry.

"No! He's mine!" Fenrir shouted.

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

Harry raised his hand to his mouth. Just before the spell could hit him, he—

Why are we here?

Why are Fenrir and Rousseau here?

_WHY IS VOLDEMORT HERE?!_

We dodge the curse.

"James! James wake up!" Sirius shouted.

"Lily!"

"Remus! The moon!"

I look at the moon. Oh no. I look at the others.

"RUN!" I roar.

* * *

AN: I know, another cliffhanger. :P


	68. Chapter 68

Chapter 68

I used to hate transforming. It's always been painful. Not so much since summer, of course—but trying to resist the transformation to give your friends time to escape is beyond painful. Every fiber of my being was on fire. Stretching, dislocating, reforming, or spurting I felt it all.

Why are we in the middle of a forest anyway?

The pain! God the pain! I can't think. I can't see.

I should know better than to resist. Resisting Moony is futile. I lost consciousness.

#Severus#

I shouldn't be surprised by this. The transformation from man to wolf is said to be painful. But I never thought I'd see Remus in such pain.

I couldn't run. How could any of us run? We're surrounded by three werewolves. We should apparate, but I'm shaking too much and I can't think straight. I'd probably splinch if I tried.

A stag stands between Lily and the three werewolves. Voldemort had vanished when we realized the moon was overhead. Black had transformed into a dog, so I guess the stag is Potter. As for Pettigrew, I don't know where he vanished, but I'm guessing he's also an animagus.

Black jumped at something after me. I turn around. He has who I think is Rousseau by the neck.

"Lily!" I shout, grabbing her arm, realizing that even if we can't apparate, we still need to find a way to get to safety. Fenrir cut us off, snarling. Potter rammed into him, trying to impale him with his antlers.

"Sev…"

I push Lily to a tree. "Climb," I order her. She seizes a branch and pulls herself up as high as she can go. Once she's high enough that I can join her, I'm seized from behind and tossed aside like a chew toy.

"Severus!"

The werewolf jumped on top of me. I don't know who it is. But I'm assured it's not Remus when he tries to bite my neck. I shield myself with my arm. Sharp pain shoots through my arm like needles. I scream, unable to hear anything else. I'm blinded by compulsory tears.

The werewolf is tackled off me. The pain subsides, throbbing. It still hurts. The werewolves tore at each other. One seizes the other's neck, biting hard enough to rip out the throat.

The victor approached me, covered in blood as he was. He licked my wound, whimpering.

"Severus! Sev!"

"I'm okay," I whisper, unable to speak more than that. "I'm okay, Remus."

I don't know who he killed, but the remaining werewolf tackled him. Remus whimpered, trying to fight off the stronger wolf. It bit him. Ignoring my pain, I raised my wand and aimed it at the wolf attacking Remus.

"_Sectusempra_," I shout, hitting the werewolf in the back. He slumps down, twitching as he dies.

Remus had transformed back into a human.

I stumble to my feet and run to him, pulling him into his arms. His neck had been punctured, but the holes had been covered in dark blood. I press my hand against his neck, trying to staunch the bleeding. What spell stops bleeding? What spell was it?

"Sev, I can't see anything."

"Can you hear me?" Damn it! What is that spell!

"Yes," he answered. "But I can't see and I'm cold."

I don't know what to do. I pull him up, embracing him. I don't want him to know I'm crying. "It's okay. You'll be okay." So long as he's breathing and able to hold onto me, he'll be okay.

"Severus! Remus!"

"Where's Peter? Peter, Sirius, go get help!"

"Remus, everything will be okay," I whisper to him. What spell is it? I can't remember anything. Why can't I think straight?

"Sev…"

"I've got you, Babe."

"I love you." Remus' grip slackened and fell. He stopped moving. I couldn't even feel his breath.

I close my eyes and burry my face in his hair. I can't hold back my voice anymore and let out a strangled cry.

#

I'm pried off Remus and sent to St. Mungo's with the others. I barely registered that I've been infected with Lycanthropy.

The newspaper the next day had the first page headline: Three Werewolves found Dead near Hogwarts. It doesn't mention our names, save for Fenrir's—perhaps meant to be seen as a note of hope, since so many had been terrorized by him.

So many people are looking at me with pity. I wish they'd stop. I have been separated from the others, since my wounds are both physical and psychological. But they treat the others as though all they have are psychological wounds.

When I try to remember why we were there that night, I can't recall anything, no matter how I strain. We shouldn't have been there. So why were we there?

I wish they'd let me out. I know they can't. I probably won't be able to go back to Hogwarts now. Perhaps MSL will be willing…

That's too much hopeful thinking, even for me.

The door to my room opened on the third day. Grams and Professor Dumbledore enter. Grams approaches my bed, sitting on the edge of it. I can't look at her.

"Severus," Dumbledore says to me. I look at him. "Do you think you'll be willing to come back to school when your wounds are healed?"

"I thought you came to expel me."

"Why would I do that? Because you're a werewolf now?"

I wince, seizing my bandaged arm.

"We've catered a werewolf the last seven years. I've no intention of denying another entrance into my school. So unless you have any intention of dropping out, I expect you back at school after you're released from the hospital. Understand?"

"Yes sir."

Dumbledore turned to Grams. "Deborah, I will check on the other students. Shall we meet at the cafeteria in an hour for tea?"

"That would be wonderful."

He left. The room was so silent, even after the door had shut behind him.

"Remus' funeral is at the end of the week," she informed me. "I've requested you be released for that at least." I nod my head, fighting back my tears. I won't cry in front of her. "What were you all doing that night?"

"I can't remember."

"Severus—"

"I really can't remember. I can't remember half of what happened the last month. I wish I could."

Someone knocked on the door. Grams stood and opened the door.

"May I ask who you are?"

"I'm his mother."

I look up. "Mom?"

She pushed past Grams and took my hand, which I didn't offer, in hers, sitting on the bed. "Severus, are you all right?"

"I'm fine," I say. It's a lie, but I've no reason to tell my mother anything close to the truth. Grams narrows her eyes at me. "Dad's not here is he?"

"No," she said quickly, "No. He's not. I've talked to the staff. They're willing to release you if you come home and recover."

"No," I say too quickly. It hurts her, I know that, but I can't recover there. "Going back there will only make things worse. I'd rather stay here."

"Severus, I know it's never been the ideal life I wanted for you," Mom said, "But your dad does care about you."

I scoff. She's been saying such words for years. Yet the situation never changes. "I'm not going back."

"Madam," Grams said, "if I may. Severus has been staying with me and my grandson recently when he wasn't attending school. Severus is an adult."

"I'm fully aware of that—"

"Then let him be one. He's made his choice, it seems. And he has his reasons not to go home, which you seem to be aware of."

I listen, never looking at Grams or my mom.

"If he doesn't want to go home, then he shouldn't be forced into it. And, my dear, if you have any self respect, you'd know that your husband is a scoundrel who doesn't deserve such a kindhearted woman. Stop lying to yourself, get out of that house, and get help."

I look up at Grams. Mom is appalled. I don't blame her. Grams may have gone too far in prying into my Mom's head. If anything, she may have made things worse for my mom. As for Mom, she's livid.

"Severus, I will see you tomorrow. Is that all right?"

"Um…sure." I couldn't manage more than that. Mom strides out of the room. "Grams, that was a bit far."

"I know," she said, "But I can't stand women like that!" she covers her mouth, and looks at me. "I'm sorry, Severus. I can see the resemblance between you and her. But you've always been so strong, I expected your family was like that as well."

I shake my head. I got this "strength" from Lily and Remus. I wouldn't even call it strength.

"I'd like to go to Remus' funeral," I say.

"I'll talk to the staff, then," Grams said. "Get some rest. And for goodness sakes, drop that façade that you're all right. You're far from it. You don't need to be a legilimancer to see that."

The door closes behind her.

I burry myself under the covers, finally free to let out my stress.

* * *

AN: I never end my stories on a sad note. Just so you know.


	69. Chapter 69

Chapter 69

Remus' funeral consisted only of friends and family. Everything was a blur of black. Most of the people there were surviving and distant relatives and they shied away from me.

"Remus knew a werewolf?" I heard one of his relatives whisper.

"I heard he was turned recently."

"Still…"

"Just ignore them," Black said, sitting next to me. "They do the same to me."

"You're not a werewolf."

"But I am the disinherited heir of the Noble House of Black." Black grinned. I never noticed how strained it really was. "Hungry?"

"No. If I eat—"

"If you don't eat, I'll force feed you. I'll imperio you if I have to."

"Black, I want to be alone."

Black doesn't leave, or speak for a few minutes.

Finally, he stands and leaves. A few minutes later, he returns and puts a plate on my lap. It's a small salad. "Eat. That stuffs light enough it won't bother your stomach."

I set it on the empty chair next to me. "Why are you bothering, Black?" I ask. "We hate each other. I doubt that'll change."

Black is taken aback. "Well, yeah," he said, "I don't hate you as much as I used to. To be honest, you just pissed me off with your attitude most of the time."

I avert my gaze.

"Eat."

"I told you I'm not hungry."

"Snape, you have to eat a little bit. If you don't, you'll collapse and that's not going to help you at all, especially when the moon comes around again."

"I'll deal with it then."

Black seized my collar, a fist raised. I brace myself, expecting him to punch me. He lowers his hand. "I'm sorry," he said.

What did he just say?

"I just…I miss Remus too, Snape. But I'm worried about you. I mean, the two of you…" he didn't let go of me. I pry him off.

"Thanks, Black, but I'm dealing in my own way. All right? I'll be fine. Eventually. Until then, please leave me alone."

I left the hall, heading outside in the rain. It's cold outside. The wind whips my face, bringing blood to my cheeks and ears.

Remus told me that he found it easier to cope with his parents' death by focusing on other things.

What else can I focus on? I lost any prospects for working at the ministry when I was infected, so who gives a shit if I go back to school? It would only be a distraction until NEWTS were over. Plus it's out that I'm a werewolf. Even if I have friends to rely on, school will be unbearable again.

_I want a fix._

I push aside any thoughts about heroin. I feel dirty when I think about it now. And I won't touch alcohol. I need an outlet—a healthy outlet or Remus' ghost might come after me.

I lean against the wall and hum some of Alice Cooper's songs.

"What music is that? Yours?"

I look at the man. He looks like he's trying to hold onto the flower power. I shake my head. "Alice Cooper."

"Ah." He took out a pack of cigarettes, selecting one and putting it in his mouth. I watch, curious. I never cared for smoking. Still don't—so why? "Did you know the deceased?"

"Yes."

"I guess you were his partner?" I look at the man. It'd be a lie to say I wasn't shocked. "You have the same scent Remus had on him when we met."

"Who are you?"

"Arnold Maicob," he said, holding his hand out to me. "I run M.S.L." I don't take his hand, suspicious of why he'd approach me. "How's the arm?"

I seize the injury.

"It'll get better with time, though the scar never fully heals."

"Stop beating around the bush. Why are you here?"

"Well, I'd say it's to pay my respects, but since the funeral's a private affair…to be honest, I'm here to meet you, Severus—Professor Dumbledore asked me to meet with you. He told me your name and requested I consider admitting you into M.S.L.'s college division. I know now's exactly the most opportune time for us to meet, but if you'd like to meet at the hospital instead, I can come by your room tomorrow and we can talk about your future."

"What future?" I snap. I should be happy to get this chance, but I can't grasp it. I feel they've passed Remus' offer to me because he died. "No one in their right mind would hire a werewolf."

"Prejudices will always get in the way, I know," Maicob said. "But I wouldn't be so quick to be so pessimistic about your prospects. I'll stop by tomorrow and we'll talk then as long as needed. Fair enough?"

I nod, deciding it wouldn't hurt to hear him out, though I'm not sure if I want to do anything regarding M.S.L. right now. I didn't even think they'd approach me, Dumbledore's recommendation or not.

I decide to do something I'd never have considered doing before.

"Professor," I say as Maicob turns to leave. He looks back at me.

"Mr. or Principal is fine."

"Principal, then. Could I have a cigarette?"

"You smoke?"

"No."

"Don't pick up bad habits, then, Mr. Snape," He apparated.

Hypocritical bastard.

I return inside the chapel and look for someplace secluded so I could be alone. Finding a deserted hallway, I sit down and hide my face as I cry silently.

A few minutes pass until someone comes and sits beside me, putting their small, manicured hand around my shoulder. I notice red hair tied up in a strict bun and I rest my head against Lily's shoulder, crying to sleep.

#

I flex my fingers on my injured arm for the Healer.

He takes a few notes then puts the clipboard down. He waves his wand over the bandages and they unfurl.

My arm is red and swollen.

The marred flesh on my arm is stitched together.

Without the bandage, it itches and is cold. New bandages wrap around my forearm.

There's a knock at the door and the Healer opens it for Maicob. He smiles at me.

"Principal Maicob," I greet.

"How's the arm?"

"I've got feeling in it again."

"Good, good."

"Severus," the healer said, "a nurse will come with a potion."

"All right."

He leaves me and Maicob in the room. "May I sit?" Maicob asks.

I nod. "Go ahead."

He sits at my bedside. "So, Severus," he begins. "Is there anything you'd like to do in the future?"

I shrug.

"I was considering ministry work, but unless I change my citizenship to American, that's been blown to dust. Let's be realistic, there aren't any use for werewolves in the workforce anywhere."

"Well, that's not all together true."

"Okay, Manhattan's an exception to that, I suppose. But still."

"Well, it's true that if you want to join the Oz, you'd have to change your citizenship, but only if you don't intern there first. There are many departments that are included in the Secretary of Magic's Office."

"There's still limitations for a werewolf."

"Indeed, but it's a good paying career choice and even if you don't rise high, it'd be enough to stir the masses: a werewolf working in the Secretary of Magic's Office will surely bring controversy and excite people to no end. It'd be history in the making."

"That's considering I get hired."

"Don't underestimate Manhattan School of Lycanthropy's prestige and influence," Maicob recites. "I tell that to all incoming students who are doubtful of their position. M.S.L. can help you manage both your lycanthropy while allowing you to live a normal life." Maicob stood. "I'd like to know your final reply before summer begins, Severus."

"Okay."

He doesn't leave. "I'm sorry for your loss."

Hot rage boils inside me, but I push it down, reminding myself he only means well.

When he leaves, the nurse comes in with a fowl smelling concoction which I down quickly, pinching my nose. She leaves and I try to get some rest. But that doesn't work, so I get up and pace around.

_Sorry? Yeah. Everyone's sorry for me these days. _

I hate all this meaningless pity!

I slam my fist into the wall, cracking it. I swear and pull my fist away.

It's not injured.


	70. Chapter 70

Chapter 70

I've decided to go back to school, despite my better judgment.

Tonight is my last night at the hospital.

In the morning, a teacher will come back and bring me back to school. But who's being protected from whom? Am I the one being restrained, or is it going to be the hostile passerby?

I hardly ever dream, but tonight I do dream.

_Remus described this world to me. Everything is red and black. Black sky above black water, a red moon shining down on red grass and a tree with red leaves._

_Why would I have Remus' dream?_

_Everything is cold and hot all at once. My hands are sticky, I wipe them on my robes, but I can't get this red stuff off. I only realize that it's blood after a moment. _

_But why is there so much?_

_I've only killed once!_

_I look around this…meadow (is it a meadow?), seeking answers to questions I don't know about. I spot someone in the distance. I approach, curious at first. Once I recognize the person, I'm running to him. _

"_Remus!"_

_I try to embrace him, but he vanishes the moment I get my arms around him. I look around and find him again. I try to embrace him again, but he shakes his head, so I don't._

_But it's cruel. I want to hold him. He's right here, and I can't even touch him. I can't hear him speak though his mouth is moving. _

"_Remus, I love you," I say, "I miss you."_

_Remus smiles. How can he hear me when I can't even hear him whisper?_

_He knows I can't hear him, so he points to himself. _Me too_. _

_Bright light sucks me in before I can fight it._

Goodbye, Severus_, Remus' mouth motions._

I bolt up, breathing heavily. The door opens and Lily enters. She sets a tray of food down in front of me, but the stench of omelets makes me gag.

"Something wrong?"

"It stinks."

"Oh, right," she says, pushing the tray and trolley away from me. "I forgot you're sense of smell is more sensitive now." She sits down. "You've been crying again," she notes, taking out her handkerchief and wiping my tears.

"What are you? My mother?"

"I've been asking myself that for ages," she jokes, grinning. I manage a weak smile for her. "You don't have to go back to school, Sev, if you really don't want to."

"I know. But we're so close to graduating, I might as well."

"If you want to talk…"

I do and I don't.

"You should try to eat something. Here, have some pudding." She hands me a cup of chocolate pudding and a spoon. I take it, though I hate chocolate.

"Maybe I should see if there's vanilla somewhere," she mumbled.

"No, it's fine." I say, opening the package. A few seconds pass awkwardly.

"Anything related to Remus makes James explode," she said. "And I want to talk about what happened."

"Not everyone mourns the same way," I note, "When his parents died, Remus kept everything bottled down, almost pretending it never happened."

Lily nodded and I take a bite out of the pudding. "You know what's odd," she said, leaning against the chair. "Half of what happened the last month is completely blank. I remember nothing. James, Sirius, and Peter are having the same problem."

I stare at her, the pudding forgotten in my hand. "You too?" I say. "I thought it was just me. Part of what we forgot has to do with what we were doing that night. But…"

"You don't remember anything worth shit?"

"Of all the things to forget…and why all of us? Three people died—_Remus_ died that night! All I can hope is that it was fucking worth it!" I throw the pudding against the wall, regressing into a toddler for that one moment. I collect myself, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I'm sorry."

"No," Lily said, "If anyone's got a reason to be pissed, it's you and Marauders. It's okay to be mad about this. I wouldn't expect you to not be upset."

She stood. "Um, Professor McGonagall is here with me. I practically begged her to let me come. She's downstairs in reception. You want me to wait there or out in the hall?"

"Reception," I say, getting out of bed. "I'll be down soon."

#

I walk up the steps to the Room by instinct, rather than return to Slytherin, which I had decided to do earlier, despite knowing their hostility toward me now.

I open the door and stare at the potions lab, perplexed. I close the door, pace around and open the door again to find the bedroom I sought for. I put my backpack down on the couch. Now that I alone occupy the room, the whole of it seems so big and cold.

I busy myself with homework. There's nothing better to do. At six, I head to the kitchens. I don't want to go to the Hall. Everyone there stares at me with either fear or pity, and it only pisses me off more.

After I've eaten, I return and I find the potions lab again. I furrow my brow and step inside. There's a page on a table.

_Tempus Antrorsum_ on the front. _Tempus Retro _on the back. I scan each potion, both are for time travel. Shivers race up my spine. The familiarity is so strong…

But why would it?

I sit down, staring at the alluring _Tempus Retro_ potion. But nowhere in the room were the ingredients I needed. I read and reread the potion enough times to be confident I knew what I'd need.

But should I?

What if I fail?

_I won't fail._

I jump up and leave the room, heading for Professor Slughorn's potion's cabinet. If anyone has anything I need, its him. Of course he'd notice if his precious collectable ingredients go missing and if I wasn't so desperate, I'd save myself the trouble and collect them myself.

But as it is, I am desperate.

I sneak into Slughorn's supplies closet, keeping an ear open for anyone coming by.

Skrewt venom, eyes of an acromantula, mandrake shavings, crushed butterfly weed, scarlet oak sap…

Whatever I needed, he had. There was a clatter and I paused, my hand holding the vial of aged maiden's hair. I hide behind the counter and wait, wand ready to stun the intruder (funny—I'm the real intruder).

I heard Peeves cackling down the hall and Filch's shrieking.

It passes and I grab more of what I need until I'm confident I have everything. I fix my bag and carefully open the door, peering outside before heading back to the Room.

On the staircase, my shoulder rams into someone else's.

"Watch where you're going!" he snaps at me.

I don't answer.

"Snape? Snape! Wait!" He seizes my arm and I'm forced to face Black.

"Whatever it is, Black, I'm not interested." I pull out of his grasp and continue up the stairs. Black follows.

"Snape, at least give me the courtesy of hearing me out."

"Again, I'm not in the mood and I've too much to do at the moment. Some other time, perhaps."

"The full moon is in three days. You don't know how to get into the shack so I was thinking Peter, James and I could accompany you."

I turn the corner. Black still follows.

"I'll be fine. Dumbledore told me how to get inside. Will you stop following me?"

"We'll probably come anyway," he said. I don't know whether to me or to himself. "It's a bit habitual."

"Again, you don't have to and even if you insist, I'd rather be alone."

"Remus—"

"Was a little kid when you guys realized what he was," I snap. "It was natural for the four of you to spend the night with him and keep him company. But we aren't friends, Black."

Black cuts me off, shoving me against the wall. I'm more worried about the ingredients than I am about myself. "We_ are_ friends, Snape. And unlike some I don't abandon my friends."

I push him off. "I don't forgive and forget easily, Black. You might call me your friend, but it's still way too early for me. I _want _to be alone, so I am begging you to just, for _once_ in your life, leave me alone."

I need to calm down. I'm getting too emotional.

"How can I leave you alone?" Black asked. "How can I when I love you?"

I stare at him. I try to hide my shock, keeping my expression as unreadable as possible. I don't know if I succeeded.

"I didn't realize it until after Christmas, but…"

I hold my hand up. "No," I said. "Don't talk to me." I turn to go. Black seizes my arm again. I turn around and slam my fist in his face. He staggers back, holding his nose.

"FIGHTING IN THE HALLWAY!" Peeves shrieks. "STUDENTS FIGHTING IN THE HALLWAY!"

I turn on my heel and run back to the Room. Once there, I open the door and slam it behind me, sliding to the ground.

I'm tired. I'm on edge.

I had just been confessed to by one of Remus' best friends. And of all of them, it was _Black_. Why Black? Why any of them for that matter?!

I hide my face, unable to keep myself together.

My shoulders shake and my throat is tight. Tear after tear escapes my lashes and trail down my cheeks, dripping onto my clothes or the floor. Strangled cries pass through my clenched teeth.

Why did I fall in love with Remus in the first place? Why did he fall in love with me?

I drove him to join the pack. Though he told me time and time again it wasn't my fault, I've never once stopped feeling responsible for it.

I feel like I've been suffocating since he passed.

Wishing to remember anything is starting to become a burden. I want this amnesia to pass, but at the same time I don't want to remember because I'm afraid that the truth would only make matters worse.


	71. Chapter 71

Chapter 71

Pettigrew, Potter, and Black did not meet me outside by the Willow. I used a branch to press the knob that would freeze it so I could get close enough to it to enter through the hidden door leading to the Shrieking Shack.

There, I stripped out of my clothes and waited on the moth eaten bed. It felt disgusting to even be on it, let alone in it. The least it could be is warm, but no.

I don't know how long I'm waiting until the moon is high enough to start the transformation. The clock chimes the hour and my body is attacked by the most unimaginable pain.

I try not to tense, or scream. Both happen involuntarily and everything goes black as the wolf born inside me takes control.

_Severus is asleep within me. I whimper as the pain subsides. I curl up on the bed, biting my arms and anything else I can reach. Humans are so picky. I don't see anything wrong with the bed._

_I hear a howl. Perking my ears, I look up and approach the window, peering outside. Another howl. I answer. How do I get out of here? How do I find my brethren?_

_But the night passes by and the pack leaves. In the end I never found them. I couldn't get out of this cage._

#

The potion turned tar black, telling me I had finally completed the potion. I wave my wand over it. The fire dies and the potion steadily begins to cool.

I know "when" I'll be going to, but "where" still has me confused. I can only hope I'm not too late. I dare not to venture out of the Room. I couldn't bring myself to leave after the full moon passed.

I pick up the mug of coffee and down it. It's cooled over the last few minutes and now tastes disgusting. I want to gag, but I force myself to swallow anyway.

If only the cooling process would be quicker than this.

Though I've made up my mind to break who knows how many wizard laws and try to change history, the fact remains that I'm a little afraid of what will happen.

Time is a set line. It's supposed to be a set line. Nothing can change it. That's why time is not supposed to be tampered with. But there have been theories, which muggles ponder and wizards dismiss, that suggest that time is not a set line…

But…

More that time is a web stemmed from one moment in time that leads to infinite possibilities that can also become moments that lead to more infinite possibilities.

The funny thing is, it is a muggle theory. So the possibility of it being true is close to zero.

But close to zero is not zero, so no matter how small, if there's a chance that I can change a moment in my past and save Remus I'll seize it.

Yes, I'm being incredibly selfish. I don't care. I refuse to leave this theory untested—especially if it means I can have a future where Remus is alive.

Holding my hand to the pot, I feel it's warmth seeping into my hand…

When I wake, the cauldron is stone cold and the potion is ready for consumption.

I dip a cup in the potion and wipe the access liquid with a towel which is promptly tossed aside and I, ignoring the scent and the constant voice in my head telling me to stop, chug the contents. I cough.

God, it's awful!

I feel a little light headed. Everything is spinning. My eyes are swimming. I pass out…

When I come to, I'm in the Room. Did it work? I step outside, looking around. The halls are deserted.

"What are you doing here?"

I look around and stare at the Gryffindor House ghost. Nearly Headless Nick, I think. But I'm not that sure.

"Why didn't you leave with the others? Why are you hiding at school?"

"Er…" I don't know how to explain.

"I'll have to report to your head of house." I can't let myself be found by anyone else, so I run, moving right through him. "Hey!"

I've no time to apologize, sprinting out of the school. I need to find a newspaper. The sun is shining brightly outside and it's warmer than I remember it being, but I still need to leave the school grounds in order to apparate to Southampton.

I skid to a halt outside the Broomsticks and pick up a newspaper from the stand.

June 6th, 1977.

The clock chimes ten in the morning. I can only hope my memory's right, but by now, I should be back in Remus' room.

I drop the newspaper and apparate. I arrive outside in Remus' backyard. An anguished cry comes from within and grows silent, but my hearing is better and I hear each sob.

I almost run inside, but the moment my hand is on the handle, I compose myself. I'm not here. I back away and apparate again, arriving in the hallway of the Leaky Cauldron's second level.

I have to wait for myself to appear. I keep in the shadows as Tom leads my past self to a room. Did I really look so beaten? Everything about this me reflects exactly how I felt at that moment.

"Would you like anything to drink?"

He—me—shakes his—my—head.

"Well, if you need anything…"

"I know were to find you," he manages a weak smile directed at Tom and enters the room. Once Tom is downstairs, I stride to the door and take my wand out, pointing at the lock.

"Alohomora."

The door unlocks and I enter. I'm met with a wand in my face. My past self stares at me, shocked. I take his hand and twist it, forcing him to drop the wand. I release him.

"What the hell is going on? Who are you? Is this some sort of sick joke?"

"Listen to me!" I hiss, closing the door, "You need to go back to Remus." He calms down, staring at me.

"Why?"

"Don't give me that crap! You want to go back. I know you do."

He sits on the bed. "I can't. Not after what I said to him. I'm not good enough for him."

I pull the blinds over the windows and lean against the wall. "I know how you feel. Eight months ago I was thinking the same things you are now." I look directly at him. "How you feel now…it's nothing compared to…"

I sigh. "Remus—my Remus, in the future—is dead." He stares at me, unable to process what I'm saying. He stands, seizing my shirt.

"This is some sort of joke, is it?!" he demands.

"It's not," I say, pushing him off. "I'm not lying. A few weeks from now, Remus will join Fenrir's pack. He'll later want to leave and when he tries, it will only lead to his death. I came back because you can change it. I'm hoping on a sliver of a chance that if I can convince you to go back to Remus, then he'll be saved. I don't know what will happen to me, but if he's alive, then that's all I care about."

"What do you expect me to do?"

"All you need to do is stay with him."

"It's not that simple. If you really are me then you know that."

"I do. And it never was simple. It was so difficult at times, dealing with my own insecurities about my relationship with him. But one thing never changed: I never regretted a moment and I'm not ready for those moments to end. I loved Remus. I still do."

I sit down at the table. "You _do _keep him human. I know you doubt it right now, but you have to trust me. You do keep him human. I lost him. Twice. You can fix this. Just go back."

"It's not that simple."

"It is as simple as that."

"I'm not weak."

"Neither is he. He will forgive you. He'll take you back. Just go back and beg like crazy if you feel you should, but I'm begging you—"

"No one in their right mind would dare—"

"He did." I look right at him. "I know living without Remus will get easier, all rationale says it will. But right now I don't want to live without him. Every moment is agony and this day is the defining moment that will spiral everything out of control. The pack, school, looking for loopholes…if I can change it, then I want to change it."

The silence is suffocating. I look at him when he moves, standing. He picks up his wand and pockets it before getting his trunk.

"You're certain you're me?"

"I know it."

"And you really think my going back will change Remus' fate?"

"Yes."

He stares at me. I don't know why.

"You better be right." He apparates.

I wonder if I should follow, but when I stand, I feel dizzy again. The sensation I felt when I first drank the potion was plaguing me again.

My last thought before I feel my consciousness vanish is, _How much of me will change?_

#Remus#

Severus wakes, sitting up.

I groan, propping up on my arms. "Sev? You kay?"

"Yeah," he says, clutching his head. "Ouch."

"What's wrong?"

"Headache. Bad, bad headache." To make his point, he massages his temple. "I had the weirdest dream."

"Oh?"

"You joined a pack."

I'd laugh, but it's not really that funny. "Why would I join a pack?"

"I don't know, it was a dream, Remus," he snaps. It must be a god awful migraine. I throw the covers off and go to a cabinet, selecting a headache remedy and handing it to him.

"Drink this and go back to sleep."

Severus obeys, setting the empty vial on the bed stand. I get back under the covers and play with his hair. "You want to sleep in this morning?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus groans. "McGonagall's got a quiz for us first thing. She'll kill us if we miss it."

"Fine," I huff. "God, I wish we'd have our NEWTS already."

"Trying to sleep here, Remus," Severus mutters. I smile and kiss him, closing my eyes and succumbing to sleep. Severus pulls me close to him, holding me tightly. He's leaving something out about his dream, I can tell, but I don't press him to tell me. He'll tell me when he's ready to.

"I'm here," I assure him. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you, Babe."

"I love you too. Goodnight."


End file.
